Unlocking Your Voice: Diane Diaz Returns to The Life Shift

Matt Gilhooly00:00:00

Hello, my friends.I just wanted to drop some special bonus episodes into the feed that you probably have not heard unless you are a part or an early part of the Patreon for the Life Shift podcast. If you don't know, I do have a Patreon. It currently only has two tiers.One is a three dollar a month tier just to support what I'm doing, helps cover production costs. And then there's a five dollar tier which will get you episodes early and just the, I guess, warm fuzzies for help out with the Life Shift podcast.But I used to have other tiers where people were so generous and were offering additional money each month to get bonus episodes and possible winnings of T shirts and all sorts of things.And then I realized a couple months ago that I wasn't able to deliver what I wanted to, especially for those of you that were giving me the extra money. So right now we're just kind of doing the early episodes. You'll always get those.So if you want to support the Life Shift podcast, please jump over to patreon.com forward/thelifeshiftpod podcast and you can find that information there. But I come on here because I want to share a series of these bonus episodes that I did early on in the Patreon journey.There are like 20 plus episodes in which I had bonus recordings with previous guests. So I would go back and we would have a conversation about the experience of sharing their story on the Life Shift podcast. Catch up on anything.And I think these are super important and I know most of them did not see the light of day from outside of the Patreon. So I'm going to be dropping these episodes. Whatever you're listening to now is another episode. So I'm going to use the same intro for all of them.But here is one of the bonus episodes with a former guest from the Life Shift podcast. And if you like this, let me know because I'm thinking of bringing some of this back and talking to previous guests as I go into year four.So enjoy this bonus episode that was once released on the Patreon feed. I'm Matt Gilhooley and this is the Life Shift candid conversations about the pivotal moments that have changed lives forever. Hey Diane.

Diane Diaz00:02:23

Hi.

Matt Gilhooly00:02:24

Hey everyone. Listening. So I am here with Diane Diaz. And Diane, you were episode 20, which is kind blowing my mind right now.

Diane Diaz00:02:33

I know that's. It seems a long time ago, doesn't it?

Matt Gilhooly00:02:36

Yeah. We recorded your episode probably June of 2022, possibly, and it was released in July 2022. And you were episode 20. And I just.I think I just recorded episode 84 or 85 at this point of recording, and it just feels like it was yesterday, but also 100 years ago.

Diane Diaz00:03:00

I know, I know. Well, you'll be hitting 100 episodes soon.

Matt Gilhooly00:03:03

Yeah. Which I'm supposed to do something for that, so we'll see. We were just talking about before we started recording that, you know, screw the rules.You know, there's a lot of these rules in podcasting. And so for the Patreon folks, there are.There's a certain tier that we have these bonus episodes every couple weeks where I just return selfishly to talk to people that I've already talked to. And a lot of these conversations have been centered around storytelling, which I think is just your jam in general.

Diane Diaz00:03:34

Totally. Absolutely.

Matt Gilhooly00:03:36

And what you do with speaking your brand and what you do with your own company and what you do as a teacher.So thinking about that, you came onto the show and talked about your experiences in what we'll call a toxic relationship with a dead weight by your side. After telling that story, did you have any kind of feelings of, like, letting that out?I know it was probably not the first time you ever told it, but maybe it was the first time you told it in that way.

Diane Diaz00:04:05

Well, it definitely wasn't the first time I had told that story. It was the first time in a long time that I had told that story. Because I don't often, you know, have the chance to talk about that kind of stuff.I don't think I necessarily had any specific feelings about it.However, I am the type of person, after I have any conversation with someone, I'm the type of person who goes back, and in my mind, I'm like, I don't know if I would have said that this way. Maybe I should have said that differently. You know, you do that sort of like, I don't know why I do that.Nothing that I wish I hadn't said or anything like that. Just sort of like a reassessing of, like, how I said things.And so I went back and listened to the episode this morning, and I was totally kind of fine with, like, everything that I said. And I, I, I did. I did have a realization when I was listening to it this morning that.And you kind of made this point when we were talking during the podcast episode. But this idea that I think you had asked me something about, like, what was it about?The somebody having said dead weight versus other people had told me before, like, he's no good you know, like, why didn't that work? And why did. Why was dead weight the thing. And I think it was because I. And I had mentioned this.Like, I knew from a very young age that I needed to do something different than what my mom did because I couldn't end up in that same situation.And that idea of dead weight was the feeling of, it will sink you to the bottom of the ocean and you'll never get out of this life that you're living with your family, over which you have no control, so you got to do something different. So that is what made me, like, jolted me out of my, I guess, you know, complacency and, like, okay, this can't be this way.

Matt Gilhooly00:05:45

Yeah. I mean, it painted a picture for me. I. I certainly felt like it was.You know, I think we talk a lot about, like, ball and chain and shackles and those kind of things, but that idea of a dead weight, I totally pictured, like, an anvil. Like. Like. Like roadrunner.

Diane Diaz00:06:03

Roadrunner, sty. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Matt Gilhooly00:06:05

That kind of thing. And, you know, I think a lot of people are in that complacency mode for a long time because we. We kind of don't look at the larger picture of it.We look at it in the moment. Everything's fine, you know, it's fine. It'll be fine tomorrow. You know, there's another good time coming.And sometimes it takes the right words at the right time for us to kind of make these changes.

Diane Diaz00:06:31

Yeah. And I think, too, that's a good point. And if you look at it.If you look at where you're at and where, you know you need or want to go, it seems so far away and so much needs to happen before you can get there. Right. If you look at it that way, because we don't look at it as like, well, I'll just take the first step. We don't.We're not rationalizing it that way. We're like, oh, my God, I just can't have this life. I need a different life. Well, that's a big.That's a big change, Especially when you're a young adult and you don't have that many options or choices available to you. So it's like, well, how do you even make that change? So it's a good.I mean, obviously, hindsight's 2020 and being much older and having done things, I can reflect on it. But, you know, if anybody listening to this is young, it's a good lesson in just. Just take the first step, because that's all you have to do.So I just needed to do the one thing that I could control, which was to get out of that relationship.

Matt Gilhooly00:07:28

Well, and I think in relationships, I think sometimes we also talk ourselves out of it because, like, could it be better? Is there even a. Is this the good and then there's something worse?

Diane Diaz00:07:41

Yes, that's right. And so such a good point.

Matt Gilhooly00:07:44

It's very scary to take that first step, I think, in anything. Right. But this, you're dealing with a lot more vulnerability in emotion and the. And then if you leave and then need to come back, then what?You know, and then there's all this other people around you. So I think your episode was really important.For those that are in relationships that, you know, they feel stuck or they feel like maybe something could be better, that maybe there is something that they can do to at least regain some of. Of that independence or control over your. Over their lives. But I think a lot of yours really stem to your childhood, for sure.

Diane Diaz00:08:27

Like you said, 100%. Yeah.

Matt Gilhooly00:08:29

You know, thinking of your. Your mom's situation and even your situation as a child in.In that relationship of your parents, or lack thereof, you know, there was a lot of trauma that probably came along with you that at that moment was like, all right, we're good. Let's go.

Diane Diaz00:08:47

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's funny how you just. The trauma sort of directs you and then you get to a point. And, I mean, not everybody probably gets to this point, but I did.Like, you get to this point where you're like, yeah, okay, I can't. I gotta do something else. This isn't. I know. I can't.You know, at the time, obviously, I wasn't examining the trauma of it because I didn't even have that language or know that that's what was going on. But I certainly knew something had to change because it could not. I couldn't stay in that relationship and risk ending up like my mom.

Matt Gilhooly00:09:20

Did you look before we had that conversation, did you always identify that conversation as your turning point or when you decided to kind of change your life or leave that individual?

Diane Diaz00:09:33

Probably not in those words, but that. That those two words, dead weight, stayed. I don't know ever. Anytime.You know how there's, like, points in your life and certain memories that you'll remember over and over at different times, they'll pop into your head, and it's just like a recurring memory. It's like you don't remember every single thing you did, but a couple of key things pop into your mind that conversation would pop into my mind.You know, I would just be thinking about college or something, like, oh, and then I remember that conversation, right? So, like, you know, so those words definitely did stay with me.

Matt Gilhooly00:10:06

The reason I asked that. And it's. It's happened to me already in this. In this show. But, you know, a lot of times I'll. I'll start coordinating with guests, and I will.They'll be like, oh, yeah, this happened in my life. You know, like, more of like, I got a divorce, you know?And so then I go back before we have the conversation, and I really challenge them to think of, like, what is. What was the specific trigger? Like, what was the thing that. That triggered you or triggered your life to really shift in that way?And a lot of people come back to me, like, wow, you know, like, I never actually sat and reflected on these moments. And I say it happened to me because, you know, when I launched a show, I was like, yeah, when my mom died, that, like, totally changed my life.And the more I have these conversations, of course, yes, that changed my life. But the moment was really when my dad sat me down and he had to tell me because she had been dead for five hours, and I was still living my life as.As that same person. And so that was like, you know, through these conversations, I was like, well, I'm challenging people to think of the moment.And now I'm like, oh, okay. Mine is not exactly what I thought it was either. So that's kind of where that question stemmed from.But I think there's a lot of value in reflecting what triggered us. In a good way or a bad way.

Diane Diaz00:11:21

Yeah, no, I. I always find it interesting.

Matt Gilhooly00:11:24

I don't know if you have opinions on triggers.

Diane Diaz00:11:26

I mean. I mean, my only opinion on triggers is that they are real. So I, like, I. You know, I. It was. It's interesting because I. So speaking of triggers is.I was somewhere the other day with my boyfriend, and I. I can't remember. We were doing something, and then something came up, and I said. Or he said, oh, remember.Remember when you were a kid and you would, like, do this or that or whatever? I. Oh, you're at the grocery store. I don't even remember what it was. Oh, we were talking about the little.The little things outside the grocery store that you put a coin in, like, a little horse or whatever, and he still exists? No, no. So he. I mentioned something, and he's like, oh, or the little horse or whatever. Like. Yeah. And then I said to him.I said, I don't like to think about things from childhood because they make me sad. Like, even the good things, if I think about my childhood, I just get sad because. So trigger. So even just the conversation like that triggers.Immediately triggers like sad feelings because I can't even. You know how some people say, like, oh, you know, I had some sad stuff in my childhood, but man was good.Like, you know, I don't know if I would even say there was that much that was that great. So to think about my childhood just feels really sad, you know?

Matt Gilhooly00:12:41

Yeah, I can see that. It's. I don't remember my childhood and it's probably trauma blockage.

Diane Diaz00:12:49

Probably. Yeah.

Matt Gilhooly00:12:50

But, you know, looking back now in my 40s and thinking back to that moment and having the privilege to have conversations with people like you and really diving into like, just the human experience and that, you know, sometimes these really shitty moments make us who we are in a good way. Right?

Diane Diaz00:13:07

You know, Absolutely.

Matt Gilhooly00:13:09

There's a lot of value in the mistakes and the. The crap and the trauma that we went through.Not that we would wish that on anyone else or ourselves, but having the opportunity to kind of go back and think about it. It's very weird to be in this space and go, okay, well, you know, maybe that had to happen.

Diane Diaz00:13:31

Yeah, no, it's a good. I was thinking about that as I was re listening to the episode because I'm holding space for both things.Like, I wouldn't say I'm glad that that happened, because, I mean, how could you be glad that that happened? Like my childhood or that relationship, but at the same time, I'm. I guess I can say I'm thankful for what it made me into.Not the anxious part of myself, because I really could do without that.However, the part of me that is, first of all, the part of me that is empathetic about others who have been in similar situations or are in similar situations or any of those things, that part. I'm thankful that that came from it.I'm also thankful that what came from it was how hard working I am and how resilient I am and how introspective I am to try to dig into my own crap to so that it doesn't continue to hurt me or other people. Right. Like, so those sorts of things that came from that situation, I'm thankful for.I'm not glad that that situation happened to me, but I am glad for the lessons that and the qualities that came from it.

Matt Gilhooly00:14:46

I. I agree. 100. I know for a fact that I would not be this version of me, had my mom lived.You know, I know for a fact that I would not have the relationship that I have with my father now had my mom lived. I know all these things. And so it's like being grateful for the experience, despite the actual moments that were really terrible.But, you know, I think it's very common. What I found is that a lot of people, especially people that have gone through trauma.

Diane Diaz00:15:17

Yeah.

Matt Gilhooly00:15:18

You know, I. I have a lot of conversations with people that have gone through some kind of tragedy or something really tough in their life.And then there have the people that are just, like, triggered, like, all internal shifts that are amazing, and I'm like, I don't understand. What does that mean?

Diane Diaz00:15:31

Yeah.

Matt Gilhooly00:15:31

But, you know, like, when I talk to people that come from some kind of tragedy, in most cases, when I have that final question of, like, what would you say to so and so. And I made you cry a little bit when I asked you, but what would you say to that person? And a lot of them, especially if.If that person was a little bit older, they would be like, I wouldn't say anything because there's nothing I could say. I would just give them a hug.I would just, you know, because this experience turned them into me, and at this point in my life, I wouldn't want to change things.

Diane Diaz00:16:07

Yeah, that's a good observation.

Matt Gilhooly00:16:09

But it's fascinating, right, Because I think performatively in society, we. We're just got to show the pretty parts, got to show the successes, can't show the vulnerabilities. And saying something like that is very.It's like, it goes. It's counterintuitive to, like, what we've been taught to do growing up.

Diane Diaz00:16:29

Right.

Matt Gilhooly00:16:30

Like, admitting, like, something bad turned into something. I don't know. It's very. It's very odd to say so. It's a. It's an interesting experiment that I guess the Life Shift podcast is.

Diane Diaz00:16:41

Yeah, well, and it's interesting, like, just on.If you're just looking at it on the macro level, to see different people's experiences and the different outcomes that come from them and different people's way of looking at them and reflecting on them and how they feel about it now and, like, just see all the different ways that that plays out, because certainly, certainly there's other people that have been through what I've been through that had a completely different outcome. You know, maybe they. Maybe they, you know, because I know for a fact, like, because my father was an alcoholic.When you're the child of an alcoholic, you have a higher chance of having an addiction. And I am vehemently opposed to, like, I've. I don't. Like, I don't.I'll have a drink every now and then, but, like, I do not like any of that in excess. I've never even smoked a cigarette because I just. Like, my. Both my parents smoked, and I just. Look, I can't. So I. You know, so start now.I was considering it, but since you said that, I won't.

Matt Gilhooly00:17:44

Yeah, no, I agree.

Diane Diaz00:17:45

But, I mean, it could have gone a totally different way, you know.

Matt Gilhooly00:17:48

Yeah. And I think a lot of that comes with the awareness or the ability to have that awareness.You mentioned, you know, therapy later in life helped you kind of uncover certain things or really analyze certain parts of your life. I'd like to kind of. To go in the direction of the power of storytelling. Is there. What do you think about. Just.Do you listen to things where other people tell their personal stories? I know you work with a lot of women and you help them do that. What's, like, something that you would say about the power of storytelling?

Diane Diaz00:18:16

Oh, my gosh. I hear women's stories all the time because of the nature of the work that I do, working with women to create their talks.And often that involves telling their stories. And then I do listen to a lot of podcasts with, you know, storytelling components and personal stories.And I also love to hear people's stories of resilience, like something they've been through and then what that turned into. And, you know, I just.There's just something about hearing a story that helps an audience, Even if they didn't have the exact same experience, they can always resonate with some element of the story and feel the feeling that you want them to feel and just, you know, identify with where you're coming from. And then not only does it change the audience, but then ends up changing the storyteller as well. Right.Because we often think, like, well, why would my story matter? Because, you know, who's going to care? Or, you know, why is that going to matter? Or. Or it's, oh, you know, my tragedy.Nothing compared to other people.Yeah, there's, you know, but there's always value in telling your story, even if the only value that comes from it, which it won't be, but even if it's just that it helps you when you're telling it.

Matt Gilhooly00:19:50

Yeah, I was. I didn't even plant the seed, but I was just gonna. I got a message yesterday from someone that was on the show early. Early on. Earlier than you.And they messaged me about an experience that we're currently going through that was a very trying experience. And by the end of this message, they said, I just want to thank you for allowing me to have that conversation, because you helped me free my voice.And I was like.Because they had always been so quiet about this, the circumstance that they talked about coming on the show, and I was one of the first people they talked publicly about it. And since that moment, people have been messaging her about the experience. Hey, I'm going through the same thing.I thought it was the only one, too, all these things. And to hear how telling her own story helped her, I mean, that's a win in itself.Like, I mean, yes, it's lovely if other people can connect with what you're saying, but to feel that you let that story out in its completeness, and then for that to change you, I think there's such power in that. And I didn't realize that before I started this podcast.

Diane Diaz00:21:07

Yeah, it's. It's so true. Because. And that's why I think.I mean, I've told my story in different, you know, different portions of it and different, you know, in different platforms to different people over the course of my whole life. And I've never. I know some people are less comfortable sharing their personal story. I've never been uncomfortable sharing it because I.It's not my fault. No, never, Never, never been uncomfortable sharing it because I think. Because I. Number one, like you said, it is what part of what made me who I am.And also because I think there are other people who have a story and maybe are hesitant to share it, but want to or don't realize how beneficial it could be to them and to others to tell their story. So I share it for all those reasons, and because the domestic violence component of it and the controlling relationship, that's not unique to me.That is. It's happening. It's happening today. It's been happening for a long time. It's just. It's out there. So, you know, it's.I think when we ignore or don't share what's going on, that's how problems grow.

Matt Gilhooly00:22:24

Right? And we introduce shame because no one's talking about it. So the more that we talk about it and, you know, you're.You're setting examples for others, whether that's your intention or not, is that this is safe. Like, we need to talk about these situations, because not everything is sunshine and rainbows every day. In fact, a lot of the time, it's Not.And those are the.Probably the moments that we all can relate to the most when we share those and not, you know, I got a promotion or these other things that we were conditioned to believe that other people wanted to hear about us. When, like you say, you could not even have the same experience, but something in someone's story can stick with you.I've even had moments where someone will reach out to me on social media, and they'll be like, I just listened to this episode, and when so and so said this, and I was like, that. That was the part, you know, like.

Diane Diaz00:23:19

Yeah, you never know.

Matt Gilhooly00:23:20

So it's. You never know. It's the same thing. Like, had your friend use different words that day and you heard maybe the whole situation would have changed.And, you know, so you never know what words, what things will hit you at the right moment and trigger that change.

Diane Diaz00:23:38

Yes.

Matt Gilhooly00:23:38

So I think there's a lot of importance of just continuing to share a story.

Diane Diaz00:23:41

Absolutely.

Matt Gilhooly00:23:45

When you work with these women, with speaking your brand, do you see a physical transformation when people share their story for the first time?

Diane Diaz00:23:53

Yes. And it is. Sometimes it's just, like you said, relief of just being able to tell the story.A lot of times it's just increased confidence in knowing that their story matters or just confidence in who they are because of what they've gone through. And even if the story isn't anything traumatic, just a story of how they got to where they are, it just builds their confidence in themselves.And I think it also. I often get the sense that they feel like they're helping other people, too, by telling the story.So maybe some woman is trying to work towards some goal, and hearing this other woman's story helps them feel a little bit more powerful or a little bit more like they can do it or they have control. Yeah.

Matt Gilhooly00:24:44

Well, it's. Even in your situation, it's possible as you can get out of it, you know, it's. You're not stuck. And so, you know, I think it.There's such value, and it. It's unreal how many stories we think on the surface sound the same.

Diane Diaz00:24:59

Yes.

Matt Gilhooly00:24:59

But then when you have the conversations, you're like, wow, that's quite different, because we're all trying to do the same thing, but we all have different experiences, and we experience it differently. I actually had a conversation with someone who early on, too, who lost his mother as a child. I was like, oh, my God. We're totally. We're gonna. I'm.I totally know what you're gonna say. Like, I Totally get it.And we couldn't have had the most different of experiences and even to this day in our 40s, how different we are because of that.And it's so fascinating to me because, you know, my little eight year old brain, when my mom died, I just figured that everyone felt that way, you know, if that happened. But in any case, I think there's such a power to the story and I thank you for just wanting to be a part of it.If someone listening is that person that you described of like, I've never told somebody this, but I'm kind of itching to just get it out. Is there any advice you could give to someone that's sitting on something that's really just eating them up inside?

Diane Diaz00:26:07

Yeah, well, the first thing I would say is, and I wish, I wish I had done this sooner, but talk to a therapist because, you know, if, if you have the means, I should say that I'm coming from a very privileged place where I have the means to do that. But if you can, if you're able, talk to a therapist.Because I actually, before I, before I made the decision to not have contact with my father anymore, I actually talked to a therapist because society tells you you're supposed to love your father. He made you and like, and I would have people say that to me, but he's your father.Like, well, eventually, eventually you'll get back in touch with him. And I thought, God, am I crazy? Like, why is there something wrong with me that I don't feel that way?And so when I talked to a therapist, she said to me, no, he's, yeah, I can see why you wouldn't want to be in touch with him. And that's totally okay. She said, you don't, you do not have to be in touch with your father just because you come from his DNA.You don't have to have a relationship with your father. And if you decide to, that's fine. And if you never decide to, also fine. So I was like, oh, okay.I just needed a third party person to tell me that that's okay. Because I was like, is it me? What's wrong with me?So, so my, the first thing I would say is to tell a therapist, talk to a therap therapist because it's, it's very helpful.Just like when we work with clients, having a third party to validate how you're thinking about something or feeling about something is so helpful and that's what the therapist can do, is to validate how you're feeling to make you feel like you're not crazy. And then. And then that sort of unlocks a new way of looking at it, because you can set aside all those thoughts of, like, is it me?Am I not looking at this right? Why do I feel like everybody's telling me this? But I don't feel that way, Blah, blah, blah.You can just set that aside, and now you can look at it in the way that's truly a fit for yourself, you know?

Matt Gilhooly00:28:06

Yeah. I mean, therapy, if you have the means.Therapy is always recommended, I think, and finding the right therapist, so going through the process and making sure that you find one that feels right, because, I mean, it took me, like, five people to find the one that worked for me. So I think there's. There's importance in that.I also think, in my opinion, if you have something in you that you need to get out, even just say it out loud in front of a mirror. Because sometimes when those thoughts are in our head, they seem so much scarier and bigger and overwhelming.And then you verbalize them, and you're like, okay, that's palatable. Like, I can. I can handle this. I can move forward in the next space. And so I always think that, like, just get it out in some way. But.But ideally, therapy for sure. And then, you know, sharing with people that you feel will hold the space for you. If you can't, if.If therapy is not an option for you, find people that feel safe for you so that you can share it. Because I think there's value in that. So.

Diane Diaz00:29:15

Yeah, and you can also. You know, I. Now I'm going to say this with a caveat that I am not a person who journals.However, with that said, there have been times where my therapist said, you know, you need to write some of these things down, like, just write. And there.It does help when you're trying, when you feel kind of locked up with some story or thought process or something that is just weighing on you. And even if all you do is write it down and then burn it or throw it away, it's still getting it out is helpful.

Matt Gilhooly00:29:50

Don't bottle it up. There are other people that can understand your. Your circumstances. They can relate with you. There are people out there that care.And what I'm trying to do on the Life Shift podcast, you know, I keep saying that my original goal is that each episode finds that one person that needed to hear the story that day. And if that happens with every episode, then we win, you know, because we're. We're bridging the gaps that I think we were conditioned to create.And so I'm just super honored that you wanted to be a part of it way back when, 150 years ago. And I appreciate you.

Diane Diaz00:30:29

Sure do.

Matt Gilhooly00:30:30

I haven't left my house in 150 years.

Diane Diaz00:30:32

Same.

Matt Gilhooly00:30:34

I haven't seen the sun. I don't know what that is. But thank you for being a part of this. Thank you for letting my Patreon folks catch up with you.If you haven't listened to Diane's episode, go back episode 20. It came out on July 26, 2022. So it'll be there forever for everyone to hear until she yells at me to take it down. So thanks again, Diane.Thank you for being a part.

Diane Diaz00:30:55

Oh, it's been my pleasure, Matt. Thank you.

Matt Gilhooly00:30:58

And we will be back in a couple weeks with another bonus episode with former guests of the Life Shift podcast. For more information, please visit www.thelifeshiftpodcast.com.