Rewind with Marz: Reflecting on Identity and Authenticity

Hello, my friends.

I just wanted to drop some special bonus episodes into the feed that you probably have not heard unless you are a part or an early part of the Patreon for the Life Shift podcast.

If you don't know, I do have a Patreon.

It currently only has two tiers.

One is a three dollar a month tier just to support what I'm doing, helps cover production costs.

And then there's a five dollar tier which will get you episodes early and just the, I guess, warm fuzzies for help out with the Life Shift podcast.

But I used to have other tiers where people were so generous and were offering additional money each month to get bonus episodes and possible winnings of T shirts and all sorts of things.

And then I realized a couple months ago that I wasn't able to deliver what I wanted to, especially for those of you that were giving me the extra money.

So right now we're just kind of.

Doing the early episodes.

You'll always get those.

So if you want to support the Life Shift podcast, please jump over to patreon.com forward/thelifeshiftpod podcast and you can find that information there.

But I come on here because I want to share a series of these bonus episodes that I did early on in the Patreon journey.

There are like 20 plus episodes in which I had bonus recordings with previous guests.

So I would go back and we would have a conversation about the experience of sharing their story on the Life Shift podcast.

Catch up on anything.

And I think these are super important and I know most of them did not see the light of day from outside of the Patreon.

So I'm going to be dropping these episodes.

Whatever you're listening to now is another episode, so I'm going to use the same intro for all of them.

But here is one of the bonus episodes with a former guest from the Life Shift podcast.

And if you like this, let me know because I'm thinking of bringing some of this back and talking to previous guests as I go into year four.

So enjoy this bonus episode that was once released on the Patreon feed.

I'm Matt Gilhooley and this is the Life Shift Candid conversations about the pivotal moments that have changed lives forever.

I am doing well.

Matt, how are you today?

So good.

And it's always so awkward when I do these intros because we've been talking for a few minutes.

We have, we've had a pre convo over here, so I'm excited to dive right in.

That's right.

And so for those of you listening, you're on the Patreon tier that has the bonus episode.

And with these, I just like to.

I call them the after the recording bonus episode, because I like to go back to my guests and ask some similar questions as, you know, as part of this show, when we have our conversation, our original conversation, there really aren't any questions.

Right.

We.

We really came at it as a conversation or as much as possible.

But with these, I have, like, a couple questions that I ask people specifically.

But maybe before we get into those, you could remind us or give us a little brief recap of who you are and what your story was about.

And for anyone listening, Christina's episode was episode 38.

Awesome.

Thank you for teeing me up.

I would say that first and foremost, hello, everyone.

My name is Christina.

I use they.

Them.

Their pronouns.

I am trans.

I am non binary.

And that's a little bit about what we talked about in the conversation that we had way back last year, actually, that was October, I believe.

We spoke.

And so we talked about the significance of the haircut that I had and really how it catapulted me into my own identity, having more confidence within myself and really just the significance and the power of something as small as a haircut and how much that can really impact you and in your identity, your expression, and just feeling like you're living your most authentic life.

It was so interesting to me.

I was so nervous to talk to you.

Were you?

And.

And.

And we talked.

I think we talked about it in the actual recording.

And it was because I was just so nervous I was going to use, like, the wrong pronouns or those kind of things.

And this is something that I think you experience on a regular from other people of.

And it's.

And it's really just about, like, okay, we're gonna make mistakes, and we have to be willing to listen and fix those mistakes.

And so you were so gracious in that conversation of sharing your story.

And what really stuck out with me, which was so interesting, was in this.

In the episode, you were talking about the, like, teenage version of Christina, and you were also talking about you had, like, a classmate who had their hair in, like, a bun.

And you were like, I don't want to be that.

You know, like, I do, but I don't want to be that person, and what do I do?

And it really stuck.

Like, this difference of when you cut your hair really short and you felt like home in yourself.

Like, when you looked at yourself in the mirror, you're like, oh, there I am.

Exactly.

I'm glad that stuck out to you, Matt.

That is actually the exact same piece that stood out to me in our conversation.

I was like, wow, I talked about that classmate of mine quite a bit.

But what really stuck out to me, we had kind of touched on it, but then walked away from a little.

A little bit, was really.

It's not that she didn't look, you know, beautiful.

It's not that she didn't have her own attractiveness or, I hope that she feels beautiful within herself.

It's just that I saw what my future could have been, and we just.

I didn't share the same gender as that person.

And so it has really little to do with attractiveness or anything.

It.

It has everything to do with.

I was looking at what would happen if I didn't make the.

The necessary changes to feel comfortable within my gender and my gender expression.

And I am not.

We didn't share the same gender.

And so that's really what it boils down to.

But even at the time, I feel like you didn't have the words for that yet, did you?

No.

It wasn't really something that people were talking about enough that you were able to kind of grasp and vocalize in that way.

So there was more of a.

Like a.

Like a fear that, like, I could be this person, but I don't want to be.

Because, look, I see how other people are looking at this person, including myself.

Right.

And at the same time, too.

I mean, it was when I was in high school not to age myself or date myself here, but we're talking like, I'm older.

It's fine.

We're talking like, you know, back with some 41.

No, no, I was going to say ban some 41.

Blink 182.

It's like, I don't want to be.

You don't want to be just like you.

Like, I want to be myself.

And looking at all these different versions, versions of, you know, who that person is, like, I.

That I do want to be like, or I don't want to be like.

And there weren't many people that really looked like I wanted to look.

And so a lot more of the, like, I don't want to be just like you versus finding those people who, you know, I could relate to.

So, yeah, I definitely don't think, like, the language was there or the.

The depth or the gravity of it all really had, like, sunk in as.

Much compared to your journey now and your ability to.

To really share the words and what it means.

And how it feels.

I think there was a lot more shelter or fear in society at the time because of the unknown or the things that were unspoken, I guess.

Maybe not the unknown, but maybe the more unspoken elements of people's experiences.

And so that really.

That part really stuck out to me.

You know, your story you've shared with other people, this is not like.

This wasn't like the first time you went.

And was this.

This wasn't the first time that you publicly shared your story in that way, was it?

It actually was.

Really?

Yeah.

Thank you for that.

Actually, it was.

I've spoken about it online on.

On, you know, maybe socials or something like that, but this was my first, like, public, let's have a conversation about everything.

So thank you for.

For allowing me that.

That space.

Well, and I remember because I think originally when you signed up to.

When you signed up, when you filled out the form to kind of be part of the show, you were going to talk about going into audio.

Yeah, that's something I had talked about before.

Right.

And then, like, the week before, you were like, but wait, I was thinking maybe we could talk about this instead.

Yeah.

Because the, you know, looking at your show, Matt, you have such real, authentic conversations with people.

You dive into more than just the surface level.

And, you know, like I said, I had done other podcasts and I had talked about audio in my career, but let's talk about something that, you know, really needs to be talked about more.

And so if I can.

If I can utilize my platform to be able to speak about real things and real people and how the world impacts a group and a community, such as the trans community, which I'm a part of, then let's do it, because we need to talk about it so much more.

Since that was kind of the first time you.

You said those things out loud in a recorded format in this particular way.

When you first listened, did.

What were some of your feelings of after listening to yourself tell your story?

My first thought was, oh, my gosh, I said that in public.

I said it out loud.

Did you cut that out?

No, no, not at all.

I was, you know, Matt, I'm really like, I am proud of myself, and I am proud of the journey that I have been on.

And sometimes I feel as though maybe I shouldn't be proud, because I know that society has various different thoughts about, you know, who I am and what that means for, I guess, them.

But I'm really proud of who I am.

And so I was really proud to be able to listen back to that and, you know, have made the move to be so open and public about it all.

So, again, I'm really thankful.

And I want to.

If you don't mind, I want to circle back to something you said really quick.

You had mentioned about, you know, at the time, when I was younger.

They're not being this vocabulary.

Yeah.

We talk about, you know, neo pronouns and they, them, theirs and Z Zimzer and like all these other new, new neo pronouns that have come out.

I think those are so amazing.

I just want to take a second to shout that out, Matt, because the evolution of language is beautiful and the evolution of this language has allowed me to better express myself and have somebody else better understand.

You know, maybe I could have, in a roundabout way, told them what I was feeling, how I was feeling, but now I can actually say no.

Like, I am non binary.

I use they, them, their pronouns.

And that gets a lot out of the way up front.

Yeah, I mean, there's just a lot more awareness because of people like you sharing your personal story and not your audio journey story, you know, like, just coming on and like, look, I'm a human.

We talked about that a lot.

It's like, I'm a human first.

First and foremost, I'm a human trying to live this life in the way that feels most authentic to me.

And, you know, at the end, so.

So respect that.

I don't care if you don't do the same things as me, because you're not me.

Right.

You know, right.

When we put this out into the world, and I know you shared it on LinkedIn and you were pretty open and vocal on LinkedIn as well, which is a professional social network, if we want to call it that.

I just use air quotes for everyone listening.

And did you hear from anyone?

Did you hear any feedback from people, surprising, anything that was like, oh, this either solidified why I did it or this is why I did it in a negative way, you know?

Yeah, definitely not the latter.

So I will say the feedback that I got was really positive.

And I think it was something that, again, people, if they had been in certain spaces with me, they may have had some inkling of queerness, but maybe not to the depth of, you know, where we went in our conversation.

So I did receive a lot of feedback.

I received some dms, I received some other opportunities to be able to speak about this as well.

So I.

You know what, Matt?

I.

First and foremost, I shared it with my parents, and they were really excited to hear it as well.

And I think it was interesting to hear from their perspective.

You know, I.

I lived it through my lens to be able to show them what that was, what.

How I reflect on that time period.

It was really, really interesting.

Right, because they lived it with you, but they saw it from their lenses.

Exactly.

So it was a really great opportunity.

And again, I thank you for allowing me the opportunity to talk about it.

I just signed up for Riverside so that you could do it.

You know, really, that's all what it's all about.

But you know what?

I think I have that same experience with my own stories because I think when we talk about our life experiences with people that lived it with us, we talk about it in chunks.

We talk about it in little moments in.

And then it's.

There's this back and forth banter.

But when you have something like a podcast episode, like I did my episode, I had my first guest kind of interview me about my story, and I was able to share that with my dad.

And he was there for that whole experience of me losing my mom and then having to live with him full time and.

And the challenges that I had.

But he saw it from a very different lens and he was able to listen to that uninterrupted.

He couldn't interrupt me because it was already recorded.

And the experience for him was quite impactful as well, because the way he saw things as a grown adult was significantly different than what I was actually experiencing.

And so we had a wonderful conversation after that as well.

So I'm glad to hear that your parents, you know, had that experience of at least listening to you tell your story from beginning to end, but also hopefully talking to you about it after the fact.

Yeah.

Incredibly powerful, I think, sharing these journeys that we go on.

And that's again, why I wanted to come back, Matt, have another conversation with you.

The work you do.

A couple things have changed.

Yeah, a couple things have changed.

But no, I mean, it's powerful.

These are powerful conversations and I'm just happy to be able to have them with you.

Yeah.

And I love that you were on a former guest of my show and I was on her show as well.

Lorraine.

So you were on her show talking about more like how teachers and educational staff can work with students that are trans.

Non binary, use different pronouns.

How do we talk to kids in the way that respects them as humans?

So that was a powerful episode as well.

Thank you.

Yeah, thanks for checking that out.

And I want to shout out Lorraine as well.

Lorraine is somebody who, after our conversation, wanted to dive deeper into to how this impacts other people like you mentioned.

And so, yeah, I think that, first of all, the power of community is so important and so impactful.

And I am just, again, I am proud of you, Matt.

I'm proud of myself.

I'm proud of Lorraine, and I'm proud of everybody who is out there being vulnerable and allowing their stories to be told and telling their stories because it's something that is personal and we may find it.

You know, there's a line in a Lil Wayne song, Matt, and it says, he says, Real GS move in silence, like lasagna.

And I really, you know, for a while, I related to that.

And it's like, let me just move in silence.

And, you know, I will build what I'm building and people will see what I'm building.

But there's so much power and vulnerability and sharing your experiences.

I agree.

I think that society is leaning a little bit more towards that.

Or maybe the.

The wrong word is awarding people that do that.

But I.

That's the only word that I can think of in the sense of, like, these are real people.

Like, we're not just performative stats of our career and promotions and our car and our, you know, our status in the world.

We are people.

And we have a lot of bad moments and we have a lot of good moments, and we can share them because those are the things that people are going to connect on.

Here's an interesting question, and it's happened to some of my guests, not all of my guests, but was there anything that after listening back or actually having shared your story for that first time on a podcast, did it reveal anything to you that you hadn't considered before or you thought of something a little bit different, like, oh, wow, now that I said it out loud, I didn't realize that xyz, was there anything like that that happened?

You know, I think the biggest thing was what we talked about with that.

That individual that was a student with me.

I just reflected a little bit deeper on that.

The other thing that kind of stood out to me, and I have it as a clip on my Instagram, and I.

So I view it, I guess I view it quite often, is we talked about how top surgery could be considered a boob job.

And that has stood out to me for a new.

A number of reasons.

It's like, wow, I can't believe I said that out loud.

And I've had to unpack that a bit because there are two thoughts that play in my head.

There's one that's, you know, I don't want to minimalize the trans experience and I hope people aren't offended by that comment.

At the same time, what's there to be offended by in that, you know, women and CIS women, those operations, those are, those are just as valid and so are.

So is top surgery.

So I unpacked that a little bit within myself just to, you know, within the trans community, especially if you're more on the trans masc side of things, you want to make sure that you check yourself in terms of, of other biases that you might have and somebody who was born afab, if you will.

AFAB is assigned female at birth for those who don't know.

And so somebody who was born and assigned female at birth, you know, you try, if you are trans or you're non binary and you're leaning more on the masculine side of things, you want to make sure that you address any biases or stigmas that you have that might be anti women or anti feminist because you are trying to break out of that, that, that visual or that appearance that other people have put on you.

But that doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with femininity by any means.

And so I heard that and it, it was something that I had to challenge within myself just to make sure that I, I was checking myself, you.

Know, and I think there's, there's a good caution there.

But also, I mean, if that's how you feel, that's how you feel.

I thought it was really impactful.

In fact, I have quoted that maybe not.

I've paraphrased that.

Whatever you said, that moment when other people question, you know, a top surgery or something along those lines, I was like, well, what's, you know, what's the difference between, you know, having this, that or the other, you know, like this, it's an elective surgery, you know, and, and so speaking of, speaking of, maybe you brought that up for a reason.

What's, what's, what's your journey been like since we recorded?

A lot of things have changed, Matt.

I got a whole weight off my chest.

Literally.

Literally figured it.

Yeah.

No, so thank you for asking.

Since we last talked, I, after we had our conversation, I had a couple of follow ups with a surgeon down in Miami, Dr.

Gallagher, one of the best in the world.

Just shout out Dr.

Gallagher.

And not just for her, her work, but her advocacy within the trans community.

Really just an amazing individual.

So I had a few consultations with Dr.

Gallagher in Miami.

And this year, which a few months ago, I'm just about three months post op.

But in June of 2023, I had top surgery.

So I am officially flat chested.

Things are healing up and I am so.

Man, I am so happy about it all.

Matt.

It's a lot.

It's like, I don't want to minimize this, but it's.

You know, that haircut seems really small at this point.

Does this feel like a giant haircut for you?

Like, in a way that you really, really, truly feel home?

Home?

Yes, and a thousand percent.

I've actually revisited our conversation because it's kind of similar in a way.

Like, when I had that haircut, my life changed.

Like, it.

I saw myself in a way that I had never been able to see myself before, and it was so rewarding.

And now that I have had top surgery, when I look in the mirror, I feel so happy.

It is a gender, it is a euphoria that I just hope other people feel when they look in the mirror.

Just.

Even if it's a bad hair day or if I'm not feeling like I look that great, my.

My body is what I want it to be.

It's just so liberating.

I don't, you know, I mean, to be fair, I don't think a lot of people can feel that way.

Right.

Because I think there's a lot of people that feel aligned with the gender that they were assigned at birth.

And so I don't think, you know, fortunately for a lot of people, we haven't had the struggle that you have had.

That's a good point.

So maybe not having the dysphoria side of it.

Are you able to grasp the euphoria that comes from.

I mean, maybe if we minimize it to something in which someone has taken a new fitness and nutrition journey, you know.

Yeah.

But I don't think it's the same.

I don't think it's the same.

I think there's something that is probably to the point of many people cannot relate.

And I mean, like, great for you.

That's amazing.

But I don't think a lot of people can relate to that.

You know, I don't know if that's fortunate or unfortunate.

I.

I don't.

There's.

That's like a weird space, but I think what's important.

I mean, you went through this, but you went through this because, you know, let's.

I mean, I don't know if we can share this, but essentially you had this surgery on the books.

Mm.

Yeah.

I see where you're going.

And then Florida decided to Say something about it.

And so, so what happened there in.

In which this journey was speed bumped?

Great, great point.

So I had this surgery set up.

It was ready for months.

There were things that I had to do beforehand.

There were approvals from certain individuals that I needed to receive, both in the mental health aspect, the physical health aspect.

There were just.

There was a lot of paperwork, honestly, to get done.

And then there were also things that I needed to do within my body to restrict certain things from myself to make sure that I was living as healthy of a lifestyle as I could, so my body was prepared.

So there were a lot of things that I had to do before the surgery to make sure that I was okay and everything was approved.

And so we really got to the.

Really just like the one yard line and I was getting ready, I was getting packed.

I had taken two weeks off from work.

Everything was ready, set to go.

And then a few days before I was gonna start my road trip down to Florida, I got a call from the surgeon herself.

And she let me know that there was, I believe was SB123, or I forget, the Senate bill, but it was the Senate bill that had been released within Florida and it had banned myself.

And I, I'm 31 and I was 31 at the time.

It banned individuals such as myself from having the procedure and from having gender affirming procedures.

And so she had to call and cancel the procedure with me or else she would have gone to jail.

So it really, it caused, it was.

A, it was, I remember.

Yeah, it was a rough.

Publicly, which I think was very, very important.

Thank you.

Because we don't.

A lot of people see the written word.

They see a news pundit talking about, you know, the bill or whatever.

But when you see someone that is directly affected by it, sharing their story, I think it's really important.

Now some, like a couple.

Was it just a couple days where something was reversed or something along those lines that allowed you to move forward again?

Yes.

So the issue that was at hand, one, one of the issues was that there needed to be a signature from somebody saying that I was able to do this like a doctor.

Now, I had already had multiple, multiple doctors.

You followed the rules.

Yeah, my, my hematologist, my primary care, you know, mental health professionals.

I had a lot of letters.

Everybody was on board.

So that was 31.

Yeah.

And I'm 31 years old, so that didn't make any sense.

But the person, the, the document that they needed to get signed did not exist.

So this was truly just A roadblock that they wanted to put in to prevent people from getting surgery.

Specifically trans individuals.

Not just any person.

No, thank you.

That's a great, A great call out.

That was a roadblock specifically put in there to prevent trans individuals from being able to get gender affirming surgery because.

They weren't stopping boob jobs.

No, no, those are still, those are still going.

You can put them in, you just can't take them off.

Exactly, exactly.

So it was honestly a really rough time.

So they did.

They ended up having a meeting.

She, my doctor almost had to leave the state to go perform surgeries elsewhere because again, it would have been illegal for her to perform there.

Within about a week's time, the Senate met again and they were able to get rid of this barrier because there was.

It was deemed unconstitutional is really what happened.

It went to the Supreme Court and the Supreme Court put it, knocked it down and said, no, this is unconstitutional.

So I got another phone call from my doctor and said, hey, if you can still get down here, let's do it.

Back on, let's go.

It was honestly quite a whiplash of emotions, to be honest with you.

And it's something that is, is worth reflecting on and worth talking about at, you know, even at a greater length.

Maybe we can continue that conversation another time.

But the emotions between, you know, oh my gosh, I'm gonna do this.

It's not my life is going to change.

My life is going to change.

And it's everything that I've wanted.

And then for the state to tell you or to tell me, no, now you can't do it.

I know you've been waiting.

I know you did all the things.

I know that you're cleared, good to go.

But no, you can't do that because I don't want you to or the state doesn't want you to.

Man, that was a, a real heavy hit to, to get over and then to hear, okay, it's back on.

It was exciting.

And like I said, I mean, looking back, Matt, I'm the happiest I could have ever been, especially when it comes to gender.

But I still had to pro.

Like on the drive down after my surgery, the fact that I was told no, the fact that that hap.

I just, it was a real hit.

And it's a purely a hate driven decision that that came through.

And so there's a lot to unpack in that too.

And that is, you know, having these conversations is important.

Maybe we're getting down to the road where there's less Hate.

But it's an inevitable thing right now that we're living with that anyone that is not in charge is different and othered and therefore they can't do what that I wouldn't personally do.

You know, like these gentlemen or women wouldn't personally do it.

So therefore you cannot do it.

Yeah, I think it's just seems garbage.

It's really quite something to have your body controlled by the state.

There's.

And it's interesting, and we go back to that point that you made in the original conversation about how top surgery is very, very similar to an elective boob job.

Right, right.

And why at 31 do you have to jump through 400,000 hoops to prove, like, I can understand that, make sure your body is okay to do this, that you'll recover fine.

Make sure, you know, like, make sure that when you go under the knife that you'll be waking up, you know, and that you'll be able to.

To recover.

But if this is your decision at 31, you're not 10, you know, so I think there's a little bit of a difference there as well.

But to be controlled in any capacity is really kind of silly.

It's control and it's manipulation.

Because the, the bills that are put forth, a lot of the people who support these bills, you know, they.

They do it under the guise of protecting children.

That same bill would have made it legal for people who have trans siblings to be taken out the CIS person within that family.

So let's say you are a mom and a dad and you have two children.

One of those children is trans, one of those children is cis.

That CIS child could have been removed from your family and put into social services just because they were.

They have a queer relative or a trans relative.

We really need to look closer and a little bit more deeply into what these laws actually are saying and who they really are protecting.

Are we protecting children when a 31 year old can't get the surgery that they have been approved for across the board, I don't know who we're protecting with that.

So.

Yeah, so I agree.

I think that, you know, when these bills come up, let's look at them, let's digest them.

But at the same time, it's rarely about children.

It's about control.

And my personal belief, you know, and.

I think thankfully there's a lot of advocates out there that are doing advocacy work and trying to, to get more information like your stories out there to impact other people and for people to consider opinions that are outside of their own.

Yeah.

Or feelings or experiences or any of those kind of things.

And I think you are doing that one person at a time.

Anyone hearing your episode, you know, or hearing your episode on the range show or any of the other shows that you go on in the future to talk about your own personal experiences and how you feel about whatever may be happening in society, you're changing.

You're changing things and hopefully even feel.

Feeling even more at home in your own space and your own experiences.

And so, you know, super honored to know you and to have you as part of this show and to open our eyes to things that maybe we didn't consider because those aren't our own experiences.

Well, thank you.

And also thank you for bringing up this piece in general.

But also the vulnerability and the post that I had put out there for anyone who doesn't follow me.

I put out a picture of myself crying, and I shared my thoughts and just the great deep hurt that I had felt having this opportunity taken away from me.

And I still look at that picture and I'm like, should I delete it?

Does it make the block not look that great?

But at the same time, yeah, I appreciate that.

Nope.

That's really validating to hear because it.

It took a lot for me to be able to put out that.

That.

That picture of myself crying.

But it.

It's.

We've been trained not to.

We've been trained not to show quote, unquote, weakness.

Right.

But that's not.

I mean, that's.

That is literally a picture of your hopes and dreams being shattered, you know?

And, like, how do I.

How do I move through this?

Like, if.

If things.

I don't know what's going to happen a week from now, Right.

When they tell me that I can do it.

Right.

So, like, where do I go from here?

Like, I had.

You probably had things mapped out in your brain.

You probably had, like, life after this moment.

And now that might have been taken.

Well, that was taken away from you.

You didn't know that things were going to change moving forward.

So I think keep it.

It's important.

People need to see it.

You need to see it.

You need to see it five years from now.

Yeah.

You need to be reminded of that moment because it's important.

It's impactful.

It is a moment that will forever change you.

It will forever be in your mind.

Like you said, you probably still have some.

Some unpacking to do of how that whiplash of emotions went back and forth.

But I think it's important I Do the same thing.

You know, as someone that identifies as a man.

There's a lot of stigma around that as well, you know, and I've really, in my 40s.

I've really leaned into.

I know you can't believe I'm 40.

The.

No, you look great.

I really leaned.

That's because I shaved today or yesterday.

I really lean into sharing the messiest parts.

So we need to.

Especially when I've been told my whole life that men don't cry, that men don't do this, that feel this way, feel that way.

It's like, what I'm a human.

Like, I have all the range of emotions, but now I'm going to share them and I can't tell you.

And you probably feel the same way when you share these personal things.

I hear from so many people behind the scenes that, that are not ready to share publicly.

But like, hey, I needed to see this today.

I needed to hear this today.

I just needed to know that I'm not alone in this experience.

I can't believe someone vocalized what I've been thinking this whole time.

That's why you do.

Also helps me feel less alone.

Helps you feel, you know, exactly like.

We talked about before.

I mean, the power of community is truly, truly just so impactful and so powerful.

And I do, I hear the same things just, you know, behind the closed doors in a private dm.

Just want to let you know, this really stood out to me.

It really, I feel similar.

And so I think that there is so much power and vulnerability and to your point about, you know, you as a, as a man, not supposed, you're not supposed to express yourself, these emotions, right?

Society with these big ideas.

I just, for me, as a non binary individual, I just think we need to really dive deep and look at what gender is.

What, what, how, how harmful some of these gender roles we have put on ourselves and put on each other, how harmful they can be.

You know, I am non binary.

Part of my non binary experience is also being agender and agender, meaning I don't follow any gender roles.

So I, and, and then both.

How can both exist?

Like, I think a lot about duality and duality, meaning that I can be non binary, which means that I am not man or woman.

I am everything and nothing all at once.

And emphasis on the nothing.

Like sometimes gender just doesn't have to exist.

I mean, it's, it's.

I know that it's kind of cliche to say, but gender is a social construct.

It's something that we as humans made up.

And so as something that we've made up, we should have fun with it.

It should be something that we enjoy, that we see as beautiful, that we see in a spectrum larger than just male and female, but just as a way that we express ourselves to one another way beyond just male or female.

So I'll get off my little soapbox with, with that, but I, I really think that there's, there's a lot more examination to be done, even within CIS heterosexual people who, you know, they were assigned male at birth, they were assigned female at birth.

I think if we all just dive deeper into gender and allowing ourselves to express our have expression period, I think that will help move society that much more forward and also help us form these communities and find these communities.

Because without people speaking about these experiences, how do you find all those people that you relate to you, especially if you're living in that private DM space where you don't really want to talk about it with other people, just creates this environment of loneliness.

And we're such a connected species that.

I don't know, I just, I think we can do a lot more.

I think we're limiting ourselves when it comes to how we look at gender.

I think so.

I mean, it goes back to that conversation is we're just like, we're all human.

We're all just human.

We're all trying to be as happy as we can be, feel as much as we can.

Well, we're hopefully, we're all trying to do all these things, but at the end of the day you're.

I mean, you're right.

But also like, we should feel free to express us ourselves however we want, whatever feels most comfortable as long as we're not hurting.

Yeah, other people or ourselves, I guess.

But that would be in the physical sense, I guess.

I don't know.

I don't even know.

But at the same time, like, we should feel okay to do and feel and be however we want to be.

Why are there rules if we're not hurting any other people?

So, you know, I think there's a lot to go in these conversations even.

I mean, we talked a little bit about this in your original conversation as well.

And I think it's just, it's such an important conversation that's not had enough because societal expectations.

However, I do feel I do have hope of the youngest generation now or the, the ones that are going to be making the decisions, the ones that are going to be voting for people to make more rul for people or you know, more standards.

I have a little bit more hope than I do of like people in my or the people before my generation, you know, So I feel like baby steps until we can take big steps and hopefully we're getting there, you know.

But anyway, I love to end kind of these, these conversations in a way of.

And we've kind of talked about this in, in the power of vulnerability.

If like someone that is like any of us is kind of in hiding in the DMS and they have their story and, you know, hiding in the dms, at least they're starting to talk about it, right?

They're sharing it with someone.

If someone is kind of on that fence, like, I know my story is important, I know I want to share it.

I know I want to be really true and authentic.

What do you have?

What kind of advice do you have for someone that is kind of thinking about it?

Like you, before you were going to come on the show talking about audio and then you changed your mind.

Could you give any advice to someone that's kind of like still hiding in the DMs but feels a little bit ready?

Anything you could tell them I'm going to quote.

I think the.

No, I think the fray this time.

Hey, I can go all over.

Yeah, we, we're running the gambit here, but sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing, they're the same.

And so, you know, doing.

We often do some.

I'll also come back to Alok, who I had mentioned in a, in the interview prior as well, Alok Vaid Menon and they speak about sometimes the things that we are most afraid of are the things that have the potential to set us free.

And so really doing things that we are afraid of in spite of that fear because it is going to help us grow and expand upon ourselves and level up, if you will, to embrace and face those fears.

So if you are somebody who has whatever journey you're on and you feel alone within that journey, I think first and foremost becoming as comfortable with yourself and with whatever that journey looks like, that might be taking time to journal for yourself.

That might be taking time to seek out therapy.

That might be, you know, finding ways that you best feel comfortable within yourself having those conversations.

And then, you know, maybe go out onto Reddit, maybe see if there's somebody you can, you can anonymously start posting on Reddit, you can have anonymous conversations and start kind of dipping your toe in the water and then see how that feels.

And then from there maybe just commenting on other people who have similar experiences.

Maybe you don't start putting out your experiences just yet, but there's somebody on Instagram and oh my gosh, you relate to them so heavily.

Maybe just start commenting on some of those things and then the more and more you allow yourself to open up, the more successful you'll be in facing that fear of just opening up and allowing yourself to be vulnerable.

I always think, you know, like, I'm about to share something super vulnerable on social media.

And then the thought goes, should I share this?

And then before I can answer myself, I just press post because, you know, like when you're questioning all that you're.

It should be out there.

Like it's.

Something needs to come out.

And I always feel better after I do that because it's like so much worse up here.

Yeah.

When you get it out, you're like, oh, it's not so bad.

So I appreciate you.

I appreciate that you shared your story on the podcast for everyone to hear.

I appreciate you coming back.

I'm going to share snippets and stuff with.

I might not even keep this specifically for the Patreon people.

We don't know, maybe, who knows?

This is my show.

I can do whatever I want.

Do whatever you want, Matt.

I appreciate the Patreon supporters.

You know, being an indie podcaster is.

It's like a full time job.

Like it's something and it's.

And I want to hold these stories in, in their own power and continue sharing them because I think the little ripple effects, you never know how it's going to change things for people.

And so thank you for being a part of it.

And we will connect people with your LinkedIn profile and the social media stuff so they can connect with you if they feel like it.

Anything else you want to say?

No, I mean, absolutely.

If you have anything that you want to talk about in terms of anything queer related, LGBTQ plus, any gender, specifically trans, you just want to say hi.

You just want to shout out.

Definitely feel free.

I.

Audio help.

Audio help.

I, I'm just, I'm again, I'm really excited about the potential of community and being able to connect with people and what, no matter what that's about.

I like tea if you want to shout out some teas that you like.

So.

No.

Matt, thank you just so much for drinking something good over there.

Thank you so much for having me on.

Thank you for continuing to allow this space to exist.

Thank you for the work that you do beyond just having these conversations with me.

I think, again, vulnerability, authenticity, that's the heart and root of what your show is.

And that is the heart and root of what we need so much more of in our society.

And I'm not just saying that, you know, I don't just go on podcasts to give people their big ups, if you will.

I really genuinely mean that.

Matt, you are doing, I appreciate it.

You're doing the work.

And I thank you for having me on and sharing my story with your community, with your Patreon support, and with anyone that ends up hearing this.

So thank you, Matt, truly.

I, I appreciate you.

I appreciate those compliments.

I will accept those and, and carry them through.

And someday people like me that do shows like this will be more in the mass.

Right.

I feel like this is important and I think people, as they share their story more through these, through these podcasts and whatnot.

We'll, we'll take over those Joe Rogans.

We'll take over those, those, those more produced and popular ones and have these real stories that can really affect both the storyteller and the ones listening.

So thank you for that.

And for those of you listening now, there will be another Patreon bonus episode in a couple weeks, so stay tuned.

But in the meantime, go back and listen to episode 38 so you can hear Christina's story.

All right.

Thanks, Christina.

Thanks.

For more information, please visit www.thelifeshiftpodcast.com.