From Restriction to Freedom: Spark Your Zeal | Nadia Carta

00:00
I couldn't tell my mom though, because if she would have known, she would have not let me go. So I had to keep the secret and I had to keep things quiet, because I was leaving to a city where I didn't know a soul. And the only negotiation that my mom did with me was, I will let you go if you promise that you will join the congregation as soon as you arrive. So...

00:29
Inside me, I knew that I wasn't planning to do this. In fact, once she dropped in Milan, we had a fight and she left. I've wrote this about it in my book because it still represents one of the things that I feel more guilty with my mom. But she would send me those people at home to check on me. And I would not pick up the phone, I would not open the door. I was like, enough. And so eventually,

00:59
I think it was a month later, she gives me a call and she said, you're not answering the door and you are not going to the congregation. What's going on? And eventually I exploded. I lost it. I told her everything. And I said, if you don't want to speak to me, because you know that there's a rule that once you leave the Jehovah's Witness, there's a word that I don't know in English, but basically they're not allowed to speak to you anymore. And I said,

01:29
I don't care, I'm done. And I didn't look back since then. This week I speak with my new friend, Nadia Carta, and this story is so interesting because so much of her journey comes from a lie, something that she knew that she had to do in order to escape the situation that she was in. So she grew up as a Jehovah's Witness on the island of Sardinia in Italy, and she really...

01:58
face the challenge of breaking free from those limitations that were imposed by her religion and what society expected of her. And this story is really about her journey of self-discovery and personal growth. And I think that a lot of people that feel maybe they are in restrictive environments will really resonate with this story. Nadia shares the pivotal moments that led her to leave her island home and embrace this life of freedom and...

02:27
dare I say authenticity. We explore the courage it takes to break away from these expectations and find a path that better aligns with our true values and aspirations. She also talks a lot about the power of manifesting her dreams, and she shares how envisioning those particular futures or dreams lead to that transformation that she's found.

02:50
Before we get into the episode, I did want to thank my Patreon supporters, especially Bryan, Sari, and Nic. All three of these people sponsor one episode a month, and that helps to go towards the production costs or any kind of improvements that I might be able to make for the podcast. As you know, I'm the only one doing this so far, and so any little bit of support can help. If you can't financially help, please share this episode with a friend. That will help.

03:20
grow the show and hopefully lead to more opportunities. If you are interested in joining the Patreon, please head to patreon.com/theLifeShiftpodcast. And you'll see all different tiers. And there's also a t-shirt giveaway that I do every time five more people join the Patreon. So thank you. And without further ado, here is my conversation with Nadia Carta. I'm Matt Gilhooly and this is The Life Shift. Candid conversations about the pivotal moments that have changed lives forever.

04:00
Hello, my friends. Welcome to the LifeShift podcast. I am here with Nadia and we've been talking for a little bit now. Hey, Nadia. Hi. Thank you for being my eight millionth Google employee. We don't have a deal. No, I'm just kidding. We were talking. There's it's it's really like Google's a huge company. And now I've been able to talk to like more than a handful of people that work in your circle that you actually know. It's a small world.

04:29
I mean, and I think it will make sense the more you tell your story, because all the people that I've talked to, I feel, align with in your universe of the things that you gravitate towards and the things that they gravitate towards as well, especially former guest Adam. You two, I think, have a similar approach to certain things and belief in how you can make your world better. Yes, we can call it envisioning or manifesting or directing the energy.

04:59
Yes, and so I'm super interested in hearing your story and how you got to be this version of you. As my guests probably know from some of the other episodes, there are certain things in this space of envisioning and manifesting and whatnot that I just haven't attached to yet, I haven't been able to very, very type A, list oriented, can't do it, can't break out or break in or however way, so.

05:29
this will be a fun journey for me because I always think like, you know, it all makes sense, but I can't do it. And it's okay. Not everyone necessarily have to do it in the way that. Can you do it for me? Well, I mean, I'm also a witch, so I have some powers there, but that's another chapter. I'm always of the advice that you better do it yourself, but it's about.

05:55
just listing what you want. And I think that as a type A, I'm a type A myself. I operated as a type A for many, many years. That's what brought me into Google. And I've been at Google for more than 14 years now. I believe that we call it in different ways. Business planning in itself, it's a form of envisioning because what you do, you project how your company is going to go the following year. It's a way of fast forward.

06:21
So it comes in different names, not necessarily you have to sit down on a cushion and have a candle and tarot cards like I do. But I believe that is the concept of channeling your thoughts, your efforts and your energy towards a goal that you have. Some of us call it manifesting, some others call it envisioning. And on Wall Street, they call it forecasting.

06:48
You know, that's kind of breaking into me. That kind of, you know, you're filling in those gaps. And also just a side note, in September, I have my first self-proclaimed witch on the show. So you can be number two. I mean, I definitely wanna connect with this one that is gonna come on your show. We are common women. We typically find each other.

07:11
She comes from a long line, hundreds of years, generation of witches. And she didn't tell me ahead of time, just like you didn't. And she just brought it up, just like you did. And I love that this is the space that we're in now. Because I think there's such a connotation that comes with it, that we just... She's like, I left my broomstick at home. We don't ride that anymore. Well, I mean, I do have it in my wardrobe. We ride different things. I think it's kind of...

07:41
I don't want to say it's difficult to come out. Adam actually would say is that one of the first shows that I declared that I'm a corporate witch, that's how I define myself. I'm also a personal witch, of course, I have my cauldron right there. It's eventually a way of using your forces and energies and your intuition when I'm in forums that are a little bit more serious and...

08:07
let's say less attuned with the concept of magic. I simply say that I'm a very intuitive person. I listen to my inner selves and I follow what my gut tells me. There's actually a book that I'm sure you've heard about it, The Thinking Slow and Act Fast. Can't remember, I mean, I have it here, the giant book. And one of the things that it writes in the book is that those abilities that we all have, every human has it.

08:37
It's the ability to listen to those habits and abilities that are in our body. And we could call that magic eventually because your brain and your heart already knows and is able to foresee. And we could open a chapter about all of the science. I'm sure your listeners listens to Dr. Huberman. So who knows what is witchcraft and what is simply a next generation of our human species coming up.

09:05
I agree. I think that I honestly just think it's just my upbringing. I think it's society or American culture that does, you know, like we've squashed a lot of things. And I think a lot of that is, is something I talk to a lot of people about for me is this checklist life and like just very much like you need to succeed, you need to achieve, you need to do this, this, this and this, and that will mean success. And it doesn't include any of these other things of leaning into any kind of intuition or any of those things.

09:35
for me, and at least in the space that I grew up. And so I love this, but that's not really what we're here to talk about today. So, you know, but I think it's fascinating on what this proves to me really, truly is the Life Shift podcast has taught me also that there are so many more commonalities between all of us than there are differences because I'm just meeting people that are so very similar that come from way different places in the world and different parts of.

10:04
of the country or wherever. And it's just, I guess it's really a great feeling to understand that. Because before I just felt that there were very much just buckets of people and they were very othered. Yeah, I mean, I salute you for offering this type of space for your guests. I could have show up today on a gray suit and be very corporate and kind of boring and blue and gray and all of that.

10:31
Instead, I decided to show up with a gold necklace and my pink feather because it's a lion gate portal day, it's a day of absolute infinite abundance and it's a day for manifesting your dream and it's a day of pink and gold energy. And I said, why not bringing it on Matt's show? Totally. But you're offering that space. Some others would be, no, you have to be in line and you have to be the straight line individual. But who am I?

11:01
Who am I to make the rules? I think that what I really truly, before we get into your story, what I really truly want from this show, if I could envision what comes from this show is that people listening that maybe are a little bit more reserved or controlled of what they share with others, to feel more comfortable having a true and honest conversation with curious questions, with not pre-programmed...

11:30
preconceived questions and just feel open and able to do that. It's truly my goal with this because I think we're so, there's not a lot of people that aren't on podcasts that are actually having these conversations. But somehow we do it on podcasts. I mean, it's amazing. That's what society needs. We are entering a major astronomical shift. We are entering the age of Aquarius. That means that we will see more and more people.

12:00
claiming back their communication styles, their way of being. We are done with societal uniforms that are imposed to everyone else. Thank you for saying that, because I'm feeling it. I actually am feeling that. So, well, let's get to your story. Cause I think that I'm super interested in hearing this journey and how you got to be where you are.

12:26
So maybe, I guess for context, maybe you can kind of paint the picture of what your life was like leading up to this moment. We'll kind of talk about to give us that before and after. Yeah, well, thank you for asking him for the space. Where should I begin? So as you can tell from my accent, I am Italian, born and raised Italian, and specifically Sardinian.

12:50
Sardinia is this beautiful island in the Mediterranean Sea, super gorgeous, a lot of Americans go every year. It's a bit of a flight until there, but you won't be, let's say, negatively impressed because it's absolutely stellar. Think about Caribbean, very much the same with incredible food. So I got super privileged and lucky that I was born in this amazing place. The downside of being born in a small island is that opportunities are very limited.

13:19
And especially when it's winter time, when all of the tourists go away. This is an island that normally has 2 million people in winter time. So you can imagine that the job availability and what is possible to achieve is somehow present some house on limitation. Anyhow, given this context to basically position where I was when I was 18. Right. So imagining as a teenager.

13:48
seeing the world that was presented to me. And additionally, I was a teenager raised in a very restrictive religious community. My mom, when she was in life, she was a very fond Jehovah witness. And so she raised myself and my sibling as part of the community in a very, very restrictive way. And so what happened is that when I turned 18,

14:14
And I had to decide what to do for college. And basically, what was my future? Was I to stay in the island as part of this restrictive community with my path already chartered, which was getting married in the community, make children. And if people listening to this knows a little bit about them, women don't have a privileged stage in those communities. It's all about men leading and speaking.

14:44
probably contrary to which were my beliefs, or decide to break free. Before you made that decision, did you have a lot of exposure to the opportunity and you were just longing for that? Or were you just very much, did you buy into the environment that you were in and very much feel that way? Or were you always like, no way? Yeah, such a powerful question you're asking me straight on, Matt. I've wrote about this in my memoir.

15:13
I just finished writing my memoir. Congrats. And thank you. Was a bit of a cathartic moment. Listen, here's the thing. And I'm gonna say this for everyone that is also listening that is part of those community. When I was in that community, I was one of the most zealous people. I was number one in preparation.

15:41
I was number one in preaching. As you might know, the Jehovah's Witness put all of the people, since you're very young, since you're six years old, through a very thorough sales education, because literally you have to go door to door and sell Jesus. And so you need to learn how to be a great public speaker. You need to do how to do objection handling. You need to do what persistence means. You got to have your stuff buttoned up.

16:06
I always say that I'm very thankful for that education because eventually it made me such a great seller that I got into Google, you know, learning how to sell. Anyways, when I was in it, I was very fervent. I didn't know what was outside and I was not permitted to hang out with people that I have met.

16:30
outside of the community. If I wanted to go and have a sleepover, the answer was no. If I wanted to go and hang out with my girlfriends, the answer was no. And so what sparked my zeal back then, if we can say the way for the world outside, and I didn't say this story to many people, so this is a bit of an exclusive, I wrote it in my memoir, but I didn't declare it very often.

16:57
Is that when I was 17, like, you know, I was not 18 yet. I was still in my college. I started computer programming. And one day my professor asked my mom to buy me a Commodore 64. For those of you that have memory about that. And because I was an extremely amazing student, my family was not wealthy at all. We were very, you know,

17:27
I always had food on the table, but let's say I didn't have things to splurge on. But my mom was very fond of me having a top notch education, so she bought me that Commodore 64. And she connected it to the internet. I was one of the first girls in my class that had access to the internet. And so back in the days, right, we're talking about 1996. I'm 41 this year. So I'm

17:56
You know, not afraid of saying it. So more than 20 years ago, I think it's amazing. I mean, I don't even, I had fun at 41. Oh, so you're 40 as well. I'm 42. Oh, that's amazing. I love that. Um, and so back in the days, having internet was a big privilege. And during the night, I would tell my mom that I needed to stay up to do my coding, uh, were homeworks. I used to code in cobble, MSDOL. So.

18:25
A lot of hours just making sure that my programs were clean. But what, what I was doing while coding is that I had a little window open, connected to the internet. And what I was doing in that little window is that I was chatting with strangers. And so that was the first time in my life that I started having an alter ego.

18:55
And I started having a double personality. And so during the day, I was Nadia, the amazing student and the incredible Jehovah Witness and the perfect daughter. And then during the night, I had another personality on the web, meeting people, knowing people. And that's how I started to understand that I could have a different life. This is how I started to understand that I could go to college and that I could escape this restrictive.

19:25
community and what happened next is kind of history because, you know, I, I put together a scheme, sadly it implied that I had to lie to my mom and find a way to having her let me go to college in Milan, which is on the other side of the sea. 12 hours of navigation because we didn't have money to afford the plane. And on September 11th, so the 9-11, the famous 9-11.

19:55
I arrived in Milan and that was the beginning of my new life and of my, you know, I called it my second birthday because I was born a new person. Yeah, because I mean, you were starting a new life, but you were also did you count that as like leaving your religion as well was like leaving that island leaving all of that behind? Or did you bring any with you? So I was determined that the moment I was arriving in Milan.

20:25
I would have cut the dead end. And one of the reason why is because through the internet, I had met a boy that had sparked an additional zeal in me. Was the first time that I was exposed to the concept of love and I was exposed to what could possibly mean to even have a relationship with someone. I took a big risk because this person could have been.

20:52
I don't know. We didn't know back then. We didn't know. We didn't know. I could have been a serial killer. I mean, if my daughter today would do what I did back then, I would be probably completely devastated. But anyways, it was a different time. I couldn't tell my mom, though, because if she would have known, she would have not let me go. So I had to keep the secret and I had to keep things quiet.

21:18
because I was leaving to a city where I didn't know a soul. And the only negotiation that my mom did with me was, I will let you go if you promise that you will join the congregation as soon as you arrive. So inside me, I knew that I wasn't planning to do this. In fact, once she dropped in Milan, we had a fight and she left.

21:46
I've wrote this about it in my book because it still represent one of the things that I feel more guilty with my mom. But she would send me those people at home to check on me. And I would not pick up the phone. I would not open the door. I was like enough. And so eventually, I think it was a month later, she gives me a call and she said, you're not answering the door and you are not going to the congregation.

22:15
what's going on. And eventually I exploded, I lost it. I told her everything and I said, if you don't wanna speak to me, because you know that there's a rule that once you leave the Jehovah witness, you become, there's a word that I don't know in English, but basically they're not allowed to speak to you anymore. And I said, I don't care, I'm done. And I didn't look back since then. You know, I think that's very common with people that grow up in...

22:45
a restrictive community. A lot of my thoughts come back to this idea that, or question, and it seems like a really silly question, so forgive me for asking it. But when you're in an organized religion in that way that's restrictive, are you told that the outside people are bad people or?

23:14
So it is like a fear-based, you stay because if you go out there. A hundred percent, I tell you even further, my dad never converted. I'm so glad that he did not. But this was one of the reasons why life in our family was really tough because imagine the situation. No one celebrates any birthdays, no one celebrates any Christmas. That was my dad waiting to

23:43
be happy with this family because a lot of the happiness around those celebrations is just the fact that you are happy about something. Right. And you cannot do any of this. And you are constantly brainwashed daily that the people on the outside are going to die the day the end of the world will come, that if you mingle with them.

24:10
Satan is gonna put seeds in your head. Not to mention, imagine being a teenager with all of your hormones. Oh, the only thing you wanna do is be around boys and girls of the same age. And that's absolutely forbidden. It's pretty traumatizing when you leave. You know, when I left when I was 18 and I started exploring, it wasn't until many years later that I was able to kind of make peace with a lot of things.

24:40
It's interesting to me that your mother was supportive of your education, because I feel like education is almost like this gateway to, to more. And it almost sounds like that commu, you know, it's almost like maybe deep down she was hoping you would do it, but, you know, who knows? It's very interesting that you were supported in that way because that was, I mean, the fact that your mother supported your education is the reason you escaped essentially. A hundred percent, right? Because

25:09
Even succeeded when you escaped. Right. So we didn't have the financial meanings to allow me to go to a private college. And basically the way I cheated the system is that I told my mom that the only college that had accepted me and that would pay me for all of my studies, campus, like full scholarships was this college in Milan. And.

25:38
Which is true. Eventually, they paid me it all. Like I would have not been able to afford the education that eventually I got, right? If it was not for those scholarships. Like my family back then, like my dad was earning $18,000 a year as a nurse in a hospital. And my mom was doing another sales job, but let's say the total, maybe my family income probably was $20,000 a year.

26:05
So there wouldn't be any chance for me to study in a private school. That's why I got full scholarships, both to cover for my fees and also to pay me for my living expenses. But to your question about her supporting my studies, interesting, I never reflected on this and I did wrote in my memoir a chapter on it. And my mom is not here with us anymore to tell me she died 10 years ago.

26:32
But what I remember is that she received a lot of pressure from all of my professors because I was extremely bright and talented. I graduated from high school, top of my class and all of my, let's say, disciplines. Like I was amazing at everything. And so their point was Nadia has to study. Nadia has to go further.

27:02
Nadia has to continue. And so I think that with that pressure, my pressure, and remember, I was excellent during the day. I promised that I would have continued going to the congregation. I swore back then that I would have kept things as perfect. And I guess I was a very good liar, sadly. Yeah, but it's just, I mean, it's almost like.

27:30
she gave you the permission slip to learn and run away because I'm thinking in this restrictive thing, like you wouldn't wanna educate people. You wouldn't want people to be smart enough to know that there is more out there because at some point, enough curiosity in someone that is smart will lead them down that road. And then the internet thing is also curious as well. But I mean, it's fascinating that

27:59
you literally started a brand new life, like something completely different. What was like, I'm imagining like that first day there, was it culture shock? Was there something that like, what happened? Yeah, well, I mean, I'll tell you one thing. They're very sneaky because in the congregation, they never say they are not allowed to study. What they say is that once you study all your talents,

28:26
needs to be put in service of the greater good of the congregation. In fact, they show you videos on and on and on, showing you how the people are serving in the main establishment. A lot of them are writers. I mean, even nowadays, do you see what buildings they have? They run like a large corporation. Like all of those people have talents that they learn somewhere. Well, like you said, starting at six.

28:55
Yeah, I'm telling you, I was on a stage preaching in front of 200 people. And they would tell me if I was good with my eye contact, my gestures, they would even educate you on the structure of your speeches. So from a framework, it was amazing. Amazing. So how was my day when I left?

29:17
Listen, double edge there because not only I arrived in an environment that was a city, Milan is the second biggest city in Italy, and I was coming from a little town of 12,000 people. So imagine from 12,000 to two millions. I can't imagine that because I moved from Orlando to near Aspen. And so the town was about just as big.

29:45
There you go. So you see like I didn't like it. I mean for me, I felt like I was a kid in a candy shop. Oh, I bet. Yeah. The first time I took the subway. I was like, what is this? I can go everywhere. I go without asking anyone to schlep me up and down. That's awesome. So there was that there was that I wasn't scared because I've always aspired about having something more and

30:12
Throughout my life, I actually continued moving several times. And I moved to Dublin, I moved to Paris, I moved to New York. So it never scared me to be in an environment where I didn't know anything about. On the contrary, it fueled me. But also, I didn't know a soul outside of that boy that I was dating back then. So from the internet, from the internet. So imagine, I was like, I only know a person that I met on the internet that they're not going to kill me. Hopefully they're going to help me in this environment.

30:41
So there was that, but somehow I was kind of ruthless and very risk tolerant. It was like, you know, what can be worse than what I had in my home where I was restricted? And then the third is that this was a private college. Kids were coming to school in BMW. These were daughters and sons of entrepreneurs.

31:09
These were very, very, very wealthy people. And imagine me, the first day I'm arriving to school, I'm seeing all these beautiful people. The girls looked out, they looked from magazine. They looked like Taylor Swift in college, wearing brands. I still remember one of the girls that eventually became my best friend the first day was wearing this amazing jeans with a triangle.

31:37
on the back and I still remember this detail. This was Guess, Guess Marciano. And I was like, what the heck is this? And there I was, the little girl coming from a town, from a religious community. My outlook was terrible. If I show you a picture from back then, you'll be like, what? And so all of this together for me was just an incredible adventure. And yes, I was a little bit scared, but it never hindered my ability to perform.

32:08
In fact, it fueled me because I wanted to be like everyone else. Did it? It was like maybe the first time you saw someone else and thought, oh, that's possible. I mean, 100 percent. Back in my town. I don't have to marry whoever. Yes. And I mean, back in my town, I couldn't wear short skirts. And everyone was going to school like they were going to a club. So.

32:35
I feel like if I was in that environment and I escaped and things were going well and things like I was succeeding and learning new things and seeing new things, is there a component of guilt that comes along with the people that you've left behind? Not just your family, but just the people that are stuck, if you will? Matt, you are such a sensitive and empathetic person. Let me tell you this. No one ever asked me those questions.

33:05
So I so much appreciate you. The guilt was there every day for many reasons. First is that my mom, through that time, went through divorcing my dad. She went through incredibly, incredibly challenging health issues. My siblings had several, several law-related, law enforcement-related problems.

33:32
very extreme that I'm not going to go into details here, but you can imagine. And so I was receiving calls every day that they would tell me, you are living the life in Milan, being privileged and splurging and being that amazing college. And here we are rotting in this place. Every day. Did they blame you? Of course. Some of the things that they used to tell me was that.

33:59
I was the only one that was allowed to go, which is totally false. They were offered the same things. My mom blessed her soul, truly gave her hearts and bloods and everything to them. But also...

34:14
Look, I don't want to say when people ask me in those situations, what propelled me forward, right? Like, and I did a TED talk about this and I speak to college students a lot about this in my volunteering work when they say, what propelled you forward to move on? Because a lot of people would give up and say, hey, my family is in this situation. Maybe I need to go back and help them. You know, there's a lot of things, right? Guilt. Guilt. Yeah, maybe it's guilt. I don't know. I mean, I think it would be.

34:44
for me. Because then, you know, my mom also got sick and my mom passed away, so I dealt with that in a lot of form and shapes also in therapy. What I eventually landed on is that I was brought into this planet with a mission.

35:03
part of this mission as being, and it is, to heal my mom and to heal a lot of generational trauma that myself, my family, and a lot of things happened. And that probably sense of self-preservation, that ambition kept me forward. If I had come back, I would have rot together with everyone else.

35:33
And so for me, back then, there was always one choice, which was protecting my zeal for life, cutting that dead end, and move forward, getting my education, getting a job, getting all that I needed to thrive, because no one else was looking out for me. I was myself and myself. You say cutting that dead end. Is that when it felt like you stopped running, or did that running away continue? You know what I'm saying? I feel like a lot of decisions that

36:04
lot of the decisions now, now that I'm 40 something and looking back, you know, with my mother dying when I was eight and then trying to be the person that everyone wanted me to be like happy and okay. And, you know, I don't know why I absorbed that, but I always felt like I was running away from that grief until I finally stopped and let, let it all, you know, figure it out. And like, I could imagine that

36:31
someone like you could take three paths, right? You could go back, you could just run, just keep running. If you don't stop, they can't get you or life can't pull you back. Or like you said, you cut that end. Did, did, was it really feel like you cut that? Yeah, well, first I wanna say I'm sorry about your loss as well.

36:51
I want to believe that our moms are together in another dimension, maybe talking about their kids doing amazing things in the world. I love that. Oh my God. My mom would totally do a podcast. She was an amazing talker. Maybe she will come. She was a very persuasive person. My mom, I never reflected on this, but what I'll say is this.

37:18
Part of me continued running. And I know that because, just to give you some data and facts, only in the past 13 years, I lived in four different cities. I changed 11 apartments. If I tell you how many miles and in how many places I traveled, you would not believe it. I literally come.

37:45
compensated all that I didn't travel until 18. And I always felt that not place was large enough to contain me or to host me, if we want to use a better word. And mind you, I lived in the most amazing places. I lived in Paris, I traveled so much to London, I lived in Dublin, Madrid, you name it, every European city at some point.

38:15
hosted me for some days. And I've had a lot. Google treated me very generously. I got promoted five times. I had any possible responsibility. I was exposed to any possible work stream. My team adores me. My client adores me. I had a very fulfilling existence until now, right? Yet I was always looking for something.

38:47
And only two years ago, one year after I arrived here in New York, I felt that I could settle and that I had found my purpose and that I'm now aligned with what I need to accomplish. And I'm at peace to the point that two years ago, I texted my dad.

39:14
for the first time after 20 years of not talking to him. So it is an interesting angle that you are prompting me there. I just, you know, I've moved 35 times. I understand, you know, in 42 years, I've moved 35 times. And I think a lot of it was like searching for home, which it sounds very similar to you.

39:42
in the sense that you finally found a place where maybe you felt all the puzzles fit almost right, whereas the other ones were like, I'm kind of putting this puzzle piece in here. It looks like it fits, but it doesn't quite fit yet. But at the same time, I don't think there's any faults in that. I think I would love the idea of cutting a chord. I feel like that would be so freeing.

40:09
But as humans, we're so complex and there's so much that was tied up in your existence for, what, 16 years before you had your computer, your giant heavy computer and the internet that was probably really slow. But, you know, there was a lot tied up in that. And so I can't imagine just being able to let that go because that's all formative years. Absolutely. And

40:37
If I may add one thing, sometimes forgiveness is part of our own healing. It took me so many years and so many hours of therapy to eventually forgive my mom for how she raised me, forgive my dad for a lot of things that happened and just accept that probably in that moment, they didn't know any better. And that

41:05
You know, even forgiving my young Nadia for how I behaved in certain circumstances with my mom because she didn't know any better. And that's the only thing that was pulling her out and allowing her to create something that was larger than her life. And that's why I want to speak about forgiveness as well, because the only road

41:34
to absolute love, love for yourself, love for others. And the only road to raise those vibrations, all those things that we speak in the spiritual world, is to come clean eventually that we are human beings, we do mistakes and we will continue to do mistakes forever. What you have are your best intention.

42:01
And at some point you gotta look forward about what makes you happy, what fulfills you, what gives you joy.

42:11
And you have to be ready for it, I think. I think there's a long journey, as I mentioned in my story, and I've talked to a lot of people about this, but there was a point in my journey, I would say my grief journey was about 20 years. Took a really long time because the people around me were doing the best they knew how to do, but they didn't know how to do it, right? They didn't know how to help a child grieve the loss of a primary parent, essentially. My parents were divorced, so I lived with my mom. And what happened is I was like,

42:39
things were happening at work and I was so miserable. So I went to therapy to talk through work. And what happened is I found this therapist after trying five of them, because let's put that out there, it takes a while to find the person that works for you. And we went through this conversation, she's like, you realize that everything that you've done since that moment, you've made as that eight-year-old, you've made all those decisions out of fear.

43:06
of abandonment, fear of people not accepting whatever. And as soon as I learned that, to your point, it was like, I had to forgive that 33, however old I was, all the way down to that eight-year-old and all the things that happened in between. But once I was able to do that, it felt like freeing. You felt like you could just, I can just be me. And to your point, make mistakes and be like, I made a mistake, I'm not perfect.

43:36
None of us are. So, but yeah, there's a lot of self-forgiveness that has to come with that journey, but I don't think that we can do it until we're ready to do it. A hundred percent. And it's fascinating that your age, that you were eight back then, especially today on this portal, eight, eight, but that's another conversation. Look, you are so right because you cannot rush processes that...

44:05
needs to happen in the way they are designed to happen. I believe that there's a reason why I landed in New York three years ago and not before. I actually joke with my husband a lot about this because I said to him, what would happen if when we were in Dublin, we would have come to New York rather than going back to Milan? And yet I think about it and there was a reason why I had to go back to Milan. There was a reason why I had to go to Paris.

44:33
everything has a reason and it's up to us to educate our thoughts and our brain and to recognize the cues that life is giving us. And many times I wished I've had a different upbringing. Many times I thought, oh how would I, how would I have been, how would I have been

45:02
If someone was celebrating me and someone was cheering me with happy birthday, would I be the same Nadia that I am today? Probably not. And look at me now. I'm turning 41. I was able to found a movement. I inspire thousands of people around the world. Every day someone messaged me to say, Nadia, with that word you said, you encouraged me to...

45:31
move forward. Every day I have the ability to help someone heal. Probably all of that would have not been possible. So you're so right. The moment is the moment. I agree. I mean, you know, even if

45:48
Your mom waited an extra month to get you that computer. Had she not hooked up the internet, like who knows the little triggers along the way, had you not, you know, I'm kind of curious as to how you got the gall to come up with that lie. Do you think that was inspired by people you were chatting with? Well, I didn't have any other option because... Right, but if you're trained to not lie. Yeah.

46:16
Well, so here's an interesting thing. Oh my God, you are picking certain things, Mac, that I never told anyone. To be honest, when my mom was alive, I never told her that I lied. So wherever she is in the universe, she's hearing this for the first time. Which is also- Listen, I bet she understands. I hope she understands. And I mean, look, this is also part of the reason why I felt guilty when she passed away.

46:43
I mean, I know that she was very proud of me because eventually she forgave me for leaving the community and she told me many times how proud she was about my accomplishments. Oh my gosh, she was so happy that I got into Google. She was so happy when I graduated. She loved my husband that is not the same boy, by the way. But she was so, when she met my husband, that was a work colleague. She was like, Oh my God, you need to marry that man. So.

47:12
She was so happy when she learned that we were dating. So anyways, she made peace with me, but I never had the gut to tell her about that lie. But to your question about me trained not to lie, here's a secret. I used to be physically disciplined by my mom. That means she would hit me. I'm not gonna describe the ways and all of that, but it's one of the...

47:41
One of the reasons why I got very upset with her in life and that I needed to forgive her for. But anyways, the only reason why she would hit me is because of my lies. Because she would catch me lying many times. And they were white lies. For example, I remember one time I stole a stone from someone, from another kid.

48:06
And this kid eventually was crying that they were looking for their stone. And I lied that I had it with me. Eventually she caught me and she hit me. And then I lied for other things. Anyways, lying, you know, they say lying is a trait of very bright kids, by the way. So I don't know if I can. You're just creative. Maybe I was just creative, but so lying eventually was my thing. And.

48:35
What got me that lie is that the boy that I was chatting with said, you know, one of the colleges that you could sign up for is this private college where my sister goes. And I was like, wow, I would love to study those disciplines. It was about marketing and communication. And I was very fed up with coding and tech and I wanted to branch free. And as I said, these people would pay me.

49:01
an incredible amount of money just to be one of their students, because also I was part of the underrepresented people. I was from an island that was from a lower class. And so they wanted to encourage bright kids like me to be there. So that's how it went on the lying part. It's so interesting that you were just a good liar. You were just conditioned to do that. You said that you had.

49:31
the dedication to your religion or your community. Did you really or were you or were you just acting it out because you knew you could do it really well? That's another very interesting question. Look, what I remember, cause also a lot of the memories are so faded. When I was writing my memoir, I actually went back also to people and I said when I was there, you know, my two of my aunts,

49:58
So two of my mom's sisters are still very fervent members of the community. One is a little bit more open, so she still speaks to me and all that. The other one is a little bit more extreme, so we don't have a lot of relationship. But what I remember is that from the age, let's say at age 13, 14, that's when I started to put things in question. Until that point, I was like, oh, my god.

50:27
for me was unconditional love. I was like, these are the rules. I'm just going to follow. I'm just going to do. And that around age 14, that's when I started to playing with lies. I remember I gave my first kiss at age 15 to a guy that was not in the community. I was doing little escapes with my girlfriends. But because I was so good,

50:54
And we could say that selling is also an art in that regard because I was so good when I was showing up, I could get away with murder if we want to say that way. When I was in the congregation, I was always extremely prepared. There's a lot of study that goes into the Geo Witnesses. You need to be prepared with your papers. And I was always very disciplined from that regard. I'm a Virgo, so I take things very seriously.

51:24
but you were just performing.

51:27
I don't know that I was, right? I don't know. I mean, I only say that because of the way you described it, because you said you knew you could do it well, so you were gonna do it well. You know, part of me, more than performing, I would say that I wanted to fit in. Okay. I wanted to be part of the group of younger that were the most respected. I wanted to have the privileges that...

51:55
the elite was having. The elite was the kids of the ministers, the kids that were doing all what I wanted to be in the first row. Maybe it's a bit of a narcissistic part of me back there, but I didn't wanna be the underdog. I didn't wanna be one of those that were not the good ones. I wanted to be elite. And you put yourself in the position of an underdog to become an elite. It's interesting.

52:26
It's like you wanted to be elite and then you were. Totally, you know, my mom, my mom was from an underdog group, right? We were not ministers. And because my dad was not part of the congregation, we were not invited to a lot of the elite stuff. And so somehow I was part of the different ones because we were a blended family, but I wanted to be elite. I dreamed, Matt, of being...

52:54
one of those families that were fully in the congregation, that were traveling together with their dads doing speeches. I dreamed about having a family member that was high in the ranks. And my only way to fit in was just to be excellent myself. So, I mean, now that I'm unpacking with you, I was not part of the outsiders. I could not be part of the insiders. And so in any way, my all upbringing was an effort to fit in some way.

53:26
And then when you kind of realized that there was more out there, you really didn't fit in and you wanted to go see if there was home somewhere, if there was somewhere that, that all this energy and all this, this, what is it? What's the word I'm looking for? The sass and the, the feelings of just being a unique individual. Cause I can imagine in a more restrictive community, there's not too much individuality.

53:52
Right? Everyone kind of has to conform into their own bucket, whatever bucket that is of the day. Is that true? A hundred percent. You have to be like everyone else. You cannot even wear what the heck you want. I remember being scolded. Did you want to? Well, I wanted there because I wanted to be like everyone else, but I was pulled outside. I remember one time I was wearing a green nail polish. I mean, you'll see me. I'm very bright. I'm quirky. I want to show up differently.

54:19
And I was like that when I was younger. And I remember one day I was wearing a poly colored green nail polish and I got scolded. I mind you, I was probably 11 and someone called me saying, what you're wearing is not appropriate. And I was like, what? And so eventually those restrictions piled up, piled up, piled up and as a teenager, you know, you're being a teenager as well. You just wanna break free. I mean, look, what happened to me eventually is that

54:48
Even the same pattern applied also in society and the corporate world, because I recognize that I'm not like everyone else. I'm very different in all my quirkiness and energetic zeal spirit, and I just want to have the freedom to be who I am. I think that's to celebrate, and I think that's maybe why you are the way you are. I think there's probably some element that comes with that, in the fact that, you know,

55:17
I could imagine if I was told growing up that I have to be this and this is all I can be, then that's the last thing I wanna do. If you have a brain that is allowed to expand, but a lot of people don't. I think a lot of people are stuck in that. And then, all these little pieces, these little drops, which one do you think is the most, which one do you think was the trigger that really changed your life?

55:45
Was it getting the computer? Was it getting the internet? Was it the first time you're like, I'm gonna log into AOL or whatever it was? Oh my God, MSN. You know, I had my MSN blog back then. I was one of the first ones. Oh my God, you are so good at asking those questions. Let me tell you this. You know, I do a lot of public speaking and I did a speech in a college here in New Jersey to 200 students. I did a Spark Your Zeal speech.

56:14
And one of the girls approached me at the end and asked me this question, because this speech was about my life and all of it, you know, was about inspiring college student to aim for more and all of it. And this girl came to me and she said, Nadia, what would you say sparked your zeal at the very beginning of your life? What was it? And she said the same, she said, was it the Commodore 64? Was it internet?

56:41
And here's how I responded, Matt, and how I'm making sense of all this. Because look, a lot I'm also unpacking myself. I mean, I have been trying to give answers to myself about how things went. And.

56:59
I will not cry saying this and you're not going to cry too, but maybe some people listening to it will. I firmly believe that technology, so the internet, the Commodore 64 and what happened those nights, were a mean to an end because the only thing that I was always craving

57:26
and that I continue to crave and I continue to encourage people to find was love. And, you know, my mom had made that she was very young. She was 21. She had two other children very quickly and she never was one of those mom that would hug you and squeeze you and kiss you. You know, she was, she was very detached. Back in the days, there was a different parenting style.

57:56
And even when she passed away, you know, she had a very deadly cancer. I assisted her in our last years of life. It was excruciating. Even then she never said, I love you. And, you know, I, now at my age, I'm obsessed in trying to find traces of her love. I don't have a letter. I don't have an email. I'm like,

58:23
And last, and two years ago, I did an esoteric session in Boulder at the Star House. And I was up combined by a medium, you know, one of those things that we witches would do. And eventually she came, she came and, and she looked at me and she said, you are loved. And she kept repeating this so many times.

58:50
And so what I say today, what I made the signature of my mission in the world is that, is this quest for love that eventually sparked my zeal back then through the internet, through the Commodore 64 and through the people that I was meeting. And that's still today, I'm on a mission for people to understand and build that the only love that we can truly access is the love for ourselves.

59:20
But it takes a long journey to figure that out for a lot of people, for a lot of us, I guess. For everyone, me included, Matt. Yeah, I mean, you explaining this now, every search, everything that you explained in your upbringing, the great performances, doing well in school, it all makes sense. It's all something that I did as well. I became a good student. Before my mom died, I was smart, but I was like, I don't care.

59:50
And then it was like A plus, you know, like I had to get A's because I always felt that I would not be loved or someone else would leave because my tiny brain, my mom abandoned me by dying. And I thought if I didn't perform well, love would not be there. And so all of the explanations that you've given through like this lens of your life, that one thing makes sense now to me. It resonates with me.

01:00:19
because of my own experience. And I think, truly, I do think that's the power of storytelling is that your story is unique to you. I don't think there are many people that have a very similar story to you, but something about your story validated mine. And that's why I love this show so much because I didn't know that when I started this, that this would truly just be like such a healing journey for me.

01:00:49
And I can imagine that there are people out there that listen to your show, that listen to this show, that will hear something in your story and be like, oh, that all makes sense in my life, the way that she's explained it. So thank you for validating some of my experiences through your story. I mean, you are very welcome. And look, here's the thing. I could have decided never to speak about this. I could have decided to stay in a closet.

01:01:18
and just go out with my days. My career at Google has always been extremely successful. I could have kept just talking about ads, artificial intelligence, and technology. I would have been fine. But the moment I started opening up and the moment I started talking about this some years ago, and when I saw people coming to me saying, what you just said about validation,

01:01:47
about seeing themselves through my experiences and my eyes, the same that I experience when I hear Oprah talking or when I look at Gwyneth Paltrow of any of those celebrities showing up with their lives. That is the thing that pulls me forward every day. And so when I shared earlier, coming to conclusion of what my power is and what my-

01:02:16
purpose in this word is this. I cannot hold my horses anymore. I cannot restrain. You know, my words are like a river. I've wrote my memoir, 200 pages in five days. It's almost like a universal force is guiding me to make this happen. And if even one person listening to this sees themselves like you did and say, Nadia, you know what?

01:02:46
Thank you. My job is done. I'm like, okay, worth it. That's why, I mean, I agree. It's the moment I started sharing my vulnerabilities and sharing the mess, it's instantly lighter. Because I say this a lot, you know, the things in our head, the things that we mull over in our head are a lot scarier when they stay in there. And when we let them out, you're like, okay, I can piece these together, you know? And so,

01:03:16
I agree 100% if one person is listening to this and they feel validated or they feel like they're not alone in their experience, we win, right? You know? Thank you. If you could go back to Nadia one night before she was jumping on to pretend to code and chat, knowing what you know now, is there anything that you would wanna say to her? Oh my God.

01:03:46
Well, I would warn her, oh my God, I, as an adult, the things that I did, I don't know how I did them. I mean, I wish for my children. I'm raising my children in being so open with them, in, let's say, in hope that in return, they would tell me anything that they do. So they don't keep secrets from me like I did.

01:04:14
But I mean, look, the one thing that I would say to her...

01:04:20
This is gonna sound very weird but you're really pulling things from me that I never even thought

01:04:29
What I would tell her is that she was incredibly brave. Look, what I am today is because that girl was brave. I would not be here if that night, she would have not acted like she did and nothing of what I eventually had and built in my life would be here. And so she was extremely brave.

01:04:57
and I would probably write her a letter to tell her how much I love her and that she always knew what she was doing. I think she was a lot more resilient and determined of what I am today. I grew up in my comfort now and probably I would not take those risks. But I would, I would thank her for her bravery and I would tell her that she's loved very much.

01:05:24
It's like you don't want to interfere too much because of all the learning that came from it. Like you said before, we are a product of all the little tiny things we've really created for ourselves. Thank you for sharing your story. I had zero idea of where we would go and such a fascinating story and human.

01:05:46
If people want to connect with you or find out when your memoir is going to be out to read more about that, what's the best way to like get into your universe? Oh, thank you. I will say, Matt, I didn't know that we were going that way. I was planning just to share a bunch of corporate life changing adventures, but this was wild. It means that it had to be this way. So people can find me on LinkedIn, on Instagram. My name is Nadia Carta, N-A-D-I-A-C-A-R-T-A.

01:06:13
And mostly I encourage you all to come and find me on my website. That is NadiaCarta.com. And if you feel inspired to really take a step after this conversation, you could download a free love letter template. You can access it in the website. And I encourage you all to find the time to sit down and write a love letter to yourself, because as I say in my speeches,

01:06:38
That truly is the most profound and authentic love that you can get. And it's free. You can give it to yourself every day. So with a little help of a template, I know you will think it's cheesy, but trust me, you're gonna have a good experience. Yeah, we will link to all that information in the show notes for sure. And I just wanna thank you for being a part of this. And I wanna thank the listeners for listening to this. And I hope that some part of Nadia's story.

01:07:06
resonated with you or validated your experiences. And we will be back next week with a brand new episode. And in the meantime, maybe you can share one of your favorite episodes with a friend. That would be wonderful. Thanks again, Nadia. Thank you, Matt. You're special. Bye.

01:07:33
For more information, please visit www.thelifeshiftpodcast.com