Overcoming Adversity: Shani Rigsbee's Life-Changing Health Battle

Shani Rigsbee
00:00:55

So when I was 26 years old, I was.

Shani Rigsbee
00:00:59

I was kind of experiencing some pain, and I went to my doctor, and the doctor kind of downplayed it, but did some tests and said, you know, we'll do some stuff.

Shani Rigsbee
00:01:10

He comes back, and then he says, well, I think we need to do this surgery because you've got, you know, big growth, and we need to take it out and all of that.

Shani Rigsbee
00:01:18

Well, anytime someone tells you you need to have surgery, right, you go for a second opinion, usually.

Shani Rigsbee
00:01:23

So I did, and that kind of sent me on this sort of medical crisis mode.

Shani Rigsbee
00:01:30

Everything in my life stopped.

Shani Rigsbee
00:01:32

All the things I was working on stopped, and it was all focused on trying to get the right help medically.

Shani Rigsbee
00:01:39

I went through many twists and turns with doctors, but ultimately ended up with a surgeon who split the difference between one that wanted to do something very radical and the other one that was really downplaying it all.

Shani Rigsbee
00:01:53

Oh, you're too young to have cancer.

Shani Rigsbee
00:01:55

You're, you know, all of that sort of stuff.

Shani Rigsbee
00:01:57

And so I went with the one that was kind of splitting the difference.

Shani Rigsbee
00:02:01

And sure enough, I did a surgery, which was more of an exploratory one, to sample and see what was going on.

Shani Rigsbee
00:02:09

And I got the call that, you know, come to the office and we'll talk about it.

Matt Gilhooly
00:02:15

Today's guest is the incredibly talented Shanie Rigsby.

Matt Gilhooly
00:02:18

Shanie is a multifaceted recording artist, and she's also a producer, and she opens up about the pivotal life events that really defined her path.

Matt Gilhooly
00:02:27

And she highlights the strength found in embracing her own vulnerability during a really challenging health battle.

Matt Gilhooly
00:02:35

We'll explore how her supportive upbringing laid the foundation for her resilience and go after things in a way that maybe others like myself might not understand.

Matt Gilhooly
00:02:46

And she talks about how sharing personal stories can foster these genuine connections in a world that's often dominated by this social media highlight reels.

Matt Gilhooly
00:02:55

Shani's insights remind us that in our shared struggles, which I talk about all the time, we discover the true essence of human connection.

Matt Gilhooly
00:03:04

So I think you will really resonate with Shani's story, even if you didn't go through the same exact battles that she went through.

Matt Gilhooly
00:03:10

A lot of the commonalities that we share across the board will really make you connect with what Shani has to share today.

Matt Gilhooly
00:03:19

So without further ado, here is my conversation with Cheyney Rigsby.

Matt Gilhooly
00:03:24

I'm Matt Gilhooly.

Matt Gilhooly
00:03:26

And this is the life shift.

Matt Gilhooly
00:03:28

Candid conversations about the pivotal moments that have changed lives forever.

Matt Gilhooly
00:03:41

Hello, my friends.

Matt Gilhooly
00:03:42

Welcome to the Life Shift podcast.

Matt Gilhooly
00:03:44

I am here with Shani.

Matt Gilhooly
00:03:45

Hello, Shani.

Shani Rigsbee
00:03:46

Hello there.

Shani Rigsbee
00:03:47

How are you?

Matt Gilhooly
00:03:48

Oh, you know, so good.

Matt Gilhooly
00:03:49

And the little secret to everyone listening is that we've been talking for a few minutes.

Matt Gilhooly
00:03:53

So this is what I call the awkward hello part of the episode.

Matt Gilhooly
00:03:57

Where are you joining us from today?

Shani Rigsbee
00:03:59

I am in Rancho Mirage, California, today.

Shani Rigsbee
00:04:02

Oh.

Matt Gilhooly
00:04:02

And I don't know where that is.

Matt Gilhooly
00:04:03

So it's.

Matt Gilhooly
00:04:04

Where is that?

Shani Rigsbee
00:04:05

It's basically greater Palm Springs, the Palm Springs area of California.

Shani Rigsbee
00:04:09

But it's kind of an offshoot where a lot of golf courses, which I don't play, but I think are really awfully pretty.

Shani Rigsbee
00:04:16

Our country clothes and stuff.

Matt Gilhooly
00:04:18

I agree.

Matt Gilhooly
00:04:19

I think they're pretty.

Matt Gilhooly
00:04:19

And I.

Matt Gilhooly
00:04:20

There's probably not a sport that I'm worse at than golf.

Shani Rigsbee
00:04:24

Me too.

Matt Gilhooly
00:04:25

It's pretty terrible.

Matt Gilhooly
00:04:26

Basketball is a close second, but I'm pretty terrible at golf to the point where I went to topgolf once and had a blister within, like the first five minutes, I think.

Shani Rigsbee
00:04:36

So it's a humbling experience, isn't it?

Matt Gilhooly
00:04:40

It is.

Matt Gilhooly
00:04:40

And then I'll never do it again.

Shani Rigsbee
00:04:41

That's right.

Matt Gilhooly
00:04:42

So that's great.

Shani Rigsbee
00:04:43

Yeah.

Matt Gilhooly
00:04:43

Yeah.

Matt Gilhooly
00:04:43

Well, thank you for wanting to be a part of the Life Shift podcast.

Matt Gilhooly
00:04:46

Shout out to Scott for connecting us and allowing for this conversation to unfold in the way that the universe wanted it to unfold.

Shani Rigsbee
00:04:54

That's so right.

Shani Rigsbee
00:04:55

And I'm so happy to be here with you.

Matt Gilhooly
00:04:57

Well, for anyone listening for the first time that's never listened to the Life Shift podcast before and is listening because Shani's on this show stems from my own personal experience.

Matt Gilhooly
00:05:07

When I was 8, my mom died in a motorcycle accident.

Matt Gilhooly
00:05:09

My parents were divorced, lived states away.

Matt Gilhooly
00:05:11

And at that moment when my dad had to sit me down and tell me that my mom had died, everything that anyone had ever envisioned for my life changed in that moment.

Matt Gilhooly
00:05:21

And it really was this life shifting moment that affected me for decades after that because of a really failed grief journey that I.

Matt Gilhooly
00:05:30

I like to affectionately call it.

Matt Gilhooly
00:05:32

And all that time in this was late 80s, early 90s, most people weren't talking about mental health.

Matt Gilhooly
00:05:38

They weren't talking about, like, grief and a kid.

Matt Gilhooly
00:05:41

Kid's gonna bounce back.

Matt Gilhooly
00:05:42

He'll be fine.

Matt Gilhooly
00:05:43

But in the behind the scenes, I was always wondering if other people had these moments, like, changed everything and turned everything upside down and made us a different person than maybe we were supposed to be.

Matt Gilhooly
00:05:55

And so I started this podcast and now I know that a lot of people do and that we have multiple life Shift moments in our lives.

Matt Gilhooly
00:06:03

And it's just really been this beautiful experience of hearing people's journeys, whether these are external things that have changed us, whether these are internal fires where people have just, like, quit a job one day and run off and done something else that they always dreamed of doing.

Matt Gilhooly
00:06:19

But it's just really been a journey of connection, if you will, and understanding that we have so much more in common than we have in our differences.

Matt Gilhooly
00:06:29

So I just.

Matt Gilhooly
00:06:30

I'm just so grateful for this and the ability to have conversations with essentially strangers who, by the end of this hour, we become closer friends.

Matt Gilhooly
00:06:40

So thank you for wanting to join this journey and thank you, everyone, for listening.

Shani Rigsbee
00:06:45

It's so powerful.

Shani Rigsbee
00:06:46

It's.

Shani Rigsbee
00:06:46

And I think it's so important to share, you know, some of our innermost struggles, because especially nowadays in social media, when everything is in sort of snippets and sound bites, people are putting their best lives.

Shani Rigsbee
00:07:00

I'm living my best life right on display.

Shani Rigsbee
00:07:02

But that's not real life.

Shani Rigsbee
00:07:04

It's really not.

Shani Rigsbee
00:07:05

So.

Shani Rigsbee
00:07:06

No.

Matt Gilhooly
00:07:06

And, you know, I was talking to someone else about this recently, and I was thinking, I can't relate to so many of those highlight reels that people share.

Matt Gilhooly
00:07:15

I can relate to when someone is vulnerable and someone is in a darker part or someone is in that valley.

Matt Gilhooly
00:07:23

Those are the moments that I connect the most.

Matt Gilhooly
00:07:25

And maybe that's my own trauma speaking, but I feel like that's where we're.

Matt Gilhooly
00:07:29

We're most connected as humans.

Shani Rigsbee
00:07:30

Yes.

Matt Gilhooly
00:07:31

And not so much in, like, I just won this award or I just got this promotion.

Matt Gilhooly
00:07:35

It's like, well, cool, but I can't relate.

Shani Rigsbee
00:07:38

It's so true.

Shani Rigsbee
00:07:39

And I also feel like so many people probably think what you think, which is a comparison of why am I not that happy?

Shani Rigsbee
00:07:47

Or why am I not in this.

Shani Rigsbee
00:07:49

This person seems to be in this state of bliss.

Shani Rigsbee
00:07:52

And sure, we all have moments, but I think the reality check is that most of us are running around, we're trying to take care of things and take care of people and your dependence and whatever all that is.

Shani Rigsbee
00:08:05

And sometimes it just appears that others are just living this life of.

Shani Rigsbee
00:08:10

It's all a highlight.

Shani Rigsbee
00:08:11

Right.

Shani Rigsbee
00:08:11

And I just.

Shani Rigsbee
00:08:13

I don't think that's healthy to keep in the world, especially for younger people thinking that that's what their life is supposed to be, too.

Shani Rigsbee
00:08:20

As adults, we need to kind of correct the record.

Shani Rigsbee
00:08:23

You know, that.

Shani Rigsbee
00:08:24

Remember, this is not all reality.

Shani Rigsbee
00:08:27

This is just social media.

Shani Rigsbee
00:08:28

It's almost like, you know those disclaimers when they say, well, try this at home or this is for entertainment purposes only.

Shani Rigsbee
00:08:35

I feel like it's almost like social media should say that this is for entertainment purposes only.

Shani Rigsbee
00:08:39

Don't take all this too seriously.

Matt Gilhooly
00:08:40

You know, do you think people are getting better, sharing their vulnerabilities?

Matt Gilhooly
00:08:44

Do you think it's less performative?

Shani Rigsbee
00:08:46

I would like to think so.

Shani Rigsbee
00:08:47

I mean, you.

Shani Rigsbee
00:08:48

I don't know your age, and you don't have to tell me, but we likely grew up in the Oprah era, right.

Shani Rigsbee
00:08:54

You know, and pre Oprah.

Shani Rigsbee
00:08:56

I think when I was a small child, people didn't talk about feelings people didn't talk about.

Shani Rigsbee
00:09:02

I mean, everybody went to school with a good face on.

Shani Rigsbee
00:09:05

I think that was pretty much expected.

Shani Rigsbee
00:09:07

And if you weren't, you were probably shuffled off to the counselor and sent away, you know, But I think that zeroing in on Oprah, because I feel like that was sort of one of the earlier talk shows where she kind of.

Shani Rigsbee
00:09:21

That was her thing, was to get you to talk, you know, and make people realize it was okay to talk about your vulnerabilities.

Shani Rigsbee
00:09:28

And then there were a lot of copycats after that, which maybe even did it better.

Shani Rigsbee
00:09:36

But that has changed society, I think.

Shani Rigsbee
00:09:39

And even for me, knowing that you have permission to talk about the things.

Matt Gilhooly
00:09:45

That aren't working, I hope people get more vulnerable and more, I think, showing the full human, I think, is just so valuable to.

Matt Gilhooly
00:09:54

To everyone else as well.

Matt Gilhooly
00:09:56

Including the storyteller.

Matt Gilhooly
00:09:58

Right.

Matt Gilhooly
00:09:58

Including the person sharing it.

Matt Gilhooly
00:10:00

Because you get it all out.

Matt Gilhooly
00:10:01

You just.

Matt Gilhooly
00:10:02

It's a lot to keep it all in and, you know, pretend everything is fine when really you're just being a human and life has ups and downs.

Shani Rigsbee
00:10:10

Yeah.

Shani Rigsbee
00:10:10

And honestly, I don't think that, you know, everyone can afford a therapist also, you know, they might think, well, gosh, I want to.

Shani Rigsbee
00:10:18

I feel like I need to process, but I don't have the money to go to a therapist and commit to 10 sessions or whatever that would be.

Shani Rigsbee
00:10:26

Right.

Shani Rigsbee
00:10:26

And so you need to be able to find outlets.

Shani Rigsbee
00:10:30

It could be with the closest friends or family member, but it could also be with a total stranger.

Shani Rigsbee
00:10:35

That just makes you feel safe and unjudged.

Shani Rigsbee
00:10:38

Right.

Shani Rigsbee
00:10:38

And whatever that is, people need to be able to find that.

Matt Gilhooly
00:10:43

Well, I appreciate going down this little rabbit hole with me.

Matt Gilhooly
00:10:46

I think it's so valuable.

Matt Gilhooly
00:10:47

I think vulnerability is.

Matt Gilhooly
00:10:50

Is a strength, I think, for a lot of.

Matt Gilhooly
00:10:52

I think we should look at that in that way.

Matt Gilhooly
00:10:55

But let's get into you.

Matt Gilhooly
00:10:56

Maybe you can tell us a little bit about who you are in 2024.

Matt Gilhooly
00:11:00

Without maybe giving away too much of your story.

Shani Rigsbee
00:11:03

Me in 2024?

Shani Rigsbee
00:11:05

Well, I'm.

Shani Rigsbee
00:11:06

I am a recording artist.

Shani Rigsbee
00:11:08

I'm a performer, songwriter.

Shani Rigsbee
00:11:11

I have ventured into producing, so I produce.

Shani Rigsbee
00:11:15

Produced a feature film that came out about a month ago, and.

Shani Rigsbee
00:11:20

But in my personal life, I'm a happy daughter, wife, and mom to dogs and horses.

Shani Rigsbee
00:11:32

And I try to juggle all of that as best as I can because it's all important, you know, it's all important.

Shani Rigsbee
00:11:38

My personal life obviously comes first, but trying to be successful and remain successful in my business life requires a lot of balance, and I don't have that down yet.

Shani Rigsbee
00:11:51

Just saying.

Shani Rigsbee
00:11:52

But that's what I try to do.

Shani Rigsbee
00:11:55

That's sort of my snapshot of where I'm at in 2024.

Matt Gilhooly
00:11:59

Yeah.

Matt Gilhooly
00:12:00

What does success look like for you?

Shani Rigsbee
00:12:03

So success is not, believe it or not, all monetary or fame.

Shani Rigsbee
00:12:08

For me, it's really more.

Shani Rigsbee
00:12:11

I don't want to sound hokey, but it's like having that privilege to be able to work on projects that you respect, not that you're forced to do because you just need to get paid, but that you respect or that you might be able to implement and develop yourself.

Shani Rigsbee
00:12:28

And then.

Shani Rigsbee
00:12:29

And then.

Shani Rigsbee
00:12:30

And then, you know, sort of in parallel with that, working with people that you admire and want to surround yourself with, and that can be in music or in film for me, so.

Shani Rigsbee
00:12:41

And then get paid for that, you know, on whatever scale that helps you live a comfortable life like that.

Shani Rigsbee
00:12:47

All of that is success to me, because if you could be making a lot of money at something that you just didn't feel yourself in your own skin, this is not what I should be doing.

Shani Rigsbee
00:12:57

Right.

Shani Rigsbee
00:12:58

So to me, one could say, well, you're financially making.

Shani Rigsbee
00:13:01

But that's, to me, not success.

Shani Rigsbee
00:13:03

Right.

Matt Gilhooly
00:13:04

Yeah.

Matt Gilhooly
00:13:04

I mean, I think the.

Matt Gilhooly
00:13:05

Like, the goal for me is if I can show up 85% of the time and be happy about showing up and, you know, and then pay my bills and all those things, but, like, 85% of the time, I'm happy about it.

Matt Gilhooly
00:13:16

You're not gonna have a great time all the time.

Matt Gilhooly
00:13:18

Even the projects you love could be challenging.

Shani Rigsbee
00:13:21

That's right.

Shani Rigsbee
00:13:22

Oh, absolutely.

Shani Rigsbee
00:13:23

That too.

Shani Rigsbee
00:13:23

You know, and then you.

Shani Rigsbee
00:13:24

But you're learning about yourself when that happens.

Shani Rigsbee
00:13:26

So that's.

Shani Rigsbee
00:13:27

That's part of that constant development as a human, too.

Shani Rigsbee
00:13:31

You know, you have to allow for some of that to creep in because you're removing a layer you didn't really maybe know you had, or you need to push through.

Matt Gilhooly
00:13:40

Yeah.

Matt Gilhooly
00:13:41

Well, I love the fact that you said you don't have it all down yet.

Matt Gilhooly
00:13:44

No, because that just shows that, you know, that's that vulnerability layer that's like, I'm still trying to figure this out.

Matt Gilhooly
00:13:50

I'm still trying to figure out who I am in this version of my life as I, as I move through and find what success looks like.

Matt Gilhooly
00:13:56

So I love that and just keep evolving, really.

Matt Gilhooly
00:14:00

I think that's the goal, right?

Matt Gilhooly
00:14:01

You don't want to get stuck.

Shani Rigsbee
00:14:03

It's so important.

Shani Rigsbee
00:14:04

And you know, I struggle with even my own kind of personal balance, you know, when not to get frustrated, when it's okay to get frustrated.

Shani Rigsbee
00:14:16

You know, trying to control your stress.

Shani Rigsbee
00:14:18

And stress comes from frustration from not being able to control.

Shani Rigsbee
00:14:23

And I go out of body, you know, like, you know, like, I gotta fix it all.

Shani Rigsbee
00:14:28

And then in reality it's like, you can't, you can't fix it all.

Shani Rigsbee
00:14:31

I mean, I could go outside and maybe my car won't start.

Shani Rigsbee
00:14:34

Like, whose fault is that, right?

Shani Rigsbee
00:14:36

So you gotta find that way.

Shani Rigsbee
00:14:37

I always think it's interesting when doctors especially will say, you know, how to manage your stress.

Shani Rigsbee
00:14:43

It's like, well, who doesn't want stressful, right?

Shani Rigsbee
00:14:47

Who doesn't want to manage their stress?

Shani Rigsbee
00:14:49

But, so that's the, you know, that's the hurdle every day.

Matt Gilhooly
00:14:55

I can't help but think that your life has kind of taught you these lessons and the way that you approach it.

Matt Gilhooly
00:15:01

So, and maybe I'm assuming wrong, but I can't help but think that.

Matt Gilhooly
00:15:05

So maybe you could kind of paint the picture of what your life was like leading up to these pivotal moments that we're going to kind of center today's conversation around and you go back as far as you need to.

Shani Rigsbee
00:15:15

Well, I mean, if I go back to my sort of early mid-20s, I would say I still had on the sort of rose colored glasses that I thought the world was my oyster, you know, and it's all laid out for me and it's just a matter of time.

Shani Rigsbee
00:15:32

And that's that period, which is, it's a good period because, you know, being an optimist helps you accomplish things.

Shani Rigsbee
00:15:42

You know, if we sat back and thought of everything that's going to go wrong, we might never leave our bedroom.

Shani Rigsbee
00:15:48

So having that sort of mindset is good, but at the same time it's also not realistic, you know, so certain things will happen to you at one point or another, will happen to every individual.

Shani Rigsbee
00:16:02

We may all, may not all experience the same things, but that, you know, Period of loss or grief or extreme shock.

Shani Rigsbee
00:16:13

You know, certain things like that are going to eventually happen to each of us.

Shani Rigsbee
00:16:16

And it happened to me in my mid-20s when I absolutely least expected it.

Matt Gilhooly
00:16:22

So you said growing up, did you have these rose colored glasses?

Matt Gilhooly
00:16:26

Did your parents, your mom and dad, like, give you those glasses?

Shani Rigsbee
00:16:29

I just had.

Shani Rigsbee
00:16:31

I don't want to say it was a perfect childhood, but I mean, I had a really lovely small town, happy childhood.

Shani Rigsbee
00:16:40

My parents, I was an only child.

Shani Rigsbee
00:16:43

My parents said one was enough.

Shani Rigsbee
00:16:45

So I'm sorry.

Matt Gilhooly
00:16:46

Same.

Shani Rigsbee
00:16:47

Not really sure what happened there, but after me it was quite enough.

Shani Rigsbee
00:16:51

So I apologize for that, mom.

Shani Rigsbee
00:16:54

But at the same time, I grew up in Hot Springs, Arkansas and it was a really pretty place, beautiful place, safe place, and played with kids out on our bikes and on the street and all that kind of stuff.

Shani Rigsbee
00:17:08

So I just had a really great growing up experience until I sort of moved to Los Angeles in pursuit of the skills I wanted to develop more and go for.

Shani Rigsbee
00:17:21

So, yeah, I think just it wasn't so much that I was sheltered, it just was kind of a simple life, you know.

Matt Gilhooly
00:17:29

Were you supported?

Matt Gilhooly
00:17:30

Like, was it something where it was like, hey, mom and dad, I have this dream of xyz.

Matt Gilhooly
00:17:35

And they were like, yeah, you could do anything you put your mind to.

Matt Gilhooly
00:17:39

Or was it like, be more realistic?

Shani Rigsbee
00:17:41

Yes, I was really fortunate because I was that kid that would do like the shows in her, you know, garage and make the neighbors come and watch and do stuff like that.

Shani Rigsbee
00:17:51

And, you know, and then as I got a little older in school, I got more involved in school activities.

Shani Rigsbee
00:17:55

But I knew from a really young age that I was a performer and what I was going to develop and do in my, in my adult life, I knew.

Shani Rigsbee
00:18:03

So my parents had every opportunity to steer me away from it and they never did.

Shani Rigsbee
00:18:07

But they just kind of wanted me to do well as a kid, as a teenager, you know, wanted me to do well in school and participate and be involved in those things.

Shani Rigsbee
00:18:17

And given that I didn't have too many opportunities to really pursue a profession in the arts, that was really what I had to do, you know.

Shani Rigsbee
00:18:26

But no, they never discouraged me.

Shani Rigsbee
00:18:28

So again, that's that kind of rose colored glass, you know, my future is ahead of me and it's all going to be bright and wonderful.

Matt Gilhooly
00:18:34

Yeah, there was no shutdown on any area.

Matt Gilhooly
00:18:36

It wasn't, you know, because I, I think mine, you know, having lost a parent that early in my life, most of my decisions were fear based, they were failure based, they were abandonment Based.

Matt Gilhooly
00:18:49

So like, for me, I can't relate to a rose colored glasses situation because I always felt like, well, if I, if I'm in your shoes, if I go to LA and want to do what happens if I don't?

Matt Gilhooly
00:19:01

There was, there was always like, happens.

Matt Gilhooly
00:19:02

If not when I get there, all these things will happen.

Matt Gilhooly
00:19:07

So it's just so fascinating to me to hear that people exist where their parents.

Matt Gilhooly
00:19:12

Not that my dad told me those things, but like, you just seem like you were supported and it was like, go off, go do big things, Go, you know, build your future.

Shani Rigsbee
00:19:22

Yes.

Shani Rigsbee
00:19:22

And I.

Shani Rigsbee
00:19:23

And it just tugs at my heart, you know, knowing your situation, because I don't know anything other than what my experience was at that time.

Shani Rigsbee
00:19:35

And that's why I think sort of everyone has a path.

Shani Rigsbee
00:19:38

Because I probably wouldn't be the person I am now if I didn't have that to prepare me for what happened later, which then pushed me to the next step in my life.

Shani Rigsbee
00:19:50

Right.

Shani Rigsbee
00:19:50

So it's like each period in time is what helped me evolve to where I am now, which again, as we said, we're still learning every day.

Shani Rigsbee
00:20:00

But the things that I'm most proud of, that I've accomplished were all steps that were informed by what happened prior.

Matt Gilhooly
00:20:09

You know, but here's the situation.

Matt Gilhooly
00:20:12

We'll go more into your story, but like, you and I, different stories, but I can relate to that experience because had that trauma not happen to me, I would not be this version.

Matt Gilhooly
00:20:24

And I like this version and all the things that I've done because of that, because of the opportunities that came because of that tragic moment.

Matt Gilhooly
00:20:32

So, you know, I think that it's very similar.

Matt Gilhooly
00:20:35

Yours didn't start that way, but because it started in the way that it did, things evolved in that way.

Matt Gilhooly
00:20:42

So I mean, it's, it's all relatable.

Matt Gilhooly
00:20:44

Our stories are relatable and they don't have to be any what similar, you know, in that sense I think of.

Shani Rigsbee
00:20:50

Because what you're doing is so important and keeping these kinds of discussions in the forefront.

Shani Rigsbee
00:20:56

And I similarly, I believe, to your situation.

Shani Rigsbee
00:21:01

I really admire Anderson Cooper because he went through a similar scenario and he has a whole, you know, dedicated part of his life on grief and on loss and forcing people to kind of come to terms with it and, you know, meaning, don't keep it in the shadows, don't keep it buried.

Shani Rigsbee
00:21:22

And you know, so here he is with his platform and he still feels compelled to share.

Shani Rigsbee
00:21:29

Right.

Shani Rigsbee
00:21:29

As you do.

Shani Rigsbee
00:21:30

And so I think of people and how it still continues.

Shani Rigsbee
00:21:35

It still selfishly helps us too, though, because you never sort of stop processing, right?

Shani Rigsbee
00:21:40

So as much as you're trying to help others, you're also kind of still, still every day with you.

Shani Rigsbee
00:21:45

And you're kind of helping and reminding yourself, hey, I'm not alone in these things.

Shani Rigsbee
00:21:49

So, yeah, I think I'm a better version of myself than I probably would have been otherwise.

Shani Rigsbee
00:21:56

I'm certain of it.

Matt Gilhooly
00:21:57

Well, and that's a good outlook at this point too, when we evolve.

Matt Gilhooly
00:22:01

So you said rose colored glasses.

Matt Gilhooly
00:22:04

Rose colored glasses, mid-20s.

Matt Gilhooly
00:22:06

Things are, you're.

Matt Gilhooly
00:22:08

You're feeling like you're chasing your dreams and whatever that looks like, but then life maybe changes the tint of those glasses.

Matt Gilhooly
00:22:16

What, what happened in that experience as you were chasing.

Shani Rigsbee
00:22:19

So when I was 26 years old, I was, I was kind of experiencing some pain and I went to my doctor and, and the doctor kind of downplayed it, but did some tests and said, you know, we'll do some stuff.

Shani Rigsbee
00:22:34

He comes back and then he says, well, I think we need to do this surgery because you've got, you know, big growth and we need to take it out and all of that.

Shani Rigsbee
00:22:42

Well, anytime someone tells you you need to have surgery, right, you go for a second opinion usually.

Shani Rigsbee
00:22:47

So I did.

Shani Rigsbee
00:22:49

And that kind of sent me on this sort of medical crisis mode.

Shani Rigsbee
00:22:54

Everything in my life stopped, all the things I was working on stopped, and it was all focused on trying to get the right help medically.

Shani Rigsbee
00:23:03

I went through many twists and turns with doctors, but ultimately ended up with a surgeon who split the difference between one that wanted to do something very radical and the other one that was really downplaying it all, oh, you're too young to have cancer.

Shani Rigsbee
00:23:19

You're, you know, all of that sort of stuff.

Shani Rigsbee
00:23:22

And so I went with the one that was kind of splitting the difference.

Shani Rigsbee
00:23:25

And sure enough, I did a surgery which was more of an exploratory one, to sample and see what was going on.

Shani Rigsbee
00:23:34

And I got the call that, you know, come to the office and we'll talk about it.

Shani Rigsbee
00:23:39

So that didn't sound too good.

Shani Rigsbee
00:23:42

And bring your parents or, you know, whatever.

Shani Rigsbee
00:23:45

So I brought my parents and my boyfriend at the time, and that's when they informed me that I had ovarian cancer.

Shani Rigsbee
00:23:54

And I didn't know anything about ovarian cancer.

Shani Rigsbee
00:23:57

I didn't know anything about it.

Shani Rigsbee
00:23:59

And so they just said, you know, we're going to do a really quick radical surgery within a week and it's a complete hysterectomy.

Matt Gilhooly
00:24:09

Basically in your 20s.

Shani Rigsbee
00:24:12

Yes.

Shani Rigsbee
00:24:12

26 years old.

Shani Rigsbee
00:24:14

So that pretty much.

Shani Rigsbee
00:24:15

So now you're being told that, you know, you have cancer, you have ovarian cancer, we're going to operate.

Shani Rigsbee
00:24:22

So that sounded hopeful.

Shani Rigsbee
00:24:24

But this operation is also going to completely change your entire trajectory of your life as a woman because you won't be able to have children.

Shani Rigsbee
00:24:32

Now who's thinking about that?

Shani Rigsbee
00:24:33

I mean, at that point, you know.

Shani Rigsbee
00:24:36

Well, I shouldn't say who because some people actually know they want to start families early.

Shani Rigsbee
00:24:39

So.

Shani Rigsbee
00:24:40

But in my case, it's like, huh, Right.

Matt Gilhooly
00:24:42

I wasn't ready to think about those things yet.

Matt Gilhooly
00:24:44

Right, right.

Matt Gilhooly
00:24:45

You.

Matt Gilhooly
00:24:45

It wasn't.

Matt Gilhooly
00:24:46

Yeah.

Matt Gilhooly
00:24:46

Wasn't part of.

Matt Gilhooly
00:24:47

You were still chasing the other things.

Shani Rigsbee
00:24:48

In my career path and the things I wanted to accomplish first and took it for granted that it would be there.

Shani Rigsbee
00:24:55

But.

Shani Rigsbee
00:24:55

So I didn't even have a chance to completely grieve on that because I'm scared about just being alive.

Shani Rigsbee
00:25:05

Am I going to actually survive this whole thing?

Shani Rigsbee
00:25:09

And then I want to be strong for my parents.

Shani Rigsbee
00:25:11

You know, it's just like all that.

Shani Rigsbee
00:25:14

I don't want them to be crushed.

Shani Rigsbee
00:25:15

So I'm trying to be strong for them.

Shani Rigsbee
00:25:16

And then it's just.

Shani Rigsbee
00:25:18

So I had about a week to get ready for this.

Shani Rigsbee
00:25:22

And you know, if you've ever had a surgery, you know, they kind of do that whole three days before you kind of have to start eating less and on liquid and all those things.

Shani Rigsbee
00:25:31

So, you know, right away you're being sent pre op instructions and here's what's going to happen.

Shani Rigsbee
00:25:37

And you just don't even have time to mentally deal with it.

Shani Rigsbee
00:25:41

But a few days in and we didn't have the Internet, like you couldn't go on and like Google ovarian cancer like we all do now, it's like, I have a headache.

Shani Rigsbee
00:25:50

Oh my gosh.

Shani Rigsbee
00:25:50

What does that mean?

Shani Rigsbee
00:25:51

You know, we Google everything.

Shani Rigsbee
00:25:52

I couldn't do that.

Shani Rigsbee
00:25:53

I had nothing.

Shani Rigsbee
00:25:54

So I just kind of remember what did I do even.

Shani Rigsbee
00:25:58

I mean, maybe I went to the library.

Shani Rigsbee
00:26:00

I'm not really sure how I studied what ovarian cancer was, but one thing I learned was it was extremely serious and the survival rate wasn't great.

Shani Rigsbee
00:26:11

So I didn't want to fixate on that at all.

Shani Rigsbee
00:26:14

But I processed with a couple of close friends.

Shani Rigsbee
00:26:17

One gave me a wonderful book at the time.

Shani Rigsbee
00:26:19

It was written by a person called Bernie Siegel.

Shani Rigsbee
00:26:21

It was called Love, Medicine and Miracles.

Shani Rigsbee
00:26:23

She said, promise me you read this book.

Shani Rigsbee
00:26:26

Well, when do I have time?

Shani Rigsbee
00:26:27

Okay?

Shani Rigsbee
00:26:28

So I.

Shani Rigsbee
00:26:29

But I I promised her I would.

Shani Rigsbee
00:26:31

And it was very powerful.

Shani Rigsbee
00:26:32

And bottom line to it was just that the mental state that you should be in approaching a surgery is very important.

Shani Rigsbee
00:26:40

You have to play your role with the doctor.

Shani Rigsbee
00:26:43

My role is I'm going in strong, I'm going in owning this.

Shani Rigsbee
00:26:48

I'm going in with the white light protection on my body and my power given to the surgeon to fix whatever he can.

Shani Rigsbee
00:26:55

That's my job.

Shani Rigsbee
00:26:57

So I shifted to your point.

Shani Rigsbee
00:27:01

Always is.

Shani Rigsbee
00:27:02

Right at this moment, my job is to shift into guiding this surgeon with the positive energy that I have.

Shani Rigsbee
00:27:10

And that was what I had to do to get to that place.

Matt Gilhooly
00:27:15

Step one, did the growing up and the rose colored glasses, like I can do this, did that help in that journey?

Shani Rigsbee
00:27:25

Extremely.

Shani Rigsbee
00:27:26

Because you have to realize at that moment I did have mom and dad by my side.

Shani Rigsbee
00:27:31

I had my boyfriend by my side who I was living with at the time.

Shani Rigsbee
00:27:34

And we were all very close.

Shani Rigsbee
00:27:36

So I was completely enveloped.

Shani Rigsbee
00:27:39

Even though no matter what anyone says, you still feel extremely alone.

Shani Rigsbee
00:27:44

You feel like, you know, it's that moment when time feels like it stopped and that kind of things are moving, but, you know, very, very slowly.

Shani Rigsbee
00:27:54

I felt so alone, but I knew I was protected.

Shani Rigsbee
00:27:59

I had a team that was there to be with me.

Shani Rigsbee
00:28:03

That's why I had to do the work to do that work.

Shani Rigsbee
00:28:06

Within.

Matt Gilhooly
00:28:08

But you had like a week.

Shani Rigsbee
00:28:09

Yeah, exactly.

Shani Rigsbee
00:28:11

Within.

Shani Rigsbee
00:28:12

I had to.

Shani Rigsbee
00:28:13

Now I have to step up.

Shani Rigsbee
00:28:14

It's not everybody's arms are around me, but I have to step up from within because this is my job.

Matt Gilhooly
00:28:21

Yeah.

Matt Gilhooly
00:28:22

That feels like a lot of pressure and I feel like it served you well that you had this positive energy going into it, like built up for 20 something years.

Matt Gilhooly
00:28:34

That was just you.

Matt Gilhooly
00:28:36

Because I think there are a lot of people that.

Matt Gilhooly
00:28:39

That diagnosis in itself is very defeating.

Matt Gilhooly
00:28:43

Right.

Matt Gilhooly
00:28:43

Because you're just like, you can internalize that however you can.

Matt Gilhooly
00:28:48

What did I do?

Matt Gilhooly
00:28:49

How does this happen?

Matt Gilhooly
00:28:49

You didn't have the tools.

Matt Gilhooly
00:28:51

Maybe it was good you couldn't go to WebMD because could have been worse.

Matt Gilhooly
00:28:56

You know, like we catastrophize sometimes those things.

Matt Gilhooly
00:28:59

But like I, I think about these things.

Matt Gilhooly
00:29:01

Like If I were 20 something and got that, I don't think I would have been able to.

Matt Gilhooly
00:29:07

I mean, maybe I would.

Matt Gilhooly
00:29:08

We never know until we hit these situations.

Matt Gilhooly
00:29:10

But just knowing my, my psyche at the time, that's very mature of you to kind of move into the space and to own it and then feel like this, this positive responsibility to, to manifest, if you will, something positive to come from this situation.

Shani Rigsbee
00:29:27

Yes, I, again, I, I think it does go back to having good people around you that are good influences at the moment that you need them.

Shani Rigsbee
00:29:36

And again, it could be a stranger, it could be a close friend, but sometimes you, you need to hear something that triggers.

Shani Rigsbee
00:29:45

And that moment of like, when my friend told me to read the book, it was something I could do, right.

Shani Rigsbee
00:29:52

I couldn't, didn't have to sit and focus on, why me, poor me, why is this happening?

Shani Rigsbee
00:29:57

What if I do right?

Shani Rigsbee
00:29:58

What if.

Shani Rigsbee
00:29:59

But here's someone's giving me something to do.

Shani Rigsbee
00:30:02

And reading this book set me up for at least feeling like I was participating.

Shani Rigsbee
00:30:08

Now, whether, whether it helped the surgeons, I don't know.

Shani Rigsbee
00:30:11

But I clearly survived that surgery and apparently they were very confident when they came out about how they approached it.

Shani Rigsbee
00:30:19

Which then sort of sets you up on another path.

Shani Rigsbee
00:30:23

Right.

Shani Rigsbee
00:30:23

Because it doesn't just stop there.

Shani Rigsbee
00:30:25

But that was like giving me a directive and I needed that.

Shani Rigsbee
00:30:30

I needed something to do rather than play victim.

Shani Rigsbee
00:30:36

I needed that.

Matt Gilhooly
00:30:37

It's very easy to play victim.

Matt Gilhooly
00:30:39

So kudos to you for that 26 or 20 mid-20s version of you to take on that responsibility in the way that you did.

Matt Gilhooly
00:30:47

Because I think of myself and I'm like, I don't, I don't know that I could have handled that.

Matt Gilhooly
00:30:53

But I mean, that probably helped.

Matt Gilhooly
00:30:56

Something stuck out, though, when you said you had to, you felt like you had to make sure your parents were okay.

Matt Gilhooly
00:31:01

Do you think that affected you in a positive or negative way?

Matt Gilhooly
00:31:04

Because I know that's a big responsibility that sometimes we as children take on.

Shani Rigsbee
00:31:08

Yes.

Shani Rigsbee
00:31:08

I mean, you know, even though, again, I don't have children, but I think I just understood innately that that would be crushing to know that your kid, you could, you could possibly lose your kid, you know, and so I wanted to be strong for them and let them know that I was okay with, with how this was going to go down.

Shani Rigsbee
00:31:33

I knew they were trying hard to help me find the right doctors and I was so grateful to be able to have insurance and the things that we, I mean, don't get me started on that, but I'm sure we'll cover, I'm sure we'll cover the.

Shani Rigsbee
00:31:46

What happened next.

Shani Rigsbee
00:31:47

But, you know, I was so grateful to have that support all the way around that the last thing I wanted to do was show kind of weakness that I'm falling apart over it, you know?

Matt Gilhooly
00:31:58

Yeah.

Matt Gilhooly
00:31:59

And it wouldn't have served you well either, showing weakness that you were falling apart.

Matt Gilhooly
00:32:02

So I think I Think all in the end, it makes sense.

Matt Gilhooly
00:32:05

It probably helped you.

Matt Gilhooly
00:32:07

Like you said, you survived that particular surgery.

Matt Gilhooly
00:32:10

But what.

Matt Gilhooly
00:32:11

What you hinted at more that came from that.

Matt Gilhooly
00:32:14

What?

Matt Gilhooly
00:32:14

Because I could imagine now you survived that surgery.

Matt Gilhooly
00:32:17

Hysterectomy probably changes how you feel, how you move through the world.

Matt Gilhooly
00:32:23

Is that true or.

Matt Gilhooly
00:32:24

Poor assumption.

Shani Rigsbee
00:32:26

So here's a little interesting thing.

Shani Rigsbee
00:32:28

You're a male, but, you know, you obviously know menopause, right?

Shani Rigsbee
00:32:32

So you get thrown into what's called, you know, it's.

Shani Rigsbee
00:32:36

It's.

Shani Rigsbee
00:32:36

It's a technical, immediate menopause.

Shani Rigsbee
00:32:38

You have.

Shani Rigsbee
00:32:39

These organs are not in you anymore that are regulating your estrogen levels.

Shani Rigsbee
00:32:44

And so all the things that women experience later in life happen to me right away.

Shani Rigsbee
00:32:50

Surgically induced menopause.

Shani Rigsbee
00:32:52

So, you know, they're coming at you like, okay, you're going to immediately start to experience hot flashes, and stuff is going to start to happen, and we're going to put you on hormones to help regulate that, but we can't do it immediately because you're healing from this surgery.

Shani Rigsbee
00:33:09

So got to let your body kind of.

Shani Rigsbee
00:33:11

So, I mean, I went home to recover from the hysterectomy, which most people will tell you it's pretty big surgery.

Shani Rigsbee
00:33:19

You know, you're kind of doubled over and all that.

Matt Gilhooly
00:33:22

For some weeks, they're removing organs.

Shani Rigsbee
00:33:24

Removing organs.

Shani Rigsbee
00:33:25

Like a big cutting your nerves, all of that stuff.

Shani Rigsbee
00:33:27

So it's pretty intense.

Shani Rigsbee
00:33:30

Because I was young, though, my body healed quickly.

Shani Rigsbee
00:33:33

That was good.

Shani Rigsbee
00:33:34

But they prepare you for it.

Shani Rigsbee
00:33:35

Hey, this could be six weeks of pretty much discomfort.

Shani Rigsbee
00:33:40

But what was really wild was having those hot flashes.

Shani Rigsbee
00:33:43

I mean, I was just absolutely wet, you know, from head to toe when I would sleep.

Shani Rigsbee
00:33:49

And so it was just all of this, like, what is happening to me?

Shani Rigsbee
00:33:54

Right?

Shani Rigsbee
00:33:54

It's just the weirdest, craziest.

Shani Rigsbee
00:33:57

So you're mentally like, okay, I've just had a hysterectomy, but I am sweating and I am uncomfortable.

Shani Rigsbee
00:34:04

And like, so there are all of these things that are happening.

Shani Rigsbee
00:34:07

You don't know what to focus on.

Shani Rigsbee
00:34:09

Should you focus on the now and the body?

Shani Rigsbee
00:34:11

Should you focus on your mental grief?

Shani Rigsbee
00:34:13

Should you focus on the fact that someone's told you that you have cancer?

Shani Rigsbee
00:34:16

You know, it's.

Shani Rigsbee
00:34:18

It's the now.

Shani Rigsbee
00:34:19

It's like the what ifs.

Shani Rigsbee
00:34:22

So many things going on at the same time.

Shani Rigsbee
00:34:24

And then again, your whole life just stopped.

Shani Rigsbee
00:34:26

Everything you were in pursuit of and doing stopped.

Shani Rigsbee
00:34:30

You're not talking to those people.

Shani Rigsbee
00:34:31

You're just getting through the day, you know, So I remember those.

Shani Rigsbee
00:34:35

Those days of like, this is nuts, you know, and, and why is this happening?

Shani Rigsbee
00:34:41

But I again, you know, was with my family and just wanted to get better, get stronger.

Shani Rigsbee
00:34:48

And that was my focus.

Shani Rigsbee
00:34:50

Just get better, get stronger and not go into the negative.

Shani Rigsbee
00:34:54

Don't go there.

Shani Rigsbee
00:34:56

And so I really, that whole, you know, when they talk about like people that are in 12 step programs and stuff, like, don't get ahead of yourself.

Shani Rigsbee
00:35:03

Don't, you know, get it out in front of your skis and all that, just get through today.

Shani Rigsbee
00:35:07

Just get through the next hour.

Shani Rigsbee
00:35:09

Just get through, you know.

Shani Rigsbee
00:35:10

And that's what I started doing.

Shani Rigsbee
00:35:11

I was just like, just going to get through the day, you know, and be grateful for one more day.

Shani Rigsbee
00:35:16

I'm here, you know, and be blessed that, you know, feel this feeling that I'm good.

Shani Rigsbee
00:35:22

My mom made me a great meal and I'm here with my family.

Shani Rigsbee
00:35:26

I'm here, I'm, you know, this is, this is progress.

Shani Rigsbee
00:35:29

So that daily sort of thing was what I had to rely on for a while.

Matt Gilhooly
00:35:35

Does that start to snowball in a, in a good way?

Matt Gilhooly
00:35:38

Does that start to, like, build on itself?

Matt Gilhooly
00:35:41

And then sooner rather than later, it's like, oh, I do feel stronger, I do feel better, I do move into the world.

Shani Rigsbee
00:35:48

Yes, very much so.

Shani Rigsbee
00:35:50

And again, that power of the mind stayed with me.

Shani Rigsbee
00:35:54

That don't fall into that pit.

Shani Rigsbee
00:35:56

Now, I'm not going to say that I didn't cry.

Shani Rigsbee
00:35:58

Of course I cried.

Shani Rigsbee
00:36:00

Of course I had moments.

Shani Rigsbee
00:36:02

It would creep in and then I would let myself feel it and okay, that's gotta go, that's gotta go.

Shani Rigsbee
00:36:07

That's just not gonna help me out.

Shani Rigsbee
00:36:08

It's like, feel it, let it happen.

Shani Rigsbee
00:36:12

We're not gonna stay there, though.

Matt Gilhooly
00:36:14

That's the key is to acknowledge it and to let it happen and then to dismiss it.

Matt Gilhooly
00:36:21

So many people stop it from happening, which just makes it worse.

Shani Rigsbee
00:36:26

It does make it worse.

Matt Gilhooly
00:36:27

I did that for a long time.

Shani Rigsbee
00:36:28

You really need to feel what you're feeling, otherwise it's going to happen when you don't want it to be right.

Matt Gilhooly
00:36:34

It's going to happen and it will be worse.

Shani Rigsbee
00:36:35

Yeah, it's not going to be good.

Shani Rigsbee
00:36:36

So I think I just felt like, okay, I feel like crying.

Shani Rigsbee
00:36:40

I feel like having a bad day right now.

Shani Rigsbee
00:36:43

But then you get just that whole, I'm sick of being sick and tired.

Shani Rigsbee
00:36:48

I'm like sick of this.

Shani Rigsbee
00:36:50

So I'm going to.

Shani Rigsbee
00:36:51

And I got there.

Shani Rigsbee
00:36:52

I did, I got there.

Shani Rigsbee
00:36:53

And once I could physically stand upright and function, I was able to go back to my home.

Shani Rigsbee
00:37:01

And you start making, taking those calls again and people are checking on you and people are sharing.

Shani Rigsbee
00:37:09

I remember a photographer that I had worked with said, I have someone I think you need to talk to again.

Shani Rigsbee
00:37:17

Total stranger.

Shani Rigsbee
00:37:18

Loved the connection I had with this woman over the phone.

Shani Rigsbee
00:37:21

We didn't have this sort of ability to see each other at that time.

Shani Rigsbee
00:37:25

She would live somewhere else.

Shani Rigsbee
00:37:26

We had the most lovely conversation that only she and I could understand.

Shani Rigsbee
00:37:32

It was just like, no matter how much my family and friends love me, this woman gets it.

Shani Rigsbee
00:37:37

And so she shared some incredible stuff with me that I was like, okay.

Shani Rigsbee
00:37:42

And, you know, gave me more books to read or more things to like, focus on.

Shani Rigsbee
00:37:48

And I just thought, this woman is powerful, she's so special, and if I can be anything like her, how cool will that be, you know?

Shani Rigsbee
00:37:58

And this was a total stranger.

Shani Rigsbee
00:38:01

So, you know, again, that's that, like developing as a person.

Shani Rigsbee
00:38:07

And now that rose colored glass thing, they're still rosy, but it's all different now.

Shani Rigsbee
00:38:13

Like what you're seeking becomes different.

Shani Rigsbee
00:38:16

You know, the path of what you're going to do sort of starts to shift a little bit, you know, and.

Matt Gilhooly
00:38:24

The definition of different things, like what success looks like, what the future looks like, those are all not necessarily moved in a bad way, but moved in a different way.

Matt Gilhooly
00:38:34

Because your experience now informs how you see those things, I would imagine.

Shani Rigsbee
00:38:39

Yes.

Matt Gilhooly
00:38:39

Because that's.

Matt Gilhooly
00:38:40

I mean, you.

Matt Gilhooly
00:38:41

That's essentially if we want to be like, if we want to pinpoint it, that's like a.

Matt Gilhooly
00:38:46

If you had not mentioned that pain right to someone, it could have turned worse.

Matt Gilhooly
00:38:54

It's like a life and death kind of pivot in your life in which you listened to yourself, said something, you advocated for yourself, you found the route that made the most sense with the dire situation you were facing.

Matt Gilhooly
00:39:07

And your mindset through this whole thing is like this positive snowball.

Matt Gilhooly
00:39:12

If we're sticking with that effect of like bringing you to this new version of yourself where you're seeing things, things differently, creating.

Matt Gilhooly
00:39:19

But yet I see it all as this.

Matt Gilhooly
00:39:21

Like, yes, you had your tough moments, but like all this positivity.

Matt Gilhooly
00:39:25

If you.

Matt Gilhooly
00:39:26

Not like toxic, but in a way that is serving you because you're doing the best you can with what you have.

Shani Rigsbee
00:39:32

It's so true.

Shani Rigsbee
00:39:33

And I felt like.

Shani Rigsbee
00:39:35

I felt like I grew up, you know, I might have been 26, but I felt like I grew up suddenly and in a different way of what it meant to kind of.

Shani Rigsbee
00:39:48

You're now responsible for a lot of choices, and it's not just this is what I'm going to do, you know, this is what I'm going to pursue.

Shani Rigsbee
00:39:55

It's like I saw life and what life was about suddenly, you know, I hadn't had to make choices or come to terms with things the way that you did so early.

Shani Rigsbee
00:40:08

So now I'm that person that's seeing something that other people don't.

Shani Rigsbee
00:40:17

They're not experiencing what I just did.

Shani Rigsbee
00:40:19

And I have to make a choice.

Shani Rigsbee
00:40:21

Am I going to stay in the world and continue to function in the world?

Shani Rigsbee
00:40:27

And.

Shani Rigsbee
00:40:28

And.

Shani Rigsbee
00:40:28

And also the survivor's guilt is.

Shani Rigsbee
00:40:31

Was a really big thing because of the thing that I had was very rare to survive it.

Shani Rigsbee
00:40:40

You have a lot of feelings with that too.

Matt Gilhooly
00:40:43

Do you feel like you're living on, like, borrowed time or why me?

Matt Gilhooly
00:40:48

Or any of those?

Shani Rigsbee
00:40:49

Well, it's that and it's.

Shani Rigsbee
00:40:51

And it's.

Shani Rigsbee
00:40:53

Even if I'm not on borrowed time, even if I'm here and I get to live my life to the end, I mean, you know, long, happy lives.

Shani Rigsbee
00:41:02

Why me?

Shani Rigsbee
00:41:02

Why did I get.

Shani Rigsbee
00:41:03

Why did I.

Shani Rigsbee
00:41:04

Why was I chosen to stick around?

Shani Rigsbee
00:41:06

You know, so that's what I mean about sort of having to grow up mentally.

Shani Rigsbee
00:41:10

There was a lot of responsibility that suddenly lands on your shoulders that you got to make it all count.

Shani Rigsbee
00:41:17

Now it's.

Shani Rigsbee
00:41:17

It's your choices need to count.

Matt Gilhooly
00:41:20

Does that get overwhelming?

Matt Gilhooly
00:41:21

Does that put more pressure on you?

Matt Gilhooly
00:41:23

Does that.

Matt Gilhooly
00:41:24

What does that do to your psyche that seemingly feels like you're ready to move forward, but now you have this extra responsibility, this guilt of, like, other people couldn't do it, so do I have to live for them?

Matt Gilhooly
00:41:37

Is.

Shani Rigsbee
00:41:37

Yeah.

Shani Rigsbee
00:41:38

I mean, it's funny, I just.

Shani Rigsbee
00:41:39

When you asked me that, I flash back to this one moment pretty soon after my surgery, but I was still.

Shani Rigsbee
00:41:47

Was able to move around and go out in the world and stuff.

Shani Rigsbee
00:41:51

And I went and I shot this music video.

Shani Rigsbee
00:41:55

And I was not the featured singer, but I was in the band at that time.

Shani Rigsbee
00:42:00

And because I couldn't move around a lot, I was placed.

Shani Rigsbee
00:42:04

Was being shot on the beach.

Shani Rigsbee
00:42:05

So I was placed where I could sit on the sand and participate.

Shani Rigsbee
00:42:10

And because we're at the beach, I had sunglasses on.

Shani Rigsbee
00:42:13

And I remember it was a happy, happy, energetic song.

Shani Rigsbee
00:42:18

And I should feel like, imagine you're at the beach, just beautiful day, you know, waves are coming in and people around you that you like, and happy song.

Shani Rigsbee
00:42:28

No reason you should not feel good.

Shani Rigsbee
00:42:31

I had the glasses on it.

Shani Rigsbee
00:42:32

So kind of, you know, cosmically poetic.

Shani Rigsbee
00:42:36

I.

Shani Rigsbee
00:42:37

Tears are Running down my eyes during this whole filming, and I just could not stop them.

Shani Rigsbee
00:42:44

And I think it's because I was thinking to myself on the outside, everything is screaming.

Shani Rigsbee
00:42:50

This is beautiful and blissful.

Shani Rigsbee
00:42:53

And I feel like I shouldn't even be here.

Shani Rigsbee
00:42:57

Like, this doesn't feel right at all.

Shani Rigsbee
00:43:00

What am I doing here?

Shani Rigsbee
00:43:02

And that just discomfort was so overwhelming that tears just came.

Shani Rigsbee
00:43:09

And it's funny because I wasn't crying at home, I was crying here.

Shani Rigsbee
00:43:13

So then I realized, okay, you know, it's okay.

Shani Rigsbee
00:43:18

It's okay.

Shani Rigsbee
00:43:19

But I just needed more time.

Shani Rigsbee
00:43:21

I needed more time to be able to be in happy situations, you know, where I could fully feel it.

Matt Gilhooly
00:43:29

Yeah.

Matt Gilhooly
00:43:30

Yeah, that's hard.

Matt Gilhooly
00:43:33

I mean, that's just, I guess, the beauty of being human in that we can be in these situations in which we're supposed to be a certain way, but we just don't feel it.

Matt Gilhooly
00:43:45

Because circumstances, right?

Matt Gilhooly
00:43:49

Because life, because our body, because whatever it may be.

Matt Gilhooly
00:43:52

It's even on the flip side, if someone's deep in their grief journey and then they find themselves laughing and then they're like, I'm a terrible person.

Matt Gilhooly
00:44:01

I should be crying.

Matt Gilhooly
00:44:03

And it's just like, no, all those things are okay.

Matt Gilhooly
00:44:07

And we're allowed to feel however we need to.

Matt Gilhooly
00:44:10

And you might have been so grateful to be alive, and you might have been so grateful to be healing.

Matt Gilhooly
00:44:16

And at the same time, you were mourning things that you couldn't do.

Matt Gilhooly
00:44:20

You were mourning the people that weren't able to do that.

Matt Gilhooly
00:44:23

And it was a lot.

Matt Gilhooly
00:44:24

It's a tough story, but, yeah, it's a lot.

Shani Rigsbee
00:44:26

It was a lot.

Shani Rigsbee
00:44:27

And it came at a really odd moment, right?

Shani Rigsbee
00:44:30

It's like the grief came when I should have been happy, but that was that interesting contrast, right?

Shani Rigsbee
00:44:37

So, yeah, it was.

Shani Rigsbee
00:44:39

It was.

Shani Rigsbee
00:44:40

It was a time.

Shani Rigsbee
00:44:40

So I feel like there were, you know, several moments in this course of thing that continue to push me, that I had to keep processing.

Shani Rigsbee
00:44:51

Had to keep processing.

Matt Gilhooly
00:44:53

How far after that surgery did you start to feel like more fully you again and fully accepting all the things and knowing that you deserved all the happiness that you always wished for yourself.

Shani Rigsbee
00:45:10

So I would say I would.

Shani Rigsbee
00:45:14

I would give myself likely about maybe six months, you know, where I was physically not focusing on the pain, on the literal inflammation and pain that you just kind of.

Shani Rigsbee
00:45:27

You're still feeling icky or whatever.

Shani Rigsbee
00:45:29

And my body had to adjust, so.

Shani Rigsbee
00:45:31

So when you're not physically, you know, down, you can forget about it and just go back to your mental health and space.

Shani Rigsbee
00:45:39

And so I was Able to then go back and start working on my creative work again.

Shani Rigsbee
00:45:45

And the creative work gave me an outlet which again, continued to introduce me to new people.

Shani Rigsbee
00:45:53

And if I was willing to share even that much, I would be introduced to someone who would become pivotal to that stage of where I was.

Shani Rigsbee
00:46:04

So the work that I was doing.

Shani Rigsbee
00:46:08

Yeah.

Shani Rigsbee
00:46:08

It just.

Shani Rigsbee
00:46:09

It's just so interesting how that happens.

Shani Rigsbee
00:46:12

You got here.

Shani Rigsbee
00:46:13

Here's the thing.

Shani Rigsbee
00:46:14

You've got to show up.

Shani Rigsbee
00:46:16

Okay?

Shani Rigsbee
00:46:16

Because if you show up to life now, you're giving yourself an opportunity to attract someone who is going to then give you another little nugget of something that will open a new door for you.

Matt Gilhooly
00:46:33

I would add to that.

Matt Gilhooly
00:46:33

You have to show up fully yourself.

Shani Rigsbee
00:46:36

Yes.

Matt Gilhooly
00:46:36

And not show up what you think other people want to see or hear from you, because that's not gonna serve.

Matt Gilhooly
00:46:45

That might get you a little bit farther.

Matt Gilhooly
00:46:47

But showing up as yourself is gonna introduce you to the right people and open the door to the right spaces.

Shani Rigsbee
00:46:53

And then you start to realize, hey, wait a minute.

Shani Rigsbee
00:46:55

I think I'm on a journey here.

Shani Rigsbee
00:46:57

This.

Shani Rigsbee
00:46:57

I'm seeing a pattern.

Shani Rigsbee
00:46:58

You know, I have a pattern.

Shani Rigsbee
00:47:01

I.

Shani Rigsbee
00:47:02

And I flipped it into.

Shani Rigsbee
00:47:04

You know, I flipped it into the sort of, why me?

Shani Rigsbee
00:47:08

Into spiritually speaking.

Shani Rigsbee
00:47:11

Maybe I was chosen.

Shani Rigsbee
00:47:13

Maybe I was chosen.

Matt Gilhooly
00:47:14

That's big.

Shani Rigsbee
00:47:15

This is my destiny.

Shani Rigsbee
00:47:17

My destiny.

Shani Rigsbee
00:47:17

It's funny because I had a song called Destiny, which I think is so funny, because I had a song called Destiny, which was, you know, not gonna belittle things I've done in the past, but it was so not about what my actual destiny was later.

Matt Gilhooly
00:47:31

Or was it.

Shani Rigsbee
00:47:32

I mean, you know, maybe there was.

Matt Gilhooly
00:47:34

A little seed under there.

Matt Gilhooly
00:47:35

You never know.

Shani Rigsbee
00:47:36

Perhaps.

Shani Rigsbee
00:47:37

Yeah.

Matt Gilhooly
00:47:38

Sometimes I look back at stuff, I'm like, oh, I wonder if I did that because, you know, that subconscious part of me was trying to get out.

Shani Rigsbee
00:47:45

Trying to get out.

Matt Gilhooly
00:47:47

Yeah.

Matt Gilhooly
00:47:48

You know, I.

Matt Gilhooly
00:47:49

I think it's.

Matt Gilhooly
00:47:49

You know, your journey really starts with this openness to these experiences, and I think that probably served you really well in your healing journey as well.

Matt Gilhooly
00:48:01

Just to be open to understanding that you're not gonna be better tomorrow, but you might be better a couple days from now or a couple months from now, or life is gonna really open itself up as long as you're willing to do the work that's required of you so that you can live that best life.

Shani Rigsbee
00:48:17

It's true.

Shani Rigsbee
00:48:18

And if you.

Shani Rigsbee
00:48:20

If you.

Shani Rigsbee
00:48:21

If you allow yourself again, going back to the vulnerabilities, if you allow yourself to be vulnerable when you speak to people, not that you have to come into the room with your feelings on your sleeve, you know, and let me tell you about me.

Shani Rigsbee
00:48:33

It's.

Shani Rigsbee
00:48:34

It's just that you got to be.

Shani Rigsbee
00:48:36

You got to be sort of there's a give and take right when you're having conversations with people and there's a window where people maybe are sharing.

Shani Rigsbee
00:48:43

And if you're willing to share this even that much, you might be surprised at the person's response.

Shani Rigsbee
00:48:50

So, like, for me, it was just, you know, I met.

Shani Rigsbee
00:48:53

I met an entertainment lawyer that I just, I guess happened to share that I'd had the surgery.

Shani Rigsbee
00:49:00

And I didn't even go into why.

Shani Rigsbee
00:49:03

I just shared.

Shani Rigsbee
00:49:04

And guess what?

Shani Rigsbee
00:49:05

She was on the board of directors of a women's clinic and said, I would like to invite you to come to a board meeting if you would be kind enough.

Shani Rigsbee
00:49:16

I'm like me a board member of anything, you know, 26 years old, 27 maybe at that point, why would someone want me to be on a board?

Shani Rigsbee
00:49:26

But I, I don't want to.

Shani Rigsbee
00:49:29

I don't want to toot my horn.

Shani Rigsbee
00:49:30

But I was the perfect person to be on this board because I was speaking.

Shani Rigsbee
00:49:35

I was able to speak to the issues of someone like myself that need it.

Shani Rigsbee
00:49:40

It was a women's clinic and health and family counseling center.

Shani Rigsbee
00:49:43

So I was the person that, had I not had health insurance and family and all of those things, I would have been a client.

Shani Rigsbee
00:49:52

So it was a huge honor to be asked to be on that board.

Matt Gilhooly
00:49:57

Oh, and did that, that lead.

Matt Gilhooly
00:49:59

I'm imagining that led into other things because you, like, I feel like having that experience and helping other people in that way through story, through your own experiences, not through teaching them anything, but really just sharing, right?

Shani Rigsbee
00:50:13

Yes.

Matt Gilhooly
00:50:14

Did that open more doors for you that built this journey of yours?

Shani Rigsbee
00:50:18

It did, because I remember we would have to do fundraisers, you know, we would have to raise money to keep the doors open because there were some funds you would get from the state, but a lot of it was relying on donations.

Shani Rigsbee
00:50:31

And we were in a pretty crisis state where we were close to having to move or close the doors.

Shani Rigsbee
00:50:38

And we came up with this fundraiser.

Shani Rigsbee
00:50:40

And I just remember sitting on my bed at home making calls because we were going to do this shoe event where we were going to be selling high end shoes, name brand shoes, and was like, well, how do we get these shoes?

Shani Rigsbee
00:50:53

Well, we have to call.

Shani Rigsbee
00:50:54

So who's going to call?

Shani Rigsbee
00:50:56

Well, we're the board, you know, and that's.

Shani Rigsbee
00:50:58

So again, I'm totally out of my comfort zone.

Shani Rigsbee
00:51:02

It's not what I envisioned for myself at all.

Shani Rigsbee
00:51:04

But I have to tell you, it was so powerful to know that little old me could pick up the phone and call, you know, whatever brand name in New York and tell them I'm representing this women's clinic and family counseling center in Los Angeles and what it's for and what we're trying to do.

Shani Rigsbee
00:51:22

And next thing I know, they're shipping all these boxes because of my call.

Shani Rigsbee
00:51:27

Right.

Shani Rigsbee
00:51:28

And when we did the event, we made who knows what we made $30,000.

Shani Rigsbee
00:51:34

I don't know what the number was.

Shani Rigsbee
00:51:35

All I know is super important.

Shani Rigsbee
00:51:37

And that kept the doors open.

Shani Rigsbee
00:51:39

So that would always help me process that survivor's guilt that I would struggle with.

Shani Rigsbee
00:51:45

See, because I knew I am actively giving back, I am helping to keep the door open.

Shani Rigsbee
00:51:52

That's allowing someone in to come in and do their tests, that they need to do their mammograms, their pap smears, whatever the things that they're.

Shani Rigsbee
00:52:00

That is literally keeping the doors open for those people.

Shani Rigsbee
00:52:03

And so whenever I would kind of start falling, I would get, nope, nope, nope, nope.

Shani Rigsbee
00:52:09

It's service, you know, being in service, being in service, it really helps you stay out of that broken, victimized feeling.

Matt Gilhooly
00:52:19

Yeah.

Matt Gilhooly
00:52:20

Did helping those people also like fill you up with that earlier definition?

Matt Gilhooly
00:52:27

We were talking about what a success look like.

Matt Gilhooly
00:52:30

Did that feel.

Matt Gilhooly
00:52:30

Because it didn't matter what that number was.

Matt Gilhooly
00:52:32

You couldn't remember what that number was exactly because the success was in the fact that you were able to help, that you were able to serve.

Shani Rigsbee
00:52:40

You know, the rose colored glasses girl was.

Shani Rigsbee
00:52:43

I'm not saying I was a spoiled brat, but I was not geared towards service because the career path I was on was very self centered.

Shani Rigsbee
00:52:54

It was very much, I have to accomplish things I have to put.

Shani Rigsbee
00:53:00

And this was not about me at all.

Shani Rigsbee
00:53:02

This was all, you know, like I said, making the calls and carrying the boxes and setting up the event and doing it.

Shani Rigsbee
00:53:09

You know, all of that was just, I'm a team player, I am giving, I'm giving.

Matt Gilhooly
00:53:13

But it felt good.

Shani Rigsbee
00:53:14

Felt so good.

Shani Rigsbee
00:53:15

That's why they always say, you know, to give is to receive.

Shani Rigsbee
00:53:19

Because you're selfishly getting something back.

Shani Rigsbee
00:53:21

You know, even when you buy a present for someone, you're like, oh, I can't wait to see the reaction.

Shani Rigsbee
00:53:26

Because you know, what you went through picking it out or whatever, right?

Shani Rigsbee
00:53:29

Or you made it yourself or you baked it or whatever that is.

Shani Rigsbee
00:53:32

You're getting something out of it too.

Shani Rigsbee
00:53:34

It always works.

Shani Rigsbee
00:53:35

That way.

Matt Gilhooly
00:53:37

Yeah.

Matt Gilhooly
00:53:37

No, I think it's so interesting how life can unfold these things.

Matt Gilhooly
00:53:42

Like that younger version of you never would have imagined that you'd be sitting on the edge of your bed calling some shoe company and you know, like some high end shoe company, right, to ask for a donation and you know, but, but because of the very traumatic experience that you had and your diagnosis and the surgery and the recovery and the survivors guilt and all that, now your life is probably even more full than it would have been had you not, you know, like it just feels, feels weird to say that.

Matt Gilhooly
00:54:12

But do you look at those experiences as that?

Shani Rigsbee
00:54:15

Yes.

Shani Rigsbee
00:54:15

And you know, there, there is a book called the Gift of Cancer.

Shani Rigsbee
00:54:18

I'm not sure if you know that, but a lot of that mindset is that.

Shani Rigsbee
00:54:24

And this goes back to the, to the woman I told you, you know, she said, I wouldn't want my life any other way because I know this person I am is a direct result of what I went through.

Shani Rigsbee
00:54:39

And I'm happy being the person I am now.

Shani Rigsbee
00:54:42

And I don't know that I would have been altruistic.

Shani Rigsbee
00:54:46

I don't know if I would have been empathetic.

Shani Rigsbee
00:54:49

I just don't know.

Shani Rigsbee
00:54:51

And I'm grateful that I am because I see the world differently, you know.

Shani Rigsbee
00:54:56

And then selfishly, again, being in the creative field that I am, all of the music I wrote was, had just so much more depth and it wasn't all on the surface of like, you know, I feel good, I love you.

Shani Rigsbee
00:55:12

You know, it's like none of that shoes.

Shani Rigsbee
00:55:13

Oh, so you know, so that's a bonus right now.

Shani Rigsbee
00:55:19

Suddenly I have a lot to say and feel and emote and the emote part is big.

Shani Rigsbee
00:55:26

And I'm taken more seriously as a creator because of it.

Matt Gilhooly
00:55:32

How does that evolve into what you're doing now?

Matt Gilhooly
00:55:34

So like you had this journey of you and so now you're able to do what you want in a way, right?

Matt Gilhooly
00:55:42

You can create in the way that you want and support all these things.

Matt Gilhooly
00:55:45

How does that version of you trickle into this?

Shani Rigsbee
00:55:48

So the funny thing that happens when you start getting a little bit of success is going back to that social media thing.

Shani Rigsbee
00:55:57

Do people really want to hear all about your bad news?

Shani Rigsbee
00:56:00

Do people really want to know all your traumas?

Shani Rigsbee
00:56:03

They want you to be happy and talk about all good stuff and smile and good energy right in your interviews or whatever you're doing.

Shani Rigsbee
00:56:12

And that also felt.

Matt Gilhooly
00:56:13

Not here.

Shani Rigsbee
00:56:14

Not here.

Shani Rigsbee
00:56:15

Thankfully not here.

Shani Rigsbee
00:56:16

And again, this is going back a few years, right?

Matt Gilhooly
00:56:19

Yeah, yeah.

Matt Gilhooly
00:56:19

Yeah.

Shani Rigsbee
00:56:20

So that also felt very artificial to me because I was like, oh, I can't just pretend like everything's great when I know I have all of these other things to say.

Shani Rigsbee
00:56:34

But you never quite could figure out where you had the permission to have in depth conversations about things that mattered.

Shani Rigsbee
00:56:43

So you're seeking again, going back to, like, what is my role?

Shani Rigsbee
00:56:49

Is my role to just write about it and people will maybe hear?

Shani Rigsbee
00:56:53

But what about, like, should I be the face of something?

Shani Rigsbee
00:56:56

Should I be willing to talk about things?

Shani Rigsbee
00:56:59

It felt very deceitful and dishonest.

Shani Rigsbee
00:57:02

Do you know what I mean?

Shani Rigsbee
00:57:02

To cover that history.

Shani Rigsbee
00:57:06

And so I.

Matt Gilhooly
00:57:07

And exhausting, right?

Shani Rigsbee
00:57:09

It's exhausting.

Shani Rigsbee
00:57:10

It's like people in the closet.

Shani Rigsbee
00:57:12

It's just.

Shani Rigsbee
00:57:12

It's just no place to be.

Shani Rigsbee
00:57:15

So sooner or later that's going to catch up to you.

Shani Rigsbee
00:57:19

And I finally got to a place where I was like, no, I'm putting this out there.

Shani Rigsbee
00:57:23

I'm putting it out there.

Shani Rigsbee
00:57:25

And what are you afraid of at the end of the day?

Shani Rigsbee
00:57:28

Judgment.

Shani Rigsbee
00:57:29

Like, again, this is when everyone starts to realize that you feel so much better.

Shani Rigsbee
00:57:35

And if you lose some people, they weren't your people.

Shani Rigsbee
00:57:38

They weren't your people.

Shani Rigsbee
00:57:39

I mean, even in Hollywood and whatever, if they look at you as tainted or damaged goods or whatever that is, whatever we put in our heads that we think we have to be, you don't need those people.

Shani Rigsbee
00:57:52

So you grow from that.

Shani Rigsbee
00:57:54

You realize, you know, it's just a constant, like we were saying before showing up, being willing to put out where you are in the moment because you will continue to grow.

Matt Gilhooly
00:58:07

Hopefully.

Shani Rigsbee
00:58:08

Hopefully.

Matt Gilhooly
00:58:10

Yeah, I think, I think to your point, it's so exhausting to pretend that you're one way or another or you can only share this sliver of your life.

Matt Gilhooly
00:58:20

And once you get it out, it feels lighter.

Matt Gilhooly
00:58:24

Like everything.

Matt Gilhooly
00:58:25

I would imagine as soon as you turn that nozzle and let the faucet run, it's like, you know, like a weight off.

Matt Gilhooly
00:58:32

And if the people don't stick around, they weren't meant to be there anyway, like you said, you know, so, yeah, it's so true.

Matt Gilhooly
00:58:38

It's scary though, because I think Hollywood and, and the whole entertainment industry for so long was very secretive and very, I mean, still is in some capacity.

Matt Gilhooly
00:58:49

But also, I think people are opening up a little bit more, sharing realistic live livelihoods and the things that they do and the failures that they have and owning those.

Matt Gilhooly
00:58:59

But yeah, I can imagine what that.

Shani Rigsbee
00:59:01

I really feel.

Shani Rigsbee
00:59:02

In our lifetime, we have witnessed a lot.

Shani Rigsbee
00:59:08

I really do And I think we are more vocal and we are.

Shani Rigsbee
00:59:13

We see it.

Shani Rigsbee
00:59:14

I mean, I have a song called Changing Tides, which I wrote about during COVID about the civil rights issues that we were.

Shani Rigsbee
00:59:23

We've been talking about civil rights forever.

Shani Rigsbee
00:59:25

But.

Shani Rigsbee
00:59:26

But that summer of 2020 was a pretty pivotal year, and that came upon me.

Shani Rigsbee
00:59:32

And so I felt like.

Matt Gilhooly
00:59:35

And you probably never would have written that 10 years ago and put it out publicly, right?

Matt Gilhooly
00:59:39

20, 15 years ago.

Shani Rigsbee
00:59:40

So that feeling of empathy, of listening, of power, power connection, doing something about it.

Shani Rigsbee
00:59:50

You know, I feel like you said, once the faucet switches on, it's on.

Shani Rigsbee
00:59:58

And, you know, race relations may not be something that affects my daily life, but I have empathy for it.

Shani Rigsbee
01:00:05

Like, I want to be that ally.

Shani Rigsbee
01:00:07

I want to say, I'm hearing you.

Shani Rigsbee
01:00:10

You're speaking.

Shani Rigsbee
01:00:11

I get it.

Shani Rigsbee
01:00:12

Just like when I'm speaking about my sense of loss or grief or struggle, I'm hoping someone's hearing me.

Shani Rigsbee
01:00:20

You just are a different person when things happen.

Matt Gilhooly
01:00:25

I agree.

Matt Gilhooly
01:00:26

And if we're lucky enough to have the ability to reflect upon it, to grow from it, to think about it, I mean, in my own experience, it took me about 20 years to grieve my mother because I didn't have the tools.

Matt Gilhooly
01:00:39

I didn't know how to do it, and I used it as a crutch and just all sorts of terrible ways of processing it.

Matt Gilhooly
01:00:46

But once I got a handle on it and I was able to reflect on how it changed me and the things that I learned because of it and all those other things, then I could feel that way.

Matt Gilhooly
01:00:56

You know, it.

Matt Gilhooly
01:00:57

But in the mess, if you don't have the ability or the tools to reflect upon even, like a diagnosis like that, if you go down the wrong path and you don't have these, you know, the mindset and the tools and the book that your friend offered you, had she not offered you to read that book and she.

Matt Gilhooly
01:01:12

You didn't call her that day or, you know, like, yes.

Matt Gilhooly
01:01:15

Who knows where your life and how your mindset would have been?

Shani Rigsbee
01:01:19

And did.

Shani Rigsbee
01:01:19

Did you feel that?

Shani Rigsbee
01:01:20

You know, because you kept it quiet for so long, then when you, you know, when you did sort of put it out there, you attracted a different, maybe group of people.

Matt Gilhooly
01:01:32

Yeah.

Matt Gilhooly
01:01:33

Oh, for sure.

Matt Gilhooly
01:01:34

And.

Matt Gilhooly
01:01:34

And now to the point where I will vocally tell everyone, whether they want to hear it or not, if I'm having a bad day or how I'm feeling or.

Matt Gilhooly
01:01:44

And especially as a guy, I think there's this other thing, like, where you're not supposed to Be sad or you're not supposed to be a certain way.

Matt Gilhooly
01:01:51

And I feel it's important because I am sad that I'm sure I'm not the only one.

Matt Gilhooly
01:01:57

And so by sharing that, it helps me selfishly.

Matt Gilhooly
01:02:00

Right.

Matt Gilhooly
01:02:01

It helps me because it gets it out of my head.

Matt Gilhooly
01:02:03

But also someone else out there might be listening and going, me too.

Matt Gilhooly
01:02:07

You know, And I don't feel so alone.

Matt Gilhooly
01:02:08

So this is why I do this show.

Matt Gilhooly
01:02:10

This is why you share stories.

Matt Gilhooly
01:02:12

You share your stories through your art, through your, you know, through your music and your films and those kind of things.

Matt Gilhooly
01:02:17

And then just sharing it here and having this conversation to strangers before we started this conversation, and now I feel like I know you so deeply in a different way because I listened.

Shani Rigsbee
01:02:28

Right.

Matt Gilhooly
01:02:28

And that's all we need, you know, like, we just need to listen to each other.

Shani Rigsbee
01:02:31

That's all it is.

Shani Rigsbee
01:02:32

It's.

Shani Rigsbee
01:02:32

It's quite the human sort of experiences, as you said earlier.

Shani Rigsbee
01:02:37

I mean, we're so much more similar than we are different.

Shani Rigsbee
01:02:41

Regardless of what the outer packaging looks like.

Shani Rigsbee
01:02:45

Right.

Shani Rigsbee
01:02:45

Male, female color, skin tone, race, we are human beings.

Shani Rigsbee
01:02:52

And at the core, those feelings are all exactly built in us.

Shani Rigsbee
01:02:58

We all have them.

Shani Rigsbee
01:02:59

Right?

Matt Gilhooly
01:03:00

Right.

Shani Rigsbee
01:03:00

And.

Shani Rigsbee
01:03:00

And how we kind of process them determines how they get manifest.

Shani Rigsbee
01:03:05

And.

Shani Rigsbee
01:03:05

And then when we complain about so and so is doing so and so, or there's, you know, this person went down that path rather than judging them.

Shani Rigsbee
01:03:13

It's.

Shani Rigsbee
01:03:14

It's.

Shani Rigsbee
01:03:14

It's like if you could look at it differently and think, you know what?

Shani Rigsbee
01:03:18

I've never been in their shoes.

Shani Rigsbee
01:03:20

I wasn't in their shoes.

Shani Rigsbee
01:03:23

So how can I sit here and say, well, when I don't know what that journey is like for them?

Shani Rigsbee
01:03:29

So maybe if we listen and we invite them in and we give them a seat at the table, we can turn that around.

Shani Rigsbee
01:03:38

It's just.

Shani Rigsbee
01:03:39

We make it too complicated.

Matt Gilhooly
01:03:41

I also think if the more we see other people sharing their stories, sharing them in an open way, I think the more permission it gives us to also share those or the people that maybe didn't feel comfortable doing so.

Matt Gilhooly
01:03:53

So I'm hopeful.

Matt Gilhooly
01:03:55

I'm hopeful that people show up more as humans in this way.

Matt Gilhooly
01:03:59

And just like you do through all the things that you do, I like to kind of wrap up these conversations with a question.

Matt Gilhooly
01:04:06

And I'm wondering if, like, this version of Shani could go back to the girl who got the call from the doctor to come into the office and was going to have to make all these decisions.

Matt Gilhooly
01:04:17

You didn't really know what they were, but you knew you were going to have to.

Matt Gilhooly
01:04:20

Is there anything that you would want to tell her now?

Shani Rigsbee
01:04:22

Oh, gosh.

Shani Rigsbee
01:04:24

Oh, wow.

Shani Rigsbee
01:04:25

Got the chills.

Shani Rigsbee
01:04:27

You know, the first thing that comes to mind is, it's going to be okay.

Shani Rigsbee
01:04:30

It's going to be okay.

Shani Rigsbee
01:04:32

You're going to be okay.

Shani Rigsbee
01:04:34

This feels terrible, but you are going to be okay.

Shani Rigsbee
01:04:38

In fact, you're going to be better than okay because that's what I needed to hear, you know?

Matt Gilhooly
01:04:45

Yeah.

Matt Gilhooly
01:04:46

The unknown can be so scary.

Matt Gilhooly
01:04:48

And just to know that, like, someone's got.

Matt Gilhooly
01:04:50

I mean, you had a good circle around you, so it wasn't like someone didn't have you, but to know that, like the grown up Shani was going to be, you know, like, even better because of this really tragic traumatic experience that you were about to go through.

Shani Rigsbee
01:05:04

And.

Shani Rigsbee
01:05:04

And the interesting thing is now I might be the person that someone else says, you need to call my friend Shaney.

Shani Rigsbee
01:05:12

And I would be the voice on the phone as that other lady was for me, telling them, hey, you need to read this book, or I suggest this or that, because.

Shani Rigsbee
01:05:21

And they would.

Shani Rigsbee
01:05:22

I would hopefully be that woman that they might admire and say, wow, if I could be like her.

Shani Rigsbee
01:05:28

Right.

Shani Rigsbee
01:05:29

So I've stepped into new shoes.

Matt Gilhooly
01:05:31

Yeah.

Matt Gilhooly
01:05:32

And no doubt, I mean, even someone listening to this, if you know someone in your life that needs to hear this story, maybe it's not a direct connection with Cheney, but it's like you want to hear a story that's.

Matt Gilhooly
01:05:41

I mean, that's.

Matt Gilhooly
01:05:42

You're.

Matt Gilhooly
01:05:42

You're serving in this way and that's.

Matt Gilhooly
01:05:44

This new technology allows us to do things like this.

Matt Gilhooly
01:05:47

And so you never know who's listening right now that just like something sparked in them and they feel, okay, I can do this too, you know, just because of what you shared in your story.

Matt Gilhooly
01:05:56

So thank you for being willing to have this conversation in this weird, wacky way that I call the Life Shift podcast.

Matt Gilhooly
01:06:02

It's really just such an honor.

Shani Rigsbee
01:06:04

Oh, it's so powerful.

Shani Rigsbee
01:06:05

And I'm grateful to be here and thank you for having me.

Shani Rigsbee
01:06:07

I'm.

Shani Rigsbee
01:06:08

I'm really privileged to be able to talk with you too.

Matt Gilhooly
01:06:11

Well, I appreciate that.

Matt Gilhooly
01:06:13

If people want to, like, check out your work, listen to your music, like, get in your circle, connect with you, what's the best way to find you and get in your orbit?

Shani Rigsbee
01:06:22

Please, please do connect and reach out to me.

Shani Rigsbee
01:06:24

So on Instagram, I go by Shani Rigsbee.

Shani Rigsbee
01:06:27

My name is S H A N I Rigsby, with two E's and I have a website shanymusic.com I'm on YouTube Shani music so please do reach out to me.

Shani Rigsbee
01:06:39

I'd love to connect with people.

Matt Gilhooly
01:06:41

Awesome.

Matt Gilhooly
01:06:42

We will put those links easily on in the show notes so if you're listening and want to connect to listen to music, watch the videos, whatever you need to do, those links should be in the show notes for you.

Matt Gilhooly
01:06:52

Again Cheney, thank you so much for just being a part of this journey that I am taking right now.

Shani Rigsbee
01:06:57

Thank you so much.

Matt Gilhooly
01:06:59

If you are listening, thank you for listening.

Matt Gilhooly
01:07:01

Like I said before, if something that we talked about today in this episode touched you or you know someone in your life that might need to hear it, please share it with them.

Matt Gilhooly
01:07:09

We would love that so much and I think with that I'm going to say goodbye and I will be back next week with a brand new episode of the Life Shift podcast.

Matt Gilhooly
01:07:16

Best thanks again Shane.

Matt Gilhooly
01:07:28

For more information please visit www.thelifeshiftpodcast.com.