BONUS: Celebrating the Women Who Shaped Me: A Special Mother's Day Episode

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Matt, your mother was a wonderful woman. She was a simple person with only simple needs and a big heart. She never hurt anyone in her whole life and probably wouldn't know how. You and I and many others wish she hadn't gone on that motorcycle trip. I know how much you didn't want her to go, so I'm sure you often felt that somehow you didn't try hard enough to stop her. Many people have told me that her journey on earth was only for 32 years for some reason. She did whatever she was supposed to do here. and moved on to a better place. When you have faith that this is true, it helps, but doesn't take the place of the pain and the hurt. We're all headed to the same resting place, so have faith that you will be reunited someday. Don't hurry to get there, as time on that side is endless. She loved you more than anyone or anything on this earth, and there have been enough times since she died where she has proved that. There's no way I could have been the father I tried to be without her guidance and watchful eye. I believe that with all my heart. Matt, many people have told you that you look more and more like me, but trust me when I tell you that you have many characteristics of your mother. That's what I see. Most of the people who tell you that never knew your mother, so I can see why they say that. One of your fears is that you're forgetting who she was, who she is, and what she sounded like. You're more like your mother than you know, and it's something to be proud of. Be who you are, and both your mother and I will be proud. Nobody will ever replace your mother. know that she was a good woman who died too soon. She is missed by many, still loved by many, as you are.

I'm Matt Gilhooly, and this is The Life Shift, candid conversations about the pivotal moments that have changed lives forever. Hello, my friends. What I just read was a letter that my dad wrote to me years ago, around, I would say I was probably mid-30s. At that point in my life, I felt like I was forgetting who my mother was. It was such an odd feeling for me because, you know, she's your mother and you should remember who she is. So I asked my family members if they could write. me something just about her and what they remembered about her and something maybe that I could take with me to honor or learn more about. And so my dad wrote me this beautiful eight page document about his journey with her, then our journey together after my mom died. And it was just so wonderful. So that's just a little bit of it. I took out some of the parts that, you know, are maybe a little bit too personal to share, but I wanted to put that out there because it was so important that my dad sat down and wrote those words out and shared that information with me because it made me feel better. But I also know that it came straight from his heart and I know that he was telling me the truth. This is Mother's Day and I wanted to put out a special Mother's Day episode, hopefully a short one, but one in which I honor the two women that are the reason for this podcast.

My mom, Joan Gilhooly, born Joan Robinson in 1957, she only got to live for 32 years on this earth and she had an eight-year-old when she went on a trip, on a cross-country trip with her boyfriend that I was convinced that she was going to marry and that was gonna be okay with me. And... They had a single vehicle accident on their motorcycle in Buffalo, New York, and they both died in that accident. And from that moment on, my life shifted. My life changed completely. And I didn't know it at the time of all the things that I was going to learn because of that moment and all the relationships that I was going to be able to develop because of that moment. Here I am at 42. having this journey on the LifeShift podcast where I can comfortably sit down with people that most of the time I don't know and have a really deeply personal conversation where we can talk like I wish everyone would do, that I could overhear in a coffee shop and have these personal conversations where we talk about things that might not be so great or might be hard to share, but so important to share because I would say in every episode, there's someone out there that's listened to the episode and felt a little less alone in their circumstance. And to think all of this came because of my mom's unfortunate passing when she was 32 years old.

When I turned 32, I was like, I'm so young. I didn't understand how young 32 was when I was eight years old and she passed. And I really didn't understand. I didn't understand death. I didn't understand how to grieve. I didn't understand how to help the people around me. I became very much protection mode for myself and was afraid that other people would abandon me because as an eight-year-old, I felt that, or my brain thought that I was abandoned. My mom left. Even to the fact that in my teen years, I almost convinced myself that she was in witness protection. But she was... from what I understand and I don't remember, but she was a kind woman and she didn't have a lot of wants and a lot of needs. She made do with what she had. She loved all the people around her and she loved me. And I often wonder what life would be like had she not passed. But, you know, I think, I don't think we can do too much about that. But I look back on that experience and I think. You know, maybe it had to happen. I don't know if that's the right thing to say. But it's real, because I know for a fact that I would not be the person that I am today if my mom hadn't died when I was a kid. I know that I would not have the relationship that I have with my father at this point if my mom hadn't died, because I spent all my time with my mom. I saw my dad. He had partial custody, but he was living in another state at the time. And who knows what that trajectory would have looked like had she not gone on that trip, had she not died. So, you know, I was fortunate enough to have those relationships. I became essentially best friends with my grandmother. Who's the other reason for this podcast? My grandmother sold all of her stuff and moved to Florida to kind of be near us. And I think it was to help my dad. to make sure that I was going to be OK, that I had a mother figure in my life. And because of that, we spent so much time together. We became, I want to say best friends.

We talked about things that grandparents and grandchildren don't normally talk about, and my dad would often get upset about that. But I was able to build this relationship with my grandmother because of the unfortunate circumstances in my life. And it was so rich. And my grandmother. Born 1933, had a rough childhood, lost her mother at two years old. She understood what it was like for a kid to grow up without a mother and she wanted to make sure that I didn't. We would go on trips together, we would call each other every day, we would prank each other. I introduced her to music. Her boyfriend, Josh Groban, I don't know if he knows, but her boyfriend was Josh Groban. She... would fill up her DVR with Josh Groban performances. She would buy every CD. She would watch anything that he was in any performance, any late night talk show. She was the light in our family. And about 10 years ago, she was diagnosed with cancer. I don't know the year exactly. And she didn't tell me because she didn't want to hurt me. She didn't want to... She didn't want me to panic, which I'm sure I would have. And when she was going in for like a major surgery, she told my dad that he could tell me. And so at that point I found out and everything seemed to get a little bit better. And we continued our relationship and I would visit her very often and do the things that I wasn't able to do with my mom. And then it came back, her cancer came back and I knew, okay. I didn't get to say goodbye to my mom. I did not get the proper closure. It took me 20 years to really grieve as much as I could about my mom's death and really reconcile that in my life. And so I knew with my grandmother that I wanted to do it right this time. I took her to front row, Josh Groban, so that she could see her favorite person or her favorite performer in the world right up close. She had the best night. I... you know, try to talk her through those hard moments as cancer was kind of taking over. And one thing I was able to do that I wish everyone can be strong enough to do is as we got closer to when it was really looking like we were facing the end, but she still had the ability to kind of carry on a conversation, I forced a conversation in which the both of us said everything that we ever needed to say to one another. And... I knew leaving that apartment that day that there was nothing left unsaid. And I was convinced that she was going to pass away that night. Fortunately, she did not. We got a couple more months with her. But when we moved her to the hospice house close to the time she died, I flew up from Florida. I told my job, I said, look, I don't know when I'm coming back because I have to do this. I didn't get to do it the last time. And I spent the last 96 hours of my grandmother's life with her by her side until that very last breath. And she waited for me. She waited for me to be ready and know that I was going to be okay. And I watched her take that last breath and As devastating as it was, it was different. I felt there was calmness to it. It was, I often call it devastatingly beautiful, because how lucky am I to be a part of wherever she's going next? And she believed she was going to heaven, and I want that for her. She believed she was going to be reunited with my mom, who was like her best friend. She was my dad's mom, but she was so close to my mom before she died to the point that she was not able to fully grieve the loss of my mom. But she believed she was gonna reunite with her and she was gonna see her mother again. She was gonna see her father, even though they had a rough relationship. She was just gonna see these people again. I was weirdly calm because of that. These two women, and unfortunately their passings, are the reason that the Life Shift podcast exists. They're the reason that I feel comfortable enough putting any kind of vulnerability out in the world and sharing the hard parts of my life, because I'm not the only person that's ever gone through this. And if I can help someone feel less like I did as a kid, When my mom died and I felt like I was totally alone, I was the only person that had ever experienced that in the entire world, I knew I wasn't. But the Life Shift Podcast, my goal is that each episode helps someone feel a little less alone in what they're going through. And I think it's because I've gone through these pieces of my life and I want to share it. Losing my mom as a kid, also, I guess it forced me, subconsciously, to seek out other mother figures in my life. So I had my grandmother always, she was always there, always number one. She was a person I would always think about first. But anytime I met my friend's parents, nine times out of 10, I became really close with the mother in that relationship. And it was just a natural kind of, maybe I was seeking this out. My teachers, my female teachers that I had growing up, they were always the ones that provided some of the comfort that I think I was missing from not having my mom. And so on this Mother's Day, I wanna thank all of my friends throughout the years, their moms for taking care of me. I've always felt a motherly love despite really not having a mother for the last 30 something years. I'm so very appreciative of it. A little part of me is jealous on Mother's Day because I never know what it's like to actually have a mother as an adult. And so if you're listening to this and you're close with your mother, give her an extra hug today for me. If you are not close with your mother and there's any kind of chance of reconciliation, I say try it. You never know what that can bring. So on this Mother's Day, I just want to say thank you to the moms that are listening. Thank you to the people with moms that are listening. Thank you to my guests for sharing parts of them that maybe they wouldn't have shared otherwise because I think we're changing things. I think we're changing one heart at a time. And I'm so honored to have this journey. I have to weirdly thank my mother and my grandmother for the journeys, for the journey bringing me into this world. for an early passing that I had to grapple with and figure out how to learn, for my grandmother for being there and supporting me throughout that journey, of course, for my father, who often gets a Mother's Day shout out. But to all the women in my life that lifted me up in a way that other people were unable to do, thank you and happy Mother's Day. I hope that you have the most wonderful day doing what you want. And that's probably in silence, sitting on the couch and relaxing and doing your favorite activity. So happy Mother's Day and we'll be back in a couple of days with a brand new episode of the Life Shift Podcast. Thank you so much. For more information, please visit www.thelifeshiftpodcast.com