How a Medical Diagnosis Led to Global Exposure and Reconnection | Bo Baskoro

00:00
And I told everyone like, yeah, I live in a walk-in closet. I just started learning how to walk again and yada, yada, yada. And the company was, the production company was like, what? They got wind of my story. They reached out to me after the commercial and they said, we're, we're doing this new campaign for this company called Maxwell House Coffee. And your life seems miserable. We kind of want to put it on TV. They were doing this, this rebranding and like, it basically like, when you need a boost Maxwell House coffee.

00:29
So they worked with me, they sent me to LA to record this song that I wrote called Hi. And basically it's about like, I'm going through a lot of shitty stuff and it feels like I keep trying and I can't keep up with all the people that are accomplishing their dreams and living their best lives and I can't even keep up with that. So then they pushed that commercial with my song and me onto the internet, on TV and onto radio and...

00:58
through that, while that was happening, I'd get like, you know, I'd kind of started building my fan base from that. And then I had one really weird DM that said, hello, my name's DR, I'm your cousin. I just saw you on YouTube and I have heard of you before. And...

01:23
We didn't know anything about you, but we just saw you on this commercial. And I was like, this rush of confusion and excite. It was just the craziest. I've never felt anything like this before. It was like a whole other side of my brain got triggered from that. And it was so interesting to me. So I was like, holy shit. I mean, you had to be telling the truth because no one else knows that one detail.

01:53
And I'm the only Bo Baskoro in the world, so. My guest this week is Bo Baskoro. Bo is a singer, songwriter, actor, voice actor, and I'd probably classify him as a mental health advocate. And he comes from the Pacific Northwest. In this episode, Bo takes us on a journey of self-discovery and he shares his experiences of growing up in a single-parent household without his father around.

02:19
and living in a conservative religious community and how all of those pieces kind of collided to make a challenging upbringing for him. But it's not just a story of kind of going through these societal judgments and stereotypes, but it's really just an honest account of how these experiences can inform his understanding of his identity, his life situation, and then all the choices that he made because of it. The conversation really centers around this discovery of a tumor.

02:49
that really created this crazy unfolding in his life that he could not have expected. So much so that it was really an unexpected journey of the conversation for me. As you know, I don't really go into these with a lot of research, but sometimes I have an idea of where the conversation might go based on what they told me, but this one really unraveled in a very unique way and I was so excited to have this conversation. But that's what I love about this show. You'll see what I mean when you get to that part.

03:18
This is a conversation about how Bo is leaning into his true self, about the fundamental human need to be heard and understood, and about the courage it takes to share all those parts of our stories that we often keep hidden away. So after you listen to this episode, head over to Spotify or your favorite music app and check out Bo's new song, Give You Up. I got a sneak peek and it's definitely one that I put on repeat as I was listening to it in the little secret code.

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website that he gave me. I hope you enjoy it as well. Before I jump into this week's episode, please allow me to thank Emily and Tracy for their support on Patreon. If you're interested in directly supporting the LifeShift podcast, head over to patreon.com slash the LifeShift podcast and you can see all the information there. I would greatly appreciate it helps with production and hosting and all the pieces that go into putting the show out each week. So without further ado, here is my conversation with Bo Baskoro.

04:18
I'm Matt Gilhooly, and this is the Life Shift, candid conversations about the pivotal moments that have changed lives forever.

04:37
Hello, my friends. Welcome to the Life Shift Podcast. I am sitting here with Bo. Hello, Bo. Hi, thanks for having me. Well, thank you for being a part of the Life Shift Podcast. I was telling you before recording how this journey really came about my own personal experience. So anyone that's new to listening, when I was a kid, my mom died in an accident and my entire life shifted from one day to the next. Everything was different, which is survivable. I think it's fine, but...

05:05
I always felt like I was the only one in that circumstance. And when I started the Live Shift podcast, I wanted people like yourself and all the other people that have been on the show to share these stories so that someone out there that feels alone in that circumstance can feel a little bit connected, feel hope, feel like there is a future that we can move through these experiences. So just thank you for wanting to be a part of this, not knowing where we were gonna go in this conversation. Oh, no, I'm so happy to. And I think that...

05:32
I think that you put that really well, that people feel that hope or less alone. I think it's so important because I know so many people that until they had spoken out and started finding people that have had shared experiences, everyone felt the same way. They felt like they couldn't talk about it because they felt like they were the only people that had gone through those instances like that or similar instances. And once it kind of came out, it was like, I felt

06:01
I'm not alone anymore and I feel like, oh, now I feel like I can be understood now. Where at first, I think a lot of my friends that have gone through things, they couldn't speak up. They felt like no one would understand and therefore they'd be ostracized for it. And I think we're in a really cool time period where that's becoming a lot more common and a lot more seen and accepted to be able to be open and to be able to be heard and understood. Yeah. I think there is a crack in this.

06:29
performative nature that I think we were in for so long that people just had to only put out the good parts or like the successes and none of the hard parts. And I think that we have more in common in the low valleys and in the harder parts in our lives than we do, than we can relate with people that are celebrating their successes all the time. I totally agree with that. I kind of feel like there was this time period and maybe it was like just every time

06:59
the last maybe like 10-ish years, if even, where, I don't know, I grew up in an incredibly conservative and religious background and community, and it was a small community. And so there was this, my therapist calls it toxic positivity, where everything has to look a certain way and everyone has to be happy. Otherwise, like no one knows how to handle those kind of terrible things. But then, like we've been talking about, like everyone's dealing with something. And so...

07:28
Everyone dealing with something and then having constantly turned on and acting like everything's fine is just so unsustainable. And I think in the last 10 years, I think those walls are slowly starting to come down and it's starting to become more, like I said before, it's, it's becoming more acceptable in this new generation. But the earlier generations, it's like, it just was not a thing. You, you keep it to yourself in your four walls and it stays in the family and mind your own business.

07:56
It's way more exhausting to do that, by the way, to just... It's so exhausting! So un-the-sustainable. I think there's what I've seen in this show and talking to people, I've had people come on the show and ask me, hey, can I share something I've never shared before? And that's a big honor and weight, right? But you see the power of storytelling because you can see the person's shoulders relax and everything kind of relax once that comes out.

08:23
Yeah. And it's just out there. Now it's there and it's not inside. And everything's a lot scarier when it's inside. And, you know, so you can actually see the power of storytelling, of someone telling their own story. It just you can see the physical demeanor starts to shift because you've created such a safe and comfortable and welcoming environment. And I think that's huge because a lot of people still don't have that. And I'm only recently learning how to fully be comfortable, not like.

08:51
trauma dumping, but to be able to be honest with people that I'm with, granted, there's within reason, but I'm at this point where I can be honest with people without dumping onto them, but still being heard. Especially in an environment as a guy, there's still this toxic masculinity thing that happens in small little details. And I think one of them is being vulnerable like that. And so I think of this one instance where...

09:20
I was at the gym and I was going through such a hard week, which is as we've talked about before we were recording, that seems to be happening lately a bit rough weeks. And this guy, he's like, how you been dog? And I'm like, I'm having such a shitty week, man. And he's like, oh dude, I'm really sorry. And then we like, he's like, I hope it gets better and we part our separate ways. But he ran back to me after that and was like, dude, I just want to say, I really appreciate the fact that you were.

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comfortable enough to tell me that you weren't well because we're in like a like testosterone Central, you know, we're in testosterone city. We're like we're just like working on our gains and like like just machoing out and I'm out here being like I'm not having a good day and He was like dude that just means so much because I'm not having a good day It's nice to know that I can say that now because you open the door to that So I think it is something that still is like kind of on the low

10:18
Especially as a guy, I feel like you kind of have to suppress it or be angry about your emotions rather than just being like, this really sucks and I want to cry. Well, I always felt, and we'll get on to your story because that's why you're here, but I always felt like growing up that I only was allowed to express two emotions. One was either happy or mad. And it was just those are the two growing up so that everyone else knew I was okay.

10:44
And I wasn't allowed to be sad and I wasn't allowed to do all these things. And I hope that people are feeling different now in how they're being raised. The younger generations, I think they are. I think there's a lot more acceptance of like, I'm just not OK. And that's OK. Like, we don't have to be at the high, high, high all the time, because, like you said, it's honest. It's not realistic. Right. Exactly. There's no way is it realistic. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

11:09
So maybe before we get into your backstory and this life shift moment in your life, maybe you can just give us a little bit of glimpse of who Bo is right now in this part of your life. Yeah. This is a great time for me. It's really cool to be able to introduce myself like this, but my name is Bo. I just recently moved to Los Angeles and I've been a songwriter for a while now, but I also do acting and voice acting, which has been something that has been a passion of mine since I was a kid.

11:39
I didn't have access to it up in Portland. I grew up in Portland. And during the pandemic, there was a moment where I just kind of like sat like, I was, I had insomnia. I deal with insomnia a lot. And I think one of the things that kept me up was that there was this pull in my heart of like things that I haven't done that I've always wanted to do that I feel like I've robbed myself of. I realized that it was voice acting and acting. And so now that I'm an adult, I have adult money, adultish money.

12:08
And whatever that means. Yeah. Right. And once online classes became a thing, I started pursuing that in Portland and then started getting more connected and more involved with the scene in Los Angeles. And so, uh, it just kind of made sense to get more involved down here. And so moved down here and now my, my weeks are filled with. Voiceover auditions, auditions, music production, songwriting, and making trailer music. That's awesome.

12:34
So you're like, are you feeling like in the right space, right time, like feeling? I feel like this was the right 100%. I feel like this was the right place to be at the right time. It kind of like sometimes you kick yourself because you're like, I should have done this sooner. But every time I think like that, I'm like, no, it just it it was so perfectly. My life was so perfectly curated in such a like very unfortunate and very convenient way to like I couldn't have. I wouldn't have survived if it wasn't for leaving now.

13:04
coming down here now. Yeah, I think that's a common thing that I hear from a lot of people that are sharing their stories in this way is like all the pieces, the shitty pieces, the good pieces, everything kind of like just makes its puzzle, you know, it puts the full puzzle together and things feel right in the right space. But I think we also all feel, I wish I would have done this sooner. Totally, totally. But it's like, I'm learning right now that things are.

13:33
There are things out of my control, and you can't just keep dwelling on it because it's like literally the no use crying over spilt milk. It's like, oh yeah, I'm kind of right about that. Like what am I gonna do? Just pout? There's nothing I can change now, so just move forward. Exactly, and I think that's part of society's conditioning as well. I think we're always, I think we were taught to look back and be sad about that or be envious of other people or all these things, like why didn't you do it sooner? But you know.

14:03
You're right. You have a good mentality moving forward. And congratulations on your new chapter. I'm also starting a new chapter and it's like, cool. Whenever it happens, it happens. And that's awesome for you. Yeah, it's definitely, it's a shift, man. Like I'm resetting my life. I lived on my own for four years and now I have roommates. I've got a full on room now. I just got my first rug and my first bed frame. We're moving up, man. And adultish money. I know, I know. I got that adultish money. I just bought a mirror.

14:33
I've never bought a mirror before. Rugs and mirrors are expensive, so. Yeah, I had no idea, and it's kind of absurd. So maybe you can, I know we talked a little bit, and just full transparency to people listening, I don't know much about Bo, besides what we're gonna talk about today. Gave me one sentence about kind of this life shift moment, and that's where we go, because I think it's important to have candid conversations with questions that come from our curiosity. So maybe before you divulge what your, your

15:02
life-shifting moment is maybe you can kind of paint the picture of what your life was like leading up to this and you've already kind of said you grew up in Portland and it was pretty conservative and that but maybe you can fill in some gaps. I yeah I grew up in Portland. It was my mom, my sister and I and I grew up without a dad and as I said, we lived in a really conservative religious community in a small town in Portland and it was super weird because

15:31
My mom was the only single parent and you could tell because of the way that everyone treated us. It was kind of an odd perspective because like for me, not having a dad was a very normal thing. And so like in like church, we would have people giving us this really interesting way of attention. And it was, long story short, it was basically like...

16:00
they needed to take care of, they needed to help us because we were a broken family. I didn't see myself as a broken family. I didn't see our family as a broken family. My mom, I'm sure she felt like it was a broken family, but I didn't, and so I was fine. But as I was growing up, having, there was constantly this like, this stereotype with my family from our community, like the people in the church would be like, oh, well, all these, all these shitty things are happening to you because you don't have a dad, or.

16:28
your son's probably gonna be in prison for drug dealing because he doesn't have a dad. So there are people like were saying this to my mom and that created a crazy atmosphere at home because my mom's trying to take care of two kids by herself. This is like a story that for me, I'm like, this is normal. And I know people now that are like this, but. And you felt like your life was normal inside that home? Like you felt happy and all these things? Yeah, it was like, I mean, we were kids and my mom was angry a lot because, and you know, back then I used to feel like I.

16:57
had like a terrible upbringing, but the reality was my mom was angry because she was stressed because her two kids that are close in age weren't getting along because we're children. And my mom is stressed about how to survive with one income while people in her community that she's trying to be involved with because she feels like that's the right thing to do, people are criticizing her for being a single parent and it just really sucked. And so growing up in this community for most of my life,

17:26
I wasn't worried about not having a dad until the community kept saying, you were supposed to have a dad. The fact that you don't have a dad is wrong. And you know, all these bad things are happening to you because you don't have a dad. The reason that you're, you're, there's such a, such animosity in your family right now is because you don't have a dad. There was all these like crazy, like accusations because we just didn't freaking have a dad. And so my mom had this pressure of like, what we were talking about, this toxic, like positivity.

17:53
We had to, every time we went anywhere, we had to look like we were happy. And so I got to this point where I felt suddenly like, oh, I'm, I started feeling resentful of this dad I never had. And every shitty decision I made, I justified it because I didn't have a dad. And anything bad that happened was because I didn't have a dad. So I got to take that blame and take it for myself and put it on someone that didn't exist. And that created a whole other different conflict for my family because...

18:21
we didn't have to take responsibility anymore. I think that's a little weird. It's not though, because I'll just tell you a parallel to that, losing my mom at an early age, I just had my dad, and growing up, not having the right tools to grieve this, because your whole situation, that's just not fair in general. Yeah. But I use the fact that my mom was dead as a crutch. So basically like what you said, if...

18:49
Something bad happened to me, it's because my mom died. Totally. You know, and if something, but I had the other side, I don't know if you had this, where if something good happened, it was not because I did it, it's because someone felt bad because my mom died. So everything was external. So I kind of relate to half of that in which I was like, well, it's not my fault. It's just because this happened and that's why life sucks. Totally, and that's so interesting. Now that I think about it, like once, when I, this is how I was a shitty little kid, so.

19:19
I would like put up this front of like, I don't have a dad and people would feel bad for me. It was either like they were criticizing my family or another side was like they'd feel bad for me and they're like, well, like how can I help you? And suddenly I'm like, hey yo, I can get things from saying I don't have a dad. What's up? So then I started becoming like a manipulative piece of shit and started like using that to my advantage and.

19:46
that once again created a whole other problem. So I think I do understand what you're saying. It's weird because we're not given those tools and like thinking about your environment, your mom's trying to do the right thing because the right thing that society tells a lot of people is that a religious community is going to protect you, it's going to have all this love and this acceptance and all this stuff. Meanwhile, you're hitting a wall when you go in there because you don't fit their particular mold of the perfect family, having all the pieces that go in there.

20:16
That's very conflicting in itself. It's like mixed messaging across the board as you grow up. And I can imagine how, you know, I would just absorb all of that. I don't know how you make it through without fun. Yeah, it's so interesting. Like, I mean, I never, I didn't have my dad to begin with. I mean, I had him for a moment, but I wasn't at an age where I would recognize that. So to have, not have him was like not having, in a weird way, it's like not having your favorite stuffed animal as a kid. It's like, well, it's gone, but like you move on.

20:46
So it didn't, I think the difference between you and I is that you had, it seems like you had a relationship with your mom. So it was like, what am I doing? Like it wasn't, it wasn't until- You were attaching to a figment. Yeah, an idea. And so it was really interesting. And like the older I've gotten, the more I have compassion for my mom because she was dealing with so much at that time. And, you know, trying to deal with criticism and this like condescension from-

21:14
from the community she wants to be involved with and all the while trying to get me into, I did martial, I've done martial arts my whole life. And then, in the middle of my life, suddenly I was like, mom, I think I wanna play music. And she's like, okay, now I'm gonna pay for him to learn trombone and then get him his first guitar and all these things. Because she's probably also absorbed feeling bad that you didn't have a father, right? Like it's her now it's her fault. It's her.

21:43
Dude, that is a great way to put it. She felt responsible, or she felt like she had to pick up the pieces, but I don't think there were really pieces to pick up in retrospect. It's what she was fed by the community. It was the pressure of that community. And I wouldn't, I'm not going to like, like criticize every religious organization or community. No. It was specifically, I'm just talking about this. I can do that for you if you would like. Thank you. Yeah, it was just specifically this group that we were with. And...

22:12
And so from that point on, you know, she's, she's been so supportive of like my musical journey and with writing and songwriting. And I actually at one point lived in, in the, on the border of LA and OC, Orange County forever ago. And, you know, she was all for that too. And during that time I was, I was pursuing, that's when I was pursuing songwriting and learning how to properly write music, learning how to like produce and do that whole thing. And during that time, I also.

22:42
started traveling. I wanted to travel the world and like experience different cultures and cities and environments and during that time I remember like it like hurt to walk. How old were you? I was 21 so 22 so yeah, so it should not it should it hurt to walk in a weird way It felt like every step I took was like someone stabbing my hip it was a really interesting sensation and it sucked and so I spoke to like

23:11
I remember speaking to 13 or 14 different specialists and a lot of, I mean, it started from my hip and then it started going to my whole body. So I had people saying, I had professionals saying that it's like, we don't know what it, you have fibromyalgia probably, the scientific we don't know. And so I just kind of like kept trying to deal with it, but it was like, it was robbing me of my life because I couldn't walk, I couldn't run, I couldn't do the things I loved, which was like...

23:40
I couldn't do martial arts, I couldn't be active anymore, I couldn't do anything. Couldn't live. Or I could only, yeah, I couldn't live. And the quality of life was just like zip. So then during that time, I decided to move back to Oregon because there was some, just like some musical opportunities up there. And since I was up in Oregon, I was still on my mom's health insurance. And so I was like, oh, yo, I should get, I should try to see if there's like a sports doctor or something I can talk to. So.

24:07
I spoke to one of the sports doctors for Portland Timbers, if you follow soccer at all. I know what it is. I've heard of it once or twice. And I'm like, it's still like drives me crazy because I spent years at this point trying to talk to someone and trying to get an answer. And they're like, Oh, we don't really know. Does this 22? You're fine. Yeah. This guy lays me on the doctor's table, lifts up my leg.

24:36
pushes it and goes, does this hurt? I'm like, yeah. He goes, oh, it's probably a labrum tear. I'm like, I've been here for three minutes, dude. And in six years or whatever, like for years I've been feeling like this and now you're telling me like three minutes and you're like, oh, I got it. I'm like, yuck, this is crazy. So he puts me in to get an x-ray and.

25:03
Back up, if you don't know what a labrum tear is, the labrum is the tendon that connects your torso to your limbs, and you have four of them to your shoulders and your hips. And so my right hip had a labrum tear. And from that, because of that tear, my body kept compensating for the pain, which was causing more pain everywhere else. So we did this imagery, and he comes back, and he's like, okay, so the labrum tear

25:33
probably because your hip was weaker on your right and Probably because we found what looks to be a cyst and then we're looking as like it looks to be a tumor so there's some speculation on like the correlation between those two but I'm like, oh this is Scary It was weird because like How do you feel when you're told you you have a tumor?

26:02
Like at 22. At 22, at this time I think I was 23 or four. But even still. So I'm like, I don't entirely know how to feel about this. Long story short with that, he was like, you should definitely, you're at an age where you don't need a hip replacement if you want one, we could do it. I'm like, no, I don't want a freaking hip replacement. That's so crazy. So he's like, I can fix the labrum. And as far as the tumor goes.

26:29
we can take a look to see if it's benign or not. And that was like a little bit nerve wracking for me. I told my mom and she's like, you know, as a parent would. Well, because I think we kind of hear tumor or we hear is it benign, is it cancerous, is it what is it, my life is over. Like I feel like a lot of us are conditioned that way. Totally. You know, like, and especially this was years ago too. So I think, you know.

26:57
medicine, we weren't as advanced as we are now. I think about that a lot. The fact that we, even in five years, our medicine advancements has been crazy. I think for me, I was a arrogant little son of a gun, and I was like, nah, fate wouldn't do that. I was so arrogant about that. I'm like, no way, no way. Did any of that come with fate already gave me this problem of not having a dad and all this conditioning as a kid, and now it's not gonna give me another thing?

27:26
Dude, actually it was, in my head I'm like, yo, I've been through so much already, I think this is gonna be fine. I faced enough that I think that if this is, I think, I don't know, it was some sort of confidence of, I've made it through things, and maybe it's because I was young, I'm like, oh yeah, it's not gonna be me. Was there a little bit of that toxic masculinity piece to it too, like bro, I'm not gonna.

27:55
Fine, it's cancer. I'll kick its ass. Like, 100%. 100%. Fair. Inside though, too? Did you feel that inside as well, or was there any part of you that was like a little scared? I think there was like a constant back and forth because to add to that toxic masculinity, you have that toxic positivity. I'm still in that world of, I have to be happy. I have to be okay, and I can't be scared because I'm not allowed to be. So I think that kind of really masked a lot, but I've...

28:24
I think I've like really, I think that there was, it was a weird time in my life too, because I just got over a huge, I was going through a huge breakup. I was living with some friends and I'm like trying to get my life together and just think, I was more concerned about like the immediate present rather than the future. And so it's like tumor on my leg. If we have surgery, I'm not gonna be able to walk. I can't make money. They're gonna kick me out of the house. I'm gonna be homeless.

28:53
with a freaking, so it was more of like the, like it wasn't about what the tumor was, it was that, it was like the immediate- The inconveniences. I'm so, yeah, I don't have the money, what am I gonna do? My roommates kicked me out and so I was like, guys, this is crazy, I'm having surgery. They're like, well, if you can't pay rent, then you can't, I'm like, okay. So I think-

29:21
There was also like a divide with my, like I lost a lot of, or I don't wanna say I've lost a lot of friends because that feels really childish, but like I think we were all going different ways and different, we had different perspectives of life. And I think that I had a lot of pressure in my life because of what I was dealing with. And they had, these specific people had zero street level compassion skills. And so it was hard to connect. And so I was like, wow, I feel alone.

29:51
and I have a tumor and a labrum tear, I can't walk and I have no money. That's a pretty big valley, I would say. It sucks. And I remember telling, I was like, I was like, guys, I freaking hate my life right now. And they're like, well, what are you gonna do to change it? I'm like, you can't, what? That is a sign that you don't have the understanding, which is what we talked about before. People don't have, we were in a time period, we were in a time period where people don't have.

30:19
just a simple understanding of other experiences that people are, things that people are dealing with. And so it feels so isolating and it feels so lonely. And so you just bottle it up until you fricking die. And that's what I was feeling. Yeah, I think there's, you know, now at this age, having gone through a lot of things and looking back on people, I look at those people like, what trauma were you pushing down? You know, like the people that don't necessarily have, because they don't have a...

30:48
deal with it themselves. So it's like, deal with your own stuff, you know? And so, you know, I get, I mean, you were young too. I mean, these people are young. It's hard though, dude. Totally. And it's like, you, I'm constantly tethered between this anger of resentment and then this compassionate, like, you don't know because you don't know, and I have to have patience with that. So that led me to my surgery. I had my surgery. My mom had just recently gotten married and...

31:16
Uh, she lived in a one bedroom house and said, I have in my living room, a walk-in closet that fits a bed. If you want to live in that for the next six months. And I said, I have no choice. So for six months I lived in my mom's walk-in closet and she had to pick me up to get me out of bed, to go to the bathroom. I had to be taken to, it was just really taken care of.

31:43
And I tell whenever I've played shows, I've talked about this because I wrote a song during this time. And I like to say that it was the best inconvenience I've ever had because it gave me a second to reset my life and figure out who I want to be and invest in the things I want to do, which was pursuing music, right? Music and improve my skills. And I started getting in shape, taking care of myself once I could start like kind of exercising again. And

32:12
That led me to modeling and acting, or more opportunity with modeling and acting. And I did this commercial for a local casino, and the production company of that casino, or that commercial, the call time was like at 11 a.m., but I didn't start shooting until like 7.30 p.m. And so I was running around a bunch, running around, and I told everyone like, yeah, I live in a walk-in closet. I just started learning how to walk again.

32:40
and yada yada yada and the company was the production company was like what they got wind of my story they reached out to me after the commercial and they said we're we're doing this new campaign for this company called Maxwell House Coffee and your life seems miserable we kind of want to put it on tv Maxwell House Coffee was doing this like yeah I'm like sick they're doing this this rebranding and like it basically like when you need a boost

33:09
So they worked with me, they sent me to LA to record this song that I wrote called Hi. And basically it's about like, I'm going through a lot of shitty stuff and it feels like I keep trying and I can't keep up with all the people that are accomplishing their dreams and living their best lives. And I can't even keep up with that. So I wrote that song and we recorded it with the CEO of the Grammys, Harvey Mason Jr., which he's just the coolest dude.

33:38
then they pushed that commercial with my song and me onto the internet, on TV and onto radio. And so that was kind of getting like really pushed for a while and through that, while that was happening, I'd get like, you know, I kind of started building my fan base from that. And I get a lot of like emails and DMs being like, love your song, this is so great, you're so good. And then I had one really weird

34:07
DM that said, hello, first of all, the name was like, Rachma DR, something, something, something, just a super long, weird, like unusual name. And I, this person said, hello, are you the son of Bascoro? And I'm like, that's so interesting because my last name is Bascoro. Bascoro is my dad's name. And I'm like, no one in the world knows that or knows who I am. And so I'm like, how?

34:37
do you know? And this person goes, my name's DR, I'm your cousin. I just saw you on YouTube and I have heard of you before and we didn't know anything about you, but we just saw you on this commercial. And I was like, this rush of confusion and excitement. It was just the crazy, I've never felt anything like this before.

35:06
It was like a whole other side of my brain got triggered from that. And it was so interesting to me. So I was like, holy shit. I mean, you had to be telling the truth because no one else knows that one detail. And I'm the only Boba escoro in the world. So we started talking more. I started getting messages from other relatives and they're like, this is a picture of me and my brother. And we're just like.

35:36
having these conversations and I think a year had, nah, sick, uh, not even a year had gone by. And I was like, I wanna come, I'm building a relationship with these cousins. I guess I should back up, the name back score was Indonesian and that whole side of the family is in Indonesia. And that's why this makes it extra weird. And so. And did you know anything, like growing up, did your mom share any information? Nothing. Or did she know any? Okay.

36:04
I've never known anything. This is opening a Pandora's box of half of you. Yes. And my mom... I don't remember if I told her immediately or not, but then I was like, hey, I'm gonna go see my cousins. And she's like, who? She's like, the hell you are. I'm like, I'm an adult. I'm going. And so that caused... Yeah, that caused a lot of problems. I would imagine it feels like a little bit of a betrayal from your moms. That's exactly...

36:33
That's exactly what it felt like. And... That's... But it's... You can't... It's hard to explain that. I get it, but I also understand that it's not necessarily true for you. It's... Yeah. And yeah. 100%. And don't gatekeep my family, Mom. Yeah. And it's hard too, because at some point you're like, well, why didn't I know sooner? Or why? And then all these other questions come up. Oh, dude.

37:02
There were, okay, so I'm going to Indonesia to meet my cousins. I get a message from one of my cousins that says, hey, I'm really sorry. This is also the dramatic one in the family, which I've discovered. But he's like, hey, I don't mean to be, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do this, but I told your dad you were coming. And I'm like, my dad? They're like, yeah, did no one know? Did no one tell you? I'm like, tell.

37:32
So there was no conversation about your dad at all through those? No. Oh, wow. And so then the next day I get a message on WhatsApp that says, hello, Bo. This is Bascuro. How are you? And my heart sinks. I called my therapist immediately and I was like, I don't know how to react to this because now I've been raised to resent and hate my dad.

37:59
And I didn't know he was alive. I don't know anything about him. I had no communication with him and he just texted me. So that's very confusing. He is very confusing. So I already had my trip plan. I ignored the text. I go to, first I go to Bali and there's some family there and I just kind of want to explore Bali and then my dad keeps messaging me. And finally, I'm like, Hey, yeah, I'm.

38:28
He's like, I heard you're in your visiting. You, you have to stay with me. I'm going to be picking you up from the airport and you have to stay with me. And I'm like, the hell I am. Right. Who? I don't. Yeah, exactly. I'm like, I don't. So I said, Hey, I'm not really comfortable. I don't think that's a good idea. He's like, I understand, but at least let me pick you up. And I'm like, bro. Fine. So I'm like, I know. So I go to Jakarta, I go to Java and I land in Jakarta and I'm.

38:58
going, I'm exiting the airport and I'm looking for my dad and I'm thinking, I don't even know what my dad looks like. So I'm like, I'm just gonna look like a confused American for a little bit and see what happens. And then lo and behold, there he is. And I meet him and he brings his current wife with him, he brings his wife and I'm like, okay, fine, it's fine. Just, I mean, I've met all these cousins, it's fine, whatever.

39:27
I mean, at this point, it's like meeting a stranger that has DNA. Exactly. It's like, hello, we're the same blood. So the thing about Jakarta is Indonesia is the fourth most populated country in the world and the majority of it's in Jakarta. And so the traffic to get anywhere is outstandingly terrible. And so it's 10 miles from the airport to his house.

39:56
and it took us four hours to get there. So imagine sitting in a car with your estranged father for four hours. Right, yeah. That's quite a moment. It was a moment and... Was it a good moment? Let me tell you. I tell me. I'm like sitting, looking out the window, like I gotta say something. I gotta freaking say something. I go, so what's up? And he's like, oh, you know, I'm tired. I'm like...

40:26
Yeah, why are you tired? Like, why, okay. I'm like, why are you tired? He's like, well, there was a giant sinkhole that destroyed a village in Malaysia, and so I decided to fly there to bring supplies to that village and help reconstruct it, and I just got back before I came to pick you up. And I was like, oh. Oh, okay. Long story short, this man is a freaking saint.

40:55
and maybe one of the greatest people I've ever met in my entire life. And the more I got to talking to him, it was like, you have so much compassion and you are so passionate about helping others. And it is so confusing to me now. And the whole time, I mean, for the first couple of days, my guard was up because I'm like, I don't...

41:24
the stories I've heard about you, I hear you're a terrible manipulative person. You grew up knowing that. Yeah, and there was one guy on my way there that called me. He's like, hey, he's the only person that knows my dad, that knew my dad. And he was like, hey, I just wanna let you know, I heard you're going to Indonesia, if you happen to see your dad. I know your mom has painted a picture of him, and I want you to know that that's actually not what I believe. And he's like listing off these nice things, and I'm like, yeah, whatever, you don't know, and Sharma, you don't know what he's done to my family.

41:54
He sits, we get to his house, he sits me down, he goes, I would like to talk about what happened between your mom and I. And I'm like, I really don't, I really don't. And he's like, it is really important for me to take responsibility for my part about my part in that relationship, and I want to apologize to you, and I want you, I hope you can be forgiving, but I understand if you're not. And I was like.

42:21
Well, this is crazy because I've done so many terrible or like just dumb things in my life that I was begging for forgiveness for from people and compassion and understanding. And this guy just took responsibility for the last X amount of years in my whole life and said, I'm so sorry, can you forgive me? And so I was like, like,

42:50
If I could expect, if I could hope for that kind of forgiveness, I should be able to give that back. And so I was like, you know, actually, I don't think that you need to apologize because I've made it this far without you. But that was a guard, right? It was a guard. But then like that gave me the moment to think back and think I actually only was ever angry at him because I was told to be angry at him.

43:20
And that was the moment I realized that. And so I forgave him and we started clean. And it was so crazy to have the privilege to be able to get to know my dad and see how similar we are in the way we talk, the way we act and think. Like it was so, so I grew up doing martial arts and I found out that he was like famous in Jakarta for being, he was a famous fighter. And, and like,

43:50
There was this one moment that something that's really important to me is that I always say like fight for the underdog. I've always just told myself that, like stand up for the underdog. And he has a son and he was telling his son, he was telling me that he always tells his son, I don't think that you should fight, but if you have to fight, always fight for the underdog. Like verbatim that. And I was like, what the fuck? And then meeting the whole family, we're like. Yeah.

44:18
I'm talking to the family, I'm eating with the family, and they're all like, you are so much your father's son. The way you talk, the way you eat, the way you stand, the way you sit, everything you're doing is like him. And I'm like, this is so crazy to me because I've always felt like with this other side of my family, there was like a separation between us for a lot of characteristics and thoughts I've had. And now to have that piece like connected like that.

44:48
just activated this whole other, like, this spot is okay, you don't have to hide this anymore. Because it's not wrong, it was him. It was his side of your DNA. You actually do fit in. And I do fit in. And to this day, we still text each other all the time. I can imagine that moment is really overwhelming. Did any of your life kind of feel like it was...

45:15
unraveling in a way? Like things didn't make sense anymore because... That's a great question. Yeah. Just because you now you like knew his side. Another side of the story. It was very interesting because...

45:34
My relationship with my mom was, there's always been kind of that wedge and I think it's because of one, her fear of abandonment and two, the pressure that she had of raising us. And so in order to keep us, she painted this picture of my dad. But there was a lot of discourse between my mom and I. And to that point, I don't have a memory of her apologizing to me. And...

46:03
to have him off the bat, the first thing he does is apologize to me was a very interesting shift. And then the more he started talking about what life was like in Portland and the things that he was dealing with. We have very similar mental health, had similar mental health journeys, which was really interesting. When he started explaining his side of the story, he never once said anything negative about my mom. And I thought that was really fascinating. And...

46:31
Then I started to ask him questions like, yo, if we're gonna be on this topic, why did this, why did you do this? And why did you never do this? And he's like, I don't actually think that ever happened. And not like your mom's a liar. It's just, I don't know if that's entirely accurate. Cause the truth is always somewhere in the middle is generally how I take things. And it did open up this interesting like, oh, there is a different reality than the one that I was living. Yeah.

47:00
It's hard to also think about the person that raised you and understand the things that she created, probably, to protect herself and to protect how she was feeling about things. I get it because I've done it. I feel like we've all kind of been in this space in which if we hold onto anger in this space, it protects me from this. And things start to build themselves up and then it becomes a reality. And then you can't get out of it. It's like a...

47:29
It's like a weird spiral that we get stuck in. So I can imagine there's like some confusion there too. Totally, but the thing is I could never hold that against her. I could never resent her for that because I understand what she was dealing with. And I have my guards, I have my defenses for things that have happened to me. And I'm not always the victim, but I still have those things that end up hurting someone else. And...

47:55
It's really complex. Your story is so complex. Because I think of the examples you gave of like the things you did that weren't so great that you were kind of using, like, I'm so mad that my dad doesn't exist or doesn't like me or whatever it might be. My dad sucks. And then to find out later years later that he does and he's the saint of a person, I can imagine how you're also like, well. Well.

48:20
There was no good reason to do that. I can't use that. I don't have a dad line anymore. Right. Yeah. It sounds like you're, are you able to kind of like rebuild some of those memories or are you doing it in a different way? Are you like, what does life look like now with, because you have both parents. Like in a sense of like, as you move forward, the choices and the decisions you make before.

48:47
were made based on your childhood experiences. But now you have this different wedge that's kind of there. Do you approach things differently? Like is your thought process the same? I feel like it would be like, it would be confusing for me. Like if my mom showed up one day and she's like, guess what, I didn't die. I don't know like. Well, I think the reality is, I think the reality is the past happened how it did and that's the perspective I had at that time. And so it's like.

49:16
I couldn't, the reality was I didn't have a dad. And so if like, say my dad was dead and he came back, he's like, I never died. I could, he was dead. That was the reality that I lived in. And so I couldn't, I can't like, I couldn't like reshift that perspective. I don't think it's, I don't know if it's even like a good idea too, because then you start spiraling into this like. But do you approach things differently than you did the day before you met your dad? Yes, oh, that's a great question. 100%.

49:46
After the moment that he said, I want to take responsibility and apologize, I hope you can be forgiving, ever since that moment, I have tried my best to live by that example because like in society, what he did was a shitty thing. And he had the courage to take responsibility.

50:16
And... Because who doesn't make mistakes? Sometimes they're bigger than others. Imagine being a human. Right. And being like, and like the entitlement and the arrogance to not forgive someone and not have any kind of compassion, but then expect it in return is is kind of delusional. And so ever since he said that to me, I've been really work. My biggest goal is to be able to...

50:44
release resentment and take responsibility the best I can. And so a lot of it is like taking, you know, apologizing. Because one side of my life has never had an apology and the other side is like, let me change and make it up to you. Yeah, it's, you know, I think of all the little pieces that are like the breadcrumbs that you dropped of your story and I'd like, because the show is a life shift and I think like.

51:13
Which one of those do you think changed you the most? And it almost sounds like hearing those words from your father's mouth was more impactful. I know that your hip thing was a big deal and it brought you to this point. Yeah. But hearing that, it sounds like you're a different person because you heard the words. Not because you met him, but because you heard those words. Literally, yes. Well, because I've met people that have met their dads for the first time and it's not been a good experience.

51:43
And so for me to even have the luxury of meeting someone who I expected was going to be a piece of shit, to be one of the most upstanding and flawed, but most upstanding and compassionate people I've ever met from at least my impressions of him while I've spent time with him has been so life altering. It's an example that if that's in him, that's in me, because he's literally my blood, he's my dad, he's my biology.

52:13
You know? So, yeah, yeah. That piece, because I think there's a lot of people that will meet like mentors. They'll meet people that that have this feeling that you're describing of your dad. But then to know that that person that's inspired you is your father, that you've really not known for so long to internalize that. Like, I actually can internalize this more than anyone else can internalize anything that anyone else has said, because we share DNA. We're we're like, totally.

52:40
Yeah, we're related in that sense. I have all the potential that he has and he's hit that potential or he's like, he's taken advantage of that potential and become the person he is and I really admire that. And so it's like, you know, when you see your friends accomplish something that's inspiring, but to see your family do that, it kind of hits different. Do you feel more whole? 100%.

53:10
I think it goes back to that whole puzzle piece thing. There was that side of my family, my mom's side of the family, where it's like we share a lot in common, but there's also this quirk about me. I would use quirk, because it was like quirkiness things that was like, oh, you're so quirk, something about you. It's like just different than all of us. And I was like, oh, something's broken or something's wrong. And after meeting him, I'm like, oh, no, it's...

53:38
It's not that something's wrong or something's missing. It's that now I know the other side of me and I know where it comes from. And I know, I do feel complete now. I feel like there's an answer to things that felt like there was a longing or maybe not a longing, but there was just like a part that was confused or like missing for lack of a better term. And to have a whole other family.

54:06
in a relationship with them now is like, oh, this is fulfilling. This is so fulfilling now. I was only half full. And you didn't really know, like you felt like something was a little. You don't know until you know. Yeah. Yeah. Do you ever do you have people in your life that have been adopted and met their biological parents and had similar experiences? Because I feel like sometimes that might feel. I've never I've never met someone who has had like.

54:33
has been adopted and had those experiences. I know people who are adopted who actually they've had they had relationships with their parents but they're biological parents and there was like a cultural reason why they had to be adopted but they lost those parents so there wasn't really that kind of like connection but those parents also normalized the fact that they were adopted. But when I when I got when I met my thought my father uh that was during a time where also

55:03
their fathers, like I have a few friends who their dads died suddenly or in wrecks or accidents. And there was a bit of like, it felt almost like wrong to be like, I have a dad now, when suddenly these people have lost it. So this isn't to your point, but it's just like, it was an interesting thing to like- Did you think you didn't deserve it? I felt guilty.

55:33
I felt guilty because I'd be talking about my dad to people who had a dad. And you had never been able to do that before. Yeah. That was a different, that was an odd feeling to be like, I never had one before, so I couldn't talk about it now that I have one you don't. And it's such a weird. Yeah. And this is the importance of telling your story and sharing your story. Because what a unique perspective you have. Because so much of your life you spent hating someone you didn't know.

56:03
the day you meet him, he unravels that hate as much as he possibly can in one day by apologizing and taking ownership and just being a human with flaws and admitting it. Isn't that so telling of how the human condition of, I don't like you because I've heard things about you. But then you finally get- I think that's a protection. I think a lot of our decisions, whether they're subconscious or conscious,

56:32
are to protect ourselves. So, I mean, I made terrible mistakes throughout my, it took me 20 years to essentially, maybe more, grieve my mom dying because I didn't know how. And I thought, I have to be perfect or my dad's also going to abandon me because I felt like my mom abandoned me. So now my dad is going to eight-year-old brain thinking. And it took me so long to get there that some of the things that I did.

57:00
I knew after therapy and whatnot that I just made those decisions because they were safe. They kept me protected, whether they were mean to someone else, whether they were mean to myself, it was a way to keep control and protection. So, you know, I think the human condition is very odd, but I think at the same time, we're all kind of doing the same thing, some of us more rash than others, but it's all to kind of keep ourselves safe in some way. There's just so much potential. There's so much potential for that bad.

57:28
because of those defenses, but there's so much potential for good and life-givingness. But I mean, I think you telling your story, people hear this and they hear this inspiration of, look, this gentleman was not in his son's life for so long, but the day that he got to see him again, he laid it all out. Maybe I can do that in my own life. Just hearing other people's stories, plant seeds. We don't know when they're going to grow. We don't know when that's going to happen, but something kind of like sparks in us and we kind of...

57:58
move through life in a different way just because we heard Bo's story. Totally. Yeah, I totally agree. That's a great way to put it. Well, thank you. You know, I don't get paid for this. Um, I like to kind of like bring these, these episodes to a close with a question. And I would love to know this version of Bo, knowing all you know now, if you could go back to the version of you flying over.

58:26
and to see your cousins and getting off that plane, you're like, I'm gonna have to suffer through this and then I can go meet my cousins or whatnot. Is there anything you would want to tell him? Man, I think, I think just, God, that is such a great question. I think I would tell him to...

58:55
to just enjoy it and let, like, be who you are in the moment. Don't let your guard, or don't put up those walls because of what you've heard. Because that was the moment that I stopped, I stopped, in a lack of, for lack of a better term, judging people harshly because I'm like, oh, I've heard so many things from, and you hear, you hear.

59:25
like gossip all the time and that creates this image of someone that you've never met before and you go into it with that precognition. And that was the moment that I was like, oh, I'm wrong often and people are wrong often. And you should, and regardless of who that person is to other people, you should still have compassion and love that person. So be who you normally are, which like,

59:53
For me, I've always been a very open and transparent and I believe loving, compassionate person, but it was specifically with him that created such a thing. And so I think treat him how you, be who you are, just like love him still. Love him and go into it like you're excited to meet him because it was so hard and so confusing because I was like, I wanted to, I wanted to get to know him, but I was like, I'm not supposed to.

01:00:22
There's also no roadmap. You probably didn't ever see a story like this. No, I called my therapist and my therapist was like, oh shit. I'm like, what? Before you said that you kind of saw yourself as super compassionate before, except for this one piece, I was going to ask, do you have less anger in your life now? That's a really good question. I think I don't have less anger. Actually, I would argue.

01:00:51
There were a few other instances that have sent me into it, like a shift of perspective, but I think that's like post pandemic stuff. I am a much more understanding person now than I've ever been. I'm a much more understanding person than I have ever been. So that makes me, I feel like less resentful because I- Maybe anger is not the right word, but- I would say I'm a less resentful person in a lot of ways because, because every, yeah, because I'm more understanding of like-

01:01:20
this person is treating me like this, but there's a reason. And I think that understanding my dad, why he, hearing why he left, or like understanding why he left, it's like, I get it. Which is crazy, cause I tell my friends, like I understand, and they're like, it's unacceptable. I'm like, if I was in his position, I'd probably do the same thing. I know I would, I'm his son. I mean, we don't know what we're gonna do until we're faced with those particular moments. And sometimes we don't make the...

01:01:49
quote unquote best decisions, but it's life. And this is just like, we have to move through it. And I love that you found this new acceptance and trying to see more humanity in other people, even if you've heard stories or whatever though. Everyone's trying to do the best that they know how. I hope so. I hope, I believe that as well. And I hope so. And again, I think a lot of us are protecting ourselves in some way, but you know, thank you for telling this story. I...

01:02:15
This is why I love not knowing, because I had zero idea that this is where the story was gonna go, and I love that you made it unfold in this way. So first, thank you for sharing it. Yeah, thank you for listening. Thank you for having me for this. I mean, I just, I think there are people out there, even if they don't have a similar story to you, something that you've said, like plant the seeds of your story of when you first met your father, and maybe that's gonna inspire them to forgive other people, to...

01:02:43
apologize to other people, whatever that may be. If people want to listen to your music or connect in your world or see what you're doing, what's the best way to get into your orbit? So I'm on all platforms as my name, Bo Baskoro, B-O-B-A-S-K-O-R-O. Who am I? And yeah, you can listen to me on Spotify, YouTube, SoundCloud, I think, and iTunes. MySpace. Was there anything before MySpace?

01:03:12
Friendster, but that's really easy. Listen to me on AOL. Perfect. I'll put all that information in the show notes just so people can easily access you and connect with you. I just thank you for sharing your story. I hope it felt good in a weird way of sharing your story again in this particular way. I just so honored by everyone that chooses to spend some time with me. So thank you. Definitely. It's my pleasure, man. Thank you.

01:03:36
Awesome. And if you are listening and something that Bo said today resonated with you or you think someone in your family or friend group that needs to hear it, please send this to them and let them hear this episode. And with that, I'm going to say goodbye. And I'll be back next week with a brand new episode. Thanks again, Bo. Yeah.