From Projects to Prosperity: Sean Martin's Journey to Purpose

Sean Martin00:00:00

At the age of 29, I found myself in a prison cell because of straddling the line between right and wrong. Not knowing, not having that male role model that mentor my life to tell me I was going down the wrong road.So, you know, the job wasn't paying enough, and I found other ways to make money that were illegal. And hanging around the wrong people, that was the pivotal moment in my life. It didn't come until I was 29 years old that could have destroyed me.But early on, I was fortunate enough to frame it as the best thing that ever happened to me. And that's the power of belief, and that's the power of shifting your mind.So an event that's external can shift your life, but you can use that event to shift your mind, which is more powerful than anything that could ever happen to you. I had enough of a foundation to understand that I put myself there, and I used that time wisely.It was the first time I was sober for a prolonged period of time. And that's why I started picking up self development books. One of the first that I remember was Tony Robbins, Awaken the Gian Within.But in that prison cell, I was able to manifest what my future would look like. That was when I was 29. I'm now 46, so we're 18 years removed, more or less. And I got to tell you, it's real.Planting those seeds of belief in yourself are real. I just tell people to have courage, to dream and to dream big, because it's not real anyway, so why dream small? Why? Why be practical?

Matt Gilhooly00:01:23

Today's guest is Sean Martin.And this is really a story of true resilience, self reflection, and the power of purpose, which I guess I say that every time because the Life Shift podcast is really about how we can change from a singular moment or a couple singular moments in our lives. Sean Martin is an entrepreneur. He's a nonprofit advocate, he's a podcast host, motivational speaker, all sorts of things.Sean's journey really takes us from this challenging upbringing in the Bronx during the crack epidemic to scaling the heights of entrepreneurial success, overcoming addiction, and really dedicating his life to giving back to underserved communities. In this episode, Sean shares the pivotal moments that transformed his life.From turning himself in and reframing his time in prison as an opportunity for growth, which I am so amazed by. And I said this before, on an episode with Jonathan Green. He also talks about battling and ultimately conquering his alcohol addiction.We talk about topics like the courage it takes to face fear the power of giving back and how finding a purpose driven mission can unlock exponential growth and fulfillment. His story is inspiring and it's filled with actionable lessons for anyone navigating their own journey of self discovery and transformation.So without further ado, here is my conversation with Sean Martin. I'm Matt Gilhooley, and this is the Life Shift. Candid conversations about the pivotal moments that have changed lives forever. Hello, my friends.Welcome to the Life Shift podcast. I'm sitting here with Sean. How are you today, Sean?

Sean Martin00:03:06

Fantastic. How are you today, Matt?

Matt Gilhooly00:03:09

You know, sometimes I want to just say good, but that I think we're conditioned to say that. I feel like we're. We're taught to just respond with good. How are you? And today I'm tired. I think it's like my. My honest response is. Is tired.

Sean Martin00:03:22

Fair enough.

Matt Gilhooly00:03:23

You know, and, and I talk to a lot of people about this.Kind of like how me specifically growing up felt so conditioned to responding to adults in certain ways, asking only the questions that were allowed to be asked. And so this podcasting journey has been such a weird relief in a way because I can ask anything and people are willing to usually answer them.

Sean Martin00:03:47

Yeah, I'm game for whatever questions come our way. And hopefully I can pump some of this energy your way and get you a little less tired over the course of the conversation.

Matt Gilhooly00:03:56

I will tell you that coming on, like the podcast is one of my favorite things to do. And so the energy comes when we start talking because, like, you and I probably would never bump into each other in real life.And so the ability to have these conversations through, like, remote recording is just so fascinating because now I get to learn from you and learn about how you navigate your life. And I've told probably pretty much everyone on this podcast that every episode or every conversation that I've had has been a part of a.Of my healing journey that I didn't know I needed.

Sean Martin00:04:31

You read my mind. I was thinking all the while, I'm like, this is therapeutic in every sense of the word.

Matt Gilhooly00:04:37

Storytelling. It's so powerful. So let me just. For anyone tuning in to hear you, they're listening to the Life Shift for the first time. This show. Show.The concept of the show really stems from my own personal experience. When I was 8, was visiting my dad. My parents were divorced. They lived thousands of miles apart.And my mom went on a motorcycle trip with her boyfriend. And one day, my dad's boss's wife picked me up from summer camp, brought me to his work, which was very weird.And My dad had to sit me down and tell me that my mom had been killed in a motorcycle accident. And my whole life was with my mom. Like she was the primary parent. I went to school up there. Everything that I did was with her.And at that moment in time, everything that I had imagined for my life, that my dad had imagined for my life, that my mom had imagined for my life, was no longer a possibility in that time period for me. I was 8, so I didn't really understand. But growing up, I assumed that everyone around me needed to know that I was okay.So I faked being okay, like for so long.And behind the scenes I was always like, do other people have these really singular moments in which from one moment to the next, everything is different? And so now I'm on this journey of talking to. I mean, I said, I think you're 177 people about their life. Shifting moments.And as wildly different as people's stories are, there's so many common traits or the way that we feel about certain things that it's just like, oh, I'm not weird, like my journey isn't that strange, or the way I approach things is not totally unique. And it's such like a healing journey. So thank you for coming on this journey with me.

Sean Martin00:06:22

Absolutely. It's my pleasure.

Matt Gilhooly00:06:24

Do you feel that? I mean, I naively, when I started this show, I was like, oh yeah, people have this like one life shift moment.Do you think you have like a ton of them?

Sean Martin00:06:34

I think if you only have one life shift moment. So you, you mentioned your mom passing and that's a monumental shift in your life that you had no control over.And you were a young child, so you reacted to it in the way that an 8 year old would know best, which is, you know, a very limited experience of the world at that point. So you shifted. Your life was never the same. If that would have happened to you at 12 or at 20, it would be a completely different trajectory.So branches of a tree, as cliche and corny as that may sound, but we all share one trunk. I think human beings, you know, we can only speak as Americans. We have this huge division in politics and culture as well.And I think that if we all took the time to just get to know each other on a human level, we would realize just how much more we had in common than we have apart.And I think that's only something that you can let go of when you're cognizant of the fact that you're in control of your own thoughts and your own destiny.So, you know, there were things along the way other than that dramatic shift in your life that I'm sure shifted you and made you the man that you are today. I have some really pivotal ones that we'll get into, I'm sure, but they continue.I have transformed my life completely, both intentionally and sometimes through things that were out of my control which forced me to shift gears and change direction.

Matt Gilhooly00:08:05

Yeah.You know, and I think to that point it's like for so long I didn't know how to like reflect on that moment and how I could control that, like, and I let it control me for admittedly decades. And it was really not until I was like in my early 30s where I was like, okay, okay Matt, it's time to like grow up.And, and I found like a good therapist and we kind of worked through stuff and she was, she just reminded me, which was really another pivotal moment for me was like I was, everything I was doing was with that 8 year old scared mind that someone else was going to abandon me if I wasn't perfect. Because as an eight year old, someone dying is abandonment. And so I was like, is my dad going to abandon me if I'm not perfect?And then I just did that for 20 years. So I think what comes with that is the.When we're lucky enough to be able to reflect on certain experiences and how they've changed us and then learn from that and move forward with that. And unfortunately for me, it took a long time.

Sean Martin00:09:07

Yeah, some people get stuck in it forever.And you know, it's ironic that you mentioned that that happened to you at 8 because within the last year or so and just diving into self development and meeting incredible people, I met somebody who explained to me that we're running a program as human beings and that program for the most part is downloaded on us from the ages of 0 to 7 and we have no control over that.So for you to finally get your program installed and then have something dramatic like that happen from the person who gave you the programming, which was your mom, who obviously was your world, it's understandable how you would get caught in that moment.And then furthermore, I've learned that when things happen to us as kids, traumatic experiences, we for lack of a better term, get frozen in that place mentally. I grew up without a father and my mother did the best that she could and she did a damn good job. But there's something that a father feels.It's, it's a, you know, there's two energies that. That nature created. And they're feminine and they're masculine, and I didn't have that masculine energy other than whatever my mom put into me.And I didn't realize how impactful that was until later in life. I had ran from the idea of having children myself until my wife cornered me and pressured and pressured. I'm teasing.I love her dearly, and it's the best gift she's ever forced on me. I say, joking and lovingly.But I think I was running from that because I never saw a healthy family, a nuclear family, and obviously that looks completely and wildly different than it did growing up. And I'm all for it. I just think it takes a village so it doesn't have to be a mom and a dad, per se.I grew up in New York City, so we're very welcoming of whatever family structure comes together, but we are better as communal beings. And it's just something that I didn't see growing up.And subconsciously, I ran from it for the longest, and I had to be thrown into the fire and have our daughter and still fight it. I fought for five years. You know, one of the big things in my life was substance abuse.And until my son was born more recently, he's now two and a half and my daughter's seven. I still fought that demon. And I think a lot of it had to do with not having a dad in my life.It's the most powerful thing that I've done in all the success, financially and emotionally and spiritually that I've found.The proudest thing, I always say, is what I've been able to accomplish as a husband and as a father, because I created that out of thin air with the help of my wife and also the desire. But I needed to be forced into that corner. And again, I say that with all due respect and love, but my wife was the catalyst for this.If it was left to me, I'd still be running around with no children, and I probably wouldn't be my wife, because I was so scared of that commitment, because it's for life. Raising a family is the hardest thing you'll ever do. It is a lifetime commitment.And obviously we're in a world where that's not always the case anymore, but for me it is, and I'm so committed to it. Because of having no father or no male structure in my life, I'm all in. All in. But it took a while to get there.

Matt Gilhooly00:12:25

Yeah.I mean, fear is so powerful, and if we let it control us and not really like, think about it as detailed as we can, or in the way that your wife was kindly forcing you into growing. I think growing is a beautiful way of looking at how we can face our fears in a positive way and kind of create the life that we want to create.

Sean Martin00:12:48

The life that you want is on the other side of conquering that fear. We've heard it all before. If we have a good feed on our algorithm or we've been diving into any kind of self development, and it's so true.The reason that we avoid it is because it's the unknown and it's the unfamiliar. So I'll share with you my background and my story. I was born and raised in Parkside Projects in the Bronx, New York.Everybody worldwide knows of the Bronx, which is pretty remarkable, being that it's really not that great of a place, but it just has so much character and so much aura to it, and I was blessed enough to be born into that. My mother herself was the child of Dominican immigrants, and herself was a Dominican immigrant.And I say that proudly because Zoe Saldana just won the first Oscar for any Dominican American the other day, which was pretty damn awesome for all of us as a culture.And her parents came over at the same time that my grandparents came over, and they fled persecution over there because the dictator at the time had been assassinated. So we came to America, like most people, looking for a better life.We didn't find it in Parkside Projects, but here we are, you know, a generation and a half removed.And I was moved to tears more recently because I was at an event which just caused me to pinch myself because I had come so far from the roots of the Bronx.And growing up in the 1990s during the crack cocaine epidemic that, you know, pretty much wiped out an entire generation of potential fathers, we were quick to lock people up, throw away the key 25 to life for, you know, minimal sales of crack cocaine, which robbed an entire people of already limited hope, unfortunately. And we're still rebounding from that as a community.But I say that to just paint the backdrop where it wasn't easy, but my mother always got up every day, and she worked for a living. She was a social worker with a huge heart. And that is the most valuable gift that she ever gave me, was love.That love has sprouted into the man that I am becoming. Still not there, but becoming.But it took a ton of mistakes, Matt, and one of them was having graduated high school, having graduated college, having made six figures, which, where I come from is, you know, that's an accomplishment. At the age of 29, I found myself in a prison cell because of straddling the line between right and wrong.Not knowing, not having that male role model, that mentor in my life to tell me I was going down the wrong road.So, you know, the job wasn't paying enough and I found other ways to make money that were illegal and hanging around the wrong people, that was the pivotal moment in my life. There were a lot before then, but they were small. That was a massive shift in my life and it didn't come until I was 29 years old.A year prior to that, I was fortunate enough to be blessed and meet the now love of my life, my now wife. We're going on 17 years together and we actually celebrated our first anniversary two days after I turned myself in to do a two year stint in prison.That could have destroyed me. But early on, I was fortunate enough to frame it as the best thing that ever happened to me.And that's the power of belief and that's the power of shifting your mind.So an event that's external can shift your life, but you can use that event to shift your mind, which is more powerful than anything that could ever happen to you. So if, you know, these terrible things happened to me at 17 or 18, I would have probably not been able to rebound.But I had enough of a foundation to understand that I put myself there. And I used that time wisely. It was the first time I was sober for a prolonged period of time.And that's why I started picking up self development books. One of the first that I remember was Tony Awaken the Giant Within.And I was blessed enough to be in a room and have a personal conversation with him just last week, because I'm part of this super exclusive group where again, I just pinch myself. But in that prison cell, I was able to manifest what my future would look like. That was when I was 29.I'm now 46, so we're 18 years removed, more or less. And I gotta tell you, it's real. Planting those seeds of belief in yourself are real.And I just tell people to have courage to dream and to dream big because it's not real anyway, so why dream small? Why? Why be practical? How many times do we say, well, what's your fallback? Let's be realistic, you know, how am I going to attain this? Doesn't matter.I wrote things in that book that I could only have dreamt of and they've all come true and then some. And some of them are still on the table. And I know they're going to come true.But if I didn't have the courage and the belief to even write it down or start to believe it, there's no way that I would have gotten there. Life doesn't happen by mistake. External things happen that you can't control, but you can control how you react to them.

Matt Gilhooly00:17:56

That's a huge lesson and probably something that's really hard to get to. I mean, I'm thinking back to the idea that you one had to take ownership of the things that you did and turn yourself in, which is a.That's a huge thing. I've talked to someone else who also did the same, like, ran from across the country, from the police, and decided, okay, I can't do this.I have to go back and turn myself in and. And do what I need to do. So that's a big thing.And interestingly enough, also, while in his prison cell, he chose, like you did, to better himself, to find ways to. When I'm done with this part of my life, I can go out there and do something else. So I'll ask you the same question I asked him.How did you find the fortitude when sitting in a place where there are other people that maybe are, and this is my assumptions here, maybe are trying to get you to misbehave even more or whatever that may be. Maybe this is just television in my head thinking of what that's like. How do you.How did you find the fortitude to be like, no, I need to make this a good experience as much as I can while I'm in here?

Sean Martin00:19:07

Well, the bad guys can only turn you if you don't have some kind of foundation. And I was fortunate enough to have a foundation.So a lot of people that get sucked into gang life, they're young, they're impressionable, they don't have a support system. I had my now wife that I could call every day. I had friends that were right to me.I had $55, which was the maximum you could have every two weeks to go spend at the commissary store. And there were guys there that were living on borrowed favors, Literally. Stamps are currency in prison just to put things in perspective.And I think they were only 29 or 30 cents way back then. I was fortunate to have legs to stand on. If I was in that situation younger, my life would be wildly different.But what gave me the fortitude wasn't even in that prison cell. It was as a child, my mother. She had taught me that if you think you can, you can, and if you think you can't, you can't.And either way, you're right. I jokingly say. I think Henry Ford is the one who said that.And the Little Engine that Could is the book that reinforced that for me at a very young age. And it just stuck. It just stuck. So as a young college student, you're idealistic. The world's not fair.The rich people, you know, they're taking advantage of poor people. There should be more equality in the world and equity.And again, these are all things that are sensitive topics, but the reason I say them is that we shift as people, as we live our lives and as we experience different things. And the younger you are, the less experience that you have, the older, hopefully the wiser you get. But that's not true for everybody.You've got to be a student of life. And I made that time work for me because I didn't blame anybody else.There are people in there that will blame anyone, anything and everybody for why they're there. And I fucked up. I fucked up big time.

Matt Gilhooly00:21:10

Did you know at the time that you were making bad choices or were you just, like, justifying them?

Sean Martin00:21:14

I was in a cloud of drugs, alcohol, partying. I knew I wasn't making great decisions, but it was fun. It's a lot of fun. I always say that the streets are sexy.When you come from the streets or you even navigate in those circles, there's a bit of danger to it and there's a bit of allure to it.I don't know if you're someone who appreciates a good rush, but if you're on a jet ski or a motorcycle or if you fly or you do anything exciting, you're not living until you're almost dying. And the streets provide that excitement in a different kind of way for people. There is an allure to that street life.I was not all the way in, but I got my foot caught in the door because I had an education. So I was able to navigate both worlds.I was a bit of a chameleon, but I chose to make money illegally and be around people that saw that duality as weakness. So you can't have it both ways in the street. You're either all in or don't touch them.And I was trying to have it both ways and eventually got caught up. But it was really just the my fault thing. So one of the guys that I follow online, and he's very popular, is Alex Hormozy.So I'll Credit him with saying poverty will keep you there as long as it takes for you to learn the lessons. And the biggest one that I think people in poverty and people from humble beginnings suffer with is the inability to look inward and say, my fault.What role am I playing in this? So you can play the victim or you can choose to get help. And it took you decades to get the help.You needed to get over the fact that you were suffering from a trauma that happened to you at 8 years old, but something shifted in you and you chose to get the help. But if you choose to stay in that mode or in that place, that is your fault. You know, what happened to you is not your fault.But if you choose to relive that every day of your life and continue to blame what happened to you, that is your fault. And I think we're seeing a lot of that in today's society. We deem it a mental health crisis.And I believe there truly is mental health issues in the world.But I think the reason that it's so huge today is because we have this beautiful device here which traps us in a world of, if I believe something, it'll feed me that. And it's easy to stay stuck in that place.

Matt Gilhooly00:23:45

I was gonna say it is much.

Sean Martin00:23:47

Easier than to get out of it. And I think we're gonna see a continued trip down that road. I don't think it's gonna get any better, unfortunately.

Matt Gilhooly00:23:54

Yeah, I would agree it is.In my own experiences, like when I was felt depressed, you know, as a teenager or whatever it was, it was far easier to stay in that mood, that feeling that whatever it was at that particular time than it was to take whatever action.And I think some of that aligns with what we were saying before is the fear that we don't know for sure that the steps that we're going to take are going to get us out of it. What if it gets worse? What if, you know, like, what if I try something and it's worse and then I fail and then I be.And it becomes a snowball effect of. Of where we stay.And I think it takes a different type of person or maybe a different upbringing or maybe influence or whatever it is around us to have the confidence to take those steps, whether they're going to work out or not. Because that's kind of where the learning comes from. That's where, you know, like when I.When I took the opportunity to try to get myself out of the spiral that I was in of some sort, I went to a therapist that didn't work. And then I went to another therapist that didn't work for me. And it took me five people to find the one that worked.But damn, was it scary to go, oh, shit, this, this one didn't work. Like, I need to try something else. Is that one going to work? You know, and so to your point, it's.Something switches where you're like, okay, now it's time. Like, I need to do something. But it gets incrementally harder sometimes if it's not working out.

Sean Martin00:25:24

The pain for you must have gotten so deep and you were just tired of it. You just got tired of it. And the only thing that separated your journey is you didn't quit. You didn't quit on the first therapist.You didn't say, all this shit doesn't work. This therapy is a. It's a scam. These people, they're just taking my money. Because how many people go to a therapist and expect an instant result?How many people go to the gym and want to lose weight in a week? It is a long and boring and arduous process to success, but it is also a long and debilitating process and journey to depression and sadness.It does not happen overnight. You are reinforcing the weakness muscles versus reinforcing the strengthening muscles. So literally, what happens to you in the gym?And you know, I sit here as someone who presents, as someone who's in shape and takes care of themselves, but I have been £350 not once but twice in my life. And when I speak, I tell people that I've gained and lost over a ton in my life.If you add it all up, and what was going on there subconsciously was the fat kid was still pulling me every time I would lose weight, massive amounts, I would gain it all back and then some because I hadn't shifted my identity. And the same thing will happen in depression and in sadness and in mental health. You will always be pulled back to the person you truly identify as.But it's, it's not for a fault of your own. It's. It's. We just don't understand how this works.We don't understand that we've got to dedicate time, energy, and vision to creating the person we want to be.But if we're just getting through the day, that's a tough, it's, it's fucking tough proposition to, to tell somebody to dream big when they're just paying their bills and paying their rent. As someone who comes from humble beginnings but had a working class mom we never made over 50 grand a year.She worked for the city of New York all her life. You know, we were bookended by welfare recipients for the most part.But there were also working people in the projects, but they were usually single moms. So without that second income, you were stuck.It was rare that you had two working people in the projects and a nuclear family with two working class people because they would have probably earned enough to get out. Now, there were instances of that, but they were the minority. It's a process, man.And unfortunately, we live in an age where people don't understand that it's just going to take time.And when I speak to young kids and even young adults, people in their 20s, I just tell them, listen, there's something that nobody's ever going to tell you. And it's the most underrated superpower, patience. Patience is truly, truly a superpower.

Matt Gilhooly00:28:03

Well, and society is not really conditioning any of us to have that patience. Right. Because I think it's always this next get rich quick scheme or lose weight quick scheme or whatever it may be.So it's always, we're always looking for the next quickest thing to get to the next place. When your story is proof of your weight loss, even story is proof that, like, it's not. It's.It has to be a lifestyle change, it has to be an ownership, it has to be a my fault. It has to be all these pieces that align now to the newer version of you so that you can live in whatever you're going to be.I mean, like whatever you want to be, you can be kind of mentality.

Sean Martin00:28:44

You'Re the only one who can change your life. The first step in that process is truly just desire. You have to want to change your life.And then you have to take stock and see what role you play and why you are in the place that you are. And I just hope that you look in the mirror first.It's so easy these days to just point the finger at some elected official and say, well, they're the reason that we're here.And it's, you know, we just, you know, tonight we're gonna install these tariffs here and you know, in the states against our bordering neighbors, Mexico and Canada. Whether I agree or disagree is irrelevant. This is just the reality.But I could choose to focus on that or I could just choose to put my head down, which I do personally, and just go about my business.Because I've never had the belief that any president or governor or mayor is going to change my life more than I am, and I just try to implore people of that. I think we saw an exponential belief that government was either good or evil during COVID It depends what side of the fence you were on.You really decided to go down that road.For the most part, so many people got swallowed up in the politics of COVID that I just think it's something that's going to take us a long time, if we can even recover from that as a culture. And I think that was worldwide. But I can only speak from the American experience, and even more so just from the experience here in New York.And just to kind of build on that, and obviously not to get political, I could care less. But it is a factor. It's an external factor. You know, my reactions to it haven't changed.I tease my buddies that send me all the conspiracy theories, and so many of them turned out to be true. I'm like, okay, dude, you were right. Now what? How many hours and hours did you waste of your life?And if you added that up, probably days, weeks and months, that you could have been bettering yourself, but you're in the same exact position you were.And now you can scream from the rooftops that you were right about this or you were right about that, and I was wrong about this and I was wrong about that. But all the while, my life has continued to get better. And all the while, you were wasting that energy on something beyond your control.And I think that is a testament to life. I think there's so many distractions, but you're the only player in this life that can give you the fulfillment that you truly seek as a human being.But we don't have those tools, brother. And that's why, you know, you're on this mission, and we talked about it off camera, that this is therapeutic for you.And I host the podcast, and it's therapeutic for me because you get to remind yourself that we are all much similar, much more similar than we are different. It connects you to your fellow human, and people are your greatest resource. So use them.

Matt Gilhooly00:31:30

Yeah. You know, it's. So. It's some of these things that you're saying, I think, for so many people are logical, right?But I think where people get stuck is the practicality of doing it. Right? Like, it doesn't. They're like, I don't know how to do that, but it makes sense that I should be doing that, but I don't know how to do that.And, you know, you think to your story of like, and I. And I don't Know, like it sounds like you were.Your mom instilled a lot of good things into you, so maybe you were already thinking that way and just kind of got sucked into the. The lure of. Of the streets. But do you feel like turning yourself in or being in prison or reading that particular book?Do you think something shifted in you then, or did you always kind of bring that along with you?

Sean Martin00:32:18

I think I always had it in me, which was desire for more. I always knew I was meant for more. I always believed I could accomplish great things.But much to what you just said is I didn't know how to go about it, let alone have people in my sphere that I could be like. I want to be like that guy, or I want to accomplish what she did.And that's why these last two years of my life have been dedicated to improving myself. And another huge life shift for me was when my son was born. I was still drinking heavily. I told you, my daughter was born.And I was still holding on to that. Families don't work. I've never seen it work. And I chose to do the thing which made me feel comfortable, which was to drink.And I did it excessively, and I did it daily. And I was highly functional, you know, alcoholic. I would go to work. I ran a business, I started a business. All while I had these bad habits.And alcohol was part of the journey for me and entertaining my potential clients and going out and eating dinner three to five nights a week and never had two. I'll have the third one here and I can go home and have a nightcap. I mean, it was a problem for me personally.It wasn't till I eliminated that where my life started to take off. So we all have these governors on our life, which we're completely unaware of, and they stem back to our fears.From that downloaded program we talked about from the ages of 0 to 7. Our parents, our caretakers, they're downloading their own life belief systems on us. And we continue to run that program.But depending how good of a program they installed, it can hinder us or it can elevate us. And that's not to blame them. People do the best that they can with what they know how. And my life was not all good.My mother had her issues, and there was plenty of dysfunction. And there was alcohol and there was drugs. It was the 80s, it was new York City. So I've seen it all. I've seen things I wasn't supposed to see.I've heard things I wasn't supposed to hear. I Grew up a lot faster than I was supposed to, faster than my kids are ever going to grow up, that's for sure.If you're going to blame them for the negative stuff, you better blame them for the good stuff. But what you choose to focus on is where you're going to start to move. And I choose to focus on the good stuff that I learned from my mom.So I always say it's like there were plenty of good things and bad things that I learned, but as an adult, you make the choice to trim the fat. If I want to keep blaming for the negative, the negativity, or the dysfunction in my life growing up, I'd be stuck in that place.But I chose to just take the good lessons I learned. Trim the fat. And then I started to surround myself with people that would elevate me.So a couple years ago, I decided to get sober on the advice of my wife, who said something very simple to me. And I tell the story all the time. One morning, get ready to go out for work. Gave her a kiss. Your breath smells like alcohol. I didn't fight her.I initially was like, no, I just Listerine. I just mouse rinse my mouth out because I wasn't a daytime drinker.But if you've ever known anybody or you yourself have drank too much, it starts to just. Your breath starts to. It lingers. It gets your teeth, everything. It's just. It's part of your. Your, Your. Your smell.I say that with a smile and a joke now, but, you know, there's nothing to be, you know, joked about because so many people suffer from something like that and they're just not aware or don't want to take responsibility for it. But at that point, again, it was. I knew I was meant for more. I didn't know I was going to get there, but I knew this thing was holding me back.And on that comment, I didn't fight her. After that Listerine thing, I was like, you know what? I was embarrassed. I checked myself into rehab a month later.I was only there for three days because it was a detox thing I had tried to kick on my own. And I remember the moment that I had to wake up one night. I never had the shakes. This is my story.I'm not trying to minimize mine or elevate anybody else's story. This is mine, and I'm sharing it authentically. Never had the shakes.I was a professional drinker, and I'm a big dude, so I could hang with the best of them, but I would get Those butterflies where. Three or four days into not drinking, I just couldn't sleep. I mean, it was torture, torture.And that's the withdrawal, which can actually kill you if you're far enough down the line. Alcohol is the only substance that can kill you through withdrawal.Unbeknownst to me of how severe the problem was becoming, I got up one night and I had to take a shot of vodka at around one in the morning just so I could go to sleep.Do you know the pain and the embarrassment and the shame that that causes somebody who knows when they're pouring the drink that they don't want to do this anymore, but they can't stop themselves? It's that cycle we talked about earlier, and you're spiraling down, and you're spiraling down. And my wife's little comment was the catalyst.And my son being born a few months before was what I needed to check myself in. I came home three days later, refused any kind of heavy medication. I was like, I just need something to sleep.They gave me a strong allergy pill, and I was out in three days, much to the surprise of the nurses there. But that's when my life shifted.Even more so than coming out of that prison cell, because I was able to use that prison experience to create this life that I had now reached the peak. I had accomplished all those things for the most part, and I was lost again. I was just kind of spinning my wheels in life.And I had my daughter, and I wasn't appreciative of it. I had a great wife. I wasn't appreciative of it.But when my son came around and that comment, and now I'm sober, and then my wife tells me, hey, Tony Robbins is having a seminar down in Palm Beach. You should go check it out.And that was one of the goals on my, you know, my list in these composition notebooks where I structured my life in that prison cell? It was to go to one of his seminars and. And walk over hot coals. And I was just talking to him one on one the other day.So, I mean, I pinch myself, brother, because you need to go through the fire, you need to go through the pain.And to anybody listening right now, you don't have to have a fucking clue how you're going to get to the place you want to go, but you've got to set the intention to want to get there. And then you've got to be honest with yourself. You've got to start to put together just one day at a time. You'll slide down every once in a while.No big deal. Don't beat yourself up.Just get up, keep trying, keep showing up and be patient because again, it's been two and a half years since I got sober and my life has gotten incrementally better every day. And looking back, I can put together and say, oh, two and a half years, it's been amazing.But if I'm comparing myself on a day to day basis, expecting huge results, it's a foolish perspective or approach to take. You know, give yourself time. But I set the intention that I want it to be better.And then, you know, for anybody suffering with any kind of substance abuse, you know it in your heart.And if you're not honest with yourself, you're going to continue to live the nightmare that you inadvertently have become so comfortable living that you're just going to keep repeating it. And you know, that is insanity. But I don't judge anybody because I've been there and I've done that.And now I live a life where I'm just not a drinker. If anybody asked me, I have no desire to drink. And it's just, it's a powerful feeling.It's just so powerful to have conquered that and use that pain as motivation and fuel to be where I am today.

Matt Gilhooly00:39:56

How long were you, were you addicted? I guess to alcohol? How long were you an alcoholic?

Sean Martin00:40:01

Yeah, I was probably drinking more than I should have since my early 20s. So we're talking 20, 20 plus years of drinking.You know, various drugs, weed, MDMA and all that other good stuff that came along with the 2000s party scene. You know, this is something I suffered with for decades.And just to show everybody, just like you, didn't give up on that first therapist, second therapist, fourth therapist, and the fifth one stuck.I went back into my notes from college and I had discovered that way back when in college, I had written down what would my life look like without drugs and alcohol. To see that after getting sober was so powerful because it spoke to the real desire in my heart. And I already knew.And so many of you already know what you want, but you're just afraid to go for it. I was afraid to get sober because I didn't know what my life would look like on the other side of it. I didn't lose my friends.I just don't spend as much time with them anymore. I love my friends, but if we're not drinking, they really don't want to hang out with me, you know what I mean?So you have to get uncomfortable if you want to grow, if you're not losing friends, you're not making progress. And I think so many of us just want to stay in what we know, that we don't take the risk or the chance to explore what's on the other side of it.

Matt Gilhooly00:41:26

Yeah. Do you think a lot of us. And maybe, maybe you do this as well?Like you kind of create those roadblocks for yourself because of the fear too of like what that other side?

Sean Martin00:41:36

Yeah.

Matt Gilhooly00:41:36

You're like, I know I shouldn't be drinking, I know I shouldn't be doing these drugs, but if I do it, it kind of like subconsciously blocks me from the possibilities.

Sean Martin00:41:45

Correct. It numbs you. It numbs you.But I mean, there's things I have to do pertaining to my new website in order to get it up and running and I've been avoiding it for a week and a half because there's still fear of what's on the other side. I have a successful business and medical supplies.I'm now starting a coaching business and I have very high level people that do it at the highest level who are now in my sphere of influence that I could just ask them what to do. And I'm still avoiding it. So we're human. So knowing all these things does not mean that you are not going to suffer from the same thing.It just means that you have to get uncomfortable again and again and again. There's really no destination, there's no finish line. You mentioned you're a type A personality off camera. And I'm the same way.We will never be satisfied. Never. And I think most people are like that. But they find the things that keep them happy with where they are.Now, everybody can't be a leader, everybody can't be a business owner. Otherwise there will be nobody to work. And there's no shame in whatever role that you're playing.But if you have a gut feeling and you're not answering the call, you are suffering. And I believe that truly. I don't think that everybody desires more, but I think many of us, if not the majority of us, want more.But because we don't know how to go about it, we create these roadblocks, these subconscious belief systems. We're telling ourselves a story. But much like every book behind me or every book you've ever written, there was an author. Your life is no different.And it's like writer's block, which ironically you have behind you the story that you want to live. You might just be suffering from writer's block. You may not understand that you're writing that story, but you are.So you've got to get around people. You've got to pick up books, you've got to eliminate Netflix and chill. You've got to put down the phone.You've got to delete the app that's keeping you from that. It may not be alcohol and drugs. It may be the Internet. It may be Instagram, it may be TikTok.You know, I jokingly say I don't have TikTok on my phone because that was where I drew the line. But my Instagram time is not good, for sure. But that's the app I like, you know, But I don't gravitate to Facebook. I love Instagram.If I could eliminate Instagram, I buy back about 45 minutes, maybe an hour and a half of my life every day that I could be doing something more productive with. So, again, I am not immune.

Matt Gilhooly00:44:26

I think of your story, and it kind of relates to what I did, but not exactly it. I was living my life on some kind of checklist that I assumed that I was supposed to do that would lead me to happiness, which.And the reason why I equate it to something like when you got out of prison and you kind of were being successful, but you were still drinking and doing those other things, you're like, well, I'm still hitting all the marks, right? Like, so therefore I'm successful. Like, I've done what I'm supposed to do. And I. I felt like I was just chasing that, like, society's checklist.I was like, high school, college, master's degree, house, you know, like, doing all the things I'm like, when is the happiness? When does that come?And it was all that external, like, validation that I was apparently looking for when really, you know, finding something like, as simple as this podcast is something that is. Feels different than the two master's degrees that I have on my. On my wall. Like, those really didn't mean much.Whereas I can have a conversation like this and I feel fulfilled. So it's. It's. It's one of those things where I'm like, for so long, I was chasing. And I think a lot of people do that.They think the next promotion is where they're going to be happy or the next dollar mark that they hit in whatever. When it's really taking this ownership of.Of the dreams that you want for yourself or the direction that you want to go is probably where that fulfillment or that happiness might lie.

Sean Martin00:45:58

Yeah, it's enjoying the journey. But if you're on the journey that someone else outlined for you and you didn't outline for yourself, then you're just going through the motions.So while I did outline that journey for myself in those notebooks in a prison cell and I was chasing them down, it wasn't what I was truly designed and put here on this planet to do. I have a unique gift of connection with people from all walks of life and all backgrounds.And I wasn't utilizing it when I tell you that even in prison, I was okay. I was comfortable. Not that it didn't have its obvious challenges. I can go anywhere and be just fine. That's my gift.And I can connect with people and make people feel good, and I can add value to people's lives.So what I've chosen to do now that I've gotten clear and I've gotten sober and I've started to invest in myself, is I've started to give, and I've started to do it without the thought of getting in return. Just today, someone asked me for a donation to a large corporate nonprofit.I donated a considerable amount of money, not because of the organization, but because of the connection I have with this person. And can I tell you that I have a nonprofit that I am the president and co chair of.And I asked not too long ago for all my brothers in that small group on a text, you know, to support the organization, and only one did with a small amount.So I'd be dishonest if I didn't say that when I donated that money, it didn't cross my mind to say, damn, why am I giving this person this much money when they didn't give me a penny towards something that I personally have a stake in? Because I am the president of this nonprofit. They're just representing a corporate nonprofit so they can look good.But then I put that to bed and I said, that's not who you are. You are not someone who is transactional. Whether or not that person is transactional is on them.I will not let the world or anyone in it change who I am. But that's only because my roots are firmly planted and I know who I am now. But that's because I went through all this stuff.Even now, I'm looking at you on a dual screen. My camera's in front of me, but I'm looking at you in the eyes as if you were right here in front of me, brother. Because that's who I am as a person.That's who Sean is as a person. But I only know this because I've fallen on my face so many times to get back up and not quit that I know firmly who I am and what I'm about.And I'm about helping as many people in this lifetime as I can. I think life has a lot of pressure. It puts a lot of pressure on people to succeed. We're in America.I heard the other day, if you make $60,000 a year, you are in the top 1% the world, not America, the world. Why don't we look at life that way?Because we're comparing ourselves to the 1% here, which is half a million dollars or more, something in that arena. And if you look at yourself as the 1% of the 1%, that goes from a few hundred thousand dollars a year to a few billion dollars.So it is all perspective. The truth is, we all have more than enough of what we need. But we're looking at it from a lens of, I'm not checking off all the boxes.Like you said, I'm not doing what society's told me to do. So I implore anybody who's struggling right now and doesn't know what to do to go out, find something close to your heart, whether it be a charity.You know, soup kitchen is kind of cliche, but if homelessness is something single moms, kids, mentorship, whatever it is that moves you, go dedicate a couple of hours of your life to that just every month, and see how that makes you feel. You will never go broke from giving. And someone wise told me that just the other day, on my part, it was, you will never go broke from giving.And it's so true, because it's the most selfish thing you can do to make yourself connect with other human beings and also put in perspective all the things that you have that you're not taking an appreciation of. So you will soon see how much you have. When you start to compare yourself to someone who has nothing.But we're always comparing ourselves to someone who has the thing that we want, the real balance. And the trick is to be happy with what you have while you strive for the thing that you want.And it is not an overnight thing, and it is not something that is always going to be there. Happiness is the moments when you hit the highs. So it's about fulfillment. You mentioned fulfillment.And fulfillment only comes from doing something that lights you up. And chances are that's something that's adding value to someone else's life more so than your own.

Matt Gilhooly00:50:36

Yeah, no.And I think in the same vein, of giving back or helping other people also, listening to other people, listening to their stories, connecting with them like you do. You know, like I try to do on this show is like, hear these other stories that are not like mine, because I think that draws us together more.I think we're able to learn from each other in that way as well. In addition, that person might never be listened to by someone else in their life.So you might be giving them the gift of just, like, hearing them and allowing them to share their story in that way, too. So, I mean, I agree, but also that.

Sean Martin00:51:14

Yeah, and I mean, just be kind. You know, you mentioned when we started, you're like, I'm tired. And I don't see that right now because you're sharing with another human being.You're connecting with another human being who's pouring into you and you're pouring into me. And that's what it's all about. It's that simple. It doesn't have to be that complex.When you're out in the morning, say thank you, Say, please hold the door open for somebody that will make your day. And then you just start to stack up those little things. I had the people in my bank today just kind of just say, we appreciate you so much.And that lit me up because, you know, I came in with my dog. I was working from home today. Everybody met the dog. I'm, like, fully domesticated. I jokingly say, a kid from the projects. I live in the suburbs.I've got a golden doodle. I said, the only thing missing now is the Christmas card that people throw away when you send it to them in the mail.And she took the time to just say, we appreciate you. And that was because of how I made them feel. I'm kind. I'm not pushy. I'm very appreciative of that. You know, nobody's just doing their job.But I think that freedom came from me being able to get the chip off my shoulder. And if we reverse engineer that, me being able to get the chip off my shoulder came from being financially successful. Now, yes, I am doing well.I'm doing better than a lot of people. I'm not doing as good as I want to be or as good as some other people. But I'm not comparing myself to anybody.So what I always tell people, particularly kids when I speak to them from impoverished backgrounds or kids that are in trouble with the law, is it's a choice. So go out and get that money. Find a way to make money, because then and only then, Will you realize that it won't make you happy?So what money will buy you is freedom. What you choose to do with said freedom is on you. And I truly believe in entrepreneurship.And I think that is the one great thing that capitalism has gotten right, hands down. It is the ability to create, and create with the intention of solving a problem and adding value.We look at it from dollars and cents, but capitalism, entrepreneurship has made the world a better place. It has solved a lot of its problems. Granted, it's created a lot of problems and left a lot of people in its dust, too.So I'm not speaking ignorantly here, but as someone who's created a business, multiple businesses that have found success, and I'm going to continue doing that. It's the only space where I see people that feel this way.Because unless you're doing something at a high level that lights you up in a profession where you got to clock in and clock out, it's rare to have the feeling that I'm blessed enough to have. It's only come to me through entrepreneurship where I've been able to buy freedom. I've been able to buy time with my family. I can jump on a plane.I can go wherever I want. I can call out tomorrow. I can cancel a meeting. I could take it from here, Take it from there. We are not meant to be in a fucking cubicle.We are not meant to be in an office. So again, I don't knock anybody, but anybody that has that feeling. Start getting a side hustle.Start doing something outside of what society told you you should do with those degrees. Because I have an associate's and I have a bachelor's, and I started the GMAT process to go for my business degree. And I said, screw that.I already saw right there in the preparation for the test. This is not where I'm going. And I was fortunate enough to find my path in entrepreneurship. I think that's the way to fulfillment.If you're doing a job you don't like, have the courage to shift gears and do something more on your speed, maybe it takes a pay cut where you could get up every day with a smile. And maybe you own less or you waste less, but you.

Matt Gilhooly00:55:12

But maybe it doesn't work, but you also learn. Right? I feel like that's part of the journey too. And then you learn to make the next attempt better or make it work in that way.

Sean Martin00:55:21

Yeah, it's scary as fuck. You build a lifestyle. I'm not going to pull the rug from under me so I can Go get another job. And then we get trapped.And we know we're suffering, but we don't know how to get out of it.

Matt Gilhooly00:55:31

It's much easier to stay.

Sean Martin00:55:33

It takes courage, brother. It takes courage. So if.

Matt Gilhooly00:55:36

If 2025 Sean could tell that younger version of you that was doing things that maybe you knew were wrong, and maybe you would get in trouble someday, is there anything you want to tell him? Or would you let him kind of ride it out and let him do.

Sean Martin00:55:51

Exactly what he did? Because without old Sean, there's no 2025 Sean. That's my story. I don't live life and regret.There's obviously things looking back I would have done differently, but that is, you know, the flux capacitor never came to fruition. We can't travel back, you know. Yeah, that we know of. The government probably has time machine. We don't.

Matt Gilhooly00:56:14

Ask your friends.

Sean Martin00:56:15

Yeah, right. Yeah. I wouldn't go back in time.What I would tell myself is, look in the mirror and tell yourself, what part are you playing in this spiral, in this continuous cycle that you're going through? That's the only thing I would tell anybody. Young coming up. Focus on yourself.And another thing I would say, actually, now it comes to me, Matt, you are the best investment that you can ever make in yourself. So you mentioned having two master's degrees. How much did that cost you?I can tell you four or five different mastermind programs that I'm a part of now. That would have been a far better investment. And it's not a knock on you.It's just a knock on the belief that we think that the traditional form of education is the way to go. And I think that is being challenged now more than ever, and I'm glad to see it.My kids are 7 and 2, and I'm not sure that I'm going to encourage them to go to college. I think there's better avenues for our young people. I think there's people that are good with their hands.There's people that are doing well in the trades. There's all kinds of things you could be doing. And school isn't going to be the answer for you.It's just another thing that society tells us we need to do to be successful. And listen, we're all guilty. And I live in the suburbs now, and it's a pissing contest what school your kids go to. To me, it's laughable.

Matt Gilhooly00:57:39

To be fair, my MBA was free, and so I was only 22, so I didn't know what I was Learning anyway. So it doesn't really like. It's. It's just. It's literally a piece of paper right here on my wall, and I'm sure.

Sean Martin00:57:50

It'S added some value and it's showing you some things and some places maybe. I don't know, maybe not as much as other things, but again, we can go back in time, right?

Matt Gilhooly00:57:58

No.And that's always a weird thing for me, having this external force that really changed my life, because, you know, if I ask myself the same question, if I could go back in time and change that event, that's a hard answer now, because I know I wouldn't be this version of me had I not had that tragedy when I was 8. And I kind of like what's happening now. So it's like, how do I say that out loud?I have many times on this podcast, but at the same time, it's a really hard question because we are a product of all the choices and all the things that have happened to us and the way that we've reacted to them, and. And if we like where we are, then you can't really change.

Sean Martin00:58:38

How old are you?

Matt Gilhooly00:58:40

I'm 44 as of a couple of weeks ago.

Sean Martin00:58:42

So happy belated.

Matt Gilhooly00:58:43

Well, thank you.

Sean Martin00:58:44

By a couple of years.

Matt Gilhooly00:58:45

Yeah.

Sean Martin00:58:46

And I only say that to say that you're just getting started.

Matt Gilhooly00:58:49

I feel like it.

Sean Martin00:58:50

It is a fact that you are going to make more money and find more fulfillment in the next 15 years of your life than you ever have at any other point in your life. So the best is yet to come, my friend.

Matt Gilhooly00:59:00

Yeah, I mean, I know. I know. I know what I want. I know what I. What. What I like, and I know what I can take chances with now, where I fe. Like for so long, I didn't.Because I was trapped in that cycle of using my mom's death as a crutch, and. And just. It was just a mess. So, you know, I.I love your story, and I love that you took what probably could have knocked anyone in your position way off track, and you chose to design your life in the way that you wanted to. Sure, you had more bumps. Sure, you had your addictions and.And all those things, and now you found this newer version of yourself through choices that you've made. I mean, I just love that there. It just shows that you take the steps. Things will happen in the way that you want them to.So thank you for sharing your story in this way. I know you have a lot of stuff going on is how do we get in Your circle, Like, how do we connect with you? What?

Sean Martin00:59:54

Sure.

Matt Gilhooly00:59:54

What do you want us to do?

Sean Martin00:59:55

My big platform is the Sean Martin T H E S C A N M A R T I N on Instagram.And I also host my own podcast called the Real Mentors Podcast, where I aim to shine a light on people within the communities of color in the inner cities, like New York City right now, soon to be the entire country, and just shine a light on the good work that they're doing in their communities, give them a platform, hope to cast a wider net for their message.And then the other approach as part of the podcast is to have entrepreneurs like myself on who can add value and also testify to the power of entrepreneurship for anybody who is looking to get out of that cycle that they know they don't belong in. And that could be a young person.It can be someone in their 20s, or it could be someone who's just finding their stride in their 40s, like us soon to be old guys, you know, but it's all about adding value to other people. I know how to make money. I trust that process.So now it's about the next chapter being about how I can serve the people that can benefit from all the wisdom and all those bumps and bruises that I suffer from. So it has been an honor and a privilege to sit down with you and share your story as well.

Matt Gilhooly01:01:13

Well, I appreciate it. It makes me think of, like, what you're doing now.Makes me think of your story of kind of running away from being a father for so long, of, like, you didn't see the possibilities, like, in your own life, and now what you're doing is you're offering others the possibilities of seeing that, like Zoe Saldana, the. The you started with, like, that's going to open doors because she's the first, Right. She shouldn't be the first.Like, it feels like it should have happened a long time ago, but here we are, right? And now other people will be like, oh, it's possible. Like, I can do this. You know, the first time we have a.A woman president, it's going to be like, little girls can now be, like, so long. Exactly. And now they can see it's possible.

Sean Martin01:01:54

Yeah, we took a step back from that happening, unfortunately. But I do have total faith that that's going to happen in the not too distant future. And like you said, I ran from the thing I was meant to be.I'm a leader. I wasn't a born leader. I was the reluctant leader. And I was so afraid of Building a family. I think as far as being a man, it starts at home.It starts with leading your family.If you have the courage and you have what it takes, you can go out there and serve a greater community, whether it be locally or even some of our great leaders who lead nationally or lead tremendous organizations for change. I think all of us have a leader in this.But we need to go through the trials, the tribulation, we need to be battle tested in order to get to that position. And we need to build that internal confidence.So for the longest, I ran from just being a dad, and now here I am, you know, pseudo dad to, you know, anyone who comes across my path. I'm willing to share the wisdom that's been imparted on me through all the mistakes that I've made. And I see the power in that and it's exponential.It just happens so fast.Because once you start to believe in yourself and you have that confidence, it's exponential the progress that you begin to make inside and then the impact that you can make externally.And if you're fortunate enough to find a purpose driven mission and even more so, your unique purpose and what you believe you will put on this earth. For if you believe in a higher power, I always say God rolls the red carpet out for you.They always put the people in your path, they always put the opportunity in your path. You know, they say luck is when preparation meets opportunity. That's what going on a purpose driven mission is all about.Once you start to take chances on yourself, God rolls out that red carpet for you because he knows that you're out there and you're doing it unselfishly, whatever that may be, no matter how small or hard grand.

Matt Gilhooly01:03:55

I thank you from the world for what you're putting into the world and the energy that you're putting into the world. You can feel your passion for this and helping others through your own journey. So thank you for that, I think.I don't know, it sounds really like I'm placating you, but I'm not. I'm serious. It's like, it's, it's what we all need to hear. And, and you're just doing this naturally. Like it just.You can tell you're not putting it on, I guess, is what I'm saying. You know, it's.It is who you are and, and the people that will encounter you in whatever way that is through your podcast, through the bank, through whatever it is, they're going to be changed by, by what you offer to the world. So thank you for just coming on the Life Shift and, and sharing your story in this way and going down the avenues that we went down.It's just quite an honor. So, yeah, thank you.

Sean Martin01:04:43

Thank you for having me. I appreciate you.

Matt Gilhooly01:04:46

And if if someone's listening now and you, like, are inspired by this story and you want to reach out to Sean, please do that.But even better, if there's someone in your life that you think needs to hear this conversation, we would love it if you share that with them, because now you're introducing Sean to someone else in the world and, and hopefully changing some lives. So thank you for that. Thank you for listening. And I will be back next week with a brand new episode of Life Shift podcast. Thanks again, Sean.For more information, please visit www.thelifeshiftpodcast.com.