From Dream Job & Emmy Awards to Mental Health Advocacy & Finding True Happiness

Transcript

00:00

I got an email saying, congratulations, you are now a patient of doctor's office. And I got a text on my phone and I looked down at my phone immediately after and it was a text from my wife saying, and you're going. And I was like, what the heck? Like, I don't wanna do this. I told you I didn't wanna do this. Come to find out that was the greatest moment of my life.

00:24

Today's guest and fellow Taylor Swift lover, Danny Quin, shares his story of navigating conflicting dreams, family, depression, love, and mental health advocacy. His journey began with a dream of working in sports media, and he worked tirelessly to make it a reality in his life. He interned, he worked odd hours, and he even slept in his car in order to chase this dream. And eventually he landed his dream job. But, as we all understand, it came at a cost.

00:52

and he found himself working long hours and missing out on important moments with his family. His life took a turn when his wife became pregnant, and he had to choose between his dream job and his family. And he chose his family, but it was a difficult decision that left him bitter and possibly depressed. He struggled to adjust to his new life and he found himself kind of in a fog, trying to find his way out. Throughout his journey, Danny has learned the importance of mental health and seeking help when we need it.

01:20

He struggled with depression and anxiety, and he was kind of hesitant to seek help at first. However, his wife's persistence and support led him to find that help, and he's been able to manage since. Danny's story is a powerful reminder that life is full of twists and turns, and it's okay to change course if something doesn't feel right or it's not working. It's also a reminder that mental health is just as important as physical health, and seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

01:48

Before we get into this episode, I want to thank my Patreon members for supporting this episode. If you want to join the community and get involved in the t-shirt giveaway and just provide some direct support, please check out patreon.com/thelifeshiftpodcast for more information on all the different tiers. So without further ado, let's jump into my conversation with Danny as he shares his journey and the life shift that changed everything for him. I'm Matt Gilhooly and this is the life shift.

02:17

candid conversations about the pivotal moments that have changed lives forever.

02:30

Hello, my friends. Welcome to the Life Shift podcast. I am here with a brand new connection. Danny. Hey, Danny. Hi, Matt. How's it going? Should you want the real answer? Always, yes. Always the real answer. I'm fine. It's really hot. And that doesn't make me too happy. Fine. Fine is good. Exactly. Well, I appreciate you being a part of the Life Shift podcast. You know, as I talk to people throughout this journey.

03:00

I find that there is a little element of everyone's story that anyone can really resonate with or connect with in some way. And sometimes I have listeners reach out and they're like, oh, so-and-so's episode. This particular part really stuck out to me. And I was like, I don't even remember that part. So it's so interesting to me how even something just innocuous that's just like there can stick with someone and affect them in a way that

03:28

would be positive or maybe help them feel less alone. So I appreciate you wanting to come on here and share your journey and share your pivotal moment that has kind of turned you into a different person. My pleasure. And like I always say, and I've heard you say it pretty much every single episode is if it hits the ears of one person that needs it, that's my goal. It's kind of one of those things that I live by is if my story impacts one person, that's all that matters to me.

03:57

Yeah, and you know what's interesting? You're a couple years younger than me, but I believe that growing up, we were conditioned not to share a lot of the vulnerable or the parts that people deemed weak. Absolutely, especially as men, especially as men. And now that we do it more, I think people do it more, and I certainly do it on this show as much as I can. I truly feel that it is one of my strengths.

04:27

is to show what used to be seen as a weakness, that I used to want to hide, that I used to feel ashamed about. And so you're right, I think I say it every time, but it's true. If there is one person that hears your story and is like, oh, I didn't realize I wasn't the only person that's felt this way, we win. Absolutely. I wrote a blog once and somebody...

04:54

and somebody said, this inspired me to call my therapist. And I just, I dropped everything and I was like, there it is. Those thousand words were worth it. Yeah, mission accomplished. I actually posted on social media today about something that I don't think that I've shared too publicly in the past is since I was a kid, I faced disordered eating and issues around that. And for so long, I absorbed so much of that shame.

05:20

And there is a power in just putting it out there and just being like, well, now everyone knows, and I don't have to spend the extra energy keeping it in. And so that's what all these stories are about to me is just like, let's let it out because sometimes telling our story selfishly is helpful to us. It is therapeutic. And you do that, you have a podcast as well, and you talk about things that are tough. Yes, yeah. Correct. Yeah, so I host the Mental Health Role Models podcast.

05:48

Is that about mental health? Just a smidgen. So actually that was inspired by, I was at NBC Sports. There was an anchor, Trini Kuznarek, wonderful human being, and she actually was part of an article in Milwaukee Magazine, and they wanted to go over a bunch of random stuff, and she turned the article on its head and said, actually, I'd like to talk about mental health. She spoke about her struggles with mental health and how it impacted her life, her career,

06:19

I don't know, there was just something about it that kind of hit me and I actually had a conversation with her and I essentially coined it to myself, the mental health role models because it's very much, it changes your mentality if you see a celebrity or someone who's on TV or someone who just looks like they have it all. Somebody in that boat that is kind of being vulnerable and showing that side that you

06:48

wouldn't see that's behind the curtains. And it really impacted me. And that was my motivation for creating that podcast was to kind of remind people that there are these role models out there that you can kind of just look to real quick. It's whether it's somebody like Matt that's talking about these huge life changes that people are having, or somebody who has lived with anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder. And just to be like, hey, talking about it helps. You are not alone.

07:17

and having that role model out there. Well, I mean, just in that example, you've explained the power of storytelling because you read that article and you were inspired to do something. And through that, what you're doing is now helping other people. So who knows what they've taken from your show to like implement in their own lives to help other people. So it's this butterfly effect that just keeps on going. And so that's why I'm so happy that

07:46

I feel like in the last 10 years, people are being a little bit more open, a little bit more real, if you will. I don't wanna use the word authentic because everyone hates it, but I think people are being a little bit more human, a little bit more real. That kind of was a big part of my life shift was being open and honest about it. And it started, like my journey started back when I was like 16, had anxiety, depression, had no idea what it was because it was just kind of...

08:16

like you said, something taboo that we never spoke about. And I just kind of sucked it up and rolled with it. It's definitely something I've lived with and now I have lived to tell it, so. Well, yeah, maybe you can kind of paint the picture of what your life was like leading up to this moment, this watershed moment maybe that really kind of changed things for you because I think there's a lot of things that people can relate to in...

08:44

probably what you're gonna share about your upbringing as well. Absolutely. So a lot of my journey started when when I was in high school I wanted to go into sports media and I it's a cool job right it's covering covering things that are interesting and my parents always preach to me do what you love so when I was in college I set my sights on sports media and I would not I would not let it go.

09:11

So I actually, I started interning at Comcast Sportsnet New England, which later became NBC Sports Boston. I interned there, fell in love. It was, it was the greatest thing I could do. I was interning as well as working at a retirement community at the time. You've got to pay the bills. Exactly. My, when, when my internship ended, I went full time back to the retirement community and I was working just obnoxious hours just to pay, as you said, pay the bills.

09:38

And then so I actually met my wife in college and she very much understood that I was nose down wanted to do this. We actually we got married. We bought a house. Kind of everything was falling into place. I got that full time job in sports media, worked my butt off because I was it was for anybody who's gotten into that industry. It's very much a how do I describe it?

10:07

chipping away at a rock. It's, okay, I got these set hours, or I got these random hours, hey, I'm going to pick up one more here, one more here, one more here. It's all over the place. So what I was doing was I was working full-time at the retirement community for hours, and I was chipping away, doing shifts here, shifts here, basically taking whatever my boss could give me. I was sleeping in my Jeep.

10:36

I was working 6 a.m. to 2 p.m. at the retirement community and I was working 6 p.m. to 2 a.m. at NBC Sports. And it was the dream. It was all about fighting for that dream. And so I ended up getting, I got an opportunity to work in the 2014 Olympics as I was still doing the part-time, full-time madness. I actually went away for 30 days, which was hard on my wife and I.

11:03

It was okay, this is the first time I've gone away for this long since we've been married. And when I came back, my boss Art Martone passed away last year, huge inspiration for me, great mentor, basically just wanted me to stick with it as much as I could, knew I had a future in that industry. And so I came back and he offered me a full-time position. And so I was able to finally quit my job at the retirement home, move full-time into sports.

11:33

and it was everything I ever dreamed of. And my wife got pregnant. And so it's like, okay, I have the job, I have the wife, I have the son on the way. I like to compare it, the song Brandy by Looking Glass. Brandy, you're a fine girl. My love, my lady is the sea. My true love, and I didn't know it at the time, was my obsession with sports and working in sports.

12:01

And I basically said to myself, oh, I can have the wife, I can have the sea, I can have it all. I couldn't. So I basically, I was working 6 p.m. to 2 a.m., waking up at three with a newborn. That's no way to live. I was depressed, I was frustrated, I was angry. I wasn't even enjoying my job that I enjoyed anymore. And- You were just tired, which probably cost a lot of that. I was exhausted, exhausted.

12:29

So then I had an opportunity to do another Olympics, the Rio Olympics in 2016. My wife actually got pregnant again and we were thrilled. We were over the moon. And so I actually left for a month when my son Brady was like four days old, which took a toll on me and took a toll on my wife. And basically she, she never said the words you need to choose, but I was getting all the signals.

12:59

at home that you kind of have to choose us or this. I chose the family and I walked away from my dream career, or so I thought, that I slept in my car. I did like these crazy things for. I walked away and I very much was bitter about it. I was bitter towards my wife. I was bitter towards my family. Little did I know I was depressed and I didn't get it. My wife's like, you need to see.

13:29

Someone and I was like no, I don't need to see anyone. I'm fine. Yeah, you made me do this You may you made me do this. This was your decision. And so so I was working a job. I I mean I I Love I love the people there, but I the job was not for me and one day I cut and This is where my life shifts begins, which is funny because I I thought for the longest time I thought my life shift was leaving sports this email I got from a doctor's office

13:59

I didn't have a primary care at the time. I didn't want to. So I didn't have a doctor. And I got an email saying, congratulations. You are now a patient of doctor's office. And I got a text on my phone and I looked down at my phone immediately after and it was a text from my wife saying, and you're going. And I was like, what the heck? I don't want to do this. I told you I didn't want to do this. Come to find out that was the greatest moment of my life.

14:28

This email was kind of like this shifting moment. You know, let's go back a little bit, because what you describe is something that I talk to a lot of people about. If you've listened to any of the episodes, you've probably also heard me say this checklist life feeling of because when you were describing, you're like, I got it. I got the wife. I got the kid. I got the job. I got the dream job. I did all the right things. And then we grew up. We were told if you do all those things, that equals happiness.

14:57

That equals success. And what you found is that it really, you weren't happy. You were like fighting. Did you find in these moments that you had to convince yourself that you were happy about working in that space and being so tired? Like, no, I love this. Like you were trying to convince yourself because on paper everything was making the check marks. But.

15:22

Life was really tough. Honestly, every day, so I was driving about an hour and 15 minutes to the studio every day. It was, those were the longest rides in my life, let me tell you. It was silence sometimes. I wouldn't even turn on the radio and I just listened to my thoughts. And there was a night that when I decided to walk away and so I put in my notice and I decided to walk away and I parked on the side of the road

15:52

the busiest highway at 2 a.m. I opened the door and I considered stepping out into traffic because I thought I failed. I thought I failed my family. I thought I failed myself. I thought I failed that mission. I thought I failed that checklist. I had it, I had it all. I had everything that I dreamed of and I literally tore it up and I walked away. But it was that moment that my wife...

16:20

scheduled that appointment that it was like, it was like, no, I didn't have it all. I really didn't have it all. I had a shell of what I thought I wanted. And once I went to the doctor and they gave, we started trying medications and it was like, oh crap, this is how I'm supposed to feel. Like I always thought that I felt 100%. I thought I was myself.

16:49

And I have this conversation with people in the podcast all the time that it's like, yeah, when I started taking medication, or I had the idea of taking medication that I wanted to be myself and I didn't want to water myself down with medication. Well, it's funny that revelation when you start taking medication and you're like, wow, this is who I am.

17:13

Yeah, well, I mean, I think a lot of the things that you're describing are very conditional. They're society's conditions that we somehow absorb. You know, like even just like, if you go for your dream, you have it and like you feel like guilty that you're not happy about it because at some point in your life, you absorb that like this is what you should do and this is what's gonna make you happy. And I also was thinking too earlier when you were talking about like you had this.

17:41

You had your dream home life, right? You had this wife, you had your children or child, and then another child on the way. And then you had this dream of being in sports and media. And like these two dreams were conflicting. They were like punching each other in the face every day. And now you kind of had to decide. And then you were mad about it. But like, what if you had stayed? You probably would have lost the other dream, right? You know, this family part, or you would have lost.

18:09

the value that you saw in that because you moved towards this particular dream. Have you ever thought about, you know, what that road would have looked like? I would be miserable and alone. Like, and, and I think that that's. I try not to think about it, but because it is very much like, I can't imagine my life without my, my kids. I can't imagine. I love being a dad. I love being like, I love everything. I.

18:38

My son got into hockey this year, my other son got into baseball, and it's everything to me. Everything. And now I'm in a place where my boss values family and values that time away from the office. And she reminds me all the time, I got yelled at the other day, she's like, hey, it is 505, go have dinner with your family. And it's like, all right, fine, I will.

19:06

You know, and sometimes some part of that too is just like us growing up and realizing what truly is important in our lives. And the thing that we held onto as 15 year olds that we always wanted to be X, Y, Z, you know, that was the thing when we were 15, right? But then we held onto it for so long because we glamorize it, we make it this end all be all, and you worked your tail off and you got there. And then you were like, oh wait, maybe it's not that great.

19:36

Right. And it's still funny because behind me is my Emmy award for my work in the Rio Olympics. My wife still to this day calls it the real love of my life, just because of the blood, sweat, and tears that I put into that. And it really is a symbol to me. It's a reminder of, hey, I didn't put in that work for nothing. I didn't walk away with nothing. I walked away with something that a lot of people...

20:06

work their entire careers for. And so like, in, in my wife reminds me about it all the time, whenever I kind of like have one of those moments of like, what if I didn't walk away? Um, she, she said, like, and, and she reminds me that it wasn't wasted. I have those memories. I have, I got, I got to cover three Superbowls, a world series and, and, and two Olympic games. And I think it's like a, it's a really cool.

20:34

reminder that it wasn't wasted time. Yeah, you know, and the irony of it is that you got this gold Emmy statue, gold Olympics. That was your, you know, like you're maybe you are, you know, that professional Olympian that retired after the Olympics, you know, and you did your thing. You got your gold and you walked away and you know, I think there's there's certainly something to celebrate there because it was blood sweat and tears like you said and no sleep and

21:03

and sleeping in your car and things that other people couldn't even imagine doing. So there's definitely something to celebrate there. And I'm sure it taught you a lot. And I'm sure also, I'll ask you, did it teach you things that you'll never do again? Yes, absolutely. I think it, and I preach this to, I spoke to a bunch of students at my alma mater a few years ago, and I say it's okay to have a dream, but you need to know...

21:32

where that line is, that it's okay to walk away. It's okay to have that moment that it's like, all right, it's a fork in the road. It's not a crash into a wall. It's a fork in a road you have to choose. In my experience, it was almost a do or die. That if I didn't walk away, I wouldn't have made it. Do you feel like you were operating in a fog, trying to get out of the fog to find that?

22:02

shiny thing on the other side of the fog? 100%. And I think that's why that phone call that my wife made is that life shift for me. Once I started kind of understanding the way my brain works and the way depression, anxiety works, that was kind of finding my step outside of that fog. Once I kind of had that clarity on

22:31

what was stopping my brain from doing what it should be doing. I actually had a conversation with somebody, was also in the sports business, and I reached out. It was kind of a happenstance thing. I swear to this day that he accidentally friended me on LinkedIn. And I reached out, and I said, hey, I'm just curious what it was like for you leaving the industry. I'm having a difficult time. And he said to me, he's like, no matter what you're doing, remember you are a storyteller.

23:01

He's like, you spent that part of your life telling stories about rich people playing a game, and now you need to find your next story. That was huge for me because at the time I was working in a manufacturing place and I was talking about metal boxes at the time I was in marketing. So I was like, all right, I need to find my next story.

23:30

So that's where I landed at UMass Memorial. And now I get to tell these amazing stories about caregivers and patients who are doing amazing things every single day. I think it's interesting to think about how much you should applaud your ability to actually go to that doctor's appointment, to actually open up enough to let someone else help.

23:59

Right, because it sounded like you were kind of like, no, I'm fine, like, I'm just mad, you know, like, everything's fine, I'll figure this out. But there's a lot of strength in allowing other people to help. Were you ever anti-help in those areas before that? Or were you willing? I think, I definitely was not willing. I think it came down to, okay, do I trust my wife?

24:28

Do I trust her in this situation? And my friend Olivia from the Fresh Starts actually says to me, she's like, that's an amazing testament to the strength of our marriage that we not only made it through this insane time, but the fact that when I, in a moment that I didn't trust her, in a moment that I was angry with her and she was angry with me, that I just said, all right,

24:58

I'll do something I'm not comfortable with so that we can survive this. And in that moment, I didn't realize how much that was gonna help, not just me, because I thought she was more thinking about me, but how much it was gonna help me, her, our marriage, our parenting, like everything. Well, it also shows a lot of love, right? If there's someone in which you're mad at her,

25:27

she's mad at you because you're mad at her and all the things that maybe you weren't able to do because you were pouring every ounce of your being into your job and the things that you were going away to do because that was your dream. It shows a lot that she moved out of that space enough to find you help that she knew you needed and maybe you didn't know you needed just yet. You know there's

25:56

It's a very selfless act. I'm sure there's a benefit to you doing that for her, but at the same time, when someone's mad and someone's in this anger space, it's really hard to show that love, I think. And so there's something to be celebrated there in the fact that that's a very tough thing to make someone that's not in a great space go to something like that and be like, and do it from a loving space. I think the most ironic part of all of it is...

26:25

Later that year, my wife was pregnant with our third, our daughter. Just keep coming. Yeah. We were on the Olympic plan for a little while there. So we were, we were having a daughter and my wife was unbelievably depressed. She was having the hardest time and she, so I actually did the same thing to her that she did to me. I scheduled her an appointment. I texted her. I said, you're going. And she just replied, I hate you.

26:54

Smiley face. So, so, uh, so she ended up doing the same thing and then, and then she got on medication and she said to me, she's like, I owe it to you. Like if, if you didn't call, I would have just suffered the silence. And you're like, ditto. So it's funny. We now have this marriage that we're, we're both medicated for anxiety, depression. And it's, it's funny.

27:23

One thing that I hear on my podcast talking to people is they think it's kind of, I don't want to say cool, but admirable that we are both kind of in that boat and we're both open and honest about it. I was like, well, we kind of have to be because- You don't have to. Well, I mean, if my wife's having a bad day in terms of her anxiety, depression, I have to be able to identify it.

27:48

and be that shoulder to lean on and vice versa. So I think it's an interesting road, but it's something, it's totally worth it. Yeah, it's a human experience and it's off of the quote unquote checklist that we were prescribed when we were children and we grew up in that space of, you know, like when we were kids, like you even mentioned it, you said that, I don't know if you knew in the moment, but looking back that you were...

28:16

had some depression and some anxiety as a teenager. Was that something that was ever discussed out loud or was that just more something you reflecting on? Absolutely not. Yeah, it was just something it was definitely not diagnosed when I was younger. I mean, like, I think it's talking to a friend of mine the other day, it was my, we were talking about their child being diagnosed with ADHD. And he said, back when we were kids, they were

28:46

there was no ADHD diagnosis. We were just the crazy kids. And I think that's kind of, it's an interesting kind of development over the last few years is we have these diagnoses that people, our generation weren't being diagnosed with it. It was, well, he's just sad or he's just Moby or something like that. So like, no, it's definitely just kind of something I've realized when I'm, now that I'm

29:16

kind of more educated about my mental health and others' mental health and the way the brain works is like I look back and it's just like, wow, I wish I knew back then because I could have done something. Yeah, so you were not aware, even in that moment on that highway, did you know that you were depressed? Did you know that you were facing anxiety about this whole situation? No, I think I was just- Thought you were just mad? I was just mad, I was just upset, I was just frustrated, I just thought, like I said, I thought I was-

29:45

I just failed. I labeled myself a failure. And obviously, now looking back on it, it was, oh, yeah, that's very much a symptom of anxiety, depression. And I think that's hard. It's hard to identify yourself. I mean, I talk to people pretty regularly about like, they speak about...

30:12

okay, I was feeling this way and then hearing you talk about that you were feeling this way. And that's kind of very much goes back to the mental health role models is just me talking about it with some friends like, oh yeah, I'm not just big sad. I'm experiencing something that is part of me. I know it's part of me, but being able to identify it as part of me, part of you, part of anybody, I think that's the tricky part.

30:40

Yeah, and it's interesting once we're aware of it, how we can name each part of it and honor it in a way and kind of, I don't wanna say celebrate it, but see it as just part of us. And that is something that we navigate this world with and that's okay because for so long, we were told it's not okay. Like, oh, you know, you don't, why are you depressed? You have...

31:05

this career that you've always wanted, you have this family, you have this house, you have, what reasons do you have to be depressed, right? Like that was the older people in our lives telling us that stuff. And you're like, well, no, that's not what this is about. This is a brain chemistry thing. This is something that is pretty much out of my control. Would you agree? Oh, absolutely. And I...

31:28

What always makes me chuckle is when I started at UMass Memorial, I kind of had it in my head. I was like, all right, if I have the opportunity, I want to talk about this. I want to be able to kind of open that door for other people and say, hey, are you feeling this way? Let's walk this way. Let's talk to somebody. We have a blog for our company, the Simply Well blog. I approached the person who runs it and I said, hey, do we ever write about mental illness?

31:58

And she's like, no, I've never done it. And I was like, I'm going to write you something about depression and anxiety in my journey. And she's like, oh, that's very brave of you. And I was like, well, I mean, it's something I talk about. It's me. I wear it like a badge of honor. Yeah, I was gonna ask that. Yeah, so I wrote it. It was a thousand words of basically me.

32:23

pouring my heart out onto a page and explaining my journey and where I am, where I was. And I was applauded for it by my colleagues and I don't wanna say I just played it off, but like I said, it's part of me and I wanna be that mental health role model that somebody needs. And you never know who read it and now feels okay about...

32:52

sharing it with other people? Absolutely. Like we said earlier, sharing it that first time or putting that out that first time is like, it can be overwhelming. It can be like, what is the world gonna think of me? Like, who am I now? And you're like, well, I'm just me. Like nothing's changed. I've always had this. I've always dealt with this, but now I can name it. Now I can do something about it. I can...

33:19

in your case, take medication that helps you feel more you, right? And be this productive human in a way that you want to be now instead of the way maybe you felt others thought you should be. Do you feel that you're living a more real life leaning into the things that really do bring you joy now compared to before? Whereas, you know, sports was your dream, but does life bring you joy, more joy now? Absolutely.

33:47

And it's funny, like with talking about medication, I've spoken to people and it's like, well, was it a quick fix? And I said, talk, absolutely not. It was a long and frustrating road kind of finding that right medication, that right balance. I think it took over a year to find what was actually working. But boy, when you find something that's actually working, it really, it's that clarity walking out of the...

34:16

like you referenced earlier, that walking out of the fog, kind of being able to find who you truly are rather than who you thought you should truly be. Well, who are you now, now that you have this more clarity? Like, who would you say you are? I'm a dad, I'm a husband. I'm a dad, a husband first, and everything else falls behind. It's, my priorities, oh man, my priorities are just, are.

34:46

and upside down from what they were. And it sounds like you're telling the stories that really matter now, not that the other ones didn't matter, but to that, that random connection on LinkedIn at first to their point, you're telling the stories that matter and not just the stories of like really super rich people that no one can really relate to in a lot of cases. Yeah. And it's, it's, it's funny because

35:15

When he first said that, the storyteller thing, I interpreted it as a job, like find a job that you're a storyteller. It kind of carried over. Like it kind of carried over to other parts of my life that, okay, I'm a storyteller. I'm gonna tell my story. It's gonna make a difference, which then will inspire others to tell their story. It just, it's kind of like opening, I opened the book.

35:45

And I started writing. Now others are writing their chapters. Do you think that the journey that you went on with the high highs, low lows, and all the fog in between, do you think those aspects make you a better storyteller now to help other people? Oh, that's a good one. I'd say yes. I think, I very much believe

36:13

everything I went through was to make me me. And without finding me, there would be no, there would be no mental health role models. There would be no, I probably wouldn't have a family. Like if I did, if I didn't fit, well, I mean, I would have a family, but they would probably be living somewhere else. But yeah.

36:38

I don't know if I answered your question, but... There's no right or wrong answer. I just think that these experiences probably allow you to connect to a deeper well, if you will, a deeper source of energy, a deeper source of something that can make you more empathetic to people that you're writing about for your company or on those blogs or whatever kind of stories that you're telling for these people that are in...

37:08

is probably the worst parts of their lives, right? And trying to find some kind of words is probably a lot easier now. I almost see this, and forgive me if this is offensive, but I almost see it as the hard work and all the time and effort and energy that you were putting into chasing that dream, you were almost running away from the subconscious pieces of the depression, of the anxiety, of the things that like...

37:38

were really supposed to fill your cup, but it was like, that's a lot of work. So I just need to keep running and doing these things to kind of push that away. And now that you were kind of forced, or you chose to stop, you know, in anger, but then you were forced to sit with it, and you were forced to figure it out, now everything's catching up, and you're able to kind of put everything together to make you that more empathetic storyteller for the people around you that need that now from you.

38:07

Can you be my therapist? That was like, I think in this last half hour, you just like diagnosed my entire life. I don't, I just, I think we, you know, people born in the 80s and 90s, I think we were very much conditioned that we just need to keep running. Just keep doing and running and succeeding and achieving and getting promoted and doing all these things because that will equal success.

38:37

But then when everyone that I talk to that's in our age groups stops for a second, everything catches up. And then we're forced to sit with all the things that we were running away from because we weren't allowed to, like you weren't allowed as a teenager to actually think, oh, I'm not just quote unquote crazy. I have something that's going on. And if you were able to sit with that back then,

39:08

Imagine what that journey would have looked like. It may not have been as colorful, right, as it was. It would have been different, I think. I think that's the interesting thing to look back on, is like, how would things have been different? Like, how would I have, if I wasn't terrified of going off to college, would I have gone somewhere else? Then if I had gone somewhere else, would I have not met?

39:36

my wife would I have gone a different path. It's like a multiverse type thing. Where would Dan have gone if I was born in 1998 when it was a little more acceptable to figure out, okay, this is... Was it? Yeah, that's true. Maybe 2008. Yeah, we'll go with 2008.

40:07

in a time where it was more acceptable to talk about these things. And I think that's the tricky part for me when I look back is I grew up in a house that my mom was willing to talk to me. And she always says to me, I feel bad that we didn't talk more about this. And it's like, mom, I didn't know. I didn't know what was going through my head. And she probably didn't either. Exactly, and she's like, I wish I knew. And it's like, I didn't know. I didn't know who I was. I didn't know what I was. I didn't know what I was going through.

40:36

So I think the looking in the past is just so, it's so tricky and that's kind of why I have started kind of just living off the, okay, yesterday is yesterday, let's just move forward and what did I do yesterday? Well, let's improve on it. Well, yesterday is the past. Yeah, man. But, you know, and I have a very similar experience, right? I lost my mom when I was eight.

41:06

and the people around me didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to do, I was eight. The people around me didn't know what to do, they were older, but nobody was talking about, how do you help an eight-year-old grieve? How do you do that? And so, yeah, I can go down that muddy road of thinking, what if they had the tools? What if they had the tools to help me? Where would I be now? And then I think, if I hadn't struggled for so long to go through that grieving process of my mom.

41:34

If my mom hadn't died, like what? Like we wouldn't be having this conversation right now. I probably would have been a different person completely because I didn't have all those struggles. And in a weird way, those struggles made me who I am, your struggles, and that, you know, every element of your journey has made you who you are now and allows you to tell the stories that you tell and do the podcasts and have the relationship that you do have with your wife and your kids.

42:05

You know, and so you're right. There's nothing we can do about looking at the past. But it's also interesting to think, you know, if you had identified depression and anxiety as a teenager and got your medication then and had the clarity that you have now, maybe you wouldn't have worked so dang hard to do those things. And then you wouldn't have had the Olympic experience or the, you know, Super Bowl experiences and all these other pieces that came with it. And so...

42:34

You're right. Well, I look back, but at the same time, it's always interesting. I don't know if you've ever seen the movie Sliding Doors with Gwyneth Paltrow. Well, now I'm gonna have to. It's from the 90s, and I think it's from the 90s, maybe early 2000s, but essentially, it's the movie starts out and she misses a train, then it splits, and then she got the train in a different multiverse, if you will, and the whole movie shows

43:03

just that one thing how her entire life would have changed just from missing the train. And so it's the same thing in anyone's case. And that's why the life shift itself, just the idea of the life shift to me, it's like, it's one thing. If your wife had not, like that day, she just wanted to stay pissed at you and didn't wanna let love win. Or if she called a different doctor's office and they're like, sorry, we don't have it, you know, like.

43:33

There's a lot of little decisions that people have made that bring us to these points. And it's just always so interesting to dissect it. Yeah, and it's, so it's funny, cause when I was originally talking to you about potentially having my episode, I very much had it in my head, okay, my life shift was leaving sports. And then I kind of drew out my whole story and you're like, oh, I love that the life shift was.

44:02

your wife making that call. And I was like, oh my God, that is, like that's it. Like I thought my life shift was leaving the dream job, but in fact, the life shift was what saved this, everything that's around me now. That one phone call, and you're just like, what if it was busy? Oh yeah.

44:28

It's just so crazy to think how life unfolds in that way. And maybe it was always supposed to unfold this way, and it's kind of this predestined thing. But I think it creates these layers to you, to me, to all of us when we have things like this, when we have these struggles, because in my opinion, my version of my life is so much richer.

44:58

because of that. I wish it was financially richer. Well, yeah, we all do. But other than that, you know, it's so, I feel like in my 40s now, having gone through what I went through with my mom and then forever failing at that, but then getting the relationship that I was able to create with my grandmother because my mom died, and then finishing the grieving of my mother, finishing is the word that everyone hates, but.

45:28

getting a hold of the grief journey of my mother at the point that I did, right before my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer, also allowed me to grieve that process and her end appropriately. And you know, so everything kind of like worked out. And sometimes we panic about things not working out and they all seem to work out in the end, even though in the moment they can seem so dire. Well, it's...

45:55

Now that you say that, it reminds me that I even said to my wife once, I was like, what if I went to NBC and I lived that dream, I lived those downs, those ups, those everything, to meet my mental health role model so then I could learn that, okay, it's okay to talk about this. I think that's the intriguing as like...

46:24

the run, lola, run, the multiple scenarios kind of situation is like, okay, if I never went there, I never would have figured out that it is okay to talk about this. I never would have lived that experience. And I probably would have to this day just said, oh yeah, I'm just grouchy today. But instead I'm walking a different path. I'm walking a path that shows others that it's okay to walk it.

46:55

I see your journey as two dream wins. And two things that I think a lot of people would be, jealous is the wrong word, but would be thankful to have. You had two dreams and you've achieved both of these dreams in a way that was maybe more circuitous and not exactly the way you would draw out on paper as a teenager.

47:23

But truly, you were able to do the things that many people dream about doing, and you made it happen. You made it happen. You sacrificed for that. But then, you sacrifice for the other dream. And you win that, the other dream of having this family, having your wife and your kids. And you sacrifice for that in a totally different way, by not giving up the other dream, by walking away, or taking a left, or the fork in the road.

47:51

gave you this opportunity to go there. And so I think it's something to be celebrated, even though it was really hard and messy. I love that. I mean, I have no words for that. I think, I just think it's such a cool point of view. Like I never would have thought of that. Like in that way that it's two separate dreams and that other people haven't been able to experience.

48:20

I appreciate that. I think we get stuck in... Sometimes we get stuck in our head. You might relate to this, you know, and how you feel. I've faced depression and anxiety, never been diagnosed with that, but I'm well aware of how I feel different in different times. But I think we get stuck in this catastrophe phase in our heads of these things and how everything feels so like...

48:49

Oh, everything's broken. I can't, I need to be able to fix this. Like, this is my fault, I need to do this. But if you step away, like me seeing you, these are all wins. Yeah, there were some pretty shitty times. But end of day, you win as a human, you win because of all the things that it's taught you. I, I.

49:17

Wholeheartedly believe that whether you want to or not different but I see from my perspective I see this as a win I see this journey as a win because of where you where it got you and the things you got to do along the way So cool, you know and so I mean I appreciate you sharing that story and being so open about you know Some of the struggles that you that you may have had Absolutely, and and I asked the question I had my my six-year-old son Brady asked me the question that I dread

49:46

I dreaded for the longest time. And it was so easy to answer that question. I never thought it would be, but it was so easy. When he realized, okay, cause now that he's falling in love with hockey, he said, daddy, you covered the Bruins. You got to watch games for your job. Why would you leave that? Why would you stop doing that? And I said, cause if I was still doing that, I wouldn't get to watch my favorite hockey player play. That's you. And he just gave me the biggest hug.

50:16

And that's, I think of that and that just, it makes me smile and it reminds me that why I'm doing what I do, or why I did what I did and why I'm walking where I am now. And you think back to the person that was fighting so hard to get that role and get that position, and that person probably wouldn't have said that at that time, right? Like my future kid kind of thing, you know?

50:41

and now you have the wherewithal to feel fully confident in that response too, and not just like... It was the easiest answer I've ever answered in my life. And heart-filled. And when I left sports, I was like, oh God, because I mean, imagine having the idea like, oh, I'm gonna go to career day when my kids are older, and I'm gonna be like, yeah, I'm doing this. And that was kind of one of the moments that it was like, yeah, it was cool.

51:12

but I wouldn't be here doing this with you right now if I was still doing that. And the secret is, is that your kid would be, it would be super cool, whatever kind of job you went to career day to talk about because your kid would be like, my dad is here and my dad is sharing this. And so, you know, at the end of the day, our jobs are what they are, you know, but they don't make us, they don't make us. And I think for a lot of us, we thought they would. We thought that that's what.

51:42

Well, we were raised to that. We were raised to believe that, like, okay, do something that you love, do this, do that. Make lots of money doing what you love. And I think that was what led me down that road. And now, it's funny, because I never pictured myself working at a hospital. And now I work at a hospital. I got to ride in life flight. I got to, a few weeks ago,

52:10

patient at the Children's Medical Center, he was gonna miss graduation. So we brought graduation to him. Like things like that. It just, it really, it really, really, really puts my, when I think about it myself, it puts my journey in perspective that it's like, okay, I still get to tell these awesome stories and it's still pretty freaking cool.

52:40

I think there's a lot of your journey that makes you who you are. I mean, it is who you are. If this version of Danny could go back to...

52:53

the one that was getting ready to quit because he was mad and he felt like he had to and urgh. Is there anything that this version of him could tell him? Tell the other version of you? Oh man, it gets better. You can forge a new path and make it just as enjoyable and you will. There's pros and cons to everything.

53:22

if you try and pick out the pros and cons of everything, you can't like, and this is part of my anxiety. It's like I, I, I, I say, I joke around at work all the time and I say, I say my, my anxiety is my superpower because I'm thinking about the pros and cons of every single thing before I press publish. And so, okay, your feel to say 2012, 2013, 2014, Dan, like this.

53:51

you're looking at things from a certain lens, change your perspective. Don't look at it through tunnel vision. Look at it from a full lens that you can see everything. And I think that's the big thing I would say is just look at it from every perspective. Don't just look at it from the one that you want to live. Great.

54:19

and the pros list probably exists. And for that version of you, it was all cons at the time. You'd probably also wanna drop him the name of the medication that you found that worked really well. So you don't have to go through that. Fluoxetine club, guys. Myself, in my, I wanna say my late 20s, I went on that journey of trying to find a medication and it was hard. The most miserable thing that I had ever done because you're just like, and you gotta like.

54:48

gradually put it in and then you gotta wean off of it and then you gotta find the next one. I eventually got to the point where I was just trying to find something to mask and what I really needed was the talk therapy. And so that I actually left the venture of finding medication and was able, fortunately, to use the talk therapy to actually figure out what that deep seated thing was. So I was fortunate in that sense. But yeah, I mean, when you find it, keep going. It's like...

55:17

therapy or medication, keep going until you find the one that works and the thing that works. It was wild because it was, okay, the first one made me feel better, but I was dizzy. And then, so they were like, well, if we add this and subtract this, and then I was like, okay, let's try it. And then that made me angry at everything. And then my wife's like, oh, hell no, you're not doing this. And then they tried another.

55:45

thing and another combination and then they tried the fluoxetine, which I'm on now, and they're like, okay, let's try this dose and then this dose and then this dose. It makes a whole world of a difference. I still have hard days. Because you're human? Right, exactly. It doesn't, and this is the misconception about medication, is it's going to take everything away.

56:13

it's gonna make me a robot. No, it's not gonna make me a motionless robot. It's going to take away like my peaks and valleys were just like this. Well, if now that I'm on medication, like I'm just kind of a nice smooth, like kinda normal. Lessen the peaks and just make everything a little less extreme when they go to those.

56:40

those other ends. And I think that's important for people to hear. I also think it's important to be proud that you have found something that works for you, that makes you feel more human, that makes you feel more like you. I think that's an important message for people to take away. I just think there's the stigma against medication. Like, and I think it's stupid. I think... We take medication for other things. Yeah, exactly. If my knee hurts, I'm not gonna not take ibuprofen. Like, eh?

57:09

I'm going to take that. So I just view it from that angle. There's this stigma against medication that it's like, oh, he's on meds. No, it has nothing to do with it. It's literally evening me out. I'm not all over the place. I'm not hyper out of my soul. I'm not depressed. Like I said, it takes away those peaks and valleys.

57:37

normalizes everything a little bit more. If we're thinking of an audio wave, we're normalizing those peaks and valleys. And I think the stigma is lessening. I think the stigma is lessening about seeking help for mental health and embracing that and being more vulnerable. I think those stigmas are lessening. We have a long way to go, but it's stories like yours and stories like other people on the life shift that hopefully are impacting.

58:07

Like you pointed out, finding the ear, the set of ears that needed to hear your story is our goal. And if we did it, then we win, you know, then we've helped one other person and imagine what they can do for other people beyond that. So thank you for sharing your story. If people want to connect with you and like, you know, listen to your podcast or chat with you on Twitter, is there where would you like people to go? Oh, I'm always on Twitter.

58:33

On Twitter, I'm at DQ4U as well as Instagram. I'm there if you wanna see my kids. And then my podcast is Mental Health Role Models. You can find it anywhere you search up or listen to podcasts, Spotify, Apple, things like that. We will include all of those links in the show notes for anyone that wants to connect with you. I can't help but think of Dairy Queen when I see your Twitter handle and it makes me kinda hungry. So with that.

59:01

But I'm going to maybe think about a blizzard tonight and enjoy that. Maybe they'll sponsor the podcast. Hey, Dairy Queen. Yeah. I actually have friends who still call me blizzard. So you're not the only one. All right. Well, thank you for being a part of this show, Danny. Appreciate you, Matt. Thank you. And if you're listening, please just take a moment to do a little rating and review. Danny understands. We love that and we don't know what it does really, but it feels good when we get them. So thank you for that. And until next week.

59:29

I hope you have a wonderful week, but we'll be back next week with a brand new episode. Thanks again, Danny. My pleasure. Thank you, Matt.

59:45

For more information, please visit www.thelifeshiftpodcast.com

From Dream Job & Emmy Awards to Mental Health Advocacy & Finding True Happiness | Danny Quin

Danny Quin

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