Following Life's Signs | Allison Teicher-Fahrbach

00:00
I hear someone calling my grandmother's name from beside the curtain. And eventually my grandmother just goes, pull back the curtain. Just let my neighbor see everything going on. So there we are in a wing of 80-something year old patients and there's a 30-something year old woman looking at me. And I said, hi, like you're in the geriatric wing of this trauma center? Like what's going on? And she said very slowly, she goes, well, I had a medical emergency.

00:29
and I was in a coma and I woke up two months later and my hands don't work like they used to, my feet don't work like they used to, things have changed drastically. She was, I think, a nurse. And I sat there for a second and I was in a bit of disbelief because she's sitting there telling me all these things she would have done, she could have done, all the crazy things happening in her life, things about her kids, things about all these different things going on in the world.

00:59
And then she just looks up at me, and in cinematic fashion, she goes to me, what would you do if you stopped making excuses? My guest today is Allison Teicher-Fahrbach. Allison is an educator, and from a very young age, she felt this deep connection to the classroom. This was a place that she felt at home and a place where she really felt like she could make a difference. But her journey has been more than just teaching.

01:25
It's been about interpreting these signs that life shows us and actually following them, regardless of where they may lead. It's a journey filled with ups and downs, moments of joy, moments of heartache, and through it all, Allison has really remained dedicated to herself and her journey. In this conversation, Allison shares her childhood aspiration of earning a PhD, which was a dream that she held on to despite lots of challenges. Spoiler alert, she actually completed that PhD.

01:54
And she talks about the surviving a pretty devastating car accident that reminded her how fleeting life can be. These experiences were signs. Like I said before, she talks a lot about that Ace of Base song, I Saw the Sign, and it guides her to her true path throughout this entire story. We hear about the impact that these events had on her personal life and also her career as an educator and how they really shaped her philosophy in teaching.

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and those interactions that she has with students. She's an example of that power of dreams and the resilience to meet those dreams. And I think that her story will really inspire many people that are in the teaching space and have these dreams that they continue to fight for. Before we jump into the episode today, I wanna thank all of my Patreon supporters. I'm so thankful that you chose me to support and you're helping me build this show all on my own.

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If you're interested in directly supporting the Life Shift, please head to patreon.com forward slash the Life Shift podcast and you can find all the information there. So without further ado, here's my conversation with Alison Teicher-Fahrbach. I'm Matt Gilhooly and this is the Life Shift, candid conversations about the pivotal moments that have changed lives forever.

03:19
Hello, my friends. Welcome to the LifeShift Podcast. I am joined today by Allison. Hey, Allison. Hey, how you doing, Matt? Thank you so much for having me. I am doing well. I had a long afternoon of talking, so we'll see if my voice will continue to participate. I believe it will. How's it going today? It's going well. It has been certainly a whirlwind of the past couple of months, years, and just to sit here and be here with you and...

03:48
be a part of this beautiful thing you've created is just like, if you told me when I was a child, if you told me even like, you know, 10 days ago, like this is where I would be right now, like it's unbelievable and it's amazing and phenomenal. And I just I thank you very much for all you do and all you've created. And you continue to create and thank you for letting me be a part of this. If you had told me like the version of me even three years ago that I would have this opportunity, I think.

04:18
to have people like yourself or the hundred plus other people that I've had the opportunity of talking to share these moments that so many of us were conditioned to hide behind or like hide under things so people didn't know that everything was just not perfect, you know, in a lot of our cases. And I know there are people that come on the show that are more...

04:44
in the space where life was still okay, and then they just made it better, or they chose other things. So I know that there's that realm of story, but myself, thinking back to my own childhood and the things that I encountered and went through, I feel like I just wasn't able to talk about it as openly as I found this space on the life shift to be. And then...

05:10
Now, knowing that there are lots of other people like me willing to have those conversations, it is. It's just like an eye-opening, heart-expanding journey, as tough as some of these conversations may be. It's the most fulfilling thing that I've done. So thank you for being a part of it. Thank you for reaching out and suggesting that you wanted to come on and share your story. And I think that...

05:36
I know that you reached out to me last night and you're like, I wanna make sure that I'm telling it in the right way or in a way that doesn't make it sound X, Y or Z. But you know what, this is your human story and however it has to come out on this show in this particular moment of time, let's go. I think that's the beautiful part about these candid conversations. Yeah, and I...

06:01
I think the exact word I used was dingus. I'm still trying to figure it out. I wasn't gonna say it. No, it's okay. I embrace my dingus qualities and my oddness and my uniqueness and it's like, I guess when you hear your own story and then like you hear someone else telling you a story or like you're telling a story to someone else, it's such a different feeling because you're self-conscious and you're like, oh no, what if I say this or what if I do this, what if I do that? And then like as it comes out, just watching people hear it and knowing that.

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maybe something in your story is helping someone along their way or with their thing, that quality of, you know, dingusness, I don't even know if dingusness is a word, it slowly, you know, starts to melt away and you just, you kind of step into your own and realize like, you know, you grow through what you go through. Yeah, for sure. And hopefully this story can help someone else who's maybe at that pivotal moment looking for that sign, well like, congratulations, here's your sign, and things will get better because...

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and speaking from experience, it's been crazy and I saw the sign. We will get into your story. I think it's important to note that there is power in everyone's story, whether we're centering this around a pivotal moment, whether we're just talking about our day, whether we're talking about some other moment in our life that maybe wasn't life shifting but just mattered because you never know who's listening.

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And you never know who's going to attach to particular words in your story. People might listen to your story, not relate to anything that you went through, but something you said hit them at the right moment in which it impacted them in a way that they never expected. So I think there is power in any part of our story. And I think that's important to understand that we don't need to come into these conversations, not just the life shift, but just.

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conversations with other humans with this prescribed, like here's my bulleted list of things that I need to achieve in this conversation because I think there's just beauty in wherever it may go. Well said, very well said. Well, thank you. That's all I have today. So I like for the guests, maybe you can just tell us a little bit about who you are right now without giving away anything if that kind of alludes to any of your past, but tell us who you are, what you do.

08:21
And then I'd love for you to paint the picture of what your life was like leading up to this pivotal moment that we're gonna talk about today. So I am an educator. I think I'm like the 40th educator in my family. The last name is, well, my maiden name is Tysher. If you take the I out and swap it with an A, you get teacher, so like you just one day wake up and realize like this is my life, this is who I will be, and you accept it and you do it. No, but seriously, when I was younger, like I knew.

08:48
It was something the second I stepped into a classroom, I was like, I'm home. Even as a kid. Yeah, at five years old, my teacher had laryngitis one day. And she was like, OK, we can't do story time. And then I'm like, oh, I'll do it. And she was like, sure, yeah, let's let the five-year-old pick a book and read. And I got up there, and I sat in that chair, and I started reading. And the rest was history. And reading to me was so liberating. And just to be able to.

09:17
help inspire others through reading stories, through telling stories, through doing different things within a classroom, to me was the most amazing feeling because that to me felt like my superpower. And to me it felt like, okay, maybe I may not be able to operate on someone with neurosurgery and do all these different things, but teaching is where I feel I'm home. And it can be in a classroom full of students, it can be in a classroom full of adults, it can be...

09:47
on a stage, you know, wherever, like it just felt like that was my thing. And I kind of just embraced that wholeheartedly and moved into that and toward that with just all the love and care in my heart and hope for the future that maybe through something I'm doing in the classroom, someone else can find that thing, that moment where they're like, oh yeah, like this is it, this is like the origin story of who I am and.

10:16
where I start and who I will become and who I will help in the world. And it's just, it's an amazing feeling. Yeah, teaching is its own unique battle because I feel like there are so many rewards and there are so many things that can distract from those rewards and so many things that could be seen as disappointments or letdowns or failures, if you will, that we could, you know, I myself am a higher ed teacher and...

10:46
There are a lot of things that I absorbed early on in the journey that if a student didn't meet a particular objective or requirement, I took on a lot of that. When it wasn't really mine to take on, but as a teacher, I think there's this natural empathy and this care and compassion for the people that you're trying to help further their experience. But then we also absorb so many of those not so great

11:14
student experiences that can be detrimental in a lot of cases. Did you ever face those or was it always just like happy go lucky teaching? With anything that you do, like there's ups, there's downs, there's you know moments where it's like oh no like you know I have to do this one thing or oh this person's dealing with this and and as an educator you see a lot and even you know growing up education became part of like

11:43
who I am, where I felt like everything I was doing, every moment was some sort of sign or some sort of like something, you're learning something. Have you ever heard, and this is gonna sound super weird, have you ever heard of the band Ace of Base? Yes, of course. The sign, the song where it was signed. There's a line in it, like I was eight years old, I feel like eight is like the pivotal age of like, this is the beginning of everything or nothing or something. And I was at like a birthday party with like a Chuck E. Cheese type thing, which.

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is no longer Chuck E. Cheese is around, but like the place that I went to Fun Station is no longer around. The electronic animals on the stage were like singing and dancing and doing the thing and the song the sign came on and that was like to me, I was like, whoa, like I had never heard the song before. It is something new like and it just felt like it was speaking to me. It felt like something was like calling me and there was a line in the song and to this day I still

12:42
it holds true, no one's going to drag you up to get into the light where you belong. So where do you belong? And I felt like those electronic animals in their robotic glory were saying to me like, no one's going to drag you up. Like you have to go and do the thing you have to do this you have to go and do because no one's going to do it for you. And I feel like in a classroom, like those signs are there too. We're seeing those signs of like, hey, this thing is

13:12
Is this your moment or is this going to pass you by? Pick. And you won't always know if the moment is the moment and that's the sign or if it's going to pass you by. And it becomes an interesting feeling knowing that in a classroom, there's so much going on, so much happening, and you never know, is this it? Is this the moment where I learn I'm going to stand up for myself and advocate for myself? Is this the moment where I'm going to, you know,

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figure out what I want to do in life, how am I gonna make myself happy, how am I gonna do this, how am I gonna do that? And it's those moments that are happening every day. No, I mean, it's a journey as a teacher, not just in the topic and seeing students catch on the topic, but I can imagine in younger ages that you're also dealing with what they're bringing from home and what...

14:12
whatever may be happening in their own psyche and the things that they're developing too. So you almost become more than an expert in a particular area, but rather like a guide that's kind of bringing them through life, which becomes a whole other responsibility that a lot of people aren't prepared for or taught to do so. So, in any case, good for you. Thank you. In your long line of teaching. Does teaching and this journey

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of being an educator in some capacity, does that play into kind of the story that we're going to talk about a little today? Oh, yeah. Well, actually, I guess I'll go into it now. We'll just dive right in head first. So I, in a classroom when I was growing up, I just loved being in a classroom. I have two teachers who stand out of my mind. I lost contact with them. If they're listening to this, that'd be fantastic. Hi. Thank you so much for helping me become the person I am today. Mr. John Contrati and Mr. Seth Miller.

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my third and fourth grade teachers. They helped inspire me with creativity, with things that I, and helped me believe, no matter what I put my mind to, it might be easy, it might be hard, but if you set a goal and you say, okay, I want to do X, Y, and Z, it can happen. It doesn't happen overnight. It doesn't happen within the next 10 minutes, maybe, but it can happen. You have to work hard at it. And I was at my sixth grade graduation.

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And I saw our school's former principal, Dr. Kalamusa, walking across the stage. And I turned to my mom and my grandmother, and I said, why is he doctor, but our former principal? What's going on there? And they said, well, he's a doctor of education. He earned the highest honors in the field of education because of his research and this and that. And at 12 years old, it was kind of like I stopped, paused, looked into this philosophical camera.

16:08
somewhere in the audience and went, this is my destiny. It was just like the thing. And I had that feeling when I was in elementary school. I'm like, I don't know how, I'm 12 years old. I don't know when, I don't know what's going to happen in my life, but at some point I will earn a PhD. I'm going to go for that thing, to help others through research, to help others through education. At 12 years old, I was like, that is it. This is happening and I'm gonna do it.

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And then life happened. And my family went through a lot. I'm going to just touch upon a few things, but my grandparents had different things going on, medical issues. My family went through some financial troubles, things like that. Our living situation started to look very different. And it just seemed like that idea of I'm going to get the PhD one day was slowly just getting

17:06
further and further back into the recesses of my mind where like I remembered it was still there, but that kind of mode of survival took over and life just got in the way, life just happened. And I kept hearing the song, The Sign, and I'd hear, no one's gonna drag you up to get into the light where you belong, no one's gonna drag you up to get into the light, and I just kept hearing it. And went to college, got my bachelor's degree, became a teacher, I was so thrilled, we're gonna do the thing, we're gonna go get the PhD.

17:36
And then I was like, but I have to get my master's and I have this interest and that interest. And I also, when I was younger, I wanted to publish books. So I started writing and creating. I was able to publish books and get poems and short stories. And I felt like I was doing all these different side quests because I was kind of dancing around that, oh, I made up a thousand excuses why I couldn't go for the PhD. And the signs just continued to like, not yet, maybe one day, not yet, maybe one day. So heading to work one morning.

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October 2018 and I'm listening to Bruce Springsteen on the radio on the highway. Next thing I know is the car in front of me stops, I slam on the brakes, and as the music is playing I look in the rear view mirror and the windshield is gone. The back windshield has shattered, there's glass flying past me, the whole car is lighting up, it was just it was mayhem and I found out the guy behind me was going about 80 miles an hour and didn't hit the brakes.

18:34
So I get out of the car, I don't even know how I got out. I had jugs of water flying over my head, everything in the backseat just over my head. And that was big sign number one. Like, hey, the universe and everything is lining up because somehow, someway, your path is starting to open. And at the time, it was a very bad accident. I ended up going back to work the next day and I showed the kids, I'm like, I'm in a neck brace, I'm in a back brace, I was absolute mess.

19:03
And I said, all right, guys, you can't let something knock you down. And I'm sitting there in a chair, completely banged up, and I told them two, three days after my accident, I said, never let anything stop you. And one student turned to me and goes, well, is there anything stopping you from reaching your big goals? You always say you have these big goals, is anything stopping you? And that was when a light went off my head. I'm like, hmm, a PhD. And I said, you know what?

19:32
Time's not right, I don't have enough money. I don't have this, I don't have that. Had a rough year at work, things were just not going right. And then 2019, I said, I'm like, all right. I was sitting in with my feet in the sand looking out in Francis Lewis Park at the bridge there. And I said, you know what? Like, a lot of things are going bad, badly. A lot of things are rough. This can't be it. This has to be another sign. I'm not ready yet, this is another sign. And I kept making more excuses.

20:01
And then finally, as if this chaotic trail of things was not enough, in 2020, I gave birth to my daughter prematurely as all of the hospitals shut down for COVID. So then that further started to delay me from all these different things that I was like, oh, you know what, I'm so glad I'm a mom, but that PhD, you know what, it's going on the shelf maybe someday, maybe one day. And then I couldn't hold off the signs any longer.

20:31
because sometimes things will happen and it just, it hits a point where you just know. My grandmother who, she's like a second mom to me, she had a stroke. As this is all going on, I'm thinking of all the signs, I'm thinking of everything happening, my focus shifts to her, caring for my daughter, caring for my family, and everything just became a mess. The next month, she ends up going to a rehab. And as we're sitting there in this rehab, I'm sitting there thinking of all these signs.

21:00
all this stuff happening. And as I'm sitting there reflecting with my grandmother, she's recovering, I'm like, you know what? Like someday things will happen. You know, maybe, you know, I'll get this opportunity years from now. Or I just kept thinking of all this different stuff and I didn't really say things to my family because so much was going on. So much happened in my life. So much happened at home, at work. It just, it was a constant just barrage of just stuff. And then...

21:29
I hear someone calling my grandmother's name from beside the curtain. And eventually my grandmother just goes, pull back the curtain. Just let my neighbor see everything going on. So there we are in a wing of 80-something year old patients and there's a 30-something year old woman looking at me. And I said, hi, like you're in the geriatric wing of this trauma center? Like what's going on? And she said very slowly, she goes, well, I had a medical emergency.

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and I was in a coma and I woke up two months later and my hands don't work like they used to, my feet don't work like they used to, things have changed drastically. She was, I think, a nurse and that was, she just had an emergency and that was it. And I sat there for a second and I was in a bit of disbelief because...

22:25
She's sitting there telling me all these things she would have done, she could have done. All the crazy things happening in her life, things about her kids, things about all these different things going on in the world. And then she just looks up at me, and in cinematic fashion she goes to me, what would you do if you stopped making excuses? And I'm like.

22:48
Can you read my mind? Touche. I'm like, OK, all right. And my grandmother's sitting there, and they're both talking to me. And I'm like, what would you do? And my grandmother's nodding me, like, go on. Like, I know what you're thinking kind of thing. She read my mind, and I said, I go for my PhD. And then my grandmother goes, so go for it. And I'm like, well, it's not that easy. And I sit there, and the roommate turns around, and she goes, you know what?

23:17
I'll humor you for a second. What are some of your excuses? Like, hit me, hit me with them. And I'm like, all right, well, like, let me roll up my sleeves and get ready here. And I'm just like, I'm gonna, you know, really, really tell them what I'm doing. Yeah, watch this. And I said, well, I can't go for a PhD because I don't have the time. And the two of them look at me in their hospital beds.

23:43
on the traumatic brain injury unit in the hospital and they said, do you think we had the time to go through what we're going through? You're always never going to have time. So make the time for the things you want. I'm like, all right, strike one. All right, strike one else. All right, let's hit them with something good. Okay. And I turned around and I said, well, I don't think I'm smart enough. And my grandmother goes, says who? I'm like,

24:09
Me? Question mark? And she goes, stop. You know, you're smart enough. Anyone who's thinking of this, like you can, you can come up with it. Like next question. Come on. Like this is, this is pretty weak. So I sat there and I'm like, um, I don't have the money. And my grandmother goes, you'll find the money. Don't worry. And as I sat there for about two hours, they shot down everything I can come up with. You name it. I was just like, well, I work full time and have a child. They're like, so like

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So I can't, and then my grandmother just goes, sit her on your lap and do the program, like next, okay. And then I eventually just said, you know what, I give up. I'm like, fine. And then the woman who's the roommate, she turns to me and she goes, all right, you sat here explaining all this stuff for two hours. I'm telling you right now, I don't know what you believe in, but this is God speaking to you through me right now. What are you gonna do?

25:09
I'm like, all right, we're hitting me with this. OK. I'm like, and she goes, and you don't know if I'm lying or not. You just have to believe me right now. And I said, well, you know what, universe? I'm going for my PhD. And my grandmother goes, that's the spirit. So I go home, and I open up the mailbox. And what's sitting there? The mailer for a PhD program. Like, you know those advertisements? And I'm like,

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what just happened. And in those moments, I realized like, when you lean into the things that you know in your heart, you can do like, it will happen. It won't happen overnight. It won't happen, you know, within months, but you never know what you're capable of until you try. It's interesting. You know, what really stood out about your story to me?

26:09
is that there really was like just one or two signs in my view. Because all the things that you listed out to me as coming back to this sign and the song and the things to remind you were all things that so many of us would take as not a positive sign, as something that, oh, it's clear.

26:38
this accident happened for a reason. My family got into dire straits for a reason. I'm not supposed to go on this journey. Woe is me, I can't do it. Dream shattered. And you look back on these moments in your retelling of your story, and they come across as positive signs to you. You brush over, maybe intentionally, your accident in the sense that like, oh, it was, it was

27:08
It was a lot, and I was in a neck brace, and I had a back brace. But it was a sign that I needed to continue on, and I need to, you know, life is short, and I gotta do this, that, and the other, where so many of us, myself included, I think would see, I mean, I hope I wouldn't, I hope I would be like you, but I think I would see those as like, well, that's it, you know, like the universe is telling me something on a negative side, not on a like.

27:35
No, you can overcome this. You can, you should be doing the things that you wanna do. Was that always like your, like in those moments, were those positive signs to you or look, is this more of a reflection back on your life saying, okay, I can see these little guide posts? Well, like, especially with the accident, you know, I going to work every morning, it's a mundane activity. Like you just go, you're on your routine, you do. But that morning,

28:04
when I got smashed and I had a small car, it was not this big bulky car, but the car that hit me, it was a Jeep. It was huge. That thing was massive. And when that thing went through my car, it went through my car. And for me, in those moments, it was that slow motion of like, I felt the glass coming right across my eyes. And...

28:33
I had things in my backseat and it was like they flew over me. It was like there was a bubble of protection saying like, this is not your time. Like this is not it. Take this moment and realize that there is something bigger and there is a reason why the jugs of water went diagonal and flew into the passenger seat instead of slamming you in the back of the head. And it felt like, you know, even

29:03
in the ambulance going to the hospital. When I got out of the car and I was standing up on the highway watching firefighters come, just swarm, and I saw the car and I was in like disbelief for a second and the firefighter goes to me, did you just get out of the car? And I said, yeah, he goes, no possible way. Something broke, something shattered, like something is wrong with your body, go sit down. I don't know why you're standing. I don't know how you're standing. And as I was driving in the ambulance away from the scene and seeing the

29:32
front of my car in absolute mint condition. I didn't hit the thing in front of me. I didn't. My car stopped. And I stopped. I even I dropped my hands. Because in my mind, even the split seconds, I was like, Whoa, the airbag is gonna fly out something something just happened. And it was like every step of the way. Something else was telling me move, go like this had to happen for a reason.

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there's a reason why. And even afterwards, I had so many people going, are you gonna sue the guy? He just destroyed your car, you're in a neck brace, you're in this, and I said no. And then you would have had the money for your PhD. Well, I always used to joke, I said that, you know, I'm gonna win the lottery one day and I'll have enough money for my PhD, and that never happened, but somehow I did it. Like, it was just, it was insane. And even in that moment, I was like, no.

30:26
I'm not suing, I'm not doing this, yes, I'm in a lot of painless, there's a lot of stuff going on. But that was an accident. And it's showing me, sometimes you need to just take a step back and go, okay, this happened for a reason. I got out alive. And in something that a firefight, a train firefight, it goes, there is no way you got out of that car. And I'm like standing on the highway, like underneath the sign that says Northern Boulevard going.

30:55
what just happened. Like, I still my car is still going off. Like every alarm is going off in the car. And I still hear Bruce Springsteen going, even if we're just dancing in the dark. And I'm like, what? There's got to be some way. And and with everything that happened, you know, even down to like, when I gave birth to my daughter, she was premature by a month. And we got there as the hospital was locking down. And for that to happen, like I

31:25
I gave birth and it just so happened she was born on the day that my she's named after my best friend who passed away Casey and her middle name is Casey and She just so happened to be born on technically Casey Falconer day when he got his Boy Scout project, you know 10 10 years earlier and For all these things to line up to me. It was just like this is not random

31:53
Like this is happening for some odd reason. I mean, I can be absolutely insane and be like, oh, I'm just testifying this, but like there's a reason. And it's just like, oh, poor God. It's interesting though, because you're seeing these moments that so many of us would see as woe as me moments, and you see them in this positive light, yet it sounds like through your story, this quest for your PhD inside.

32:23
The quest itself was a woe is me journey. It's interesting that this internal, or what seems to be this internal quest, and you're like, I'm gonna do this because this is the pinnacle of whatever I've decided to be, but woe is me, I can't make it there. Woe is me, I can't make it there. Yet, all the negative things hitting you from the outside, you saw not as such. You saw them as like lit.

32:53
goal posts or guide posts or things that are taking you on this journey yet still you knew you couldn't. It seems so like almost like the opposite of how I would approach or how I would feel, you know, like the woe is me would be all the external things hitting me, but yet it was the internal thing. Is that something that, like, was that something that maybe you brought on from?

33:17
family members or something where self-doubt was part of your upbringing or people told you were, you were around people like I was that told you you couldn't do things or assumed you weren't able to do things? Did you absorb any of that? I guess I took all the woes and turned them into like, whoa, kind of things. Growing up, I had really good- On the outside. Yes. On the outside things. I had really good role models growing up. My grandmother, she was a fantastic girl. She was like my second mom. My mom-

33:46
You know, my mom always said to me, like, I'm going to teach you to read because you're going to need this to open doors for yourself and others. So I learned to read at a very young age, you know, and I I've always been told, oh, you're too young. Oh, you're too short. You're too this. Oh, you look like you're too whatever or you're too this. And that narrative constantly being told to me, I mean, sometimes I internalize things because I have and I still had some negative people in my life, you know.

34:16
throughout the PhD journey, I actually didn't tell anyone, but my immediate family, I went for the PhD. So I wanted to take all these different things and my grandmother would tell me like, listen, this stuff that's happening to you, like, yes, it's hard, but you have to keep getting up. You can't just sit there. And there's a JK Rowling quote that stuck with me that says, rock bottom became the solid foundation in which I rebuilt my life. Hitting rock bottom or hitting that like,

34:45
uh, moment where like it feels like everything is collapsing before you, that's not it. And I even, I told myself after I went through a bunch of really difficult things at work, I said I'm like, this is not it. Like this can't be it. Like I hit a wall like metaphorically and I was just like, no, like this cannot be it. I'm not taking this situation and people speaking negatively. Like I can't let this be it.

35:15
Like I'm done. Yeah, and I mean, I hit a point, June 1st, 2019 was the moment where, when I put my feet in the sand and I looked at that bridge and I said, you know, I'm so tired and things were so rough and so difficult. And, you know, after dealing with just people being cruel, just for unnecessary reasons, like seeing somebody else.

35:43
happy, like I was happy with certain things, and then people getting jealous and making negative comments and nasty comments. And in my mind, I was saying like, yeah, this is really, really rough, but their jealousy is not me. Their jealousy, for them, if you're jealous of someone, do better. And I don't mean to say that harshly, but if you see someone else and you're like, I want what they have, you don't know what I went through. You don't know.

36:12
all the different hardships I had to deal with to get to where I am. And even going through the PhD journey, I did 11 months of classes, 45 credits, and I was working full time, had a full time family taking care of my grandmother. You know, it was, it was one thing after another, but the light within me was a lot stronger than the darkness around me.

36:41
Did that PhD journey, did it feel like you thought it was going to feel? Absolutely not. No. It was crazy because as I was going through it, like I had the conversation about what would you do if you stopped making excuses? And then, you know, a few days later, I was getting an acceptance letter from the college saying like, congratulations, you're in, you're starting in a week. And I was like, whoa, like what, how, huh? Like what is happening? And it just...

37:11
It felt like craziness. But at the same time, the first moment I logged onto that class and I started looking through everything, I said to myself, every single moment that I've gone through, positive, negative, no matter what in life, has brought me to this point. And for myself, for the people I can help in the future, for the people I can help now, for my family, for my daughter, I'm doing this.

37:42
because this is the moment. I told myself as a joke that I'll have a PhD by the time I turn 30. And my 30th birthday came and went, and I didn't have it yet, but the really funny thing is by the time I turn 31, I will be walking across the stage on my birthday at my graduation, earning the official PhD, even though I've gone through the process and everything already. So it was...

38:11
It's really funny that like even like the things you're telling yourself and things I've been telling myself for 18 plus years like it you got to be careful because you're listening constantly and if you're saying the wrong thing to yourself or like I kept telling myself like oh I don't have the time I don't have the money I don't have this the universe was slowly helping me be like oh geez like all right fine you want the sign here I'll give you a sign like okay okay time time time time all right now you have it okay

38:39
You're trying to figure this out, like, here, let me help you, like, take a look, look at the sign, the sign is right here, and start moving towards it. Don't you think that you have all those things all along? You just needed that final reminder by that person behind the man behind the curtain. Yeah, in this case, a woman behind the curtain telling you like, stop. Yeah. Because you've had you really are just Dorothy, essentially. You've had the power all along.

39:08
You know, it's essentially, you do. Yeah, the quote's right above my head. But if we talk about this, you're not the first person that I've mentioned The Wizard of Oz to. But I mean, through your telling your story, you always have the abilities. The things didn't get out of your way when that woman said, tell me all your excuses so that I can shoot them out of the way. You could have shot them out of the way all along. But in the same token,

39:37
I talk to a lot of people about this. I feel like you probably needed to take this journey. This experience of going through your PhD would have meant something totally different had you done it mid-20s. Had you done it in a different order, had you not faced certain things in the way that you faced them, had you not met that person behind the curtain, the Wizard of Oz behind the curtain, it would have been a different journey for you.

40:05
But it is interesting to think that we, a lot of people listening to this, I'm sure, get caught up in the excuses that we tell ourselves or the false narratives that we tell ourselves. I don't even know if they're excuses. They're just like self-doubt. They're anything that if I have an inkling that it might not be as good as I thought it would be or I might not be as good as I thought I could be, then I can't do it.

40:34
And so many of us, I think, at least myself personally, for so long, I only did the things I knew I was gonna be good at. Even though, back here, I thought I could do all those other things, but there was a chance that I couldn't, and therefore I didn't. Do you relate to any of that, or did you always have that confidence? I most certainly didn't, and the funny thing is, is I feel like after my grandmother,

41:02
had her stroke, that's when a lot of things started to shift. Like everything I thought I knew, everything that I was like, nope, like this is why things are with this, with that, with the other thing. Like everything started to move. And I started to realize like, as actually as I was riding in the back of the ambulance with her the first day she had her stroke, I was sitting there and the first thought that came to mind was,

41:32
I remember being in an ambulance, looking out at my car, driving away from the accident thinking like, this is like who knows what tomorrow will bring. I was sitting in the neck brace in the stretcher in a very bright ambulance thought I was going to work things changed like drastically very quickly. And I realized like, this is this is just how do I even get past.

42:02
What do I do now? And riding in the ambulance with her to the hospital, I sat there and I said to myself, what now? Like what's life gonna look like? How is she so active? And she always used to say all these different things to me and give me advice. Like now what? And as she moved into rehab and hearing her roommate say, what would you do if you stopped making excuses? And her saying like.

42:30
go for it. I was just like, oh, like, you're telling me like, you know, stop making excuses. And like it, inside of me, I always knew, like, you got to stop making excuses, you got to stop but to hear that, and to have other people saw you doing it, like, that's really what it was you were exposed. Oh, like, it was funny. And I have some people in my life who had, you know, very

42:57
have very negative comments and I would do something and they turn around and be like, how dare you or this and that and make me feel like things like publishing a book or being happy or having a child or things like that like that don't affect them in any way like that became their like hell like how dare you like this is destroying everything and

43:23
I started listening to those narratives and even though like I knew deep down like I have to keep going forward, part of me was like, hold on a second. Like let's let's rewind this tape for a little bit and hear what they just said. And it was funny because as I started hiding the PhD from people and not telling people and you know waking up at three o'clock in the morning doing work and then going to school going doing school work going to work like.

43:51
I started thinking like, you know, someone had mentioned to me just before I went for the PhD and said like, you know, how dare you show how happy you are? How dare you this and that? Like, you know, look at all you've gone through. And I'm like, yeah, like, you know, look at all I've gone through. And I'm still I'm still getting up. Like you still have to, you know, you're going to have hard days to sit with those emotions. You're going to have moments where I would.

44:19
be working on my PhD stuff, sitting at my grandmother's table while my mother was helping, you know, care for her and do things that my grandmother used to do independently. And my daughter's running around at the same time. And it just looked like a Renaissance painting of like absolute mayhem. But it was still beauty in that because with everything that was happening, you know, that morning when my grandmother had a stroke, like, we somehow

44:48
my mother and I and my daughter, we knew go up to see her, go to her house because something happened and we went and we were still able to share 10 months together and incredibly close like every single day we were together and you know, you'll have people who will think negatively of you and criticize you and pick on you and all the stuff and then at the same time even when you don't always see them there's going to be people cheering you on.

45:17
Even though I had the negative people saying, oh, look at you doing this, this, and this, how dare you? I had people, my grandmother included, telling me, dare to dream. Go and do, because what would you do if you stopped making excuses? And as I moved to the last leg of my classes, as my grandmother's health took a turn for the worst, I got to spend five hours with her.

45:47
with the two of us just talking, she had a few strokes a couple of days prior and we sat in that hospital room and we just talked. And I felt like it was another sign from the universe saying like, hey, this is a really tough moment right now. Like things are not okay, but you gotta pick yourself up. You gotta keep going. You have to keep going. And she even said to me, she's like, don't give up. You can't be brave, be confident, be strong.

46:16
You have it in you and everyone has it in them to do whatever they need to do, to bring out that courage. And she said to me, she's like, you've been through so much in your life. Don't stop just before you get to the finish line. Keep going. And in that final year, as I finished up my PhD, I did a focus on trauma-informed education, which I said to myself, you know.

46:43
taking all the traumas and the things that I've gone through in my life, I could have just sat in a ball and cried in the corner and said, that's it, I give up, and call it a day. Or I can go out and take what I've gone through and do something about it so that others hopefully don't feel the same. Yeah, I mean, I think that is, I mean, it's a lot harder to do, it's a lot easier to say, but also.

47:09
same idea it's a lot harder to do is like, what those negative people were questioning your PhD and look at you, like, get away. Like there's no value that you're bringing to this conversation. That's all about them. That's nothing about you in that sense. And sometimes it's really hard to see because it gets so noisy and things just get overwhelming to the point that we kind of.

47:38
fold into ourselves. But I'm curious at how... It's hard to say this, right? Because I think a lot of us have messy parts of our lives. We talked about this earlier, like things we've hidden, things we don't tell people about. But there's value for me in those messy parts. There's value that I see that far surpasses maybe others that...

48:07
I believe don't have those things. They inform you, they lead you to this trauma-based education, they lead you towards getting this at this point in your life, they lead you towards having these moments with your grandmother, they lead you towards all these things. Do you now, or do you have a perception of your trauma things in a way that you would embrace some of those now as like in a thank you?

48:35
kind of way? Is there anything that you feel is like it has served you in a, even though it sucked, served you in a good way? You know, I can sit here and we can talk for another five hours about all the different — We don't have time for that. Thank you. I'm not going to go completely into that. But like, I've had so many situations in my life where things have been so messy and things have been so stressful.

49:04
and things have been chaotic. And did I always say the right thing? No. Did I always do the right thing? No. But then I think about it, it's like, well, say the right thing by who's standard. Do the right thing by who's standard. And I kept telling myself as I was going through really hard times, like, you know, I'm working full time. I have my daughter. I'm commuting long hours. I'm taking care of my grandmother with my mom. Like we're doing all these different things. There's people.

49:30
who are negative, not knowing about the PhD, saying really nasty things. There's people in my close family who knew about it, who were saying like all these negative things. And I said to myself, you know what? Like, bless this mess because I'm going through this to learn. Like this is all, and it can seem so crazy, but I'm learning all of these things so that in the future, I can help people. I can advocate.

49:59
for people, I can advocate for myself so that hopefully all these traumas and things that I've experienced on such a huge scale and a number of different things, other people don't have to do that, other people don't have to go through that. And even just a touch of kindness, like I had, there's a very negative person in my life and I was at an event with this person and I had someone lean over to me and

50:27
It was very clear this person was belittling me and saying nasty things about me to my face and being passive aggressive. And this person leaned over to me and she goes to me, Allison honey, I see what's going on. And I turned and said, what are you talking about? And she goes, don't hide it. Like don't, don't hide what's going on. Don't hide the mess. Just be, be you because you can't keep tiptoeing around this person. And I looked over at her.

50:56
And she just put her hands on top of my hands. And she goes, I've known for years that this is happening. And I'm so sorry I never said something. And it made me realize like, we don't always show our like, even you look on social media and everyone has like beautiful pictures of whatever's going on and this and that. But at the same time, like we're not always quote perfect. We're not always.

51:23
going to be going through these situations and being like, everything is so fine. And even now, like me telling my story, you know, I sound positive or I'm taking these things positive because I've healed. And the healing is hard work. It takes a lot of courage and a lot of stamina to just get up in the morning when you're dealing with people speaking negatively to you or people talking about you behind your back or close people who you would expect to.

51:50
be there for you, actually stabbing you in the back, like Julius Caesar style, and you have to sit there for a second and say, okay, I have two choices. I can either just sit here and give up and be negative and let everything just consume me and ruin me and just let it eat at me and then become that. Or I can get up.

52:18
and do things the hard way and thrive and survive and just do my best and do what I can because even on a day when you only feel like you're giving 30%, then that's all you have to give. If you give that 30%, you still give 100% for that day. And you're still trying and doing your best. And I don't think people give themselves enough credit for all the stuff they've gone through in life to get up every single day still.

52:49
and go, all right, let's do it. Like, let's do this. And I would sit in my car on the mornings when things were rough and I'd listen to the sign from Ace of Base and I'd listen to a few other songs. And I had tears streaming down my face and driving home with tears streaming down my face and just so much stress and things on my plate. I would still say to myself, no one's gonna drag you up.

53:17
to get into the light where you belong. Watch out for those signs, watch out for those moments. You never know when you show up what will happen. You could meet someone who's sitting behind a curtain saying, what would you do if you stopped making excuses? Or you could be in a situation that's further pushing you towards a path. Because even though I've met negative people who've tried to bring me down, and even though

53:46
I've been in situations that sometimes I would think like, this is like meant to ruin me. Like what is happening here? I feel horrible. Everything I've gone through in life has positioned me to become Dr. Alison Keischer-Farbach. And even saying those words right now is just mind blowing because I feel like I wanna go up to that 12 year old girl and go up to 12 year old me and say, hey, it's gonna get better. It's gonna get really bad before that.

54:16
But you'll make it. But then at the same time I say, I'm like, wait, if I go back in time and tell myself that, would 12 year old me say like, wait a second, okay, everything's gonna be fine. Like, you know, whatever I do, it'll just work out. Like, for anyone listening to this now, if you're going through a tough time where you feel like the walls are caving in and you're hitting that rock bottom and you're just like, I don't even know what to do next, where to go, like, I'm just, I'm lost.

54:45
Look for that light. There's a small light within you, small light somewhere. Do you think that it served you positively or negatively to tether yourself to that timeline as a child and a young adult and then an adult? I wouldn't say it was positive or negative. I guess like along the ways, I just kind of forgot that I said like, oh, by the time I'm 30, like it was just something I said.

55:15
You know, just because I was like, oh, I saw. It's not necessarily that time, but like you, you always had that end goal in mind. And so whether or not you strayed from it, I kind of picture, like you have this. This carabiner that's attached to this, this line, and you have some kind of like astronaut line that you're, you're being pulled out, but yet you're always able to kind of pull yourself back in and then you go a little bit farther down the line. And then you slip out, but you're always pulling yourself back in, whether that's a hard.

55:43
situation, whether it's a speed bump, whether it's an accident, whether it's something just like totally catastrophic, but you still had that end goal that you knew you wanted to be there some day and feel a certain way some day and whether that was to prove to yourself that you could do it, to prove to the people around you that you could do it. But something about having that there, always planted wherever it may be, 30 plus whatever that...

56:11
number happens to be, but knowing that it was always going to happen, that probably served you really well. Because it feels like your story kept bringing you back to that main line, whether shit happened or not. And so I think there's something to do too, is like, don't give up on your dream just because it's not happening in the way that you pictured it, in the way that you imagined life was going to play out because guess what?

56:38
I don't think life plays out in the way that people expect it to in most cases. No. You know, and to your point though, all the things that you faced probably served you in a way that you either now know served you in a good way or in the future you'll look back on and go, that was terrible. I would not wish that on anyone, but look what it did for me and look how it made me who I am. So, you know, I think that's what I'm saying.

57:08
kind of what I take away from your story is that there is value in setting this big goal, this big dream, but there's also value in allowing life to happen and kind of keeping that in mind, but kind of making your way through. Like, I guess, you know, as I grew and stuff, I never fully obsessed over it.

57:35
to the point where I had to live and breathe that end goal. Because I feel like if you do that, and you make that your whole thing, once I got to the finish line and you cross the finish line and you're like, yay, wait, now what? Like, I, you know, I still, I always said I wanted to publish books and write, and I'm still going towards that. I have multiple books published now, and I've been in anthologies and short stories have been published, and to see that is amazing. And to see...

58:05
You know, the PhD for me became that pivotal, like, big step. Like that, okay. It's a big check mark. Yeah, and I like checking that off, like that, I was just like, whoa, like that was, like to set your mind on something for like 18 years of your life. And there's a video I always show my students of this guy plotted a murder for 18 years.

58:32
and he was going for it and he let that whole goal run his life only to find out that two, three years after the incident this person passed away. And this person who killed his father passed away and for 15 years really he was chasing after a ghost. When you align yourself with your values, when you align yourself with, okay, this is something I want to do and create.

59:02
And I know through hard work, I'm going to get there. I will bring myself to that point. But at the same time, know that the journey is just as important as the destination. Totally. And if we just look at the destination and say, OK, I'm getting here, and that's it, and I'm done, then what are you going to do after that? And you have to keep building. Now you can make something new. And now you can put out something in the universe that you maybe won't have as many excuses to.

59:31
to tell yourself and to stop you from doing it. Because now you're like, yeah, it took a while to get here, but I got here. And now I can do it. And there's proof in the pudding, right? I like to wrap these conversations up in a way that you've already answered, going back to that 12-year-old version of yourself. So apparently, you've listened to some episodes. But I'm wondering if you could go back to one of those other moments in which you got one of these

59:58
super negative external forces hitting you that you still saw as a sign. Is there something that maybe you could say at one of those goal posts that maybe would change things for you or make the journey just a little bit different for you? So, I mean, I can go back to so many different moments and within the past couple of months, I've gone through, you know, while bouncing the PhD and family and my daughter and different things going on, I had this...

01:00:27
kind of pivotal negative situation where I was like, okay, this can either make me or break me. And in that moment, as certain people were shifting and just situations were shifting and things that I thought I can rely on, like just weren't there anymore, I said to myself, okay, you know, we need to figure out what to do now. And I feel like if I can go back, like knowing what I know now.

01:00:56
to those moments where things change and say to myself like, hey, just take a deep breath. Step back for a moment. And even if you think that's long enough, step back again and just breathe. Give yourself some grace. You're not always gonna have every single answer. You're not always going to know every single thing. Take some time. Really just breathe. Pull yourself together. Stand up tall.

01:01:26
and just smile for a few moments and realize that this isn't a great moment. Things aren't fantastic, but this too is going to pass. And maybe the people who you thought were always going to be next to you and saying like, hey, you got this, they won't be near you. Or you'll lose people in your life that just don't see your values or see you for who you are. You still have the chance to see yourself.

01:01:55
How do you want to see yourself? Yeah, to realize that this is your journey and the other people are just going to be players in this journey. And some of them will be around for a little bit. And some of them will be around for a lot longer than that. And the more we can trust ourselves and our decisions and do things for us and not for other people or to make others proud, I think there's a lot to learn in that. If people want to learn more about you or connect with you or read your books, or what's the best place to go to get into your orbit?

01:02:25
So you can find me on LinkedIn under Alison Teicher-Farbach, or you can come to solu That is where I now host all the different writing initiatives and different things that I'm working on. So that is constantly being updated and have some more ideas. But I think in closing, I just want to ask everyone a question that I don't think everyone can answer right away. But what would you do if you stopped making excuses?

01:02:56
It's a good question. And I think it's a holla. It's really hard for people because I think we find comfort in those excuses. And I think they are something that we're used to growing up with. But I appreciate that question. I think it is valid. And I love that that was the metaphorical stop sign for you to like, OK, stop it all and do what you wanted to do when you were 12. You can do it. You have the abilities. You have the wherewithal. You have.

01:03:24
these components. So thank you for sharing your story and being a part of the Life Shift podcast. I really appreciate it. Thank you so much. And for those of you listening, I'll be back next week with a brand new episode. But in the meantime, if you enjoyed what Allison had to share today and you think someone else could use the same message, please share this episode with them. And with that, I will see you next week.