Finding Strength in Faith and Fatherhood | Bryant Salcedo

00:00
Did you feel conflicted, like your faith says you have to stay married and like, you know, you can't or you know, you shouldn't? What 100% I spoke to four priests prior to, you know, I think towards the end, it was, it was pretty mutual, like we knew that there wasn't a path forward. But like, to take that step, you know, a thought for me was like, am I condemned for life? If I like, get a divorce, like being

00:26
It sounds like being a raised Catholic, you understand, Catholic guilt is a real thing. And I was like, gosh, it was just, it was like my stomach wasn't nuts. Like trying to process that was not a fun thing. But I was able to, I'd like to believe the right people came into my life to speak into me to give myself the grace and the forgiveness and knowing that like, look, we're human, we are not perfect. Mistakes happen.

00:55
This is a blip in the course of, if God willing, it's a long life. Like, how can we get back on the right track, be a light to those who are inevitably going to be going through the same things and try to find a path to happiness again, where it could be at that point in time, the best father for our daughter. But it's, it's like, I think about it like.

01:21
your faith tells you you should stay married. Could you imagine having stayed married in a situation in which it was not healthy for any party? Just because of your faith. No, I, no, I probably would have been, I probably would have been, I probably would have been dead by now, literally, because of just the unhealthiness of, it would, no, I would not have been able to be, I would not show up as a father. I wouldn't be able to hold a job.

01:52
You wouldn't show up for yourself. I wouldn't show up for myself. And I would be, it would just be. My guest this week is Bryant Salcedo. Bryant's life story is like one of resilience and faith and really a transformation of how he saw things going in his life. It's a journey of really navigating these personal traumas that undoubtedly will resonate with many of you.

02:16
His life took a dramatic turn about six years ago when he became a single father and he lost his mother within the span of a year. These experiences reshaped his outlook on life, of course, and it really had him challenging his faith. So another significant theme of the conversation is that exploration of faith as a source of comfort or solace and strength during times of crisis. His faith played a pivotal role in his journey through his personal trauma.

02:44
And in this conversation, he shares how it kind of really fostered his resilience and deepened his faith, offering a compelling look at how connecting to a religion or a faith can have a transformative power. Brian Salcedo is not only a single father, he's a sales executive, a business owner, but he's also a health fanatic and as you'll hear, loves tennis and pickleball. Despite experiencing significant personal trauma,

03:10
Bryant's journey is a testament to his strength and his deep faith. So without further ado, here is my conversation with Bryant Salcedo. I'm Matt Gilhooly, and this is The Life Shift, candid conversations about the pivotal moments that have changed lives forever.

03:39
Hello, my friends. Welcome to the Life Shift Podcast. I am here with Bryant. Hello, Bryant. Hey, man. Thanks for having me. I know that this has been on the books for a little bit now. We've been trying to get our schedules coordinated so that you could come on here and tell your story because I'm excited to talk about it because I think there are, I'm not excited, I think that's the wrong word, but I'm happy to help share your story because I think there are people out there that will resonate with your story, will find...

04:10
inspiration in what you've done since the part of your story that we're going to talk about, but also feel less alone in that experience. And so before we even talk about it, thank you for just wanting to be a part of the LifeShift podcast and share your story. No, 100%. Thank you for sharing that. I want to reciprocate that. And thank you for hosting this podcast. I've been tuning into this for many months now to kind of get fed, if you will, and inspired.

04:40
because we all go through certain things in life or none of us are immune to challenges and in dark times. But there's ebbs and flows and some life could, we can have blessings and things could be going good. And sometimes we need those reminders of the things we've been through in the past or just reminders from other people's stories. And that's what you're doing consistently. So for that, I say thank you. And I know you're impacting so many people. It's why I had reached out.

05:08
to be a part of it, to share. And yes, those four times of us canceling is on my end. So thank you for not saying to heck with you, Brian. I'm moving on. So I'm glad we could finally make this happen. Yeah, I understand life happens. I just said we're gonna talk about life happens, you know? And so sometimes, you know, maybe it wasn't the right time for us to talk in those other times and now it is. And so I think that there's such value in storytelling. There's such a power.

05:37
I mean, we were talking before recording. This is like the 138th interview type conversation that I've had. And I've just realized the impact that words have and the power, even for the storyteller, to say them out loud and get them out of our heads about whatever moment that might be. I've been lucky enough to have people come on the show and right before we start recording, they're like, hey, I want to actually talk about something I've never shared publicly before. And you're like.

06:07
let's do it because you never know who this will affect now or in the future because these podcast episodes stick out there forever. So it's such an honor to be able to hold the space for these particular conversations. It's an honor for me. So I can't wait to dig in and just, I know it'll be a fun conversation for sure.

06:30
We will do that. And for anyone listening, I don't, just for a little heads up, I don't do a lot of research. So I don't know a lot about Bryant beyond like what I've seen on Twitter, which is I'm just gonna call it Twitter because that's what we all say now. We don't say X. And now Instagram, which so now I know the one thing you're gonna talk about today. And I know that you are a pickleball pro, correct? Yeah, coach, I do a lot of that.

06:58
You know, my main job is pharmaceuticals. So I'm in management in pharmaceuticals, pharmaceutical compounding, but background is in tennis. I played college tennis at the professional level for a very short period of time. That's always been my passion. Well, pickleball, you know, this pickleball craze has been a thing now for a few years and it's absolutely exploding. It's the fastest growing sport in America. And what gets me excited about it is the, seeing me on X, I've been on X.

07:28
for about a year and a half now. And it's been a tug of my heart a few years after the pivotal life-changing events that we'll get into to kind of just share publicly my life now moving forward. And if it could impact someone in a positive way, then it was time well spent. And that's specifically around faith and fatherhood. Fatherhood being a single father. But I'm getting into pickleball because the tennis is the background. It's a natural transition into a racket sport. I absolutely love it.

07:54
was a part of a project with some business partners that were no longer doing. So that was in the game for a couple years, uh, coaching virtually, but now I do it very actively in person here in Austin and create a lot of content with the bigger vision being in some way, shape or form, how to, because pickle ball people come for the community. So it all kind of intertwines together in some way. So pickle ball, how can I, it's about the community and then going even deeper, taking it one layer further.

08:24
How can we talk about the faith aspect? And faith may not be for everyone, that's okay. But I think we can all agree that we all crave connection in some way. And so for me, I've been able to find that connection through the darkest times with a relationship with the Lord. For some people, it just might be whatever it is, but we need people. And Pickle Wall does a great job with that. No, it's awesome. I see a lot of people playing it, gravitating towards it, and you know.

08:51
Another thing I hear is there's a lot of injuries that come from it. So having a coach or someone like you to like teach them the proper ways to do things, maybe you're also helping them prevent injuries and the things that come along with it, because that's probably because I think that it's a more accessible racket sport, I would imagine 100 seems to be. Yes. Much more people that aren't necessarily fully athletic might be the first time they're jumping out there and that's probably why the injuries occur.

09:18
So good on you for helping them avoid those. Exactly. And trying without a doubt. Yeah, I'm impressed you know that because a lot of people are like, the barriers to play pickleball, which is why it's growing, are just so low. But if you're not careful, yeah, there's a ton of injuries occurring right now. And that's an unfortunate thing. But with a little bit of guidance, those could be prevented. I mean, it's a fast twitch type sport. So you're prone to.

09:45
twisting an ankle to falling on something, to running the wrong way, running into something. So yeah. So good on you for finding ways to incorporate all the things that you love, though, because I think that's the challenge in society. Or at least in my generation, growing up in the 90s, it was very much like there were four things you could do. And it wasn't because you wanted to do them. It wasn't because you were good at it. It was just like,

10:11
you pick one of these five options and then you go to school for it and then you just continue on that path. And now I see people around me that are able to like connect these dots. And I love that you have this father ship community piece, this faith community piece, this pickle ball from your actual expertise and your skills that you have and you're kind of bringing them all together. So that's exciting just in its own self of like being able to find that and create that on your own.

10:40
What's that's a great point. You know, I say that now it's like, cause it's what I'm doing and it's a recent kind of evolution, but. Like anything else, like it was a, it's, it is a couple, it took, it took a couple of years of just like pressing in and being just like, okay, how's this going to come together? What's it going to be? Cause everyone, especially on the Twitter world.

10:59
They make it sound so easy. Find your why, find your this, find your, what are you good at? What can you monetize? What do these five things? Do these five things exactly. And it's like, gosh, like I'm just more depressed now because I don't know what to do. But like truly sitting, being patient, the faith aspect, trusting in it, trusting. It could, it'll come about, it'll unfold. Yeah, and I think, you know, your story will play into why you kind of choose to do that. So maybe we can just jump right into it. You can.

11:29
give us, why don't you paint the picture of what your life was like leading up to really this life shifting moment in your life. Yeah, absolutely. We'll go straight back to it. This was probably about, this was six years ago. So I got married and it was very troubled from the start, troubled even from the beginning, but went forward with it where it wasn't the right fit. Shortly after we got married, we found out.

11:56
we were expecting. So that added to the stresses of already a very just difficult dynamic in a relationship. And then this is all within the first year of marriage. A few months after that, our world got rocked that my mom had stage four ovarian cancer. Super close with my family, super close with my mom. And it's like, okay, being positive, like, what are we, you know, we're gonna, we're gonna overcome this. That wasn't the Lord's plans. It was a very, very quick, quick decline.

12:26
And she had passed within six months. And then shortly after that, to add to the turmoil, I, we were going through a, uh, a very challenging divorce and. I was battling to stay a relevant part of my daughter's life. Thankfully that all worked out with a lot of great people in my corner and staying patient, but within this is just putting it super, uh, high level and summarized in a nutshell, like.

12:55
within a year became a single dad and lost my mom. And so, and all, all the while raised wonderfully, you know, raised Catholic, like divorce doesn't happen. Like that's no, that's not a thing type of thing. We had a wonderful life and, and, and never, I mean, of course, experienced hard times, but nothing like two traumatic events within less than a year period. And so yeah, I'll just stop there. It was tough. It was draining in every facet of life.

13:25
Do you look back on any specific moment in which you think is like the one that either like opened your eyes to something new, like losing your mom? Were you part of that when she passed? Was it like life was different then and you saw things differently? Or were you still kind of chugging along trying to be like...

13:47
no, I got to make this work or I need to finish this divorce so that I can move to the next stage because I can see how they can all kind of layer on top of each other. And I'm wondering if any of them stopped you in your tracks. It's phenomenal. You're good, man. It's a phenomenal question. Oh, so I'll go to the one with with my mom because that was kind of the first thing. 100% like I unfortunately wasn't able because of like, you know, just this.

14:12
the struggles with, you know, just getting married, I wasn't able to spend much time she was in Ohio, I'm in Texas, much time with her during those six months. I consider myself lucky to be able to, to be have been able to spend the last week of her life with her literally by her side. And so that that that week, going back to that week, literally, and for the majority of that week, she was like non responsive, but I was able to just really just like hold her hand, be able to just is a one way conversation. But it 100%

14:42
gave me a different perspective of life in that. She was like a chronic warrior and she'd be the first to say it. I got that from her and.

14:53
That experience from that point on, I wouldn't say it's not a thing anymore, but it almost radically changed how I very, very rarely do small things. Even rattle me because it's like, wow, like my mom who is super healthy did all the right things. Like life can change like that just because like, just because. And it's like here today, gone tomorrow type of thing.

15:22
it gave me a different perspective in that, one, not to really worry, life is so short, life is so fragile, and it just opened my eyes to like, okay, at the time I was 30 years old, what do I, I kinda like wrote my own eulogy at that time, like what would people say about me right now? What do I want them to say? Okay, so I don't know what the amount of time I have left until that, after the dash, when it's gonna end.

15:51
but what do I want people to share? And I knew at that point in time, I wasn't even close to what I want folks to say. In some ways, of course, but it changed in terms of like, okay, let me start taking action and doing the hard things to get to a point where you know what, this is a life that I'm proud of. Not that I wasn't proud before, but how could I make it better? Was she the first big loss that you experienced in your family? Oh yeah.

16:21
Definitely. Yeah. Yeah. And you were close to her, right? You said that's very close. Yeah, very very very close it's very similar to the experience I had with my grandmother because when I when I was eight my mom was killed in an accident and That was my life shift like that was that was a big one Everything changed in my life and I didn't really know eight years old at the time Yeah, okay And I didn't know how to process death like I didn't know what that was and no one around me knew how to help an eight Year-old grieve because it was back when people didn't talk about mental health. They didn't talk about

16:50
grieving and all that stuff. So I say that because my grandmother, my dad's mom stepped up and was just like, she became the mother figure for me. And so over the next couple of decades, I got really close with her, probably in the way that you were close with your own mother. And in 2015, she, well, earlier than that, like 2013, she was diagnosed with lung cancer. And then in 2015, we kind of knew it was like, it was coming. Yeah.

17:18
But because I wasn't able to grieve my mom properly, because I didn't know how, I didn't have the tools, over the 20 years, I figured out how to do it. And so now this time I knew. I knew how to do it. I knew how to process the things that I needed to in order to do that. And like you, I was able to spend the last 96 hours of my grandmother's life by her side in the hospice house watching this woman that had been my hero for so long kind of succumb to the end.

17:47
also like your mom, total worrier. And right before she became really non-responsive, and I was wondering if your mom maybe had said this as well, is that she was like, you know, I wish I hadn't worried so much because all that matters in the end is the love that's around me, you know? And it was like all the people that loved her were standing around her. I have goosebumps right now, hearing you say that. Yeah. And for me, which it sounds like you stopped worrying, for me that took away so much of the...

18:17
why do I worry so much? Because I took it from her, you know? And now after that, she was like, she was telling me like, none of it mattered at the end. So why should I worry about so many things? Also like you, I don't necessarily stop worrying about everything, but I do look at it differently now because I did have that experience. And I look at that loss as like one of the most beautiful things that I could have experienced as sad as it is.

18:47
But thinking about watching her take her last breath, knowing that she was in the hospital when I was being born, it's like this whole, so I don't know if any of that resonates with you, but there's such a life-changing thing that happens when you are able to be by someone's side when they are taking their last breath. It's unexplainable. And it's a beautiful thing that we could share this.

19:12
moment and the space and really just talking about that and how the similarities are very obvious. And yes, like

19:25
I mean, let me ask you this, like, did it increase like your faith and how you view things in any way with your grandma? I didn't. No, it didn't. I was never really, I've never really been, I guess faith is a different word than religious. But I grew up in a Catholic family. We just did the traditional like go on Christmas, go on Easter kind of thing and was never really bought into that. And I think part of that comes from.

19:54
losing my mother at such a young age. It was like, well, none of this makes sense. So I was never really into that. My grandmother was, she was very devoted to her religion. And I saw the comfort that it brought. Probably was the Rosaries, if you guys are Catholics, right? Pray to Rosaries? Well, no, she, she switched. Oh, she's a different. Okay, okay. Later on in her life. Yeah. She became Baptist later on in her life. And she, it was something that was healing to her. And it was something that I respected because that was her, but it didn't.

20:22
It didn't change me in a religion way. Maybe I believed in other things differently. Right.

20:33
But I don't even want to lie about that, because I think I just saw life differently when I saw someone die. Because the first time I experienced someone dying, I just saw them, I think this is going to sound crass, but I just saw my mom dead in a casket after it had already happened. Whereas with my grandmother, I was able to see all the stages. And so it made me look at life differently, if that makes any sense, than the first version of that. Interesting.

21:00
No, I, that's special. Well, like your grandmother, my mom, it was, she, it was when I was still able to have conversations to throw over the phone, she would say exactly what sounded like your grandmother shared, like, I wish I never was this chronic warrior. Like, this doesn't matter. Serves nothing. Serves nothing, like, you know, is.

21:22
We hear it all the time, you know, and you know, wearing like the rocking chair, you know, and it's, and it's so true. Like it just literally saps the energy. And, and, and that was the biggest thing that I was leading a life where it literally would sap the energy until I literally couldn't worry anymore. And then I would get exhausted. And it's like, okay, well like having high aspirations being driven, you know, from a competitive tennis background type of thing, it's like, if you

21:50
If I want to accomplish half of what I've set out, literally I need all the energy I can have to give myself a chance to try to achieve those things without sacrificing the things that are most important in your family, in your relationships. That takes time and that takes energy. So like, there's, I've got, that was, I'll. But it's complex. Oh, it's so complex. I think it's complex because at the same time, when you're realizing all of this, you're also going through.

22:18
this divorce proceedings and the things that you mentioned before, which I can imagine as someone that is highly connected with their faith is opposing, like you said, like divorce is a no-no. There are certain things that are just like, so I can imagine what that battle is in someone's head when first of all, you're like life or death over here with mom. You're watching this. You're facing that. But also how do you manage

22:48
moving through your faith with your faith through something that your faith may, you know, thumbs down on knowing full well that that's what you need in your life so that you can become your best version. Timmy, that's a great question. And there might not be an answer. No, I don't even know. Like, I'm just gonna think about like, I'm gonna just try to do my best to go back to that period of time. Did you feel conflicted? Like your faith says you have to stay married and like

23:16
You know you can't or you know you shouldn't. What 100%? I spoke to four priests prior to, you know, and I think towards the end it was, it was pretty mutual. Like we knew that there wasn't a path forward, but like to take that step, you know, a thought for me was like, am I condemned for life? If I like get a divorce, like being, it sounds like, you know, being raised Catholic, you understand like Catholic guilt's a real thing. And

23:44
I was like, gosh, it was just, it was like, my stomach wasn't knots, like trying to process that. It was not a fun thing. But I was able to, I'd like to believe the right people came into my life to speak into me to give myself the grace and the forgiveness and knowing that like, look, we're human, we are not perfect, mistakes happen. This is a blip in the course of if God willing, it's a long life. Like how can we get?

24:13
on the right track, be a light to those who are inevitably going to be going through the same things and try to find a path to happiness again, where could be at that point in time, the best father for our daughter. But it's like, I think about it like...

24:34
your faith tells you you should stay married. Could you imagine having stayed married in a situation in which it was not healthy for any party? Just because of your faith. No, I, no, I probably would have been, I probably would have been, I probably would have been dead by now, literally, because of just the unhealthiness of, it was, it would, no, I would not have been able to be, I would not show up as a father. I wouldn't be able to hold a job.

25:05
You wouldn't show up for yourself. I wouldn't show up for myself. And I would be... And your wife. Because none of it would be... And so I think that's why part of me has this feeling about faith. And it's nothing again. I love that people have their faith in whatever it may be. But sometimes... No, you're right. We have to come first, right? And sometimes we have to bend the rules or whatever we're going to call them. Yep. Because...

25:33
Like you said, had you followed that, like you're like, no, I can never get divorced. I need to go down this path. You would not be living as you. You would be living in a shell of you. You would be walking on the earth, but not doing the things you want. So good on you for trusting yourself enough to move through that, because I think there are a lot of people out there that don't and wouldn't. And it's such a good point. I didn't even think of it that way. And

26:02
Yes, and for those who are in that spot, know that there is hope, and there is, it's not the end. And that feeling of fear, or that spirit of fear, or be it whatever, if you truly believe in God, that's not coming of God. I believe that. And so that's where, going back to then, I'm like, okay, that guilt and that fear, that is a...

26:30
If that is the God I serve and love, like that shouldn't be coming from him. And so it's like, okay, no, like it's okay. I'm gonna, I'm going to relinquish that shame and guilt and all the things that it's like, okay, no, I'm like a man of my word. I gave my, you know, like as the church, like that's not a relationship, that's a covenant. Like.

26:57
all the things that are in your head at that moment in time where it's like, no, you can't do it. It's like, okay, well, that's why at the end of the day, Christ came because he knew we were going to do things that aren't right and sin. And, you know, so, you know, I don't want to go down the road there, but I mean, No, it's challenging. I think it's challenging. And I think it's important for people to also then have, which it sounds like you did, was this like reconciliation of yourself and your faith and all the things that like, no, like, it's all OK.

27:26
and I can move through this and like, there will be a life after this divorce, I'm not saying a life after this, but like a life after this divorce, in which I can serve whoever my higher power is and honor whatever I want to that aligns with my faith. Right? Spot on.

27:49
Literally, and that's what I'm trying to do right now. Like, I don't know if it's right or wrong. I'm just trying to be true to myself. And none of us will know if anything's right or wrong until we're done. It's true. We want which which is another something that I've talked to a lot of people about in the sense that, you know, like there is something in that statement of knowing like none of us will know if we have the right religion or we have the right faith or until we're dead. Like, we won't really know until we face whatever that looks like after that. Right.

28:18
And that tells me in all these conversations why so many of the people I talk to are living their lives for them. Like they're in service of whoever or whatever that they want to, but also they're doing the things they want to do. Like you, you found pickleball, you're coaching people in this, you're trying to bring in this faith element, you're trying to bring in this fatherhood element as well. Like you're living in your truth, if you will. Yes. Like you're serving yourself with

28:45
the things that bring you joy, that bring you happiness, that fulfillment. And I think more people need to do that. I would love to be able to worry without a doubt. And if I hadn't gone through that pivotal life changing stage, there's no way I would have.

29:00
I wouldn't have been living true to myself. It was, yeah, no. Was single fatherhood like the moment you became, when did you realize, like was there a moment where you closed the door one day and your child was with you and you're like, I am, this is me and the little one that like really shifted you and go, oh wow, this is real. Yeah, no, I mean, it was pretty instant. Like, I mean, you know, we were,

29:29
The proceedings were almost a year and a half, close to a year and a half. And throughout that journey, like when I had moved out and when I had my visitation in time with our daughter, it was real instantly like, wow, this is how life is now. Was it good? Yes, because the place we were at was not healthy. And so it was...

29:59
It was good, but it was more so like, wow, like this is not, you know, growing up in a wonderful family, married parents, like this is not what I envisioned for my life. This is not what I signed up for. It's not the storybook. No, far from. And it's like, man. But most people don't live the storybook, just so you know. I guess so. I mean, exactly. We, you know. I think we're fed to some things when we're younger and we absorb them, but it sounds like you made it your own though.

30:27
Yes, it made it made it known and it's like, you know what, I think I don't know if there was like this, there's, there wasn't this like epitome or like this aha moment in any way. It was more so just like, wow, a sense of over time, peace with the whole situation and tying it back together with like, okay, the recent loss of my mom and as I was grieving that simultaneously. It's like.

30:57
I don't know how much time I'm gonna have left here, but I'm sure Will damn good to make the most of it. Getting back to like living to my true self and the faith part not leaving. So like, how can I know that like, look, to my core to this day, I truly believe this part of the book so far up until I'm 35, like it was written, it had to be played out. And now it's like, and I know, because of the faith aspect.

31:26
moving forward, it's already played out. But I just hope and pray, I'm living in alignment with what God wants that to be. And I know, we don't know, like we were saying, but I know that how I could try to have some sort of semblance of yes or no is the level of peace that I have. And I have a lot of peace right now, versus what I did in my previous life, because it was always just like, oh, what if, or should I do this, that, and another? Now I just go about my day, this is what I want.

31:56
If it's going to play out, it's not going to be because of a lack of effort. And I'm going to live with no regrets. And I'm going to keep the values the same. I'm going to do the thing, make sure that the right now at this point in my life, I'm a single dad. So like my daughter's most important. If it's in the deck of cards to be married one day or more children, like those will be the non-negotiables. Everything else will then slow down from that type of thing. Do you think that losing your mom made you a better dad? I mean,

32:26
from the near sense of like, look, learning that like, you don't really have to worry, life is so fragile, we could be gone tomorrow, it 100% did, because I, yeah, I focus the energy that I have, I give it to the things that need the attention, you know, and I manage my time so much better, because I know for some folks, they might be like, well, like, that's just how I operate, and amazing for you guys, but like, when you come from

32:55
a place where you are just anxious or worry or stress, that eats up a large part of your day where you can't operate on a normal level. And that transformation, which is, again, some days better than others, but generally speaking, just so much different than what I was before. And that's one of the biggest takeaways I took from my mom's death. So yes, it definitely made me a better dad.

33:25
it gave you a different perspective. I think, you know, do you ever think about like, if that hadn't happened and your mom was still around, what your life would look like? Because when I do, I'm like, I know I wouldn't be having this conversation right now. I would, like none of this would be in the cards. What do you think, well, let me...

33:45
this Life Shift podcast being born, was it inspired from, you know, all those moments, would you say? Yeah, oh yeah. The Life Shift in my life was, my dad sat me down. I was visiting him in Georgia. My parents lived a thousand miles apart and I was visiting my dad. He sat me down and he had to tell me that my mom was dead. And from that moment, I had to move states, move schools.

34:10
lived with a different parent that I wasn't used to living with. He became a single parent that he wasn't planning on doing either. Yep. You know, and life would be totally different. I was attached to my mom's hip, you know, and that was my life. And I think that's how it would have played out. I wouldn't have understood grief. I wouldn't have, you know, like all of these things would have played so differently. I would not be this version. We would not be having this conversation. I would not be, you know. And so it's different when you lose someone later in life, I think. Yeah.

34:39
I just think it's interesting because sometimes when we see mortality, we see things... I don't know. I think when you see someone die...

34:51
everything changes, like your perspective on like, what matters changes. 100%. You're like, when you used to get mad at a store because something was taking too long, now you're like, who cares? I'll just wait an extra 10 minutes. You know, like everything that you approach, so I can imagine if you are in something, anything, whether that's like, you're going towards something like, let's take a simple example, you're going to a degree, you're doing a degree program that you don't care about, you're just doing it to do it. I would imagine that if at that time,

35:20
your mother was also dying from an illness, you'd be like, I don't need that. I'm not even gonna do that anymore. Like I'm just gonna quit it and nobody cares. Exactly. No, it, yes, it instantly makes decision-making, like hard decisions. You just view it through a different lens. Has your faith changed in all of this? Yes, it's only deepened. And a lot of people are...

35:46
Is it deepened in the same hole? Or did it move at all? That's a good question. What do you mean by that?

35:54
I don't know how to say this. I'm trying not to say this in a way that sounds bad, but thinking if we're growing up in a religion that is restrictive, if we will, there's rules, there's guidelines, there's you said Catholic guilt. There's a container, right? But then all these other things that are opposing some of those elements happen in your life. Whether you're testing your faith when someone's dying, they get sick, the perfect person in your life gets an illness that they cannot recover from.

36:23
You have to go through a divorce. You have all these other things that are happening to you. I can see someone remaining in their faith, but wondering if it shifts at all. And you said it just goes deeper. Does it shift and then you start building a new route or are you still in the same space? Like everything feels the same. Everything from the foundation really stays the same. There probably could be shifts and I don't know how to articulate it or put it into words because it's like.

36:51
Look, I would be lying if I said like the faith wasn't tested. If I didn't have anger conversations with God, if I, they'd be like, why? Like this makes no sense. Like a loving God and this happens. Like why? But going processing through that. And again, I easiest way I could put it is always getting to a level of peace. It's like, okay. I truly believe like going through all of that. I didn't know what the road held.

37:21
in front, but I always knew he was beside me. And you always knew there was a road that was, you were guided down. Exactly. And so then that's why I... So you trusted in that. You have faith. I mean, that's the whole word. The essence of it. Exactly. And why? I think that's the part of the mystery too. I maybe could say, I think maybe faith comes easier to some than others just for no explanation. Maybe it's the upbringing. Maybe it's... That's where the mystery is. Maybe God...

37:50
sit on your horse. Like that's a, that's, that's, that's a level of theology that I is be over my head and I'm not going to even try attempt to go there, but I could speak from my heart and my experience and know that like the little that I've read of the Bible, like the whole story of the Bible is like people going to limits on their own until they're like, you know what, I can't do this on my own anymore. I need God. And sometimes some people don't and it's fine, but like all a lot of the stories is like,

38:18
I can't do this on my own, I need God. Maybe it's the sort of competitive side of me, but it's like, look, okay, in a weird way, my faith can't be built if I don't have problems. So I need to exercise that muscle. And if I exercise that muscle. Let me create some problems. Right, not purposefully, but I knew that in those moments going through that life shift time and about my mom and going through a horrific, grueling.

38:47
divorce that, um, I'm like, wow, what, what gave me light was to be able to kind of conversations like this, like the story I'll be able to share. And I have countless stores already where, where folks, you know, are going through a similar situation that I went through it and at that time I thought I was like the only one and it was so unique to me, but now it's just like sampling words like, and that's part of the motivation is just like go on Twitter and be like, just talk about these things because it's common thing.

39:18
And it's okay, knowing that you're not alone. And so I think part of it was having the faith, knowing that like, man, maybe there's a bigger purpose for it. And it was all gonna work out. It was gonna work out. I never doubted that, never doubted that at all. Yeah, and I also think there is a difference for a lot of people between faith and religion. Definitely. And organized religion versus.

39:46
a spiritual faith or a belief in something. So I think there's all that. And I think what's nice now is that I think that everyone's faith is different too, even if you are in the same, you know, quote unquote, religion, right? Like everyone kind of approaches it in a different way, feels it in a different way, lives in it a different way. So I think it's nice that people have these conversations now and it's not like you versus me, not us literally, but like, it's not like that. It's...

40:14
And that's why I'm curious in this if it changed, but it sounds like that was your guiding light the whole time. The whole time. You just had, you had the street light on and you knew that the next street light was gonna come on as long as you took the next step. 100%, literally. That's well said. I literally had, maybe even call it reckless face. It's like, why am I even like, someone- Well, if you've tested it before and it works, why not? Exactly. And-

40:41
But this was a level of test that I had uncharted territory. So it was kind of like, well, I'm just gonna take that step and I'm gonna put one foot in front of the other. And up until that point in time, I would literally think in a year and quarters and months at a time, literally I would shorten the field so much and think about the next day, the next hour, the next minute, because that's all I was able to think about. And it was that level of faith that helped me just like, okay, and the level of conversation and talking with God, like,

41:11
why, but there's a bigger purpose. Just help me take this next step. Help me get through this. Help me show up in the way I need to show up for my daughter. I think it also removes a level of, I don't know if burden is the right word, but a heavy bag that a lot of us carry around. And if we can offload that a little into our faith or into something that we know will help carry that.

41:39
I think there's that element there too, right? Where you don't have to carry that with you as much. That's so well said. Yes, like he could help carry our cross. Like, you know, if we try to carry it on our own, we're not gonna get very far. I don't wanna carry a cross, those are heavy. Those are very heavy, yes. But like, he could literally help us. Right. You know, I get it. You get it, you know what I'm trying to say. And so- It makes sense.

42:06
Yeah, it's because there is just so much unknown. And even in the best of days, until like, until we're, we don't know what, after we take our last breath, we don't know what that's gonna look like. But I do believe like, okay, that is- What if we all end up in the same place? Who knows? Like I said, dude. I'll wait. Yes. I don't need to know anytime soon. Exactly.

42:34
Well, that's so funny you say that because people, let's just say like, okay, heaven's a thing if that is the case, everyone would want to experience that, but no one wants to go today. You know? So like, you know, it's just like people, but there are some people that I know where their level of belief and conviction is so high, they don't care if they went like today. It's like, holy cow, like that's my, that's who I try to look up to from a faith.

43:01
religious spiritual would or everyone to call it journey because it's like That is a place where like that's as high as you could possibly get on this in this life At least where if you were to be gone right now, you'd be like take me. I don't think many people are there Well, I don't think many people have a choice true Yes, but to have a level of like to be okay with it. No regret. Yes, that's a totally a frenzy

43:25
Yeah, and I think society puts a lot of responsibilities on us that we absorb, that we take on. And, you know, it's interesting because in your story, there's this three line of faith, right? Like that wavered maybe, but it stayed. So what's the biggest difference between married, full family version of Bryant and now your single father version of you living your truest?

43:54
Like what's different about you from before times and now times? That's the thing, you know, I'd like to think I still am who I am, but I think I am truly living out how we touched on a little bit earlier in the conversation. Living true to myself and doing what I want to do. And I'd admit, like, you know, growing up, well, nothing's perfect. Oftentimes, I would do things where it's like, okay.

44:23
this is what my parents want me to do. Of course. I think that's pretty normal, you know? And, or thinking through like, okay, well, what would they think of this? And like, you know, like it's- Approval. Approval, exactly. Well, I ultimately made my own decisions, like that was always heavy on the mind, which then after the life shift, of course I'll go to mentors, I'll go to my dad, great, you know, I mean, he's amazing, grateful I still, you know, have my dad.

44:52
I have a younger brother, super close with him. Those are my family, and I have a wonderful extended family, so I know that I have family, and that's a blessing. But how I live my life now, it is just, what do I wanna do? Not seeking the approval. Being on ex Twitter, Instagram, everything now, it is like, don't even care what the perception is, because it's just like.

45:21
I know that the people that I'm meant to connect with, they'll find me, I'll connect with them. And the ones that are gonna think like, oh my gosh, like what the heck is he doing? Thinking you're a beat whatever. Like I don't care at all. In a way, in a loving way where it's like, that's not meant to. Whereas before I would care so much, I would be sensitive to it, it would hurt. Now it's just like, Brian today, just live life. No, I mean, I think that that makes sense. I think...

45:51
so many of us absorbed, like we did the checklist kind of thing, like our parents wanted us to do this, or we thought our parents wanted us to do this, and so we did that. I think that for me, when my mom died, it was something in which I absorbed perfectionism and I tried to be the best at everything, and looking back at it, it was really, I was trying to impress my father.

46:21
as much as possible so that he wouldn't abandon me too. Because my mom had abandoned me in my small brain, right? Like that's what that felt like. And so I can relate to like, we're just doing things for other people or to impress other people. And now finally in this version of my life, I'm like you, I'm like, here it is. I'm having a really crappy day and this is why, and that's okay. And I hope that if you are too, that you know that you're not alone. How liberating is that? It's so liberating, but.

46:50
I don't think I would have realized that had I not experienced those really hard times. No, 100%. Likewise. So are those always meant to be a part of our path? I mean, I'd like to think yes. But then you're like, that sucks. Yes. But someone said it so wonderfully. My mom said that I don't put it in this box because I have to be...

47:20
100, I mean, I don't sure you still, so with us, but like the divorce, for instance, like the things that you're, you don't always have to like the things you're grateful for. A lot of the things that I'm grateful for looking back are the, to our point, the tough, challenging dark times, because it forged us into beings that we never would have been otherwise impossible, like success, comfort, happiness, like just not going to get there. It's important.

47:49
You know, you have to, and I think that's what kind of just the essence gets to like, you know, I look at a lot of like successful people and I really respect them at even another level when, you know what, they're not doing it for even more success. They're doing it just to have purpose, impact, and meaning. And I think that's the whole part of what like life, whether there's an afterlife or not, religion or not, God or not, like I think like

48:18
challenge, struggle and overcoming gives life the most beautiful purpose and meaning that makes us who we are. Just not in the moment. Right, exactly. That's not in the moment because you can't see 10 feet in front of us. It's so painful and it's and if you don't have right people in front of you that's how people literally do dark things and it can get really bad. It's torturous. During that journey was there a particular moment in

48:45
that period of time that was the darkest for you? Were you doubted things? Were you like, I don't want to deal with this. Yeah, a lot. Not in that way. I mean, like, was there a really dark time in that period? There were many, many, many, many, many, almost sleepless nights where it was like, just a constant cycle of, okay, no, I'm long, like trying to process like, wow, I just lost my mom. Another

49:17
Like tens of thousands of dollars going down the drain for litigation fees, like I'm literally draining everything that I had saved up and worked so hard for at this point in my life. For something that was in your storybook. Essentially, right. That you were trying to. Yeah. Exactly. And like, okay, I don't even have my daughter right now, you know, you know, like literally by myself in this apartment that I'm subleasing, like what is my life? I'm like, Oh my gosh. And it'd be like, and those sleepless nights were.

49:46
It would feel like a week because you're just literally alone trying to like sleep, but like, but it just like couldn't. And yeah, like those types of feelings kind of like kids, we could relive those if we really want to. It's, it's not, I think a lot of people can relate to those moments. Oh my gosh. It's uh, the, the, the amount of emotions like anger, sadness, shame, guilt.

50:16
fear and I had to kind of fear that I'm like, I mean, the fear of the unknown, like an embarrassment, like everything wrapped up in a single little cup and like saying, why like this makes no sense. Like, yes, there were many of those nights. I mean, there, I mean, there wasn't any point in time where it's just like, I just want to end this or it's just like, you know, like that type of thing. But but there were dark times. But I mean, I asked this kind of everyone, but I'm wondering like, what

50:46
What if like this version of you could go talk to that Bryant sitting alone, sleepless nights in that sublet apartment? Is there anything you would want to say to him or hang out with him? What? This is, uh, yeah, it's so many things like, well, all part of a figure, figure story, uh, this is a moment in time. The story is not over. Don't lose your faith.

51:11
And short in the field, which is something that I did then in terms of just like just just just take things day by day Keep your circle tight in terms of the people that you'll confide in and you truly trust if you're blessed to have family Go to your family then widen that a little bit with some friends that you Truly truly trust find a good church that you could get plugged into you could find you know a

51:40
You know, whatever that is, like someone, a leader, a pastor, a priest, whatever that is. Like I did that and I'm, and I'm glad I did. And I would say that to the same Bryant back then. You have no idea like how close, like the, the brighter days are closer than what you might realize right now, because you kill, you only see darkness. Everything feels so far away. And you know, it's like, obviously we can't go back and do that, but as we were talking about before, like our path is, is.

52:08
probably already there, right? And that it's just this one step in front of the other until we get to this version of Brian, this version of Matt. You have to go, just one step in front of the other, really. Literally. I just keep having that picture of a dark sidewalk, and the light just turns on with each step. You're just like, I don't know what it looks like way down there, and I'm not going to worry about that. I'm just going to look down. There's the sidewalk. Literally. Keep going. And just keep going. Yes.

52:36
But that's a thing that's important. Oh my gosh. But like what you shared, like the amount of strength, like that you have to still have, like it take, it's a choice at the end of the day. It's a choice to be able to be like, you know what? I am going to be so relentless because I want to stop right now, but I'm going to keep, I'm going to take one more step and one more step and one more step. And wherever you have to dig in and find that source of whatever it takes.

53:06
like find it. For me, it happens to be faith. It could be something else for someone else. But whatever it is, try to find because without you got if you don't have it, like you won't, you won't get out of the hole. Thankfully, we both were able to get out of it and get on the other side and it can share a positive outcome and try to be a light and encourage and give hope. But how many stories are there where people make the choice where they're just going to be the victim? And

53:34
say woe is me and not try to get out of that goal, make the situation better. And ultimately that's why, that's what I think why this is born to try to, try to reach those people and know that you can get there. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's okay. You're in a bad place right now. Um, it's what I'm trying to do too, to reach those people because there's so many of them and I don't want them to think like, oh my gosh, like, oh, they were lucky or this was easier that, you know, it's.

54:01
You need to, like anything else, you need to have the right places in place to try to execute on a successful plan to get out of that situation. No, I think you're right. I think that the more we normalize these types of conversations, the more we share and ask each other genuine questions, I appreciate that you were there and received my questions about something that you hold so deep to you. Because...

54:26
that shows how deep that is for you, if that makes any sense. Yes. Because I think sometimes people are like, don't ask me about my faith because this, that, or the other, or you're attacking me. I'm not attacking you. I just want to know. I'm so curious about that. And I think it's important to have these conversations. Because we're not all the same. We're not all going to live our lives the same way. And that's what's beautiful about being human. We can do all the things. So thank you for allowing me to ask you questions that maybe

54:55
maybe I wouldn't ask other people yet, or maybe other people don't ask those questions, because I think it's important. Of course, and thank you for asking them. I, too, absolutely love these types of conversations, because if we didn't get... I got to this point for a reason, and if it was, like, I don't just say, oh, because this is how I was raised, this is how it is, no, like, I've gotten to a point where, yes, I have to be there, but a lot of stuff has happened, clearly, as we talked about.

55:23
And I've gotten to the point where like, yes, I'm truly going to accept this as my own getting back to like, no, not the approval. I'm doing this because I know this is what got me through the most you live and breathe it and live and breathe it. Exactly. And it's it's it is it is my ethos. It is my DNA. And and I know it's not for everyone. And so that's why I think that's the important part. Yeah, exactly. It has to be your own. It can't be something like if I love something so much and I believe something so much.

55:51
I can't force that on other people. I could mention it to them if they like it. They can join in and they can simplify it to podcast. Exactly. Whatever it might be. But it's yours. You get to own it. You get to love it. You get to do whatever you want with it, and live in it, and breathe it, and share it. And if people want to absorb it, they absorb it. And I think that's what's really nice. Speaking of absorbing that, if

56:19
people want to get in your world and understand what you do or talk more about faith with you on Twitter or talk more about pickleball on Instagram. What's the best way to find you and get in the space? Yeah, so the biggest thing that I'm really trying to help people the most on is with my newsletter. So it's, I could share with you. Yeah, put the link in the show notes. Exactly, but that's where I'm trying to intertwine all three, the faith, the fatherhood, and the pickleball.

56:46
On Instagram, it's pickleball Bryant and on Instagram, it's my last name first name, Salcedo Bryant and Instagram is going to be much on Twitter. Exactly. On Instagram, it'd be really pickleball focused but sprinkled in with like who I am is some faith and fatherhood and on Twitter, it's gonna be more probably heavily on like the faith and fatherhood if that's what you kind of want with with some pickleball stuff as well. So but if they find your your newsletter, they're probably going to get links to those things as well. Correct. Right.

57:16
If you want to connect with Bryant and see what he's all about and read more about what he's offering to the world, please subscribe to his newsletter. I know that's important. Then you don't even have to seek him out. You'll just get emails with all the information and then you can follow through with that. So please do that. If something Bryant said today about his journey through that period with his mother and his marriage and his daughter and all these pieces, if something there...

57:43
you think someone in your world needs to hear his story, please share this episode with them because I think that would fulfill both of our goals here of just helping other people feel a little less alone. With that, I'm gonna say goodbye and I'll be back next week with a brand new episode of the Life Shift podcast. So thank you for being here, Brian. Thanks for having me, Matt. This is a privilege.