Finding Harmony in Grief: A Journey of Healing and Hope | Laurel Wright

00:00
Patryk over here, he called us about 30 minutes before the write and he's like our content man. You know, he films everything, he catches everything. We're both so grateful for him. And he was like, I'm going to come in and film you guys writing a song and I'm going to show people your version of the songwriting process because a lot of people ask, you know, we ended up writing a song about my dad that day. I'm a huge daddy's girl and I have a sister, her name is Lindy. She's about two and a half years younger than me and also a huge daddy's girl.

00:29
She got to hear the song that we wrote, and my dad kind of helped co-write the song. I called him a few times and I was like, hey, can you tell me a story about us when we were like younger so I have something to write about, you know? Just trying to like spark ideas. My sister heard the song. My dad had not heard the song at this point, but a few months after we wrote Daddy's Girl, January 5th of 2018, my sister passed away in a car accident. It was like devastating, and it was completely life-changing. I still have all my grandparents. So...

00:59
That was like a big, kinda... My guest this week is the super talented Laurel Wright. She's one half of the music duo, The Young Fables. Definitely check out their music, it's so good. In this episode though, we dive into the deeper parts of Laurel's journey. It's one marked by profound loss and healing. She speaks candidly and movingly about losing her sister and her father within a span of less than a year.

01:25
which is really an unimaginable experience that's shaped her life in ways that she never could have expected. The grief and pain that followed these losses would have probably been enough to break most of us, yet Laurel chose to channel her pain into something meaningful, her music. Music's always been a big part of Laurel's life, but through her personal tragedies, it took on this new, important role. It became her outlet, her solace, her means of processing and sharing her grief.

01:53
And through her art, she found a renewed sense of purpose and a way to connect with others on a deeply personal level. In this conversation, we also delve into the importance of community. As Laurels navigated this journey of healing, she's found herself embraced by a community that really rallied around her. And in this network of support, she found validation, understanding, and really the strength to keep going. It's really a testament to the transformative power of connection and shared experiences.

02:23
Today's episode is about acknowledging our struggles, seeking help, and really realizing that it's okay not to be okay. It's about using these experiences, even the most painful ones, as a driving force to create, connect and heal. Before we jump into today's episode, I just wanted to thank Nic, Gale, and Sari for sponsoring one episode a month on the Patreon. This Patreon community is something that will-

02:49
directly support the show. It helps me pay for some of the software, some of the hardware that I use to bring these stories to you, sometimes twice a week. So if you're interested in directly supporting the show and getting your name on the t-shirt giveaway list, check out patreon.com slash The Life Shift podcast, and you'll find all the information there. And without further ado, here's my episode with Laurel Wright. I'm Matt Gilhooly, and this is The Life Shift.

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candid conversations about the pivotal moments that have changed lives forever.

03:32
Hello, my friends. Welcome to the Life Shift podcast. I am here with Laurel. Hello, Laurel. Hi. Thanks for having me. Well, thank you for being a part of this. And we were connected through your manager friend, Patryk. Yes. And he reached out after I had another musician, because you're a musician. You are in the Young Fables and doing your thing and doing exciting things even today. But I had another musician, Lolo, on the show.

04:00
And we were connected through another friend and Patryk reached out and was like, you know what? Laurel has a story that she might wanna share. Yeah, I would love to. Thank you so much for having me. Love Lolo too. Oh, Lolo's great. I didn't know her until we had these conversations. And what I love about the Life Shift podcast is like we go into these deep spots of our lives where I wish more people were having these conversations like out loud.

04:23
and I was able to kind of really feel like we're friends now. So it's a nice thing. So for anyone listening that's never heard the show before, I really started the Life Shift podcast because when I was eight, my mom was killed in a motorcycle accident and my life was like no longer going to be the same. And growing up, I didn't have the tools and I always felt alone in that. And so I wanted to create a space where people could have conversations about, you know, deeply personal things in hopes that

04:52
someone listening feels a little less alone in their circumstance. And so I'm so thankful that you're gonna share your story, which I unfortunately or fortunately might be able to directly connect with. Both. Yeah. First, I think is helpful. Maybe you can just tell us a little bit about who you are now and kind of what you do now. I gave a little hint without giving away too much of your story. And then we'll have you paint the picture of kind of what your life was like leading up to this.

05:20
pivotal moment or two that you have in your life. Okay, well this is really fun. And I wanna start by saying thank you for everything that you kind of stand for and the things that you talk about. I know it's not always easy. I feel like I try to kind of make that my thing as well. So it's like really fun and refreshing to be able to talk to somebody like you. So thank you for all you do. I accept that and I appreciate that because for like 30 years of my life.

05:48
I felt like I wasn't allowed to talk about it. And you know, and I think it's important that we do because we're not the only ones that have gone through situations that we've gone through. So again, thank you for saying that, but also thank you for coming and sharing your story. Yeah. Okay, so I live in Nashville, Tennessee. I've been playing music with my partner slash boyfriend, Wes, for about 10 years. And so we've been, the Young Fables, we're a duo. We've been the Young Fables for...

06:17
probably about eight and a half years going on nine years. So yeah, we tour all across America and play some really cool shows and yeah, we just grind, do the thing. Well, I mean, I've listened to some of your music and of course we'll link to that and people can listen to that and big things are coming up for you, I know. And normally I don't like to know too much about my guests before they come on because I really just want things to unfold.

06:44
but your friend over there, Patrick, sent me a link to your movie, and I just couldn't not watch it. And so you have this film, and so I know a little bit, but I'm gonna try. You watched it, amazing. I think it was important. I think it was very much like the way I feel about the life shift of like these stories just need to be out there so people can see the humanity and the things that happen and how we move through these things. So in vein of that, maybe you could.

07:12
paint the picture of what your life was like leading up to what you feel is like this moment that really shifted things completely for you? Yeah. I mean, I grew up in East Tennessee and I grew up singing in church and picked up a guitar when I was 10, wrote my first song. And just from there, I just was playing music as a solo artist. And then I did the American Idol thing. I did it a few times. I made top 48. The last time that I...

07:38
that I did the American Idol thing. Did it three times, isn't that crazy? No, it's great. Listen, if you know what you wanna do, I think it's great. I would quit the first time. So I was in LA and I was there for like a couple months and I was kinda really struggling with, do I wanna be a solo artist or do I wanna be a duo? Cause at the time, the last time I was there, I had been playing music with Wes for probably like a year, year and a half or something.

08:05
And I just kind of felt like I was stronger as a duo. And I have a lot of fun playing with Wes and I think it's kind of boring playing by yourself. So that's kind of, I think I was like 19 when that happened or something like that, almost 20. And then came back to Nashville, really dug into like the fables thing and started doing that full time. And in the midst of all that, so I was 19 years old, I moved to Nashville the day after I turned 19 in 2017.

08:34
Yeah, and I said I was 19. I was thinking 2019 doesn't make any sense. Sorry, there's so many there's so many years and numbers. We can switch them all around. However old you want to be today, we will we will allow that. I'll be 22. OK, I don't want to ever be 22 again. OK. I don't either. I'm about to tell you why. No, I'm just kidding. But in 2017, we had a co-writing session in our apartment in Nashville where we live. His name is Dean Fields. That's who we were riding with that day. No, like.

09:04
concept of what we were gonna write about at all. It was just kind of like come over, we'll have a conversation, write a song. And then Patrick over here, he called us about 30 minutes before the write and he's like our content man. He films everything, he catches everything. We're both so grateful for him. And he was like, I'm gonna come in and film you guys writing a song and I'm gonna show people your version of the songwriting process. Cause a lot of people ask. We ended up writing a song about my dad that day. I'm a huge daddy's girl. And...

09:33
I have a sister, her name's Lindy. She's about two and a half years younger than me and also a huge daddy's girl. And she got to hear the song that we wrote and my dad kind of helped co-write the song. I called him a few times and I was like, Hey, can you tell me a story about us when we were like younger? So I have something to write about, you know, just trying to like spark ideas. My sister heard the song. My dad had not heard the song at this point, but a few months after we wrote daddy's girl, January 5th of 2018, my sister passed away in a car accident.

10:02
And I know you can relate to that. I'm so sorry. I didn't really know a lot of your story, but I had watched the Lolo interview and kind of you had touched on that. So thanks for sharing. So I lost my sister and it was like devastating and it was completely life changing. I still have all my grandparents. So that was like a big kind of, you know, a big change in your life. Were you really close with your sister? Yeah, I was really close with my sister.

10:29
I mean, it was the classic sister thing where it's like we're two and a half years apart. I'm mad at her for stealing my clothes and trying to hang out with me and my friends and stuff. But yeah, I mean, there was a lot of love there. Yeah. Only sibling that I that I have. Yeah. It was just like a really unfortunate situation to bury your little sister. I will say that was was it the first time that you had experienced like a big loss or something along that? Yeah. Like it's so crazy because the reason why I wrote my first song was because my great

10:58
had passed away and I was like 10. And I guess I was feeling a lot. And my mom helped me like write a song to get my emotions out. And it's just, I think about that moment so much because I'm like, that's kind of what I do for a living now. Do you think that opened something in you? Were you a writer before that, performer? Before I lost my sister. When you wrote that song, I'm just even going back even farther. I mean.

11:23
My parents threw me up on a stage and I was like three or four by myself singing at church. So yeah, I guess I was a performer. But it's just interesting how life pans out if you like really just kind of get out of your own way and let it like. Yeah. And then things like losing your sister or, you know, me losing my mom, like shake things up and like just like. Yeah. And I it's weird to say this out loud. I was eight when my mom died. So at eight. And maybe you relate to this when your great grandfather died.

11:53
Like you don't really truly understand kind of the loss and like how big it is and what's happening. But at the age that you lost your sister, I feel like that's so much more life shattering in a different way. I don't know if that makes sense. I feel like I didn't have choices on how my life changed. At your age, when your sister passed away, you had choices to make. You could have gone down a road of

12:22
terrible things. You could have gone down just like the steady state road pretending it didn't happen, or you could have changed things. Do you feel like you went down one of those spaces or all of them at some point? All of them. Yeah. What was like the first kind of like big thing that changed like losing her for you? Um, I think I've like I'm an artist and now that I'm a little bit grown, I kind of look back and I think I've always been

12:49
struggled with depression of some sort my whole life. It just kind of looks different now, but when I lost my sister, I will say the first thing that I noticed was I couldn't get out of bed and I had no drive to do what I love to do. And it's all of the songwriting that Wes and I do, and we write with other people, we're storytellers, and I love to share my own story just like you do. So that became really hard for me.

13:18
because I knew I was gonna have to write about what I had been through, you know? I don't have to write about it forever, but I had to get it out. Let's go back to 10 years old Laurel, you know? It's like, gotta get it out. So that's just kinda how I am. And that was, it was a big struggle, but it was, it's nice to have an outlet because I feel like a lot of people don't. Oh yeah. How long did it take you to like, find your way to that outlet though? And now...

13:43
Here's the problem with this show is now that we have very similar story. I'm like, oh thinking of my experiences, which is wonderful Yeah, yeah, how long did it take you to like? Be like, oh, yeah, I am a writer. I am a singer. This is going to help me from that moment of like I can't get out of bed. I can't do this Hmm. I think it's always been there. I don't think that there was like a moment after that I think that what had happened was I had no sense of purpose

14:09
before my sister passed away. And then in all of the grief and all of the depression and all of the anxiety and the fear and the worry of like, who am I, what am I doing? It's like, I found purpose in like the madness. And so I think- And your story, it had purpose now. So it's not so much of like, I became a songwriter after my sister died. It was just like, I had real shit to write about them, and I felt like I could really connect with people on a level that maybe a lot of people

14:40
Can't. Or they're afraid to. Yeah, yes. Yeah, and my question wasn't like, when did you become a songwriter? I think you started at 10. I think that was, but like, I'm thinking of this depression period. I was like, how long did it take you to be like, okay, Laurel, get your ass out of bed and go do this. Like, just make this happen. Like, how long did that take? Because for me, the reason I asked this, I, funny enough, writing was the thing that cracked me open, but it took eight years. Like, it wasn't until I was 16.

15:09
where I wrote something for an assignment and then I just fell apart and fell into pieces. So that was a long period of time. I'm wondering, like, was yours like a month? Was yours just a couple weeks where you kind of felt like, okay, I do have purpose here and I do need to get this out to help me heal. I really wanna paint like this like beautiful, graceful picture. Don't, paint the real picture. Yeah, it just wasn't like that. And to be honest, I think like ever since my sister died, it's been...

15:37
almost six years and it's like I'm still like. Really? Yeah, and I think everyone's different. I know a lot of people like, you know, I've had friends that have lost spouses that, you know, are okay or friends that have lost like, you know, whatever. And everyone just has their own timeline. And I just think that, you know, yeah, it's just, and after my sister passed away, my dad died eight months after that.

16:05
from a massive heart attack. And I know if you watch the film, you know that, but I think just a lot of like the, I have one sister, she's dead. She was like my best friend. That's who you grow up with, right? That's who you share all your stuff with. That's who you, that's where you learn how to share. That's where you learn how to grow. It's like your first friend, you know? And so, whew. And so losing my dad was hard because he was also like.

16:31
my best friend. I felt like me and him were uncomfortably close. But after that, it was just like, I normally turn to them and I didn't have a lot of people to turn to because my mom is still with me and I'm so grateful to have her, but she was going through the same stuff as me, if not worse, she lost her kid and her husband. So I think that just finding this family of community that kind of picked me up, whether it be on socials, I mean, I've been doing this for years, so.

16:59
since I was 16 years old, everybody that had liked my Facebook page or followed me on Instagram or whatever and then Laurel Wright turning that to the Fables. It's like all those people showed up and I feel like a big part of my purpose is the community around me because I feel like maybe I wouldn't be here without it. I'm sure you understand with your podcasts and getting to talk to people and like share your story with others and hear theirs. I mean that's what life's all about, you know?

17:25
I think it's important. I don't think a lot of people do talk about it. I think we kind of brush or we like weirdly assume some kind of shame that comes with grief and the depression and all those pieces that are just like this natural human response if you have a heart. Like, I feel like if you have connection with people, you naturally go through these things. And I don't know. I mean, it sounds like you were pretty open with your fans, your community, your songwriting friends. I think you have this.

17:54
beautiful outlet of songwriting that's a natural innate ability that you have. So there's like this nice piece from an outsider looking at you going, okay, well, at least she has that. If she needs to pour out some kind of content, whatever's bubbling up inside, at least she has that piece. But it sounds like your community were you super open with what was happening with them as things were happening?

18:21
I think naturally I'm just more of an, I'm just an open book anyway, so I can just talk about whatever for the most part. It doesn't mean that it's not hard, but I do feel like music is what I'm supposed to be doing. And I feel like performing and I feel like I'm I'm right on track, but I do feel like the mental health side of the whole thing and the sharing the story or whatever is like the driver for me since my sister and my dad have passed away for sure. I thought it was interesting when you said you found your purpose after she died and that

18:50
maybe, here we go, I'm gonna assume things, but you can tell me if I'm wrong. Go. As a lot of creators, a lot of singer, songwriter, performers, especially ones that go and try out for these shows, and there's this element of you should want fame, you should want success, you should want all the bright, shiny things. And maybe that was the earlier version of you until some of these things happened, and now it's like, well, no, that would be nice, but.

19:19
my purpose is to share this story, connect with people, bring these songs to life so that people can feel them as well. Am I on track, off track? Hit the nail on the head. Yep, that's it. Did you, was it like, do you recall that change in you? Do you recall a moment in which you were like, no Laurel, like get your ass up, this is what we're doing now.

19:44
Like I said, I think I'm still in it. Was there a time where I'm like, get your ass up? I think there was a time where I said. When did you realize that that was your purpose?

19:54
doesn't have to be definitive, but I'm wondering if like, it was one day or it was just like this gradual thing. Yeah, I think it was a gradual thing because I think that like, I've never, I've only done music, I've only done this. I've kind of always known that it was there. It was just hard to do it. So then once I was like, actually like stepped in it, instead of like waiting in that gray area for like, should I do this? Should I talk about it? Should I not? Should I just stay away from it? Is it gonna annoy people? Am I gonna look like the empowered victim?

20:23
Are people gonna be annoyed? And I'm like, maybe, but it's not for those people. So I feel like it probably took me just a few months to get on depression, anxiety medication. I'm on a mood stabilizer, I'm on all the things. I'm very like, if you need your medication, get your medication. I also do therapy and stuff, but I'm very open about all the things. But it's been a wild ride. It's a roller coaster. Yeah.

20:50
But I thank you for the general public that you are so open about that. Because again, I think that like, for some reason we've assumed that these things are bad and it's just like, well, no. I mean, if you have a cough or a cold, you're gonna take some kind of medicine as well. So I think it's kind of like normalizing it and I think that's important. And I think finding that purpose or realizing that purpose is so valuable for people because I think we kind of just chase things and I can't super relate.

21:20
to like your career and like what you do and how you make that happen because I was someone that when my mom died, my goal because I was so young, what I was absorbing around me is that I saw people around me like my father and my grandmother expecting that I, they didn't wanna see me sad. So they wanted to see me happy. So I absorbed that. So growing up I was like, what can I do so that they can see that I'm okay?

21:48
that I'm going to perform in this particular way. And it screwed me up for like years and years until I realized all those things that you were just mentioning of like, am I gonna be this person if I share my story? Am I gonna be this person? And it's like, at some point it's like, yes, and that's okay. Because those people aren't the people that are meant to be in your circle, in your orbit. And so I think it's so fascinating to hear you kind of say that. And I love that you lean into it because

22:16
for those of us here on the other side, listening to your music, we can feel that. Right, because I think it gives some kind of, I hate the word, but authenticity. Yeah, that's great, I love that word. That's great for me. I mean, have you ever written a song where you're just like, I don't feel this? Yeah, and then you don't put it out. Or you try to, and you're just like. Because it's not you, yeah. Yeah, you're just like, ugh. And that's something that I really try to do, is write from a real place.

22:46
And I think that I can write all the happy songs and I can smile and be on stage and do the things, but it's like, it's not real. And you're saying like, you feel the shame and the guilt for it. It's not that it's like a bad thing. It just, it just is. It's just, it is what it is. Like this is my story. I hate that it's my story too, but that doesn't mean I'm not gonna like talk about it and share. Cause a big part of why I'm still here is the whole community thing. I went on this trip to Teotihuacan, Mexico, and it was kind of like,

23:14
a healing retreat, I guess we'll call it. I'd never done anything for like myself like that before ever. I had, I just got a passport. Is that not insane? It was like my first time ever out of the country was like this year. And I went to Mexico and I was there for about a week. And basically it was just like you walk in and you have to like leave everything at the door. And so there's like 12 people there and you can't talk about your past.

23:43
You can't talk about what you've been through. You can't talk about the people, what you do for a living, your life back at home. It's completely focused on you, but like so deep that all of the shit that we talk about, our story, we have to leave it behind and figure out the real story. And that was like really life-changing for me to be, I guess, on that trip with those people, because a lot of people were able to get out of their own way and truly heal instead of just, I guess, talking about.

24:12
surface level stuff. It's like and you were saying earlier, you know, you lost your, I'm sorry, was it your mom, your mom when you were eight, she died in a motorcycle accident. And I'm like that, I think that that feeling when you, that you had when you were eight, and then the feeling that I had when I was 22, Teo taught me that all of our feelings are the same and that all the experiences are just different, but we all feel the same things. So I thought that was really beautiful and I learned in Mexico that

24:40
I was starting to become almost the empowered victim in my songwriting, like I guess this is my story, like I'll lean into it more and it's like, no, there is growth in grief and loss and depression and anxiety, even if it never goes away fully, there's still room for growth. And I just, I took a lot from that trip. So I just wanted to share it with you. Yeah, what did you, what did, what made you do that trip? Cause you said it was outside of your normal. Yeah, I think just trying to grow different.

25:09
Like a feeling of like, I need something and I don't know what it is. And I felt stuck. Yeah. I felt stuck. I felt like, you know, and I get like this a lot, you know, you feel stuck and you want to do something for yourself and, you know, try to have bigger understanding. And I think that that was like, you know, I want to try to do that every year. I think it's really cool and important, especially I think if you struggle mentally, that is something that is a really good reset or it was for me. I mean, it sounds beautiful. It sounds like something I would love to do, but also be too afraid to.

25:38
pull the trigger and actually do it. So I was terrified. And actually the reason why I went is because my therapist that I see currently, he was going. So I felt really safe. But yeah, it was scary. I mean, a lot of like talking for hours and hours and meditating and only thinking about you, that was tough. Is it hard to not assume a performative nature as a performer, like in real life?

26:06
Yes, because while I'll share another story from Teo, but when I was there, they had us like, you can be yourself and you can show your art. You just can't be like, I'm a singer in the young fables and I live in that. It's like, no, you can't talk about that. And they didn't really want you to sing. And I found myself, or like if you sang for a living or dance, it's like, maybe don't dance. There was a woman there and she was like a runner and she really wanted to run. And they were like, try not to. And so it was just a very interesting.

26:33
and maybe it won't work for everyone, but it really worked for me. And can you repeat the question, because I have ADD. Yeah, no problem. I just think society is very performative in the way that we feel like we have to do things in a certain way so that other people see us in the way that they should. And so I was wondering if, as a natural performer, because when you're on the stage, you're probably a little bit different, you're a little bit elevated in some capacity,

27:01
Do you find it hard to not be performative in any spaces, including your trip to Mexico? They gave us this thing to write down, like, where do you see, write a letter to yourself and you have to read it out loud to everyone. And it has to be like a short letter, but you still have to read it out loud to the class. And I found myself being like, I can write a song way quicker and be way more comfortable. And so that was a good opportunity. I talked to, I even asked a leader, I was like,

27:31
can I just sing? And she was like, no. So it was good for me to break out of that, but yes, I always find myself in like performing mode even whenever I was at my sister's funeral and like we had an open casket and it was like this pink satin thing and like I was standing in front of my sister greeting the thousands of people coming through to say sorry. And I'm like, it's okay, thank you so much for coming. Like it's just.

27:59
Of course, you know? Yeah, I think we're naturally doing, I think we naturally do that. I remember my mom's wake, and it was just so weird, because I was like, it was the first time I'd ever seen like a dead body, but yet it was my mother, but then it didn't really look like my mom, you know, like it was all these weird things. And then at the same time, all these strangers are coming up and telling me stories about her, and all I wanna do is just like run away and hide. But my dad's like, no, you have to do X, Y, and Z. So I completely understand it's such a weird.

28:29
It's very weird that we do these things. But I think it's important to understand that it's like this natural response and kind of give ourselves grace for things that are really awkward that we've done like that. And like the whole people coming through, I almost feel like it's more funerals are really hard or wakes or whatever. They're hard for the family, harder. And then the people that come through, it's just kind of that's their moment. And you want to give them.

28:58
their moment to like let go, you know, so. It's hard to hold that space though. I think we take a lot of responsibility on. The whole system is very weird. But I think that's why what you do through songwriting, what I try to do on the podcast is like, we just have like these human stories that we wanna share. And you know, there are so many people that assume shame.

29:21
or assume that they shouldn't do certain things because someone told them once that that was not the right thing to do. And I think we're getting a little bit better maybe in 2022, 2023, 2024 hopefully. I think so. You know, I feel like maybe, you know, like you're very open about mental health and about how you help yourself. I think that's important. Did you ever, were you ever apprehensive about sharing those pieces of you? Yeah.

29:50
I still am sometimes, you know, because you always, yeah, I mean, to the point where I might be having a panic attack, a panic attack, but maybe the performer in me or the sharer in me or whatever wants to set up a camera and show people, hey, like, I'm doing this thing over here and this is really cool life I live and I get to play music and do what I love. But also like I'm human too. And I think that that's one thing that I wish I had more from from other people. So I try to

30:17
to put it out there, even if it's tough. And also another thing that I have shame about is medication. Talk and talk and talk about how, you know, I want to be this like advocate for like help yourself, but you know, I just recently got put on a new medication and it's like, I'm the person that's like, give yourself grace, do this, do that. And it's like, man, I struggle with it too. So I like to be real about that aspect of it because it is hard for me. It's hard to share. It's hard to say that.

30:47
you're on all these medications to help your brain. I mean, you know. But do you have people, like when you share those videos, I bet you have a lot of people that, behind the scenes that are like, thank you. Thank you for sharing this. Most. Well, I'm sure some people are assholes. But yeah, like 98%, yeah, some people. There's always the few. But then you get to make funny videos and just read their captions out loud, so it makes for good content. Well, and too, do you, I mean, I'm sure you might think this, going through the grieving process, understanding how people react to different things.

31:15
Do you see those people that give negative comments or things like that? Do you look at them and go, oh, well they probably haven't processed something. Yeah, I just think they just don't. I mean, if you think that I'm doing that for attention, then you probably don't understand. And I'm not saying that they don't have this big understanding and I do, but I just think maybe we have just gone down different paths in life and maybe they just don't understand the way that I kind of.

31:41
show my feelings or my outlet or whatever, but think of it, if we were all the same and none of us shared. Super boring. Yeah. And then you got all these people feeling alone, you know? Which is terrible. And I think, you know, I've also done what you do now. And it's, I feel like, and this is going to sound sexist, but I don't mean it in that way. It's just like, as a guy, I feel like there's this responsibility that I'm not allowed to be sad or I'm not allowed.

32:08
to be depressed. I'm not allowed to be anything but happy or angry. Right. I feel like those are the accepted emotions. But what I've really done in the last maybe five years, six years is just like, if I'm having a bad day, I'm going to tell everyone and not and not in like a negative but like, look, guys, today's just not a good day. I'm fine. I know that there's a process to this. But I just want to let you know that today today just sucks, you know, and

32:34
And what that does for me is like this healing of like, it's out there, I can't take shame from it now. I've shared it with the world. So it sounds like you kind of do that with your videos when you're having a moment of your own. Yeah, I totally do. And like, I don't know, I just feel like without like the whole, without sharing, without community, without having that, it's like, I feel like there's more loneliness and then there's increased suicide and people not talking about their shit.

33:02
You know, I keep saying that, but it's like, if you don't talk, I know it's hard. But then once you do it, it's like it makes everything a little bit more easier because it's like a, you know, it's like they know. I don't have to hide behind this, like this thing anymore. And then I get to talk to people about it and maybe they're feeling the same way and they want to end their life or whatever it is. And I hate to be so like morbid, but I mean, that's this is just real. Yeah. Yeah.

33:30
No, I was thinking, you know, as you were talking about that, I was thinking about a part in the movie that you have that when your dad listened to that song that you wrote, and I think it's just so. It's so it's such a beautiful moment because you can see that with each verse that you that that is played he's like remembering like he told you that story or he reminded you of that. Can you can you tell us your favorite part about when you watch that now or can you watch that now.

34:00
Oh, that's probably one of the harder parts. Even just thinking about it. Yeah. I think just the moment when my dad sits down and like, he has such a funny sense of humor, he acts like he was like turning all the knobs or whatever. I was like, that is so funny because he just loves to joke around. And when he like went like this and like patted his knee for me to come sit on it, I like die every time. I'm like, oh my God. It's so sweet. I know. And just how he kind of.

34:27
He knew the words before he even knew the song. You can see him singing along. And then after he's like, that's our story. And then I'm like, yes, it is. And it's so many people's stories that have a daddy's girl or who is a daddy's girl, not just mine. It's Lindy's story. It's, yeah. So I think it's really beautiful that I was able to create something specifically for my dad, but could also touch other people. Well, and that you got to have that moment of where he watched.

34:56
or listened to it and kind of got to see it with you and participate with you. And, you know, in usual matte form, I kind of like think about my own experience where I recorded my story on this podcast with a guest co-host and I let my dad hear it after the fact. And so, you know, like it was very interesting because we lived that life together, right? My dad, my parents were divorced. My dad lived a thousand miles away. I lived with my mom. She was the...

35:26
She was the primary caretaker and then she died and suddenly I had to move to Georgia and I had to live with my dad who was a single man, you know, like all these things he didn't expect. And so the way he saw the story unfolding in his own life was much different than the way that it unfolded in my life. And this was the first time he was able to hear me tell the story. So I think of like the daddy's girl song, but Matt telling the story of like what it was really like for me. And what that gave me though,

35:55
was this beautiful ability to have a conversation after that wasn't interrupted during, right? But after we could talk and reflect on these moments. And so I think of your watching your dad listen to that song and like you being able to have that with him and to like maybe that further conversations or just seeded that relationship even more for you. It's just so beautiful.

36:19
100% and I think it seeded mine and my mom's relationship more too after my dad passed away just because this is kind of crazy. But I don't think that I would have been able or I don't think I would have put the extra effort into mine and my mom's relationship if I still had my dad and my sister because I was closest with them. So I'm not saying that there's a silver lining, but I am saying that maybe there is still beautiful things that come out of the most tragic and also I get to talk with my mom about these like

36:47
crazy things that have happened to us. And all that does for both of us separately is kind of help us talk to other people. Like my mom still has her mom and she's able to like talk to her mother about just, it almost like broke the barrier for a lot of like conversations that were hard prior to the death stuff. Oh, totally. Yeah, I mean, I think there's beauty. There can be beauty after this storm that we go through. And I think it's not

37:17
saying that we don't want it to happen. I mean, we obviously don't want these events to happen in our lives, but also we're still here. So we have to kind of figure out how we can move through this space. But I think it also allows us to see that we might not always be here. And so that gives us opportunity to kind of align with other people. Did you see between the period when your sister passed away and when your dad passed away, did you start to...

37:46
get even closer with your dad in that period, because I would imagine that loss of that, both sharing that piece would bring you closer together. I mean, you start to cling, right? You're clinging to... And he clings to you because now he knows what that feels like. Yeah, and he's like, I don't wanna lose my other baby. And my dad really struggled. I mean, he was young when he passed away, like 50, 51. I mean, and it was just, you know, he was like a bigger dude and had some health issues, but it was nothing like major, so.

38:15
I think that basically my dad grieved himself to death. And I think that is part of the reason why I'm like so on top of my stuff because I know that could probably very easily not very easily happen to me. But I mean just that kind of mentality. But yeah, I mean me and my dad were always really close. But after losing my sister it was yeah, I remember saying like, please don't leave me saying things like that. And then when it happened, it was just like

38:45
Here we go. Yeah. And you said it was a sudden loss. Yeah, it was sudden. My mom woke up one morning and her alarm clock went off. She hit the snooze button for 30 minutes, which she still feels guilty about, which I think is ridiculous. Because what's what was going to be done was going to be done. And then my dad was in the kitchen floor. And that's where she found him. So yeah, it must have been a heart attack or something. Yeah. And you can't really prepare for that. And you know, did you have in your mind, this is a very morbid approach, Matt, but love it.

39:14
Did you have in your mind though that like, oh shit, like people could just die suddenly, like after your sister died, I think it kind of awakens something in you. Did you like think- It does. Were you worried of your, for your father or your mother? I think so. I think I could just, I mean, when you know somebody you can kind of see, you know, and I think that's why I kept saying like, don't leave me, don't leave me or whatever. It's like that subconscious speaking to you. Even phone calls, like if I get phone calls, I'm very triggered because-

39:44
because I feel like something's happened. So even five, six years after my sister and my dad died, I have this deep rooted thing that's like, oh, someone calls me over and over again and I miss it or whatever it is and it's like someone's died. Or like I'm worried that if my mom doesn't answer the phone, I'm like, is she okay? Yeah, there's a lot of that. And I think that- Is that PTSD kind of thing? Yeah, it is. Do you feel, this is coming from my own experience, do you feel that-

40:13
you are more prepared now to handle a death? Like if someone else dies, do you feel more prepared? Like, oh, I've done this, I can do this now. Well, yeah, I was just gonna say, like my sister was an addict and I always kind of felt like something was gonna happen, but then she ended up dying in a car accident, which is kind of like a plot twist. So, yes. Yeah, the reason I asked that is from my own experience, like because my mom died, I had to move with my dad. My dad was like, I don't know how to be a parent.

40:42
really. So his mom sold all her stuff and moved down. Then I became best friends with my grandmother. Essentially, she kind of helped and did all this stuff. And but when she was diagnosed with cancer, I was like, okay, I didn't get to do it right the first time. So now that I know that she's going to die, like we just know that this is going to happen, I'm going to do it all right. So I felt like a pro, which was so weird. Like I felt like I had the conversation, like I sat her down when I

41:12
She just wasn't herself anymore. I was like, look, we're gonna tell each other everything that we've ever wanted to say to each other that I would normally say for a funeral or something like that. We're gonna do that. We're gonna have this. And then I got to sit with her for her last 96 hours of her life and watch her take her last breath. And I feel like had I not lost my mom so early on and totally failed and screwed up the grief process for me, I don't think I would have been able to have that really, really devastatingly beautiful moment like at the end.

41:42
And so that's kind of where that question comes from. Now that we've experienced it, it's like, okay, well now I know kind of how I can do it. And you're kind of prepared in this weird, unfortunate way. Yeah, you are prepared. And I think that it's something you still can't prepare yourself for. I always thought my sister would pass away from an overdose or something. And then when she did end up passing away, but from a car accident, it was still not easy. And it's like, even though I kind of had a feeling that.

42:08
something was gonna happen to my dad, you know, if I kept asking that question, I guess, it was like, it still didn't make it easier. And I also think it's, each relationship is so different. Like losing my sister felt very different from losing my father. And even now, the relationships that I kind of still have with them or whatever, it feels different, I guess. I don't know, they're both so different that I just think you can't prepare yourself for something like that. But...

42:35
If you can get past that surface level like hard, like it's so sad. I can't do this. It is beautiful. I got to say goodbye to my 98 year old grandmother, great grandmother, like last year and I'm 28 years old. So it was she had lost a child. She had lost a grandchild. She had lost a son-in-law, you know, she just had been through so much and so to be able to chat with her about it at the very very end of her life and even like how she felt about like

43:04
how she felt about it. I mean, it's weird conversations to have, but don't we all wonder, you know? But did you find value in that? Did you find that some kind of comfort? So much value. So much value, so much comfort. And she even like talked about Lindy, you know? Like she was just like, can't wait to see Lindy. And I know everyone has their own like spiritual or not stuff, but it was just really nice to be able to just chat about that. Like she might see them sooner than me. I don't know, you know? Well, I think it's interesting too, because...

43:33
so many people would shy away from that conversation. But I think because you've experienced those things, like you're more naturally drawn towards having that conversation with her. Did anything stick out for you in that conversation? Like any advice she gave you? Eat a hot dog every day and drink a beer kind of thing? No, but listen, we are Southern women, so anytime I was like, you know, because we fluctuate as humans, and she's always like, you're looking healthy, Laurel. I'll be like, thanks, ma'am.

44:03
We know what that means. You say you're from Georgia or you lived in Georgia? I lived in Georgia, yeah. I was born in Massachusetts. And then talk about a life shift of like Massachusetts to Georgia was quite a difference. Tell me about that. Oh God. Yeah, well, you know, gotta think about it. I was eight. I hadn't started school in Massachusetts. My mom died on Labor Day, 1989, and I was visiting my dad for the summer.

44:31
and I was just doing my normal thing. And all of a sudden, my dad pulls me in an office and he's like, I don't know what he said, but he's told me it's the worst thing he's ever had to say out loud, but basically that my mom had died. And from that moment, it was like, I have to go back to where my home was. I have to only take the things that'll fit in this new home. I have to start school that's already started in Georgia.

44:58
I'm coming in with a Boston accent, right? To like Georgia where they're like, who the hell are you? Plus your mom's dead. And it was just like this whirlwind of a change that I had no control over. And so somehow I survived, but it was quite a journey. And I'm kind of grateful for it. Yeah. Yeah. In this weird, weird way, because had I not lost my mom at eight, I would not be this Matt. I, you know, like I...

45:25
I just know, had I not struggled, had I not had depression as a teenager, as a 20 year old, had I not gone through all these pieces, I don't know that I would be able to hold a conversation like this or some of the ones on the show. Like I've had people on the show that will come on and share stories about like the murder of their child or something really deep. And I thinking back to like, who would I be had I not had all those struggles growing up?

45:53
And so there's this weird uncomfortable space of saying, I'm kind of grateful for the experiences that I've had because of it. No, I think it's beautiful. I feel the same exact way. That's why I laugh. Yeah. Because it's a weird thing to be grateful for. My film, or film, it's a weird thing to be proud of. But it's like, I'm very proud of it. Oh, it's beautiful. But same kind of concept. Yeah. I love that you have this documentation and that Patrick is your content grabber and keeper.

46:23
You know, maybe you don't, you wouldn't have had these moments. When you watch it, because you said there's a segment in it, right, before your sister, there's like a filming this songwriting moment before your sister died, right? Do you look at that version of you and do you see a different person? What's so different? It's so funny. Not only am I like 19 or whatever. We're all different at 19.

46:53
But, you know, just kind of seeing that like, and it's something that I think I've tried to get back and and having that footage of me as a 19, 20 year old girl that had everything ahead of her. She had just moved to Nashville. She's in a duo. She's doing her thing. She's got all her family. She has so much like light in her eyes. And I think that's the part that I saw. That's the part that I saw. Like

47:21
and was like, I really wanted that back. I was like, that's I don't have that like twinkle. I don't have that bright. I don't have that. I don't have that light anymore. And so having that and just rewatching it, no matter how hard it was to see that you're no longer that person. It's like, you know, you went through so much hard stuff, Matt, but it's like, you're stronger because of it. And it's like you're able to like, have so much bigger understanding because of it, you know, and it is beautiful. It's like

47:49
sad and beautiful all at the same time. So I love it. Do you look back at her? Do you think that that version of you didn't realize all the big things that could be ahead? Were you a big dreamer or do you just see it now because of some of the things that have clouded the way a little bit? No, I think I've always been a big dreamer. I just think I really lost it after my sister and my dad. Just kind of like not, it's not that I wasn't, I still did the thing, but just no.

48:18
no like kind of drive or like want really, you know, I was just, I was depressed. I mean, I'm still depressed and, but it's just, it was so, it was so different then. Yeah, and I think too, when you, when we first like entered a real depressive state, we don't really realize, like we don't realize that impact and what it's doing, but then when we get ahold of it, we're like, oh yeah, I'm feeling a little depressed. I know how to handle this. I know how to move through this. I know I can function as a normal person.

48:45
But when we first have it, it's like really overwhelming and it's kind of confusing and we don't really understand it. Did you have that same feeling? Yeah. And I think kind of what I learned in Mexico was to make friends with it. Yeah. Accept it. And so, yeah, accept it, make friends with it. Like, depression is not so bad. And if depression is going to be around more times than not, especially in my life, like now, it's like, that's that's fine. We'll just be friends and.

49:12
If you come around, I have my boundaries. And it's just kind of like, it's just growing. It's just part of you, right? Yeah, it's part of me. It's just depression is the same as happiness for me. It's just kind of like a feeling. And I feel like I try to always keep that in my brain so I can kind of, if I am depressed, it's not so like, I'm depressed. It's just like, I'm depressed. It's all good. We're going to get through it, just like we have time and time again. So when.

49:40
your sister and your father died, I'm sure you heard a bunch of people tell you some terrible advice and terrible things after how you can get over this or how, whatever. When someone loses someone in your life now, is there something that you say to them that you think will be helpful?

50:00
Hmm. I used to have all the answers before it happened to me, right? I'm like, everything happens for a reason. They're in a better place. It's like, y'all don't say that ever say those don't say those things. Well, I'll tell you something that my boyfriend West says, my partner in the fables. We went through a lot in terms of like our relationship, just because I went through a lot, you know, and doing life with somebody. They experience what you experience. And so.

50:26
We're in a relationship, we work together, my sister and my dad died, I'm crazy, I'm in my 20s, you know, a lot happened. And so something that Wes says a lot is, I treated Laurel how I thought that I wanted to be treated, but I really needed to treat her how she needed to be treated, you know, so it's treat people how they need to be treated, not how you would do it. So it's almost like paying attention to the person that's going through it, because like I said, it's so unique to each specific person, so.

50:53
I think I'll just use his line. So thanks, Wes. I think it's really helpful. I've learned, yes, I've heard them all. And you're just like, I know you mean well. Just don't say it. It just doesn't help. But I found that when someone's going through something, what helps me, like if I want to say something, is to tell them to feel however they're feeling and allow that to be OK. However they're feeling at any moment is OK. If you're pissed off, it's fine.

51:20
If you laugh, it's okay. You're allowed to have these moments. You don't have to be sad for a certain amount of time. You don't have to be mad for a certain amount of time. You can laugh. You can watch something funny. All these things are okay because you're a human. And so that's the only thing I tell them. I'm like, don't put a box around anything that you're feeling because it's so unhealthy. Yeah, I love that. Well, you can take that with, pair it with Wes's piece and then you'll have something really golden.

51:48
So I love to kind of wrap these conversations up with a question. I'm wondering if Laurel now, what you know going through all these things, having gone to Mexico, if you could talk to Laurel right before you got that phone call about your sister, is there anything that you would want to tell her about this journey that she's about to go on or any kind of advice you would give her? Well, first I'd tell her to buckle up and then I'd probably tell her.

52:20
I don't even know what kind of advice you could give, you could give, but I would just say probably to myself that everything's gonna work out the way that it's gonna work out and everything's just gonna be okay because it just has to be. And so I think that that's what I would say. It's an impossible question, right? I think sometimes people are like, I would just give them a hug, and I think if I think back to the eight-year-old version of me, I think I would tell them what I just told you as my advice, be like.

52:48
You don't have to be perfect. You don't have to show everyone that you're OK. You don't have to make everyone happy. You can be however you need to be. And I think my journey would have been a lot different. So I think I'm here for this reason. We have these conversations. I think it's super valuable. I know people have experienced things that you've experienced. And I think it's super valuable to hear your perspective on it.

53:14
So just thank you for being vulnerable and being willing to just have this conversation wherever it has gone and went. I appreciate you. I was gonna say the same thing to you, Matt. Thank you so much for having me and thanks for using your platform for good. No, I'm trying. I sure am trying and I think back to the eight-year-old. I used to think that I put that eight-year-old away, but I think he's walking with me now and I'm trying to heal the pieces. Yeah, I just feel like...

53:41
There are things that I didn't know that I still needed to heal and little conversations that I have are, you know, or conversations that I have are healing little parts of that mat. I don't think you can let that mat go. Last thing, we in Mexico, sorry, but we did this thing where we walked and we held the hand or our arm around our prior self after we like learned these things about ourself. And that person has stuff to teach you as well. So I really love that.

54:11
I appreciate that visual that you gave us because I think it's important. I think we sometimes push those things away and it's not really healthy. I think I love that you are so vocal about how you're feeling and what you do, not only through song, but just as a person. I think there's so much to admire. So thank you for just being you as a person. I think it's, you're helping people whether you know it or not. So are you, thank you. Thank you.

54:39
If people want to connect with you, obviously listen to your music, so we'll put that link in the show notes, but is there a way best to get into your orbit and your circle? Yeah, I mean, mailing list number one, that's like the best way you can support us. So theyoungfables.com, mailing list, and then also like I run all the socials, so.

54:59
Send me a message, like let's be connected on social media, TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, all the things. Oh, well, that's a lot of work for you. So I'm sure that I hope you have fun with it and you repurpose a lot of that content. So we'll certainly share all those links. Definitely sign up. We'll share the link to your mailing list so that people can definitely just get right into your mailing list so that they know when things are coming out or when you're going on tour or when you're gonna be in their area.

55:24
I think it's super cool and I know we didn't talk about songwriting or anything like that, but I think this tells us a lot about your songwriting. Yeah. And if people want to watch the film, it's not out, but you can go to patreon.com slash The Young Fables to watch the film if someone's interested in watching it. Yeah, for sure. I'll keep that link to the Patreon in there so that they can check out what you have and check out the video. I highly recommend it. Especially if you're someone that...

55:52
likes to connect emotionally with people's stories. I think this one is fascinating in the songwriting sense, right? Or the journey of a songwriter and your life, but also so impactful as a human story, whether you're a songwriter or not. I think there's just such realness to it that I think I'm so glad that you guys captured that and put it out there. I appreciate you.

56:19
I appreciate you being a part of this. And if you're listening, we appreciate that. If something that Laurel said today stuck out with you, just share this episode with a friend that you think might need to hear it. We would appreciate that. And with that, I will be back next week with a brand new episode. Thanks again, Laurel. Thank you.