Breaking Boundaries: Defying Expectations with Strength and Resilience | Yehee Son

00:00
For medical professionals to tell you, I mean, firsthand, in front of your face that your kid's gonna be nothing, is quite a setup, you know? And it was just quite all right. And when my parents tried to put me in school, I was actually not admitted or accepted into just regular school. Administrators said that I would be too much of a handful for teachers and that I wouldn't follow along with the other kids.

00:28
And so they sent me to a special education school where they only taught me the Korean alphabet for like eight months. And my parents were very distraught by that because meanwhile, you know, they put like times tables around my house, like with Pokemon characters and stuff on them. And so by the time I was like a toddler, four years, actually by the time I was like four, I already memorized like one by one to like 12 by 12, you know.

00:59
just looking at that card here and there. So they knew my potential. And once my parents heard the news that I wouldn't be admitted, just to get a proper education, a basic education. This week's guest is my new friend, Yehee Son. And on this episode, she talks about her journey of resilience and really determination.

01:25
She shares her story of overcoming adversity, discrimination, physical challenges, and really proving that this unwavering spirit and her strength and her determination to succeed, it shows that anything is possible.

01:43
Yehi was born with cerebral palsy, and she was told by doctors—actually, her parents were told by doctors—that she would never walk or talk or really achieve anything in life. But her parents had more faith in her, and she was also determined to prove people wrong. Yehee's parents decided to move over to the United States to give her opportunities, but she faced additional hurdles in her pursuit of education and the opportunities that she had ahead of her.

02:08
She had limited access to resources, but she really never let that deter her from her dreams. In her personal life, her father made some decisions that she was not happy with, and it was something that she had to face and really helped her develop who she is now and what she does now. So in this episode, we dive deep into her experiences, the importance of education in her life and everyone around her, and the strength of supportive communities like teachers.

02:39
We will uncover the lessons she's learned along the way and insights that she's learned throughout her experiences with her conditions and her abilities. Before we get into this episode, I wanted to thank my Patreon supporters. I have the Patreon, and as an indie podcaster, this space is something that helps cover the production costs of doing all of the elements of a podcast on my own. So I appreciate any support that you could give.

03:08
There are tiers that are just $3 a month and that will go towards paying for the hosting or upgrading software or doing any kind of advertising or just upleveling some of the skills that I might need to work on because there's always room for improvement. But in any case, if you're interested in joining the Patreon, please follow patreon.com forward slash the life shift podcast and you'll find out all the information that is there. But without further ado.

03:37
Let's jump into this conversation with my guest, Yehee Son. I'm Matt Gilhooly, and this is The Life Shift, candid conversations about the pivotal moments that have changed lives forever.

04:01
Hello, my friends. I am back with another guest. Hey there, guest. Hi. I am joined today by Yehee. And we are going to have a conversation today that I think is super important. And I'm not sure if this is the first of its kind on yours. I think we've had situations. Unfortunately, people have gone through what you've gone through and what you're going to talk about today. But my goal with the Life Shift podcast

04:31
that each episode finds the ears that needed to hear it that day, so that they feel a little less alone in their experiences. And so before we started recording and before when we first started connecting, you were like, oh my gosh, I have so many major shifts in my life that have changed the trajectory. And so I gave you the assignment of challenging you to identify maybe one you feel is the most significant.

04:59
that we could talk about today. So I appreciate you doing your homework. Oh, thank you for giving me the homework and it was a no-brainer for me, honestly. I don't like homework. I just did a second master's degree and I learned again 20 years later that I didn't like homework. So I'm glad it was easy for you. I had an affinity towards it somehow for some reason as a kid and teenager, but now that I'm like a grown adult working and stuff, I'm like, wow.

05:26
I don't know why I enjoyed it then. Actually, I do know, and we can get into that in my story. Did I just see that you just got accepted to a new program? Yes. So I've been online teaching for a bit, and I was always good at it starting from hybrid teaching year when COVID started. And creating instructional materials digitally is something that I've been doing for a while, so I thought might as well major in it and get a master's.

05:55
Well, congratulations. And by the time that this comes out, maybe you will have already started. Yeah, probably, probably. So why don't we have you kind of paint the picture of what your life was like, like leading up to this moment that we're going to kind of dissect and talk about today and you give us a little backstory. Sure. I was born in South Korea with cerebral palsy, so I was three months premature.

06:21
I was supposed to be born in late September, early October, but I was born in July. What had happened was I wasn't breathing when I was born, so it shut down part of my brain pretty much. Superapalsy is, for lack of better words, just to make it easy, it's like partial paralysis in a way. I still feel all my senses and all my body parts, but I'm very tense all the time as part of the disability.

06:50
it affects your nerves and muscles. So you have to constantly be at least doing cardio or going on walks to make sure that you're maintaining it. But anyway, when I was born, the doctors told my parents that I wasn't going to be walking or talking or really doing much, more than being a vegetable. And so that was the expectation set for me at that time back in 1995.

07:17
But my parents knew that I was capable of a lot more. I was chronically sick because my lungs were underdeveloped for a while. So my parents became parents. My mom and dad became parents when they were 26 and all of a sudden their lives got turned upside down with this kid who was disabled and sick all the time. I was chronically asthmatic, no longer anymore. But at the time I was throwing up a lot and having a lot of asthma attacks.

07:46
So it was a really big shock for my parents. Yeah, there's a lot of adjustment, I guess. I mean, just in becoming parents, there's a lot of adjustment. But then the circumstances that you mentioned, I think that adds another layer of maybe something that they weren't expecting, I would imagine. For medical professionals to tell you firsthand in front of your face that your kid's going to be nothing.

08:15
is quite a setup, you know? And it was just quite a ride. And when my parents tried to put me in school, I was actually not admitted or accepted into just regular school. The administrator said that I would be too much of a handful for teachers and that I wouldn't follow along with the other kids. And so they sent me to a special education school where they only taught me the Korean alphabet for like eight months.

08:43
And my parents were very distraught by that because meanwhile, you know, my, they, they put like times tables around my house, like with Pokemon characters and stuff on them. And so by the time I was like a toddler, four years, actually by the time I was like four, I already memorized like one by one to like 12 by 12, you know, just looking at that card here and there. So they knew my potential.

09:11
And once my parents heard the news that I wouldn't be admitted just to go, just to get a proper education, a basic education, I remember this one memory of mine where I've never seen my mom drink in my entire life. And she doesn't know that I know this, but I remember one night I just opened my eyes, I was sleeping, and I saw her like drinking a beer while watching TV, which is like really shocking to me. She doesn't do that.

09:41
and she hates alcohol and it affects her really fast and hard. And so I could tell just I could feel the sadness in her body, even though she wasn't turned towards me or anything. So that was a big shock to me as a child. I was probably wasn't even five years old. I'm not really sure. I was less than six years old for sure because that's when I came here. But my dad has always been he's a great man and he's very kind.

10:11
But I know for a fact he was always mentally ill. I don't know from what age, probably, very young. He saw this as well and he wanted me to have a better education. So he applied for a work visa to come here. There was just like fate, there is this other Korean guy who owned a landscaping business in Houston and he happened to have a botany and horticulture.

10:41
master's degree. So he jumped on that opportunity for me, not for anybody else, because really, there's not much benefit for you to leave your home country if you're not like, struggling yourself, but because of the discrimination I was facing, that was just the forefront, that was everything. So the application went through, but it's early 2000s.

11:09
We were set to come to America like early 2002 and it was all already in the works, approved and everything. A few months before then, 9-11 happens and that actually affects us soon after we come back or we come to America. So we leave all our family behind, just my parents, just me. And this was also during a time where

11:40
People weren't really buying flowers for others. That used to be a big thing back in the day in the 50s, 60s, what have you. But the company was really relying on businesses, whether it's big or small, to hire them for landscaping and stuff to survive. But it just wasn't going well. And for you to keep your work visa, you have to renew it every couple of years. But it also depends on the company doing well, and it's not always your fault, and that's what happened.

12:11
The company failed and my dad lost his work visa. I mentioned 9-11 earlier. That made things infinitely harder for immigrants to apply, reapply, stay as lawful immigrants in the United States. But even without that, it's hard to even get another employer or company to sponsor you and your family as a foreigner.

12:42
So he had a master's degree in Korea, but it's worthless here, especially in an industry where it's starting to fail for botany and horticulture, for landscaping, for flowers. And so at the same time, this issue of me not being able to attend school in Korea still exists. It didn't go away. I'd already been going to school by the time that work visa expired. I'd already been going to school for two years. Yeah, you were assimilating appropriately.

13:12
My first year was pretty tough. As far as the English goes, that language barrier, it was okay. As a child, you don't really, like, you don't need to know that much vocabulary to make it through. But I didn't know, like, America's states and capitals. And I remember my first quiz in second grade or test, some sort of assessment. I got one right, and it was just a guess. But then, my mom, I like came home crying.

13:40
And my mom was like, let's do this. And overnight, I got 100. I was very, my brain was like a sponge, as they say. Kids absorb everything. Yeah, did you find that the school was, I mean, were they trying to segregate you or were they trying to bring you in just like any other student? Because I know you saw that discrimination. Yeah, it was just like anybody else. And I remember before I came to America, it was like,

14:08
My parents tried to prepare me by putting me into English classes, like paid, and I was getting bullied severely, but I was really smart. I was sitting in classes and within months I went from a class with like kids my age, maybe a little older, to like kids who were 10 to 13 years old, and I'm just five or six years old at that time.

14:35
When I was in classes, especially with my peers who are closer in age to me, in those English classes, I was being mocked, laughed at, kids were throwing stuff at me. And this one memory in particular, so when I was going through those English classes, when I was in Korea, I had no resources, I had no crutches, I had no wheelchair. So my mom had to bring me to those classes with a stroller and on a bus like.

15:04
It was like a whole track every day. I don't know if it was every day, but however many times a week. And at the end of class one day, I remember I had to wait for my mom. And there's this one kid who knew that if she were to put, like move all of the desks away from me, I would just be stranded there. So that's what she did. And I had to just wait for my mom to come and.

15:35
Already having all those traumas and before that time of knowing that like Administrators didn't want me doctors didn't think I could do anything. I just sat there I couldn't even like I cried but not not loud I didn't scream like I just felt like a burden to like everyone. So I just sat there crying waiting for my mom and I mean the world around you was kind of othering you and putting you in a space that was like

16:02
assuming you didn't belong. Meanwhile, you're thriving with your learning and your understanding things and your parents have this faith in you as they should, because you were proving everyone wrong. But kids are just real jerks a lot of the time. So I can imagine that when you came to America, there was the fear of, okay, well, I'm not a native English speaker. So that is going to be a challenge. But also,

16:31
I've experienced all these things before. Is it going to be just the same when I get to America? Did you have those feelings? I did. I really did. But to my surprise, so I came in early 2002, around April, which means that it was like the end of my first grade year. And they were kind of considering keeping me back and keeping me in first grade. But then they just decided to move me along because they realized how much I was just kind of soaking in. So.

17:01
That same year in my second grade class, there's this kid, I'm in a wheelchair at that point. My local church, my local Korean church provided us with a wheelchair. And there's this one kid, I don't know his last name, none of us know last names when you're like seven years old. But this kid named Ryan's like trying to hold my hand, he likes me. And I'm like, what is going on? Like

17:31
I had no idea this was possible, you know? It made you feel like everyone else. Yeah, and there were actually kids who wanted to push my wheelchair. It was fun for them, and it was just another world. I couldn't believe it. Like acceptance, it's nice to feel like you belong, and when so much of your previous experience didn't. And I'm happy that when you came here, that was a thing. Right.

17:58
I'm glad that you were able to assimilate. So go on with your story. And you were having your father kind of lost his work visa or the ability to get it. Yeah. So in 2004, two years after he obtained the visa, he lost it. Meanwhile, his degree is useless. He's got a family in which other employers need to consider sponsoring. I'm already going to school. It's not like they're just going to consider.

18:27
putting me back into a country that totally rejected me. So for a long time, I was living under the shadows with my family. And I was lumped into this group of undocumented kids, especially in Texas. That's a big group. And from 2004 to 2012, June 15th, when DACA happened, when DACA was passed by Obama, I was...

18:56
just labeled as illegal immigrant or undocumented immigrant, whatever you want to call it, depending on what side you're on, I guess. And when that law was passed, I was crying. I remember just this feeling of... I had chills that day. I remember the speech that Obama gave. But during that entire time, and even the time, even when I was in Korea, what people didn't know was that...

19:26
I was going through abuse the entire time and my dad was very violent. I've witnessed him put hands on my mom in very violent and vivid ways. And I couldn't tell anyone about it because I knew that if I had said something, someone would be at my door. And the biggest, biggest loss for me would be to not.

19:53
Not that I would possibly die here in America, but possibly live in Korea at a place where I'd be less than kind of human or where like I knew if I were to, I was successful in becoming an educator here in America, but if I were to try to be an educator in Korea, my credibility is gone just because of what I look like and I didn't want to become that person when I know that I'm like capable of so much more.

20:22
So I kept silent for a long time and I have, I recently got diagnosed with PTSD last year, but it was no surprise to me. I mean, I probably had it for my entire life, basically. And I mean, part of it earlier, you said, well, I think I know why I performed well in school and I liked doing homework. And I think I can relate to that in a different way.

20:49
But similar is that early childhood trauma. For me, when my mom died, I became like a good student because I thought, well, if I'm not, then I'm not gonna get the approval of my remaining parent and then they will abandon me. And in the kind of semi-parallel with you is like, if you're not a good student, this could lead to potentially going back to Korea where you don't feel like a human and it could lead to your dad being upset.

21:19
because you don't already want to anger him. So I feel like there's a lot of that parallel and I kind of understand that I was, I mean, I kind of did the same thing, but because of different circumstances. But I think it all comes back to that responsibility we take on as children that isn't really ours to bear. I don't think that's fair, but for some reason, we want to, I think we're way more aware than adults want to believe.

21:49
Just to even in the sense of where you saw your mom drinking the beer and like that really stood out to you and you kind of absorbed the sadness and the feelings that she had. You know, some reason kids that are living in this trauma, this constant trauma, we like take on the world and we feel like we're the ones that we need to be. We need to be the adults. Did you have any kind of feeling about that? Is that why you kind of did the things that you did?

22:18
Yeah, so the homework idea, like, I graduated top 8% of my class with six extra curriculars because one, I wanted to do well in school and my only option was like, I can't do laborious work, trade school is kind of not an option for me, I have to go to college, but

22:41
Like, yeah, I don't want to anger my dad, but I was also holding the weight of just their sacrifices on my shoulders You felt like you owed it to them my entire life. Yeah, like my flesh and blood and everything and Well, yeah, literally you do And if I were to mess up or whatever now all that is gone but I also did really well in school because and I was in

23:09
so many extracurriculars to avoid going home because like school was the safest place for me. You also felt physically safe, but did you also feel like emotionally supported more in school than you did at home or mentally, emotionally?

23:28
Emotionally for sure as well because of some of the teachers that I had, which is the main reason why I became a teacher myself. But yeah, so physically I was safer, emotionally I was safer. They were actually caring about how I felt. Not that my parents didn't, but they didn't know how to show that they cared or how to fix it because they know what they've done, particularly my dad.

23:57
But because of my dad, my mom was also dealing with a lot of emotional issues and she took it out on me a lot. And neither of my parents are terrible or awful people. They just did what they knew, right? That's kind of what resulted from it. And so yeah, I joined the yearbook committee. I became a yearbook editor because I knew that like, of all extracurriculars, that's one where you have to stay.

24:27
on campus to take pictures and collect stories and captions so that, you know, the yearbook would look good or whatever. But that also meant I was at school oftentimes till like 7 p.m. And once I did come home, I would do more homework. I would do homework at school and I would do homework at home. I was in a lot of advanced classes. I just didn't want to give any opportunity to like talk at home.

24:57
because I feel like at any moment things could explode. Were you a big reader? I want to say yes, but that would be a lie. I wish I was, but I was more of a mathy person and I really gravitated towards music, particularly lyrics. The reason I ask is sometimes people that have these home lives, as you describe, they kind of like to read a lot to disappear.

25:26
to kind of fantasize about being in those spaces, but it sounds like your extracurriculars were kind of your, your let me pour all myself into here because this is a lot more safe, so. Right. And being a workaholic, especially at that age, was like, respectable. I mean, it's seen as respectable or commendable for any age. No one really considers what's going on, like. Right.

25:52
because it just looks good, you know? She's got it all together. And that's the facade. Yeah, that's the facade I need to give. Yeah, because you didn't want questioning. You didn't want people to question your home life at all.

26:06
Right. I mean, at school, I was smiling all the time. I was a star student and I ranked nine out of 144 kids. And that's what it was. Were you happy at school? I was. Yeah, because my talents were being acknowledged. I was actually like I love math because it's a universal subject and you don't really need cultural or or like language knowledge for.

26:34
to be successful in it. And that's what set me up for success in early, early on. But my algebra 2 teacher in particular, he taught me about he taught all of us about compound interest and stuff like that, which was very interesting to me because of like retirement and everything is compound interest, like mortgages and car loans and stuff like that. So it was very interesting to me. I asked if you were happy because you know, you you

27:03
noted that you were smiling at school and those kind of things, and I didn't know if that was more of a cover, and you were just kind of had it kind of go into it in that direction. But it sounds like you really enjoyed being there, but also maybe you were you were covering things up as well. So it was like a double. It was it was definitely both. I had to do both. But I had friends and I had my best friend in high school. Actually, I went to dinner over at his house every Wednesday and

27:32
It was like a different world. His parents were professional cellists. Being successful musicians, period, that's something that's not common. They were very supportive of their three sons doing what they love and what they're passionate about. I've never heard them yell. It was just like complete opposite of what I've been through during my childhood. It was a great just-

28:01
break, I guess, and this playing house and family and this space where I actually felt safe. But when I was 16, right when school started or right before August of when I was 16, 2011. Sorry. It's fine. August 2011, my dad left to go back to Korea.

28:30
this decision was made within like a month or two. And he made this decision knowing that like he could never come back for 10 years to see his family because of the status that he held. And holding that information and then also becoming the sole English speaker of the house and just dealing with my mom's emotions. I was already growing up really fast, but that was, I felt like.

28:58
that really expedite things for me. Your dad chose to leave because, do you know why? He tends to just kind of run away from things a lot. And that it's something that he deals with this, with today as well. One thing that I always admired from him and I kind of did get from him was that no matter what, as long as you're alive and breathing, the world still goes on and it can still be okay.

29:28
But then he took that to an extreme. He's done this once when I was in eighth grade and he decided to move to Dallas while my mom and I were still in Houston and he tried to help support financially us and then also live there and didn't work out, but he just decided in a week's time I was gonna do this and I was always confused at what's gonna happen. I could never predict what.

29:54
my household was gonna be like for the next month or so. What were you feeling when that day, that last day when he decided to leave? Do you feel like that moment?

30:08
Was this was like your shift or do you think it came later when everything kind of settled and you figured things out? The shift is still happening But at the moment at that time as a 16 year old teenager I was in the shower. I didn't even I didn't even see him He just said All right. I'm going like take care of your mom And that was it and it felt so it felt unreal and it took a while for me for it to kick in and at the time the first like

30:39
handful of years, three or four. I mean all throughout college from from junior year of high school to end of college basically I'm just thinking like you spent all this time beating my mom and also me and I always had this hope that he would try to fix it in some way not by leaving but by actually trying to I don't know get help or maybe he'll change I didn't know really how therapy works or like how the brain works at all at that time.

31:09
But he didn't, and he chose to go back knowing that he couldn't see us, and he took that chance, he took that risk. At that time as a teenager, I thought, wow, like, I didn't deserve love, and that like, not even my dad would stick around to see things change and for the better. And so, navigating that through college was really tough.

31:40
I mean, I dealt with that by like, that was probably my most wild time and it was fine. I never went too wild, but it was just, I lived on campus and I was like, screw this. I chopped all my hair off. Like all this stuff, right? And it was a good outlet. Like I'm glad that happened, but it really wasn't until I was like 23, 24.

32:09
even later maybe even that like there was one point in my life where I went blind in one eye for a month because I was so stressed and they and my university forced me to go to the on-campus counselors and that's when my therapy journey started when I was like 19 or 20 but that's when I started realizing a lot of different things that ultimately like my dad doesn't not love me he's dealing with his own stuff you know

32:39
Now going through that journey and looking back, do you think that was his only solution, that was his only capability to protect you and your mom was just like, eliminate him from the situation? I really think so, yeah. I mean, if he was still around and I was going to college, I don't think that I could have lived on campus without him exploding, without things happening. I wouldn't be able to like fully just be comfortable with.

33:08
living on campus or he might not even let me be on campus. I don't know what that would have been like. So I think things really happened for a reason and on time. Yeah. Did it give you, I mean, thinking back to that 16 year old version of you that's also devastated at the time, was there any part of you that felt like you had a little bit more freedom to be yourself at home and at school? Yeah, absolutely. So.

33:37
Another big memory that is always in my head and will never leave and that's part of my PTSD is that when I was 13 one night I saw my dad raise a knife at my mom and I full-heartedly hardly believed that he wouldn't have ever actually done anything. But that moment at 13 years old, like at that time, by that time I had a wallet, a secret wallet, and it wasn't really secret. My mom

34:07
saved all my allowances from when I was like seven or any kind of coins that I could get my hands on just in case like I needed to run away or find a motel. But at that moment when I saw that and as a 13 year old you're a bit more cognizant of like how things work I was like wait if I were to run away and and look for a motel for safety as a kid as a 13 year old or what have you.

34:34
Police is gonna be at my door. CPS is gonna be at my door. Like I'm gonna be, I'm gonna end up right back. So that night, on that night I decided that this money's gonna go for my suicide. I'm not gonna live a day after 18. There's no way that this can happen. And once I kind of processed my dad's departure for like a year or so, I opened a certificate of deposit when I was like 17 and.

35:01
just about to graduate or maybe even like the day after graduation or around that time. I opened a certificate of deposit, putting my suicide money into that and I'm very proud of it. It's still, it's part of my retirement account. Like it's not much. It was like 11, $1,200, like no more than $1,500 and-

35:26
The fact that, wow, literally from suicide to like saving up for a future, I think that's really, that's a statement in itself. For sure, and you know, I don't wanna dig too deep, but I mean, why 18? Why was that like the cutoff point for you after that moment, just because you knew like now you were done with school, so you didn't have that escape anymore? Right, yeah.

35:55
And so you were afraid that like, now he's not gonna let me leave the house and I'm gonna have to stay here and there's danger here. Or maybe that's what your brain was thinking. Right, and this is like, college is where, right before your real life starts and that's going to be stunted, it's gonna get in the way. Like it just felt like so gloom for me. There's always uncertainty with the future. We never know what's gonna happen. But with that...

36:25
It was just like, there's no way. So it's like, it's very challenging when identifying your dad leaving. I mean, I feel like there's so many mixed emotions that come with that because first you feel abandoned and you feel like, what did I do? Why is he leaving? Is it me? Did I do all this? But then this other side of you is probably like.

36:53
like a sigh of relief in some capacity, or I could imagine a sigh of relief because now it's like, oh, I can go to sleep without locking the door, or I can, you know, play my music too loud or anything like that. Did you have that battle back and forth at like that age of like 16 or so? Yeah, I've felt all of that. And I felt a lot of guilt with the relief that I felt often and a lot of guilt with the freedom that I realized.

37:21
We put ourselves through punishment. Yeah. And especially because my mom is the type who's like, oh, they're your family no matter what. She doesn't believe the idea of cutting your family member off no matter what. And I understand her viewpoint. And she's a very traditional Korean woman. And then I don't fault her for it. So because of that mentality that I've been taught and raised with, it was just a lot of turmoil out of the way. I just felt.

37:50
bad, whether it was actually bad or good, you know? Yeah, because you also probably assumed the responsibility of, well, you said you were the only English speaker in the house, and so you had to take care of your mother in that way. But also, does this allow me to go to college? How did you navigate that world? So when I applied for college, it was just a, I don't know, I applied for a lot of private scholarships and I also applied for...

38:21
a university scholarship. From merit and stuff, I was qualified for it. And because I was undocumented, like I couldn't do FAFSA, but there are a lot of like churches or little communities that were able to give or, you know, 500 or 1000 because of my grades and involvement and my personal essay. And so I told my mom actually.

38:49
in order to get this university scholarship, I need to live on campus. And that was not the truth. It was just something that I knew I had to do. I feel bad for lying, but it was, I mean, living my whole life in that kind of environment and household, I just needed to figure things out, especially with what just happened like a year or two prior to starting college. But entering college, I knew I was like, okay, I made this lie.

39:18
So I'm going to work to become a resident advisor as soon as possible, which was my sophomore year. And I did like, I was very friendly with my resident advisor and the other ones as well and involved in my on campus. And like, I was very friendly with everyone in my wing or on my floor. I would buy pizzas for everyone on my wing with the

39:45
the campus credit that I had saved up at the end of the semester. And there was a Papa John's that took our credit. So I bought like five pizzas or whatever and be like, come to my, come to my room. And you're playing the game. And, you know, the yeah, the RAs saw that. And that's the thing, though, I'm always playing the game, playing the game as part of PTSD, where you always have to wonder what's next. Like, am I OK? Am I safe? What can I do to make this like make sure that I'm surviving and?

40:15
Like your brain is always on, always thinking about what's next, what's next, what's next. There's like no time to breathe. And I still struggle with it to this day, but I'm a lot more chill now. I mean, it sounds like, you know, you were making choices for yourself that gave you more opportunities. You know, it's a lot of times when people go to college, there's just like, oh, now I have all the responsibilities to be myself and to take care of myself, but you were doing that.

40:44
like your whole life because you were protecting yourself through making these choices at school, you know, in grade school, if you will, in high school. But then when you get to college, you actively, like, knew, okay, if I do this, this is gonna get me farther. If I tell my mom that I have to stay on campus, this is gonna allow me to have an actual college experience. But in order to stay on campus, I probably need to be some kind of paid by the school.

41:13
so that I can stay there in some capacity. So you're really paving your road to the unknown at this point. All right, that's how I see it. Exactly. It was crazy when I became an RA, I didn't tell my mom until it happened. And then she told my family overseas in Korea. And this was like when I was 19. But at that time, my family in Korea didn't even...

41:42
think that I could shower myself. And so the idea of me taking care of other people was like.

41:50
Fascinating to them is so in Korea is Is it like are people with disabilities more kind of in the shadows? Than they are here in America. They were and they kind of still are but it's not as bad now because of the internet I think there's a lot of creators Paving their way themselves, but before the internet before YouTube before all these other things Yeah, like I mean the bit

42:18
The ADA equivalent didn't really come until later and even then it wasn't really well enforced. And for a large period of time, people with disabilities, especially children, were just kind of hidden away. They weren't to be seen. They weren't talked about. They weren't doing quote unquote normal people things because they weren't allowed. Right. Now I see videos on YouTube from Koreans showing how to drive and having their own podcasts. I'm like...

42:48
But it wasn't because the culture itself allowed that to happen. It was the power of the internet being able to show everyone in the world and spread information. It's kind of the idea, you're going to be launching a podcast this week as we talk. And it's the idea that I think a lot of us creators create so that people don't feel like we did at some point.

43:16
Is that, you know, is that kind of something that drives you as a creator? Absolutely. Not even just as a creator, but that's why I became a teacher to begin with, knowing that I went through all those things and all of the experiences I had just without anyone knowing. I know that there are plenty of students out there who have entire lives at home that we have no idea about. And I wanted to be the teacher to give the space where they feel safe as

43:46
some of my favorite teachers did. And for me to be an adult that acknowledges their talent and power at an early age so that they don't feel like I did, yeah. So the teachers have a lot of power. There's a lot of power in good teachers and bad teachers. And we remember them. I vividly remember my third grade year because that was the year that my mom died.

44:15
My teacher that year, Mrs. Jobson, she will forever be in my brain because she took care of and protected this very broken eight-year-old child when I showed up from another state who just lost his parents, started late at school, kind of like you did when you came in. And she forever made an impact on my life. I don't remember anything that I learned in third grade, but.

44:41
I do remember the experience. And in fact, in my 30s, I actually looked her up when I was in town. And we had breakfast together. And she still remembered me. So it's amazing, as teachers, the impact that we can have. I'm also an online teacher. But you never know what someone's going to attach to what you say as a teacher. And you, looking back, could be like, what? I don't remember saying that. I don't remember doing that.

45:10
but that student felt heard, seen, all the things at that moment. And so I love that you're giving back. Yeah, and the reason why I wanted to be a math teacher wasn't the math. It was just, I wanna be a teacher, just be a person that a kid remembers that like, oh, this adult was great or cool or chill, whatever. Well, you made it hard on yourself because students don't love math typically.

45:34
Oh, yeah, I did. It just, but it just happened to be the subject that I was good at. You know, that's just that's just how the cards played out. But, you know, I said a lot of resentment for my dad at the time. And even in my early 20s, I'm 28 now. So I make it sound like it was forever ago. But I mean, a lot of changes happen in your brain, especially when you're working on it and you go to therapy. I'm in contact with him kind of occasionally. And I found out that like,

46:03
At some point while he was gone, a few years ago, he spent a month or two or some time in Germany and then told nobody about it. And decided that I'm going to live there. And then he realized what he did and he came back. Or like last month he went to Vietnam and the month before he went to Japan. He's just constantly like trying to find a peace of mind and a place to breathe. And like he I know he knows.

46:34
that it has to be internal and from within. But, you know, it's that search. And I commend him and I do respect him for trying. He like works out regularly and stuff like that. Like he's gotten help recently and has talked to somebody and is taking medication and he has chronic anxiety. And I'm sure he has, I think he might have other things, but Koreans are less likely to.

47:04
The Korean medical system is less likely to diagnose certain... When it comes to mental health, it's kind of a little bit more difficult. I mean, that's big of you to give grace and credit to your father, despite the experiences that you had with him. When you look back at that moment when he left as this version of you, are you grateful that he left? Is there any part of you that is weirdly grateful for that?

47:34
I'm grateful for the experiences I was able to have because he was gone.

47:40
But I'm not really sure if I know how to really answer that because no matter what, I would have preferred that he had changed and tried to change and do better while he was here. It's hard, right? Because I just look back at these moments and we think, if that hadn't happened that way, would we be here where we are, this version of us? Do you think you developed more as a human and in your...

48:11
I guess. Do you feel like you're safer to develop whatever you want to do and the direction that you want to go because of all those experiences? Or do you think you would have always got here? I think I definitely became more of a risk taker because of those experiences. And to a reasonable amount, to where it's beneficial. Because you felt safer, is that why?

48:40
To take the risk? Just because I felt like, no, it's because I had to. To take the risk. If I'm not doing it, then no one else is going to. The worst that's going to happen is no. Not dangerous risks, but like, I'm going to go to college. I'm going to go be an RA. I learned how to drive two years ago. I started driving two years ago. My mom didn't want me to do that because it's dangerous or I could die, whatever. But we could die any day.

49:10
at any point. Yeah, and it provides freedom. For some reason, I don't know, not for some reason. I didn't take those kinds of dangerous risks because, again, I didn't want to be sent back and I have all this weight on my shoulders of the sacrifices. That's been somewhat a foundation of my motivations and personality and stuff. Was DACA really another permission slip in a way? Oh, yeah.

49:39
Absolutely. Because now I can work here at least, lawfully. And I'm still kind of in the shadows, but not really. I have my, I'm a green card now. I obtained that, what, in 2018. But I at least was, at that time, like I could be a, I could have been a teacher. I was a substitute teacher at that time because I was still working to like prove myself. And that's a whole story in itself, alone. But.

50:09
I could at least do that and be more myself and be more established. So I'm wondering, you started out your story talking about the doctors and the school administrators in Korea basically said that you would be nothing or you don't belong. And then so you were kind of told or brought up, the outside world was telling you that you weren't quite this.

50:36
And then you have the opportunity to come to America in which the people around you embraced you in the school and you had friends and you kind of felt like a human. But the things that were happening at home were really drastic and you had to hide them because you didn't want to feel like you weren't a human again, because you were finally feeling like this. But then DACA gave you, I mean, I just almost feel like, did you have this sense of like,

51:06
Oh wow, I am actually allowed to be, like not allowed to be here, but just allowed to be in a sense and people see you as such. Yeah.

51:18
I did, at the same time, there is a layer to that as well. At the time and still now, people think that DACA recipients are largely Hispanic people or, or in more, like, the more ignorant people think it's just Mexicans and, like, attach this terrible narrative behind that and everything. But I'm Korean and I am, I am part of this community, this group, and I kind of largely felt some sort of like, survival skill, because like,

51:46
No one suspected that I was part of it because I'm Korean. And like throughout, I remember like a few years. Right. And a few years ago, like there were even ICE agents at my Wal-Mart. And. I remember telling my mom, I was like, don't speak Korean, because I was like so scared even because like, even though I knew like Koreans aren't. Seen as or like they won't be like suspicious of.

52:16
them or whatever, but it was like the idea that I know that my mom's not great at English and she's on the phone in Korean all the time. Maybe, maybe it could happen. So I had that fear of like, maybe like her being snatched up or what have you. And there's just a lot of layers, man. It's just all the time everywhere. No, I mean, the places you've gone and the things you've seen, you've done a lot of good though.

52:45
from that and I think that probably is some of that is the reason that you are continuing to put good in the world. If you could go back to that 16 year old that just heard her dad say, I'm leaving, take care of your mom. Is there anything that you could tell that 16 year old knowing what you know now? There's this quote that I put everywhere and this is pretty much how I end like all podcasts at this point now.

53:13
It's so profound to me. It's on my LinkedIn banner, it's on my email signatures everywhere. And it's the fact that like, just do good for yourself and your community and you'll die a great person. You are doing it, my friend. That's just all you have to, that's all you really have to figure out. That's all you have to really do. And that's like a large statement and that there's a lot of caveats in itself, but just focus on doing good for yourself and your community.

53:43
and things will be fine. You are doing it and I see it. And I think that, well, we'll definitely keep the information in the show notes so that people can connect with you and learn more about you, listen to your brand new podcast. By this time, you'll be a pro. You'll have done a million episodes. Now, I appreciate you coming on and sharing this part of your story and allowing me to ask the questions and just kind of understand you as a human. And I think...

54:11
you're going to make an impact on a lot of people that are listening, but also just in your journey ahead. You have lots of years to do lots of cool things and take really awesome risks. And I just appreciate you. So thank you for allowing me to have the conversation with you. Yeah, and thank you for having me on. I really hope that this resonates with people. And I know that there are a lot of people who have issues or have had issues with their family and their dynamics, especially particularly with dads and stuff. So I really hope that this reaches.

54:41
a lot of people who need it. I think it will. What's the best place to connect with you? Is it LinkedIn? It's LinkedIn. My podcast is called Hello My Darlings and it is an interview based podcast where I highlight or amplify the voices of people with disabilities and neurodivergent conditions and just kind of

55:06
show that we all have human experiences and that we all have overlaps and commonalities. But ultimately, I'm trying to normalize that disabled people are... Just like you and me. Just you and I. And we're all set to become disabled anyway, one way or another. And the word disabled is not a bad thing. No, I'm excited to listen to your podcast and to cheer you on from the sidelines. And...

55:35
So thank you for being a part of this. And I'm gonna wrap this up and ask for something a little different this time, but maybe I asked for it last week. But if anyone's listening is enjoying these conversations on the LifeShift, I'd love for you to share it with a friend and spread the word, because as Yehi said, you know, we're all just trying to do the same thing. We're trying to be good people. We're all human having these experiences. And there's so many things that we have in common, way more than we have in differences. So...

56:05
Thank you for being a part of this journey. And we will be back next week with a brand new episode of the Life Shift Podcast. Thanks again, Yehi. Thank you, Matt.

56:26
For more information, please visit www.thelifeshiftpodcast.com