Day 26: Therapy Isn't Scary: Here's My Experience – 30 days, 30 episodes

I'm Matt Gilhooly, and this is the Life Shift. Candid conversations about the pivotal moments that have changed lives forever. Hey, everyone. Welcome to day 26. Is that what we're on?

Day 26 of 30 days, 30 episodes of the Life Shift podcast.

This is a bonus series in which I am challenging myself to show up every day for 30 days in November to talk about something, a little topic or something that I found on a question list or something that just came to mind randomly. Sometimes it's a deeper conversation, sometimes it is a surface level or just a throwaway little thing.

But the challenge has been very interesting, and I think on the final day, I will probably talk about how I feel about the whole thing. But overall, I think it's a really great thing.

For me, it's kind of tanking my analytics because the more you put these episodes out, the less likely someone's listening every single day, which then brings down the number of listens and then the average and all those things. But that's okay. I'm an indie podcaster, so it doesn't really matter.

I don't have these big companies that are backing me that are expecting certain things. So thank you for listening. Thank you for coming along this ride. If you are listening in the future. Hello, future.

Thank you for listening at the time you are listening.

So today I am going to talk a little bit about therapy, because this is something that someone suggested to me, and I thought it was a good concept, and really it stems from the idea that I think there's a lot of people out there that are afraid or intimidated about finding a therapist or admitting that you want to go or admitting that you need to go or giving it a shot. And I think it's a valid feeling because it is scary.

But I think once you are able to kind of admit is a strong word, acknowledge that you might need some outside help, outside of what you're doing for yourself, I think the world opens up a little bit more and it makes you look at different things in new ways, I guess. So for me, I. I feel like I've told everyone on the podcast that, like, my grief journey with my mom was like 20 years. It just took a long time.

And mainly because I just didn't seek out help and I didn't know how to ask for help. So I would say that maybe after my mom died, I was probably put in with school counselors a few times.

Throughout my experience, I don't feel like I ever went to officially a therapist of any sort. I don't think there was any kind of intent there. And I definitely know that in my teens I didn't do that.

In my 20s I didn't do that all while I was facing like extreme bouts of depression and anxiety and eating disorders and all sorts of things that came along with that. But it just wasn't something people were talking about, or at least not in my circle.

It probably wasn't something I was ready to admit publicly to other people that I might have a problem. Maybe I catastrophized it and made it sound in my head like I was going to be put away and all sorts of things.

So I would say that around, I guess I was 30 something when I was dealing with the work stuff. And I think I told you about this kind of taking a chance and quitting, but work stuff.

This one woman that I refer to as bulldozer, she kind of ruined my work life for about four years when I was working.

And this was getting really stressful and I was really not in a great place to the point where I was kind of going home and just going to bed because I just didn't want to be awake.

And this was like also during the same time that my grandmother was diagnosed with her cancer and she was going through this journey of surgeries and medicine and all the things that come along with that and kind of declining as it was going. So everything was kind of coming to a head.

Also, I hadn't really fully kind of worked through all the things that I needed to as it relates to my mom. So I went on this journey for a little bit and it took a little bit of time. And I would say that I went to four or five, probably five therapists.

And it was kind of like finding the right fit. And you have to go multiple times and usually it's like once every two weeks or once every month. And so that's like a long process.

So this was a couple year process. And luckily I started it earlier in that rough journey. But I went to some that I just felt like immediately judged.

I didn't feel comfortable sharing what I was going through or how I was feeling or just being like fully transparent and authentic in those meetings. And then I went to another person who I went through it. And yes, I know you have to do work and you have to kind of like work to get better.

But this particular person felt very regimented, which would make sense for this type A version of me. But it was like homework and it. And it made it even less likely that I was going to Kind of process and do the things that I needed to do.

Maybe I wasn't ready for that type of therapy. And then I, you know, tried with a. This was rough. I tried with a psychiatrist, which can also prescribe medicine.

And I thought, okay, well, I'll try this. Wow. That was not for me. That was something that I was not a fan of.

And that was a long period of time because with the medicine you kind of have to like ramp up into it and then you can't just stop it cold turkey. At least not the kinds that I was given. And so you have to like ramp down and then ramp up into new ones.

And there was one where I remember there was a time period, probably a couple months in which I was so tired, but I couldn't stay asleep, but I couldn't stay awake. It was like. And I couldn't remember things. And so it was really not good for me. I know people find the best medicine for them and it works perfectly.

So please don't let that conversation mean that you shouldn't do that. But I was so willing to try because I was still. I had not broken through that particular curtain that I needed to. And then I found this one woman.

And funny enough, when I was telling her about the work issues and the things that were happening at work, she knew exactly who it was because other people, other clients of hers were coming for the same kind of issues. And so I thought that was kind of funny. But she was like totally the opposite of me. She was not a type A.

She was kind of hippie and chill and like cool, and I just was like uptight and worried and wound up and all these things. And she was the perfect fit. And after a.

A couple sessions or so, I was able to kind of like unpack or share all of the pieces of my life and the decisions that I made and all these things.

And you've probably heard me say this on so many different episodes, but the one thing that she did or said that broke through everything for me, and I knew that this was like the right thing in the right place and the right time was after telling her all these stories, she was like, you realize that every decision that you've made since you were 8 years old and your mom died, you've made with that 8 year old brain that was so afraid of losing someone else, that was so afraid of being abandoned again, that you just didn't do the hard things. Because if you would mess up or if you would fail, that fear of all those bad things kept you from Doing anything cool. And I was like, oh.

And everything kind of, like, unwound in my head of all the decisions that I had made previously.

You've probably even heard it in these 30 days where the decisions in college and not pursuing certain things and, like, running back to Florida and all these still there. They're, like, deeply embedded, but I realized, which then became, like, its own grief process.

All the things that I didn't do because of that, but it also pushed me in a new space where I could start to forgive myself for some of those things. Not that I needed to be forgiven, but it felt like I needed to let those go. I needed to let them lay quiet and not feel that burden as much anymore.

And starting at that moment, I was able to start like. Like, what's the best word to use to. To just put away, in a.

In a kind way, all the stresses and the sadness and the things that I was carrying with me, the anger, the using as a crutch kind of things about my mom's death. And I was able to, like, place that in their nice boxes that would be stored. They were already processed. Everything felt good.

And it was kind of like this closing the door of grief. And I know people don't like when I say that, but it really felt like I was able to just let it all go.

And, of course, it doesn't mean that I don't miss, like, the idea of having a mom or the woman she was and the things that I do remember. It's not that I don't miss that. I just don't. Just the grief of that is over.

It also really allowed me to start moving forward with the anticipatory grief of losing my grandmother, because she was kind of walking down that route.

And I felt like when my grandmother died, I knew how to do all the things I had, the conversations I spent, the moments with her I did, all the things that came with it did not prepare me for pet loss, but that's another story that I talked about on another episode.

But really, therapy is not something to be afraid of, but it's also something that you kind of have to work at, and you have to try maybe a little bit harder than it feels like it should be. Like, you have to find the right person, and most of the time, it's not going to be the first person you go to.

And so you have to be willing to kind of go through the motions, make sure things are feeling right, and if they're not, make a new choice to find someone else, Ask the people that you trust in the world, but don't, don't just go to those people and stay with those people if they don't feel right. So my advice, find someone if you need it.

If you feel like there's a little inkling of I need to talk to someone that knows what they're doing has a little bit of an unbiased approach to listening to your story, just take the leap. Check out what your employee assistant programs offer. A lot of companies will offer like three free sessions. Do it. It's free.

And if you want to continue, then hopefully your insurance will cover those particular needs. But definitely think it's worth it.

I know it was my breakthrough and helped me grieve the loss of my mom, which was like so much and really, I guess, brought me to the Life Shift podcast. So if you are on the edge, do it. Call someone up today, try them out. If you don't like them, try someone new. Don't give up on that.

And that is day 26 of 30 days, 30 episodes of the Life Shift podcast bonus series. I will be back tomorrow for day 27. We're gearing up for Thanksgiving here and then the end of the month is coming up.

So thank you for being on this journey and I will talk to you tomorrow. For more information, please visit www.thelifeshiftpodcast.com.