Day 24: Finding Authenticity in a World of Expectations – 30 days, 30 episodes

I'm Matt Gilhooly, and this is the Life Shift. Candid conversations about the pivotal moments that have changed lives forever. Hello, my friends.

Welcome to day 24 of 30 Days, 30 episodes of of the Life Shift podcast. This is a bonus series. I'm laughing because I've been saying this for 24 days in a row now, and I almost forgot what I've been calling it.

So this is a daily bonus series that I'm doing for November 2024, and basically, it's kind of like what novel writers do in the month of November. I forget what it's called, but it's basically National Novel Writers Month. And every day they show up.

They write a particular amount of words every day, and I think it just helps establish some kind of consistency, a habit. And also they just get closer to finishing whatever novel is top of mind for them.

So I thought this year I would do something similar, but with podcasting. So I've been showing up every day in the moment and recording something for a little bonus episode.

So thank you for coming along the ride if you are on this ride or if you're listening to it in the future.

It's been quite a month, and as I get closer to the end, I weirdly feel like I'm running out of things to talk about and maybe that if I was to do something like this in the future, I would plan this a little bit better. But maybe that's part of this exercise as well.

So yesterday I was doing some random questions, and that was inspired by a spot on five Random Questions, which is a podcast that I guessed it on yesterday.

And when we started out the conversation yesterday, Danny, the host, said something to the effect of like, I followed you on social media, and I've listened to your podcast and I've never heard you say anything mean. And then he asked me, you know, like, do you ever feel mean or have you ever, like, been mean? And I guess the short answer is yes.

I think that that's normal. But I do try my best to, I guess, not be mean. Outwardly, I'm sure I think mean thoughts. I'm sure. Well, I know I do.

And I know that I get mad, and I know that things upset me, but I also can't really recall a time in which I've ever gotten so mad at someone that I've yelled at them. Like, I can't even remember a time that I've yelled in an anger way.

I'm sure I've screamed at someone to get their attention or on a Roller coaster or something like that.

But I'm hard pressed to think of a time in which I yelled at another person about something when I was mad about something or said something mean with intention to be mean. I'm sure I've said something that sounded mean but was not intended to be mean.

But it just really had me thinking about how I've kind of tried to find a way to outwardly project through the Life Shift podcast and through what I'm doing on social media and just this journey of being as authentic as I can. And I know some people don't like that word, but it really does kind of describe, I think, how I am trying to show up in the world.

I think for so long I was trying to play the role of what society wanted from everyone. I talk about this a lot about this, like society's checklist and these expectations and you can't really go against the norm.

And the more that I find authenticity in the way that I show up, the easier everything is. And the more I notice that society doesn't really care that much. And I don't know why I was so afraid.

I think growing up with these perfectionism tendencies, I found that I just had to appear perfect. But who defines what perfect is outside of taking a test?

And that test is also kind of subjective in a way because those particular tests were put together by other humans. And there's like some subjectivity to that, even though a lot of the answers might have been objective.

But that really took me a little bit by surprise because I wasn't expecting that conversation about like, oh, I haven't noticed that you are like, mean. And also makes me think, do we notice that other people are mean? And I think we do.

I think in, especially in 2024, we've seen a lot of ugliness in people and in people that we didn't expect.

The things that they said, the things how they feel about other people and people choices in their lives and the things that don't actually affect them, but affect the people that are making those choices. And so I think we've seen that a lot. It's really hard for me to kind of call that out specifically or get into an argument about that.

So I guess there is still a piece of me that wants enough people to still like me and not everyone, but maybe I don't want to disappoint people. I think that's a hard thing. And over the years I've lost touch with friends or people that I was really close with.

And then we weren't close anymore because life just happened and things got busy or people grew apart or life just threw a curveball of some sort that kind of brought things apart. And sometimes I think back on those moments and I kind of long for that.

But I also know maybe that's not my responsibility or maybe that's not what's required of me to bring back those relationships. I don't know how I got down this little tangent, but I'm thinking about how authenticity is so important.

And I know it's talked about earlier, like way early in this 30 days, 30 episodes, I talked about that. Why share your story and, and be vulnerable and talk to people and connect and stuff like that.

And I think to add a layer to that, it would be like being as true to yourself as possible that you feel comfortable doing. So I guess that is maybe trickles out at times. For some people it's like live 100% out loud as much as they need to share everything.

And some people, it's just a little bit at a time and whatever it. I hope that I get there fully. But I also hope that everyone listening.

I hope you get there in a place where whatever you share, you feel good about, even if it's something hard to share, even if it's bad. And that maybe good is not the right word, but you feel comfortable in that. That's just you. That is who you are, that is how you feel.

There's a conviction behind it, there's a reason behind it. Maybe there's a trauma behind it, there's something behind it.

But you are showing up fully as yourself and not placating others because you think they want you to say certain things or be a certain way. And so I guess that's today's message of just like showing up as authentically as possible.

And it's all stems from a really generous individual, Danny Brown, on five random questions, just pointing out that he's noticed that I don't put mean things out into the world and I don't approach things in a quote unquote negative way.

And I guess that's like a huge compliment and something that has kind of been sitting in my brain for the last day just really thinking about, okay, I guess what I am putting out into the world is what people are picking up. And so that feels good. So I hope that you're getting that sense too.

I hope that you know that I care about all of these people that are showing up on the Life Shift podcast and sharing their stories. I know I don't always get it right, holding the space for them, whatever their story is.

Sometimes I judge myself when someone divulges something like super big or tragic or whatever, and then I listen back and my response is not this open arms, compassionate thing. Of course I'm compassionate, but maybe I'm not giving enough attention to it or I'm not saying enough sympathizing words or whatever that may be.

But at the same time I'm acting, I guess, as authentically as I can and listening and then asking more questions to get deeper into the story. Because that moment, that hard, hard moment for someone as big as it is, it's also just a moment.

And it's kind of like what do we do with that and how do we move forward with it? I recently recorded something with with a woman. Her name is Karen and I think this episode will be out in January.

But she had a really tragic moment, but she picked up and she did all these things because of that, because of the things that led up to that.

And now she looks back on this moment, as hard as it was, as something that catapulted her even further into being herself and living in the way that feels most aligned with the way that she wants to be.

And so basically I'm saying be as real as possible, but if that means being mean as possible, maybe you want to reflect on that before you are out loud and proud of that. But if that's who you are, then you will attract the people that will align with you and the way you show up in the world.

I hope other people are picking up the way you want them to pick it up. So I don't know if any of the words that I just said over the last like nine and a half minutes make any sense at all, but it helped me.

So thank you for being my sounding board when I am just expressing some thoughts that came to mind. This wasn't what I was going to record for day 24 when I showed up and pressed record, but it came out. So thank you for coming on this journey.

There will be a couple more days. What? Day 25 is tomorrow and there are only 30 days this month. So thank you for coming on this journey. Thank you for being you.

Thank you for listening to the Life Shift podcast. Thank you for sharing it with your friends.

If you haven't, please subscribe Rate Review do all the things that will help me, this indie podcaster, get more stories into the world and find the ears that need to hear these stories the most so that they feel less alone on their journeys. So thank you and I will be back tomorrow for day 25. For more information, please visit www.the lifeshift podcast.com.