Breaking the Norm: Choosing Personal Fulfillment over Societal Expectations | James Brackin IV

00:00
So I ended up on the sales call and I invested more money than I had in my bank account. It was the most terrifying moment of my life. I felt like I had so much anxiety. I felt like I just got shot because I just invested. I put down $2,500 and I was working at Dick's Sporting Goods at the time. That was more than I made in a month. I didn't know how I was going to figure it out. Today's guest is James Brackin. James is a personal coach and he mainly works with entrepreneurs and he helps guide them to uncover the root of their self-sabotage and helps them to elevate their personal and professional lives.

00:28
He's also the host of the You Can Too podcast, which ranks in the top 1% of podcasts globally. His journey, much like his podcast name suggests, showcases that no matter where you start, you really can achieve your goals. You can grow and you can transform your pain into purpose. James' life story shows us that our past hardships can fuel our drive to help others and make a positive change in the world. Another topic that we discuss is the significant role of self-reflection and personal growth.

00:56
James underscores the transformative impact of taking a pause and reassessing life's direction. And he shares how the pandemic really offered him an opportunity to look back on himself, reassess his life, and discover his passion for coaching and podcasting. Finally, we chat about the courage required to challenge societal expectations. James shares his decision to forego college and follow his path of self-discovery, showing the importance he placed on prioritizing personal fulfillment over those societal expectations.

01:26
Before we jump into today's episode, I want to thank Bryan and Dream Vacations for supporting one episode every single month on the Patreon feed. This gets them early episodes, bonus episodes, and just knowing that they are helping me to pay for the production costs of the show, whether that's hosting or software or hardware. So thank you so much to Brian and Dream Vacations for sponsoring one episode a month.

01:52
If you are interested in directly supporting the show or getting episodes early or all of that, please head to patreon.com/theLifeShiftpodcast and you can find all that information there. So without further ado, here is my conversation with James Brackin. I'm Matt Gilhooly and this is The Life Shift, candid conversations about the pivotal moments that have changed lives forever.

02:28
Hello, my friends. Welcome to the LifeShift Podcast. I am joined by a fellow podcaster, James. Hello, James. How are we doing, Matt? Great to be with you. I appreciate it. And I've told other people this, other podcasters, it's like a new level of intimidation when you speak with another podcaster when they're on your podcast. I don't know if you ever feel that way. Yeah, I think so. I feel like I've got so used to speaking with people that I couldn't imagine speaking with that it's like...

02:55
Sometimes it's nerve wracking and other times it's the exact opposite. So I can definitely understand that. Yeah, there's like that behind the scenes, like, oh, you know what's gonna happen. You know how I'm gonna edit this out or change those things. So thank you for wanting to be a part of this and reaching out and wanting to share your story. What you're going to talk about today is something that I think a lot of people will relate to in different ways and the way that they've kind of lived their life and then realize, oh, wait a second, there's other ways that I can do this as well.

03:24
And so I think you're gonna have a lot of inspirational things. And that's just my assumption because I don't do a lot of research and I don't know a lot about your story besides our little back and forth. So thank you for just wanting to be you and share yourself on this platform. Yeah. Thank you for having me, man. I love the structure of the podcast. And that's why I was really curious. Like a lot of people don't have like a certain thing that they make their podcast around. And so I'm always inspired by people that are different in some way. And I always want to be.

03:53
surrounded by it, I think I have a pretty unique story as everyone does. And if one insight that or one life shift can help someone else, I'm doing my job. And for anyone that's listening now that hasn't listened before the show, the life shift really stems from when I was a kid, my mom was killed in an accident. And from one day to the next, my life was completely different because my parents lived in different states. I lived with my mom. I had to go to a different school. I had to move to a new state. Everything about my life was different. But.

04:22
Growing up, I felt like I couldn't really share how destructive that was for me. I felt like I had to show everyone that I was okay. But underneath, I was always like, am I the only one that feels this way? Is this like, am I going to survive this? And so when I started this podcast, I wanted people to come on and share, how the before and after of this specific moment in their life, what's changed? How can we reflect back on it?

04:50
years, 30 plus years later, now I look back on that and I can reflect on those moments as learning moments and all the things that I've gained from that. But in the moment, I felt so alone. So like you said, if there's someone out there that can hear your story and think, oh, I'm not the only one that feels this way and there's hope I can move through it, I think we've done our job. And it's such a pleasure to be a part of the podcasting community in that way.

05:18
Yeah, absolutely. I think pain really does turn to purpose if we are able to make it turn into purpose. That's the key. Yeah, I mean, I think a lot of people go through their life not ever doing that. And so I feel like an obligation to be able to do so. One of my first coaches would say that if you're not bringing your unique gifts into the world, you're doing a disservice. And so whatever that unique gift is, maybe you don't know what it is, but your story alone can help someone through a time when they do feel alone, because I can definitely resonate with that, measurably. Yeah, it's important. And, you know, I'm just...

05:47
so honored that people want to do it. So let's get into your story. But before we do that, maybe you can just tell us, I don't know if this is going to give away too much, but if you can tell us a little bit about who you are right now in this moment in 2024. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. So I am a personal coach, mainly for entrepreneurs. And then I also host a podcast that you can too podcast. I've been doing that for almost three years, around three years, which is crazy to think about. Like we were just speaking of before this, like podcasting is such a rewarding thing to get into. And I'm always inspired by other people's stories, but.

06:17
That's a condensed version. Obviously we'll jump into how I got into everything that I'm doing, but I don't wanna give too much away, for sure. Sometimes it's tricky to people tell their who they are now and you're like, oh, well now I know your whole story. But I think it's important to understand where you are now so that we can go back and kind of dig into that. So why don't you kind of paint the picture of what your life was like leading up to this pivotal moment that we're gonna talk about today? Yeah, I think the way that I frame it for a lot of it, and I don't wanna give the moment away because

06:45
I think there's many moments that led to a specific moment as I know for a lot of the episodes I've listened to, a lot of people have different pivotal moments but I wanna break it down into one. I think growing up, I grew up as a victim as many people do, believing as though I'm a victim. Life was happening to me, life was happening to me. I lost my father and my uncle both at 37 years old, which is, I didn't realize how young it was until I've just grown up and the more I grew up, the more I realized like it's so close. And so losing a lot of family growing up.

07:12
really instilled into me that I need to live life with intention. Lost a lot of family, went through a lot of depression, anxiety, a lot of the things that I think a lot of people grow up with. When I was in high school, COVID happened, so I'm sitting in my room, not really able to go anywhere, isolated. And it really brought me to a point where I needed to think about myself and what I wanted to do with my life, which I'm very grateful it happened. It was not an easy time, but I don't think I would have gone down the route that I'm a part of now, coaching, podcasting everything that I do if it wasn't for me to be with myself.

07:41
almost have to take a pause completely on life in itself to really realize like, am I going down this path because I think I'm supposed to, or am I going down this path because I truly feel fulfilled and want to? And I think growing up, I remember my mom and my sister, I think I told them that I wanted to be a motivational speaker when I was so young that I don't even remember saying it. And to this day, it's not really something that I aspired to do, maybe it will change in the future, but I realized that podcasting was that thing. I just wanted to help people in some way, and I didn't really know what that looked like. And so I'm so grateful that COVID happened because it allowed me to...

08:10
be with myself and kind of reassess and see where I wanted to go before life kind of took over. But that's a little synapsis of how I've kind of gotten to the work I do. It's, I've talked to a lot of people about the pandemic and how as devastating as it was globally for so many millions of people, there was something about it that allowed a lot of people to take a pause and realize, am I doing what I do?

08:40
I want to do or are the relationships that I have, friendships, romantic relationships, are all these things serving me in the way that I want them to? And I don't know about you, but the people around me, I saw a lot of people making changes because of that time to reflect and time to realize, am I just kind of skirting through life and like, I'm just accepting the things that are going on because that's just life. That's just how it goes.

09:08
And so I think a lot of people can resonate with that. I myself did that. I was like, I went back to school, I did extra things, I started the podcast, I created all sorts of stuff because I was like, well, this could be it, right? I think we all saw this mortality moment of like, well, nobody expected this to come. What can we do with ourselves and move forward? So I think that your experience there may be different from others, but also very similar to a lot of people.

09:37
Yeah, I think it's the word I like to use is people like to coast through life. The example I kind of use is like when I left high school, so I think it was probably my 11th or 12th grade year, I knew that college never made sense for me. So I, I, but I didn't know what else I wanted to do. And so I thought, let me get into real estate. Uh, that's something that maybe I can control my time a little bit more. I think I'm good with people. This might be a good route to go down. So when COVID was happening, I only had a few classes in schools.

10:05
took the course online to become a real estate agent at home. And that was me being proactive in a way that I don't know if this is the right path. And funny enough, I took the entire course and then never became an agent. Never took the actual test to do it, but it didn't, it required me to actually go through the course for me to realize that that wasn't the path for me. A lot of people would see that as like a waste of time and I definitely did for a period of time, but I realized I needed to go through it to realize it wasn't for me. And at least I didn't go all the way deeper into it so to waste more time. But I think a lot of people go to college, at least a lot of people I know, to coast.

10:35
because they don't really know what they want to do. But this is kind of a way to, okay, I don't really want to go into the real world, but this is my time to kind of have fun, party, whatever it is that never really resonated much with me. But it was just more so let me just kind of figure it out, but not do the best I can to go out and figure out if that makes sense. Yeah, I mean, I think I think of it as I'm a different generation than you, but I think I talked to a lot of people that are my age and I look at it as like society's checklist. I feel like we had.

11:04
absorbed and

11:32
let's check it off so that we can move to the next thing. And I think so many people, especially people that I grew up with, we all kind of just bought into it. I don't think anyone was selling it to us. I think we just kind of all were like, yeah, that's what we do. That's what our parents did. That's kind of like the next thing. And again, I think even for people in my generation, COVID was kind of like, wait, hold on. You don't need that checklist anymore. Some people might, but it's not assigned to us. We don't have to follow it.

12:00
And so I think it aligns with that coasting idea is that just like, this is life, this is what we're supposed to do and then we die. Yeah, it's the supposed to kind of thing, right? It's like, it's what I feel like I'm supposed to do. And it really leads me into my life shifting moment, if I'm honest with you, I don't wanna jump into it. Like definitely lean in the way that you wanna go, but it's so true. And I feel like we get to a point where things get so, I guess, bad.

12:26
that we have to make a positive change. It's like, why is it that we get to a point where people have a heart attack for them to stop smoking, or people get to a point where they can't move to lose weight, or like whatever that thing is, but we just have to get to a point where there's no path forward, that we have to take a step back and realize, maybe we need to turn right a little bit here, turn left, or just move in a different direction. I think there's a lot of fear based in that. I think, you know, growing up, I think a lot of us.

12:51
we did certain things for the approval of others and not necessarily for our own satisfaction or our own approval or enjoyment. It was more like performative in some capacity. And so I think that, you know, you don't, if everything feels okay, it doesn't feel bad. And so until it feels uncomfortable, then we were like, oh yeah, we have to make some changes. And I think...

13:18
there's a fear in change and change is hard for a lot of people because there's so much unknown that comes with it. And if we don't know, then we can't meet the next check mark. So I think it all kind of just stems back to like how we grew up and what we absorbed from our parents and what their parents did. And I think it just all kind of is this generational piece that comes along with it as well. So much, so much. I've spoken with so many people on trauma, intergenerational trauma, and it's

13:47
Insane, I spoke with Dr. Marielle Bouquet, she wrote a book on breaking the intergenerational trauma cycles of probably a few months ago now. And it's insane to think that people from our heritage, seven to 14 times ago, still have an impact on our genes today. And it's crazy to think about how much of a role that plays that we don't even understand, we don't even know how much of a role it plays or how it's playing a role. And so it's so true. I mean, as many of us know, like,

14:15
our idea of ourself and how we act in the world was carved up between zero and seven or so. And so if we're unaware of the things that were input into our brain to make us think a certain way or act a certain way, man, we're going through a life coasting or just unconscious of the way that we're acting in the world and it stinks. That's why I'm in this work that I love to do. Yeah, if you look back at your childhood, do you feel that you absorbed some of those elements of like kind of coasting through or did you have, were your parents?

14:45
kind of encouraging you to kind of do whatever you want? Or did you feel like you absorbed some of that? Yeah, I lost my dad when I was six, so I never had any male role model in my life. Like I said, my uncle passed away, my dad passed away, and then my grandfather passed away a few months before his retirement. So that was like a part of the life shifting moment because he worked his entire life. This was a man that worked where he'd maybe see us on the weekends when we go down to visit kind of thing in Virginia.

15:11
and he passed a few months before his retirement. So he worked his entire life, didn't have a good childhood because his parents weren't great to him. And so he worked his entire life and when he was a child to not even be able to get to retirement. And so that put and instilled into me, like I can't live that way. I can't live to work kind of thing. But growing up, I definitely lived through trying to prove myself through achievement. So for school, I didn't care about school when I was younger, but the more that I...

15:38
The higher grade I went into, the more I cared about work and the higher my grades got. And I just got addicted to wanting to be better. So I'd stay after school and try to get as best as I could, the best grades I had. I played baseball throughout my entire life. And so we didn't have workouts for baseball at my school. So I would work out with the football team because we didn't have those workouts. And then I would go to baseball practice after. And so I definitely was always trying to kind of find myself through achievement. And that started from 6 a.m. to 7 p.m. or whatever that was.

16:06
But the older I got, the more I realized that nothing outside of me is gonna make me feel better about myself if I don't feel good about myself internally. A quote that I love that I continue to recite is that all that matters is how you feel about yourself when you're by yourself. I think Tom Bilyeu quoted that. And I resonate with that so much because I don't think a lot of us really take into account, like, can we even sit with ourselves and be okay with that? Just being instead of always being in this constant do, pursuit, which I think a lot of people, especially the society that I grew up in, the hustle closure is just something that...

16:36
tears a lot of us down for sure. How did you get sparked to realize that? I mean, if you're going, going, going, when do you even have the time to stop and think? What pause you in your tracks to realize hustle and performative nature and success is not all there is? COVID, man, COVID. Okay. So like growing up in school.

16:58
I took a lot of pride in never reading a book. I thought it was the coolest thing. I'm gonna get by. I'm never gonna read. Even when we had class, like I was not reading the class book, all that kind of stuff. And then I left school and then I started reading books that I actually wanted to learn about. Like ones that I picked out. And man, if I could show you the bookcase that I have on the other side of my room, it is absurd of how many books that I have over the past few years. I feel like I get a new book every couple weeks kind of thing. And I...

17:23
I got so obsessed with reading and learning more about myself and even just the understanding that I could change the way I felt about myself. Because like I said, I grew up anxious, depression, just a lot of feelings that I wanted to avoid in every possible way. And I didn't realize until I was a little bit older that I could actually change the way I feel about myself by taking in different perspectives and approaching things through a different lens. And so COVID happened. I'm starting to listening to podcasts and starting reading books.

17:49
Just going on walks, walks have been something that, if anyone follows me on Instagram, like I say go on a walk, like it's nobody's business. Like I just continue to remind people because I need to remind myself of just going on a walk without any headphones in with nothing in my ears. It is the most transformative thing that I've ever done in my life. And it's continued to be a habit in my life. It's kind of like, if you can't sit with yourself and meditate, which a lot of people have struggled with, like struggle with, going on a walk without headphones in, it's essentially the same thing. And I think just building a habit to be with yourself is something that's really powerful. And that was something during that time where I just...

18:19
I had no way around it. It's like, yeah, I can watch Netflix. I can go on YouTube. I can continue to input things into my brain. But I think the most important voice we need to hear is the one that's within us. And when we're always listening to something outside of us, it's kind of difficult to hear that voice. Do you recall the first time you realized you were doing something different? Because I feel like it's like when we're so ingrained in a particular routine and we're filling all of our time, and then COVID's like, you can't do any of that.

18:49
But you're still, I think, you're still inclined to want to do all those things. So then you kind of go on this, like a lot of us maybe went on this depression, like now I can't live my life in the way that I used to. How do I move forward? Do you remember when you were like, oh, wait, a walk is valuable? Or I can read a book. That's not bad. So.

19:13
I started reading books, I started listening to podcasts, and I realized that this was around the time when I was about to finish the real estate course, and I realized it just wasn't for me. And so I was listening to a podcast from a podcaster that I admired, was listening to this podcast for months and months, and at the end of the podcast, they were talking about a coaching program. Now, at this time, I had no idea what a coach was, but I knew that what they were talking about really sounded like, oh, I can help people and get paid for it of some sort.

19:37
Like the way that I was seeing it was service, not selling anybody. And so if I feel like I've been through this, I was in this point, now I'm here, even if I'm helping someone that's two steps behind me, I can help them. And so I ended up on a sales call. Ended up on the sales call. Again, I have no idea what a coach is. I know I want to start a podcast. This person that's has one of the biggest podcasts in the world, I feel like this might be able to help me. So I ended up on the sales call and I invested more money than I had in my bank account, man. Like I, it was the most terrifying moment of my life. I felt like I had so much anxiety. I felt like I just got shot because I just invested.

20:07
I put down $2,500 and I was working at Dick's Sporting Goods at the time. That was more than I made in a month. I didn't know how I was going to figure it out. That was only the first payment. It was around $7,500 to $8,000. That was so much money to me at the time. What it did was it forced me to see myself through a different lens because I was committed to something for the first time in my life rather than just being interested in it. I knew I wanted to start a podcast. I knew I wanted to help people. Like I said, I didn't know what that looked like, but this was the first opportunity in my life to...

20:37
to actualize it. And I remember after investing into the program, I hopped off the call and the money was taken. And I thought, what the hell did I just do? Like, what did I just get myself into? Because this COVID happened throughout most of my life. All I cared about was other people's opinions. And so that just tore me down. And I realized I had to start posting online. It is the most terrifying thing because all I cared about was other people's opinions. And so I had to make this habit of posting every single day. Otherwise I wasn't going to do it.

21:05
And so I started posting online. I started creating the podcast and doing solo episodes. I started in my car, let alone like you see me now, but I started in my car, no microphone, nothing. Like it was just my computer. But it was the moment when life really shifted for me because I finally committed to myself, let alone what I wanted to do or what I thought I was capable of doing. It was like, okay, I just invested a lot of money. There's no way around this. Now I have to show up for myself. And so I think...

21:30
What I find so much value in is I don't think people are afraid to invest into themselves. I think they're afraid of the work that's going to come after they invest into themselves. I realized at that time that I seen myself through a different lens. I showed up in a different way. I showed up for myself like I never had before. I had more confidence in myself. Even if I got no results, it was like, hey, I just invested into myself. I'm betting on myself right now. I just don't think enough people do that in their lives. I know that a lot of people come from a scarcity mindset. I absolutely did, so it was terrifying for me. I remember telling my mom after the fact.

22:00
I just invested this amount of money. She's looking at me like I'm absolutely nuts, but has always believed in me in such a way that like almost helps me believe in myself more. But it was the moment in my life, man, where really everything changed. And ever since then, I've never gone without a coach, and whether that's fitness, actual personal health, business, whatever it is, and it truly changed my life. Truly. I think people that I've grown up with can't relate to that because of the coast mentality in the sense that

22:30
There's so much fear in not even just the money aspect of it, but like buying into a hope, a dream, of an unactualized something that is nebulous, that is, you know, it's out there somewhere, perhaps I can get there, but here's this lane right here.

22:55
that all these other people have successfully gone down, why wouldn't you go down that one, you know, kind of thing. And I think it's really hard for someone that's, I feel like I'm really old right now, but I feel like it's really hard because the tried and true seems so safe, right? It seems so much, not that it is, but it seems so much safer, right? And then to invest something like your entire life savings, essentially, like money you didn't have, invest in yourself, believing in yourself so much that you knew it was gonna work.

23:25
in some way. You didn't know exactly how it was gonna work, but you knew it was going to work in some way. And so kudos to you for just like looking at your bank account and going, I'll do it. Cause like that takes a lot just in itself, just in the little decision to do that. Had you ever done anything like that before? Like, man, I think the most I probably ever spent on anything was like maybe a pair of shoes or something, man. Like this was like the, like I truly felt like I- Was it like out of body experience of like-

23:54
Dude, I really feel like I got shot. There's no other way I can explain it other than like, it was anxiety through a lens I'd never felt. It was a different kind of anxiety to where I didn't know what to do with myself. I was like, I need to get started now. I don't know, I didn't even post on Instagram at the time. I had no social media presence. Like I said, I cared so much about what other people thought of me. It was like, when I grew up in high school, I was pretty good in baseball. Like I was in the varsity team when I was like in like,

24:23
ninth or 10th grade or so. And I was really good in practice, but when it actually came to game time, I couldn't show up because I was just, I had so much fear. I lived in so much fear. I grew up with a single mother. It was just a feminine energy. There was no masculine in my life because everyone had passed. And so that was the kind of lens I'd seen life through. And so finally betting on myself was like, this isn't who I am. I'm not the kind of person that does this. And so doing that was the thing that like just realized it for me was like, it changed my identity. It was like, it was an identity shift of like, okay, this is the kind of person that I am now.

24:53
And so just investing in yourself, I've seen it time and time again with even clients because most of the clients I work with are older than me. And so working with me, it's like almost identity shift for them, like they have to drop their ego, they have to drop their pride of like working with someone that's younger than them. Because that takes a lot, especially when it's a business owner that has already had success and they're gonna come work with someone that is a complete different perspective. But I think one thing I wanna touch on that you said is it does come from fear, a lot of our decisions.

25:20
I think me being so naive about the fact that I didn't know what it could be allowed me to take the leap. I made a comment on a post a few days ago that's like 3,000 likes. So many people are resonating with it. I said that essentially sometimes too much self-awareness is detrimental because it doesn't allow you to take the leap. I think for me it was just taking the leap knowing that I didn't have it all figured out was probably the best thing I ever did because the idea of being ready is just one of the things that just holds so many people back.

25:50
Well, I think also you mentioned how you knew college wasn't really going to be something that you wanted to do. So already some kind of seed planted in your mind that like traditional route for James is like not really in my game plan, even if I want to be safe, even if I want to follow the safe. It's not that. So at least there's there's that element of like, I need to I know I need to create something for myself or I need to do something with my life.

26:18
but what is it? And now you got inspired by someone, so that's helpful. You know, like listening, reading, learning a little bit. And then now you're taking a bet on yourself. Was there any kind of like, was there any kind of moment after that first call as you're starting to do these things where you felt like a complete imposter or you felt fleeced or you felt like, what did I do, regret any of those moments? Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

26:44
So I joined a coaching program with like a bunch of coaches. So we'd have calls every Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday kind of thing. And so I'm hopping on with, let's say, 100 other coaches. And I'm the youngest coach. I'm 17 years old at the time. Like the fact that I became a quote unquote life coach, you can use that example. There's so much negativity to it. But I became a quote unquote life coach at 17, which makes no sense because I barely lived any life, right? But I lost so many family members growing up and I experienced this transformation in my mind in such a way that I think.

27:13
It takes people decades to go through, let alone their whole life even. Not to say that I was so much further along than anyone else, but it was like from where I was to where I ended up at just within a few years was transformative. Then learning from people that have studied this kind of stuff, neuroscience, all that kind of stuff for years, it just continued to ingrain into myself. What I realized was everyone else felt like an imposter too.

27:39
It didn't matter how old they were, it didn't matter what they had done, it didn't matter if they had six figure, seven figure businesses, people that were in the same place as me mentally were just going through them with so much fear. But again, me being naive in such a way, I was a person that was raising my hand. When there was role plays and there was social media audits and everything, I was the first one raising my hand. I wanted to get better. I just invested more money than I had. I need to get the most out of this. I don't even, like, if I can get, if I'm gonna be the first one raising my hand, I'm gonna be the first one sitting up front in everything.

28:07
And I think that allowed me to excel faster than other people did because they just didn't take the actions. It's like, I think a lot of people invest into something. This is just my idea from what I've seen is they invest into something and they think that that's when the work ends because they've invested in something. And now this is where they figured out. For me, it was realizing this is where the work starts. Like I just invested more money than I have. I need to make this work. I didn't even have the money to pay the other payments that needed to come out.

28:33
And I wasn't making it from working at Dick's Sporting is at the time. So I literally needed to make money from this. And so that just propelled me to take the action to make it happen, essentially. Two questions. First one, do you feel that any of that drive to succeed, besides the monetary element, was any of that to make the people that had passed proud? Was there any element of that? I think of that as I grew up and did things. I'm like, would my mom think?

29:01
X, Y, and Z. Did you have any of those elements of those people that had passed pushing you down to make them proud or build that name? I don't think so, if I'm honest with you. I think my mom was such a great single mother that she distilled so much. I just want to love everyone. I just want to give. I worked at Dick's Sporting Goods and then I worked at Apple. Those were the two jobs that I really had prior to stepping into entrepreneurship. I worked at both of them for a year and I realized I'm just not meant for this.

29:31
But every conversation I had, whether it was helping someone find shoes or helping someone buy a phone, I wanted to make sure that after they were done speaking with me, like maybe I put a small smile on their face or made them feel seen in some way. Same reason I started the podcast. Like I wanna make people feel seen and appreciated for coming on the show in any way that I can. And everything that I do, I wanna make people feel seen cause I know what it feels like to not feel seen. And so that was where it really came from, was like I grew up just not even recognizing myself. And I realized that sometimes you need someone to believe in you more than you believe in yourself.

30:00
for you to actually start believing in yourself a little bit more and whatever pursuit that looks like. And so when I invested into myself, it was me believing in myself enough to be able to believe in others. Yeah, I like it. I think that there is a, probably an unhealed part of those of us that are trying to do things for others that have passed. I think it also adds an unnecessary responsibility to us that, you know, it just, why do that? But really what I'm curious about is like your first win.

30:30
Like, what was your first win of where you were like, guys, it worked. Like, I did it and I proved to myself that this investment was something that I should have done all along. Yeah, so I found pretty good success the first month that I joined. Because all I was doing every day was just trying to connect with people and build relationships and then hop on a call and see if we might be a good fit together. And I remember the first person I worked with that I hopped on a call with, that it was just like, I'm not,

30:59
I've always looked through the lens of not, I'm not trying to sell anybody. I just want to see if we vibe. Like if there's, if we resonate in some way, if I can, I don't want to say touch on your pain points, but more so like touch on the problems that you're dealing with to such an extent that you feel like I can help you. If you believe I can help you, then I will fully believe in it as well. And so just through like the energy that I can kind of cultivate with people. I remember hopping in the call with someone that was 25, I think I was 17. And I was just diving through like the challenges he was going through.

31:29
I spoke with an author, Michael Bungay Stanier, who wrote the book, The Coaching Habit, and he says that essentially, the best way to connect with people is they don't want your advice, they just want to feel seen and heard. And so that was the kind of lens that I'd seen it through. It was like, I just want to hear this guy out and see if I can help him. And I remember I was sitting in my car, as I do, and just talking to this guy, just hearing about his challenges and what he was going through. He wanted to leave his job, he wanted to move to a different place, but he was...

31:56
because he wanted to move to a different state, but by himself, he'd never really taken that leap before. And I knew that from the leap that I took in myself, I could help this person. Because I think the way the lens I see it through is, I don't want to help someone that's 10 steps behind me, because I don't remember the problems I was dealing with 10 steps ago, but I want to help someone like two steps behind me. And I don't think age has anything to do with that. Because it's different problems, different challenges in different areas in our life. And so I remember being able to help him. We hopped off the call and I remember getting the payment, I think the next morning. And-

32:26
I was like, I just want to help people. I don't even understand what just happened. But what I realized then it was, because I've worked with coaches especially one-on-one where I'll invest into them for $300 a month and $1,000 a month. And the person that I'm investing into $1,000 is gonna show up way different than the person that's gonna show up $300. Just because they're more inclined to want to help you when they're getting more paid for it. So I recognize that I wanted to work with people not for free because they wouldn't show up for themselves.

32:53
because they needed to feel like there's some kind of gain in it. I realized that when I invested into myself, and I just couldn't believe that I could be paid to help people. But it was realizing that if they didn't pay, they wouldn't help themselves. But that was something that just, man, from there, it was like, I don't even believe this is real because even from that moment now, there's no, I've always had trouble with vision because I feel like I'm living my dream already. Even though there's so many things I want to do, the fact that I was able to do that just blows me away to this day. Even-

33:22
the podcast as well, like the people I get to speak to. I'll read a book and then I hop on a podcast with someone and ask the questions I wanna ask. It just sometimes feels like a movie. You kind of like create, you're creating your own movie. You're writing it as you go, as you're filming it. There's no determined ending there. It's like choose your own adventure. But yeah, I can see that. Did you feel validated with that money or did you just feel like?

33:46
I'm trying to find the words, because I think for a lot of us that are transactional, I think that would feel validating. But it doesn't sound like that felt validating for you. It felt different. It felt like, what did it, did it feel different? I don't think it felt validating, because like I said, I never really seen it through the lens of trying to, it wasn't transactional for me. Right. It was genuine, like, I felt like, and this is how I kind of feel with all of my clients. Like I want them to feel like,

34:15
I don't want to say we're friends because that messes up the energy because then there's not much of a polarity there, but I just want someone to feel seen. I felt like after the call, he would not have invested into working with me if he didn't feel seen. I think truthfully, it was just like, okay, now I need to get the next person because then I can help. I just want to help as many people as I can, truthfully. It wasn't validating, but it was just more so like, okay, let's go to the next person. Let's just...

34:45
Okay, someone believes in me enough to help them. Okay, let's go help with someone else kind of thing. Yeah, and I kind of tie it back. I think I tie it back to maybe it felt like you know what it feels like to invest in yourself. And so now you're feeling through their lens of like, oh, now they're actualizing the things that they wanna do. So it's kind of like this, this like reverse kind of feeling you're like, oh, I just placed how I felt on them or I allowed them to feel that way because they're paying me.

35:15
Therefore, now I can continue living because we all need money to live. Of course. There's a benefit there. I knew it didn't feel transactional or validating. I wanted to point that out because I think for a lot of us, we understand that money equals whatever because that's what we were taught. But in your case, it's almost like you helped that person feel like you did when you were like you put money into yourself.

35:40
And I think it kind of just becomes this steamroll because maybe that person will eventually help someone in a similar way and feel that way. And so it's more heart centered, I think, more heart mind centered than it is kind of this capitalism kind of piece that would come along with it. 1000%. And I think, like I said, I grew up feeling like life was happening to me. I almost passed away when I was born. So I have a hole in my heart and I had five blood transfusions as well.

36:06
So the fact that I'm even here doesn't really make much sense. Like they guessed on the blood because they didn't have enough time. And I've had a lot of injuries and a lot of health issues and through most of my life. So it was like mortality was something that was just always top of mind. Losing family growing up at a young age. They were young. It was just like, I don't want to live to work, but I want to work to live kind of thing. And like, I want to, I want to help people more than I want to quote unquote make money. Cause if I know the more I help people, the more money I'm going to make is just going to come back to me and seeing my grandfather work his entire life to not even be able to enjoy the money that he made. It's like.

36:36
why would I do it if I'm not feeling fulfilled by it? And so that was always it. Like I wanna feel fulfilled. I wanna feel like I'm actually making a difference more than anything. In the way that you approach life now, do you see the word failure? Is failure something that you experience? Have you had roadblocks in this journey that frustrate you or do you see them all as like learning and those kinds of pieces? Yeah, roadblocks for sure. I think in any endeavor, I think that's the best thing about entrepreneurship. It's like the, it's the fastest way to personal growth because like you're seeing in real time,

37:06
how you have to just take responsibility for everything. I just went to Costa Rica for the first time out of the US and it was a solo trip because I just knew I just wanted to get uncomfortable, like insanely uncomfortable. And it was just a continuous reminder of like, hey, you gotta take responsibility for absolutely everything that happens in your life. I've reframed failure as feedback. I've been seeing that that's the kind of lens I've seen it through for the past few years is like, if failure leads me to like, I think people see failure and success as two different roads.

37:34
Like I'm gonna go down, if I fail, I'm going down this path. And if I succeed, I'm going down this path. But the reality of it, the way that I see it is like, success is just further along the path of failure. Like you're going to, even when you succeed, you still experience failures. And so if it's just feedback for me to get better, I'm almost gonna seek it rather than avoid it. So that's kind of the lens I see. Is there anything about your life that you don't like? Living in upstate New York, I think figuring out where I wanna go.

38:01
I think sometimes for people, when they pursue their passion, it ends up making them hate it, I guess. And so I never want to get to that point. I'm definitely not there. But I think, I don't think there's anything I, I'm not enlightened in this point. Hate is a strong word. Yeah, exactly. There's nothing I really hate, but there's things I don't love or things that I'm continuously trying to explore and figure out about myself for sure. But yeah, I mean, life's a constant changing for sure.

38:28
Well, and the reason I asked that too, I think that there is, and you kind of alluded to this, I think there's a lot of coaches in the world now. And coaches are important, fitness coaches, we've heard about those forever. Therapists are technically coaches in a way, you know, like, there's a lot of coaches to help us do things that we might not be able to do ourselves in the most effective way. And I think there is also this assumption sometimes with some coaches that are...

38:56
regularly exuding positivity and all this, like you can do anything, the world is your oyster kind of feeling. And so it's hard to, I think sometimes just people think, well, is that real? Are they real humans as well? Do they have the sad moments? Do they have the hard moments? Or is everything just this beautiful lesson that life is gonna teach us? Do you feel that that is true, false? How do you feel about that? Yeah, I love that you bring that up. Cause one thing that

39:25
It goes back to the imposter syndrome of getting started in coaching. So like I said, I was the youngest person of every coach that was in that program. So you could say that I would feel like the biggest imposter. And to some extent in the beginning, I definitely did. What I realized was that coaches don't have the answers, but they have the questions. So I don't, like when I first got started, I felt like I couldn't work with people because exactly that. Like I don't have everything figured out. Nothing is perfect in my life whatsoever.

39:53
But I can give someone a perspective by asking them a deeper question. Because it's like, if you think of this, have you ever met someone that sees something in you that you haven't seen in yourself? Right, so if you can recognize that our idea of ourself holds us back more than really anything, having someone as an external perspective to help reflect what you said to me, or even, like I'll have clients where we'll hop on every week.

40:18
and they'll have action steps from last week and we hop on the call. And the first thing I do is like, what are your wins for the week? Did you get done what you said to get done? And I've had, I have a client, it just comes to my mind immediately, he'll come on and he'll like lie and say that something came up or something like that. And he'll laugh and catch himself in the moment and say like, this isn't really what happened, I just didn't prioritize it. And it's like just that accountability in itself to have someone outside of you to show up for the things that you wanna show up for, because we always find ways to get in our own way, I think is so powerful and I've realized that.

40:46
But I think it's just having someone reflect back to you like the stories that you're telling yourself. Because if we're not able to break through them, it's kind of like we're living through the lens of who we think we are rather than this person that we're capable of becoming. And that's why I said earlier, it's like sometimes we just need someone else to believe in us more than we believe in ourselves so that we can actualize ourselves and become a better version. But I definitely don't have all the questions or the answers, but I definitely think I'm decent at asking good questions. Well, even just as an individual, do you feel that everything is...

41:16
sunny all the time or okay. So you're- No chance, no chance. Okay, okay. So there are bad days, there are good days, there are all the in-between. I think there is this misperception out there or maybe it's just misinformation or people are just really toxic online in the positive sense of like, yes, everything is always rosy and everything is always beautiful and I think it's important to know that what you're saying about coaching is this, it's really not like, I'm gonna give you the five steps to do this.

41:46
It's, I'm going to listen to you. I'm going to give you a perspective that maybe is not one that you have, and I'm going to hold you accountable, and I'm going to be kind of walking on the side with you to help you get to wherever you've determined you wanna go. Yeah, it's like, I'm not gonna hold your hand because that's not what I'm here for, and I'm not gonna give you, because like I said, most of the people that I work with are older than me, or they've already had successful businesses, or they've already accomplished amazing things.

42:14
So if I have not been in that position, I can't help you. That's the difference between a mentor and a coach, I think. It's like a mentor is someone that's already done it before. A coach is just someone that's by your side to help you. Do it, do whatever you want to do. And sometimes I work with people and there's not even a direct goal that we're moving towards. Like it's just, they just want to go inward more for themselves and figure out, why am I getting in my own way? That's essentially the work that I do is like, I help people get to the root of why they're self-sabotaging, why they're getting in their own way. Some people are unaware that they're afraid of success. Some people are afraid of failure. Maybe it's judgment.

42:43
There's so many things that we get in our own way, but we need someone outside of us to give us that perspective. But no, I definitely, there's, that's why I had coaching. Like I think anyone that is a coach that doesn't have a coach themselves, like how can you call yourself a coach if you don't believe in it yourself? And like every area of my life, I see it as a cheat code. It's like, I realized the value of time. The kind of lens that I see it through is I can either spend time or I can spend money. And I'd much rather spend money because that's being printed every day times something that I can't get back. And so that's the kind of lens that I see coaching through.

43:13
No, it's fascinating. And I've talked to a lot of coaches and it's really like this podcasting journey has really been like the first time that I've talked to a lot of coaches. Yeah, yeah. You know, and it's and I don't know if it's there were a ton before and I just didn't know about it or if there are more now because of the pandemic, because I don't know. Do you know? Have you been around forever? I don't know. I mean, I only it only came into my awareness when I came into like the idea of personal development in itself.

43:41
And I think I see a lot of coaches that are transactional and just want to, it's like the business coach that helps coaches become coaches or build a coaching business is like, they're making money off of getting the client, not having a business in the backend. And so that's why that doesn't really resonate with me. I think there's a lot of negativity that comes with or a negative perception on coaching, but that's why it goes back to like, I don't have the answers. I do not have the answers by any means, but.

44:09
I can definitely ask you some really good questions. I've done it through the podcast. I've done it with coaching. Like it is the one thing that I really believe in is I'm just able to get something out of people that they aren't able to get out of themselves because it's just, you're too close to the problem sometimes. How do you look back at like the teenage version of you before you started getting into this? Do you look at him differently now? I think I understand why I acted the way that I did, but there's a book, Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself by Joda Spencer is a book that I recommend to

44:38
I think it changed the way that I looked at myself because it gave me an idea of neurologically why I act the way that I do and why we stay stuck in such a habit of acting in a way, even though we know it's not in our best interest. So I think for me it was like, I almost see myself now compared to the person that I was as like a completely different person. Like I'm not even a better version of myself. I'm not even that person anymore. And I think that's helped me at least just show up differently for myself because...

45:07
the person that I was a few years ago would not be speaking to you right now. Do you think that your mom and your sister would say the same about you? Yeah, I don't think they... I think that they'd say the same. I think that they'd say it's just insane how much I've changed over the past few years. That's kind of why I see it. What do you miss about your old life? Is there anything that you miss about that old version of you? I guess it's not your old life, but... Not really. I think one thing that I've been continuously practicing is like this idea of surrender.

45:37
of like, I always want to be going, pursuing my goals, moving forward, wanting to help as many people as I can. But if I'm not helping myself, if I'm not okay with being with myself, that's why I talked about it earlier. That's just something I've been trying to practice. But I think the version of myself a few years ago was just moving towards temporary pleasures instead of trying to pursue a meaningful goal or find meaning in my life. Like I was, I just reread Man's Search for Meaning when I was in Costa Rica. And it's just like a continuous reminder of like, just living through that lens. But I don't think that

46:06
version of myself even wanted to pursue meaning. It was just like, I'm just here to see what life has in store for me kind of thing. That version of you would not have been quoting books or authors. No, that version of me never even thought about reading a book. I took so much pride in it, man. It's insane. Yeah. I understand that though. I think I was someone that, unfortunately for others, maybe fortunate for me, I didn't really have to study too much and I did well in school. So...

46:35
I kind of felt that way as well. I'm like, do I have to read the whole thing? Can I just read the Cliffs Notes? Can I get by with the summary on the back of the book? So I get that. No, it's so interesting to think about the people in our lives too when we do change, because I feel like my change mostly came when I was finally ready for therapy and then finally ready to like figure out why I was the way I was and kind of grieve my mother after about 20 years after she died.

47:04
And I was talking to a therapist and she was just like, you realize that everything that you've done since your mom died was with that eight year old brain, fearful that someone else would leave if you didn't do something right. And I was like, oh God, the curtains came down, you know, like the clouds parted, everything was, you know, and everything was different. And if I look back at that version of me, every decision that I made was like safe. It was.

47:29
It was the next decision that would bring me closer to what I deemed as success, which was love and attention from the people around me and no abandonment, no leaving me. So it's always interesting to look back and see how our family members see us. Because when I talk to my family and friends, they didn't see a lot of that. They didn't see all that turmoil that was happening inside because I guess I did a really good job putting it out there. So I'm glad that you're...

47:58
your parents or your mom and your sister see you kind of evolving in this way? Yeah, they definitely saw me when I was at my lowest. Like there was a there's a many points in time when I was growing up where I didn't want to be here is the way that I kind of framed it. And I just think I just went through, I just felt like life was happening to me is the best way to see it. Like all the deaths that happened in my life were unexpected, and they just came out of nowhere. And so it was just like one happened and then this happened and then

48:26
I would just look, it's like Tony Robbins says, your life is gonna be what you focus on kind of thing. And I just focused on everything that was happening wrong because it just felt like that was what it was. Single mother, it was like just, wasn't easy. It was just, it was a struggle. Growing up with that, that's why I see there's no part of me that I even am the person I was because all I can look for is how life is happening for me. Like even if something negative happens, it's like, how is this gonna help me become a better version of myself? How is this gonna help me practice patience or whatever that is? But I have a friend of mine that is still

48:55
And we talk about it frequently, just chatting back and forth of him still trying to find his father's approval and relationships that he's working through. And so yeah, I think there's so much that happens in our childhood. And that's why I'm meeting with so many somatic practitioners and psychologists and therapists on my podcast, because it's almost like help for me to get perspective. Because I'm asking the questions I want to know, because that's stuff that I think a lot of people are fearful of diving into. But getting more into this space is like, I want to know my shadow. I want to understand the things where I can be better.

49:25
No person is perfect by any means. But I don't even want to get to the close I can get to that, but I just want to become a better version of myself and feel better about myself. I think that's what really life is for, really. It's gotta be overwhelming in a way of like, it's almost like you're drinking from a fire hose because you want all of the water from the fire hose, but there's only so much you can take at a time. So good on you for kind of leaning into it though and prioritizing the things that you want to learn and the things that you.

49:53
that you feel are most valuable to you because there's a lot of stuff out there. There's a lot. So I don't know how you keep it all together, but it seems like you're doing a good job there. Do you look at that pivotal moment if you were to really pinpoint it? Do you think it was getting off that call? Do you think it was when you sent the money over? Do you think you could pinpoint it to a very specific moment? I'd probably say when I got off the call because that was when it like...

50:22
When I sent the money, it was just like, yeah, sure. I'm thinking of it as like 25 bucks, not 2,500 bucks. And so I send the money and I'm just like, yeah, this is happening, whatever. I was getting sold so much, man. It was just crazy. I believed so much in what they were saying. And then I hopped off the call and the only way I can frame it is really, I really felt like I got shot because I was like, this is the first moment where, I think you alluded to it a little bit earlier, but it's like a lot of people are living through the lens of fear and making fear-based decisions. And I realized-

50:49
I was 17 at the time, so I just got out of the high school. I think I was even maybe just a few months from graduating, maybe a few weeks from graduating. I knew I lost a lot of family growing up. My father, uncle, both 37. 37, that number has always been stuck in my mind for some reason, because both of them passed that age. It was just this lens of the longer I wait to make a leap that's terrifying, the more fearful it's going to get, and the less time I really have. I think it was...

51:16
This first time that I finally played to win instead of playing not to lose in my life. Yeah, I just looked at myself completely different after that. The world was on your shoulders at that point. It was like, you gotta go, let's go. You know, you wanted this, now let's go. Yeah, like I said, the real work started then. That's definitely for sure. Yeah, if you could go back to that version of you that thought books were just like garbage and you know, life you didn't wanna be around. Is there anything that this version of James would wanna say to...

51:46
to that younger version of James? I think I'd still tell myself now is just have more compassion for yourself. I think people that are ambitious and want to pursue goals, and whether that's helping other people or make more money or whatever, it can be really easy to be hard on yourself and just like always be in a constant state of pursuing to figure out your identity or whatever that is. I think just have more compassion for yourself. I was going through a lot and I didn't recognize, like I would always think of through the lens of, yeah, this is bad, but...

52:14
Other people have it way worse than me. So why does my problems matter? But I think when you learn through therapy or whatever you go through, they continue to reinforce that doesn't matter what you're going through, that your problems are valid just as someone else's problems are valid. But I didn't really give myself the time of day. Yeah, compassion is so important. And I don't think we're taught, I don't think that we are taught in society to have compassion for ourselves and to be okay with however we're feeling at whatever moment in time because...

52:42
all emotions are valid and we're just kind of living this human experience. And what you just said is very common for even people that have focused their stories around their trauma. Yeah. Is that- Big time. That, you know, like, it's okay to be sad, even as a teenager. It's okay to be mad. It's okay to laugh, you know, like everything is okay and we need to have compassion for ourselves and grace to know that, you know, we're just-

53:11
We're all trying to do the same thing really at the end of the day is to try to enjoy this life that we're living in the time that we have on this earth. So I like that advice. Yeah, I think it's for everyone. It needs to be more of a priority. And it does, it does think that's why when I got into reading books, I was like, holy, there's books that will help me that are actually gonna help me feel better about myself and show up better for myself. But yeah, I don't think we give ourselves time a day. And I don't think we realize that when we give ourselves more compassion, we can give other people more compassion as well.

53:38
And so when I started to work on myself, it was like, now I understand why everyone acts the way that they do and makes the decisions that they do and hurts on other people because they're hurting. And just so many things started to make more sense when I wanted to go inward instead of looking outside for the answers. The first step I feel really is that self-awareness and understanding who we are and what we are and why we do the things that we do. If we can figure that out and be okay with all that, then I think we can show up for other people in a much healthier and stronger way.

54:08
and helpful. Yeah, yeah. I think we're all trying to show up for other people at 50% when that's just not how it works. You got to show up. Healthy selflessness is a real thing. And I think that not a lot of people put enough emphasis on that. Good on you for going to Costa Rica and taking the time and putting yourself in an uncomfortable, quote unquote, uncomfortable situation to really get centered again and find what you needed in that moment in time. And I don't think a lot of people would make that decision. They would be like...

54:35
Let's go to Vegas or let's go party, whatever it is. So good on you for finding that self-reflective moment. Yeah, I definitely wanted to do it in a place where I didn't speak the language. I did on a whim to where I did no preparation. I said, I'm gonna go here. Didn't even know how much the currencies exchanged. I knew nothing going there. And I definitely, I can say I would have done more preparation, but you live and you learn.

54:59
And I'm grateful that I went somewhere where it was like, I know absolutely nothing about this place because that's what's gonna teach me the most about myself. And I think, yeah, I mean, the person that I was three, four years ago would not have done that because I would be fearful of even spending that money, let alone going to do it. So that's for sure. Life is different and it's amazing, even in a short amount of time, you can look back and see how much you've changed. If people are listening to this and they wanna kind of like learn more about you or listen to your podcast, or what's the best way to like find you, get in your space, reach out to you?

55:29
What do you prefer? For sure. Best ways to reach out is Instagram for sure. It's at James Bracken IV. And then YouTube is where the podcast is at. I mean, Apple podcast, Spotify, all that kind of stuff as well, but been mainly focusing on YouTube more than anything recently. But those are the two places. Yeah, it's a, it's a, I was just listening to Lewis Howe speak about it. It's pretty much like a, it's a job in itself just learning YouTube. That's for sure.

55:54
It's an organic way to grow your podcast because no one can find your podcast on Apple Podcasts or anything like that unless they're actively on it, which is tough. Well, we will share the links to, or I will. I don't know why I said we, but I will share the links to your Instagram and your YouTube and probably, do you have a website for your podcast as well? Not yet, not yet. I went a long time without getting a website and I think it's, holds a lot of people back. You gotta get a website. I've been three years into it. I guess not. Yeah.

56:23
All right, well, we will share all that information. And if you've listened to this episode and you want to reach out to James, I'm sure he would welcome some kind of conversation from you. Or maybe you have someone in your life that was like James before, and you think maybe hearing his story would be valuable or inspirational in some way. Please share that episode or this episode with them, and we'd be so grateful for that. So thank you for being a part of this, James. Thank you for having me, Matt. You carved a great, amazing conversation. I'm grateful for it.

56:51
Thank you so much and I'll be back next week with a brand new episode of the LifeShift Podcast.