Bonus Episode: Rachel Fiorello's Life Shift Update

Hello, my friends.I just wanted to drop some special bonus episodes into the feed that you probably have not heard unless you are a part or an early part of the Patreon for the Life Shift Podcast. If you don't know, I do have a Patreon. It currently only has two tiers.One is a three dollar a month tier just to support what I'm doing, helps cover production costs. And then there's a five dollar tier which will get you episodes early and just the, I guess, warm fuzzies for help out with the Life Shift Podcast.

But I used to have other tiers.

Where people were so generous and were offering additional money each month to get bonus episodes and possible winnings of T shirts and all sorts of things.And then I realized a couple months ago that I wasn't able to deliver what I wanted to, especially for those of you that were giving me the extra money. So right now we're just kind of doing the early episodes. You'll always get those.So if you want to support the Life Shift Podcast, please jump over to patreon.com forward/thelifeshiftpod podcast and you can find that information there. But I come on here because I want to share a series of these bonus episodes that I did early on in the Patreon journey.There are like 20 plus episodes in which I had bonus recordings with previous guests. So I would go back and we would have a conversation about the experience of sharing their story on the Life Shift podcast. Catch up on anything.And I think these are super important and I know most of them did not see the light of day from outside of the Patreon. So I'm going to be dropping these episodes. Whatever you're listening to now is another episode, so I'm going to use the same intro for all of them.But here is one of the bonus episodes with a former guest from the Life Shift Podcast. And if you like this, let me know because I'm thinking of bringing some of this back and talking to previous guests as I go into year four.So enjoy this bonus episode that was once released on the Patreon feed. I'm Matt Gilhooley and this is the.

Life Shift candid conversations about the pivotal.

Moments that have changed lives forever.

Here we are with another bonus episode and as a reminder, I'm talking to former guests of the Life Shift Podcast and today is my friend Rachel. Hey, Rachel.

Hi.

It's nice to see you again and nice to have you back. You were so early in the Life Shift Podcast journey that it's been a while.

Yeah. Thanks for having me. I'm excited to be back.

So, as you know, I'm just going to kind of talk about, you know, any kind of feelings or things that happened after we had our conversation and released the episode. And just as a reminder to. To the people listening, you were episode nine, and you took us on a journey and your life.You're still, you know, kind of working through that journey, but your story was about when you lost your husband, Matt, and how you were able to find a new normal with your daughters and continue honoring your husband, which I think was the most impactful for me of your story was what you do regularly to remind your daughters and remind yourself of the journey that you were on with your husband. Mat. You know, that's just a brief recap of what your episode was about, saying that how did you feel after we pressed stop.After we stopped talking about kind of recording your story?

For me, I. It's weird. It's almost cathartic in a way, to share what has happened to us.For not only, like, I think myself, but also I have friends who always listen to my story any way I tell it. So I think personally, for me, it's. I. I will talk about my story as much as I can, because just like you said, it also helps me keep Matt here.Like, it keep. And it helps me remember those little things from just before that day, on that day. Like, you know, little moments that have happened that you.That kind of drop off on the spectrum, like, as life continues, you know, And I. I genuinely, like. I think sometimes people don't know what to say to me or don't know how. And I'm like, no, please.Like, I will tell you the story again. Like, I want to talk about him. I want to talk about what happened. Because sometimes I feel like I'm still living in a bit of a fog.And when I say it again, I'm like, oh, my gosh. Or, like, each time I say it, I'm like, oh, I can't believe that happened. Or, you know, something like that.So I genuinely feel good and also get a chance to kind of reflect and, like, honor Matt. Each time I talk about it, you.

Know, I vividly remember, like, towards the end of the episode, you kind of took a moment to reflect on how far you've also come and kind of mentioned how far you came, but how far you haven't gone in that journey. And so it's always interesting to me when we look to your point of sharing these stories.I will Forever talk about my grief journey and the things that I did wrong. In my opinion, having faced a different bout of grief later on, losing my grandmother. And it's interesting because people shy away from it.Like you said. Like, a lot of people will be like, oh, I don't want to touch that topic because I don't want to do xyz. I don't want to upset her.I don't want, you know, whatever that may be, when in all reality, many of us want to talk about it for a myriad of reasons. Okay, first question. Did you listen to yourself? Did you listen to the episode after?

Absolutely. Of course I did. Yeah.

How did you feel listening to yourself tell your story?

I only have two recorded versions of me talking about what happened. One is on my own podcast and one is on yours.And I've gone back and listened to both multiple times because, again, it helps kind of keep me in the before sometimes, which I miss and want to remind myself of. So, absolutely, I listen to it. I.Every time I hear it, it makes me sad, like, and it brings you right back to the emotions you felt as you're sharing. Like, as if I'm sitting right there. And even though I may not remember, like, oh, I said it that way, or, like, oh, I said this in this way, it.You can feel your own emotions watching, you know, or hearing yourself tell your story.

I always listen.My favorite thing about listening to my own episodes, and this sounds really, like, narcissistic or something, but I feel like I don't remember the conversations because I try to be so present in the actual conversation that sometimes I'm listening. I'm like, I don't remember saying that. Did you have any of those moments where you're like, oh, wow, that's not something I normally share.

Not really. But what I do afterwards, I'm always like, oh, my gosh, did I really say that? Or did I go too far into this topic? Or did I say too much about this?And when I go back and listen, I'm like, oh, okay. No, I kind of left myself where I wanted to be or didn't dive too far into that one topic as I thought I did or didn't want to.And I'd walk away usually feeling like, okay, it was okay.

It worked out.

Yeah.

Did you get any. I guess the question is more feedback related. Did you hear from people you didn't expect to hear from?Did you hear or did you not hear from people you expected to hear from?

Either way, No, I. I definitely. I mean, I heard from people who listened and who are close to me. And they, you know, say, like, you know, you did. It was beautiful.Like, you, you know, you. You did a great job. And it was. You did a beautiful job sharing the story.There were some things, and I don't know if this is what you were just asking me a minute ago, but something I really actually did want to talk about is what I kind of revealed to myself within my story, for sure, because I actually sent the episode to some people wanting them to hear certain things I said in my story. And.And actually, you just brought it up a minute ago when you said, you know, at the end, you kind of, you know, talked about how far you've come and how far you haven't come.And it was in that moment and listening back to myself that I was actually really proud of myself, and I was really surprised at how I said or explain my current outlook on life. That's one of the things I look, you know, thought back on after I recorded and was like, oh, shoot, like, what did I say there?Did I, you know, say too much? Did I not say enough? Did I sound weird? And, like, have people think, you know, that I'm, like, off on this weird path?And when I listened back to it, I was, like, really proud of the way that I verbalize my thoughts. And that is what I wanted people to kind of take away from it.So when I heard it back, I, like I said, I took it and I sent it to some people, wanting them to listen to that, because I don't think when it comes to grief, and especially, you know, all grief is terrible. None of it is comparable. No one should ever, you know, people have told me, like, well, yours is much worse than mine. No, everybody.Everybody's grief is the same because to them, it's a part of their world that is now gone, right, or missing or. Or whatever the case may be. I think for me personally, the.The trauma that was associated with it in how young Matt was and how unexpected it was and how young our daughters are, what our future looks like. You know, all these things that I really want. I. When I talk to people about grief, I could say it a million times. Any one of us who have.Who have experienced grief can say it a million times. You don't understand or feel the magnitude of it until you're faced, you know, with a situation like that.And I think especially, and for you, too, with your mom, like, being so young and having it truly affect and mold where your life went from there. And I try to explain to people. And you hear this all the time. You read it all the time. Like, oh, appreciate every day.You never know what you have until it's gone. You know, you're. You take advantage, you know, while you have it. Tomorrow is not promised, but truly like it.My outlook on life is completely different because I could walk out of my house after we get off, you know, here, and that could be it for me.So I don't think people realize how true that is and to, like, truly live and feel what you have, like, everybody there is somebody who has it way worse at all times. And I try to tell myself that, like, I.My cleaning ladies are here right now, and I was just talking to her about it and like, the stuff she was telling me, I was like, oh, my gosh, like, it's awful. And.And then I'm sitting here thinking, like, you know, she's talking a little bit about her husband, and I'm like, oh, geez, I just wish my husband were here, you know, and so. But it doesn't matter because, like, I am so lucky. Like, I am so lucky to have had this love and this beautiful life. And.And I still do, you know, and so it's just this weird dynamic that I try to, like, explain to people. And I think that's the biggest thing that I took away from it. That's like the biggest thing I kind of revealed to myself. Like, yes, that is so true.You just. You have to look at life differently than, like, I'm waking up today and I gotta go to work and, you know, and I'm just living the moat, like, what.The motions and all those things. It's so much deeper than that. And we can't really, like, experience and appreciate life until you can, like, feel the enormity of that.

Well, and it's hard too, right? Because how do you tell someone until you.Until you go through it yourself and have such a tragic, traumatic experience, you're not really going to understand. But I think you articulated that very well in your episode. And I, you know, it. It was clear you're still on your journey.And I think we all are, right? And we have to. Not every day is going to be the most beautiful day ever, right?But there are moments probably in every day that we can appreciate that we can see the growth that we've had. I mean, I shared on my story, my grief journey when I lost my mom since I was so young. It took me 20 plus years to.

To.

To feel like I had. I don't know if Close the door on grief is. Is the right term, but feel like I was no longer living in that grief journey, if that makes sense.And it's like, I don't know. I mean, I think you're on a good place or you're in a good place because you have this awareness now of what this grief journey looks like.You have this experience of the before, right? You have the experience of the moment, you have the experience after.But you're so hyper aware of how your daughters are experiencing life now and how you're committing to maintaining the memory of their father and your husband and doing things in service of that, but also still creating this new version of life for your daughters.And I think I didn't have that because I think, you know, at the time, my dad was forced into being, you know, a dual parent without the equipment, without the ability or the wherewithal. And because society wasn't there yet, like, we weren't just talking about it.We didn't have, you know, podcasts where other people are sharing their stories to realize, oh, I'm not the only one facing all these things. And so I. I completely get that. I. I love that you. You saw that in yourself or that it revealed to you, you know, this.That life should be cherished or time is valuable. On one of these other bonus episodes, I talked to my friend Adrian, and she. She said, you know, time is the.The biggest gift you can give someone else. Right. And so as we. If we can honor that in everything that we do, I think we win.

I was actually talking to someone yesterday. She was telling me she, you know, she and her husband are having a hard time and they're considering divorce.And I told her, like, and she looked so sad, and she was so upset and looked at her, and I was like, it will get better. No matter what the outcome is, it will get better. Nobody is ever going to be stuck in this place forever. Right.And I was trying to, like, relay that message to her. And you can't see it when you're in it. You know, you can look back and.

Be like, you're never getting out.

Yeah. Like, so I was just trying to remind her of that.And I think that's something that we need to do a good job at helping people remember when our friends or family members are having a bad day, like, you are not going to be in this place forever. It is going to get better.And actually, on the flip side of, like, as positive as I try to be, and as you know, I try to share all of the things that I try to do to keep Matt's memory alive. I have to say that, you know, there's a lot of negative that has affected my life currently. And you know, what I assume to be most likely long term.Like it is.This is so weird maybe for some people to understand, but, you know, my Matt and I would go to my dad's house very often and we would spend, I don't know, maybe like I want to say, if not once a week, like every other week we would have dinner there. You know, we bring the girls and. And everybody. My brother would be there, my. My nephews and I have a really hard time now going to my dad's house.And it's my dad, it's my family. I love my family with all my heart. I have such a hard time doing certain things that seem to, like, make sense. Like, why would I not.Why would that be an issue? And I think it's just like the. Everything falls on my shoulders.So, like, I now have to, like, plan the day to like, you know, go there and spend time there.And then I got to get the girls home and then it's late and then I'm by myself and I still have to walk the dog and I have to get the girls to in bed. And it's all these things. And so sometimes in my mind it's easier to like, not do it.So while I say, like, we have to appreciate these moments and do all these things, like, I fall into that same rut because sometimes I find that, like, it's really hard for me to do some things that we always did.

I mean, I get that. I. I think, you know, nobody wants to hear advice when they're going through something, right?Like you're like, in this moment and you tell your friends it's going to get better, and they're like, no, it's not. It's going to be terrible forever. So my. I've.I've kind of resorted to telling people that are going through really tough moments that it is okay to feel however you are feeling at any moment in time. You are a human. So, like, you know, maybe that situation will get better, you know, over time and maybe those situations.And it's totally fine to feel fine to feel terrible about it or to like, hate doing something, or to just wake up and just not have a good day. Like, just feel like today sucks. That's okay. Like, at this journey in my life or this point in my journey, I just.I just acknowledge it and I'm like, I just don't feel right today. I'm just going to go through the motions. I know I'm not going to stay in this moment forever.I know it's, you know, things are going to change, and then suddenly, like a day later, I'm like, I feel fine now. You know, like, it's. We're humans. It's this whole science thing that's, you know, creating all these moments.And I think the best piece of advice I can give people is to just be okay being whatever you are at whatever moment in time. Just be. Be a dang human, you know?You know, going back to that, the feedback question, I will say that I had so many of my friends, or even not friends, just listeners, reach out to me after your episode, and I had one friend. Just like your storytelling was also just really compelling because you. You painted the picture. You put us in the moment, and you made people feel.Which I think is the most important thing about this podcast is, like, that people can make these connections. Like, we're, you know, like I was just saying, we're all human.And to be able to relate to another human that you don't necessarily know is so impactful.So I heard from so many people, and they were just sending their love and light to you, you know, not even knowing you because of the impact that you made on their heart. Even when I ask other people, like, what's your favorite episode? Or which one's? I don't know. Favorite's the right word.But what episode sticks with you the most? A lot of them say you. And, you know, and so they're all thinking of you whether you know them or not, you know, and that's such a cool thing.And you do the same thing on your podcast that you might resurrect at some point that we were talking about before we recorded. But, you know, you do the same thing.You're sharing these love stories in all different facets of life, and people are feeling a connection to other humans.

So thank you. I appreciate that. Thank you.

I just want to say thank you for just. For being a part of it. Do you have any updates about your life?Anything good going on or anything that you want to share that's different from when you recorded?

Oh, gosh, let's see. You know, I'm trying to. This is another one of those things I have a hard time with is.This is also going to sound awful, but I have a hard time doing things with the girls, like, because I feel like I'm alone and not, you know, Experiencing it with Matt. So I have been trying to do a better job at taking them on fun adventures, and I think this past year, I've done that.We just went to Kennedy Space center. We. For Arden's birthday, she wanted to go to Disney. So I was like, usually I would have tried to talk her out of it.And I was like, nope, if that's what she wants to do, we're gonna go to Disney. And that's something that Matt really enjoyed doing with the girls going to Disney.And that's something like, my oldest always talks about being in Disney with Matt. So that, to me, was a huge step.You know, little things like that, like trying not to say no to things that just make it EAS easier for me and just doing it.

How do you feel after those moments?

I'm so happy all the time that I did it, you know, and seeing the girls happy about it, of course. And I always know that that's going to be the case. I think I'm in my personality as well.I'm very like, type A, so I'm very, like, regimented and scheduled.And so when it throws us off and then they're not going to bed on time or, like, getting enough sleep, I'm trying to work through it on my own to, like, get over that aspect of it. So. And I think it's helping as they get older, right, because they're. They're able to do more for themselves. And. And we can.We can come home a little bit later and everybody go, you know, take care of yourself, and. And we'll reconvene, you know, or even helping me, like, being a bit more helpful to me, it just, It.It adds to it and I think is helping me work through that stage that I'm having a struggle with. But that is something that I am always actively working on and proud of that, you know, we were able to kind of push.We Me, I was able to kind of through that the past. I would say the past year or so.

That's great. I mean, I understand that. I think it's so. It's very easy to say no. And we can give all the reasons why we should say no and not do things.And sometimes it's really hard to say yes. But I'll tell you, some of my biggest wins and things that I've done and been really proud of have come from that.Like, okay, yes, I will do it, you know, so you never know what's going to come out of it. I'm happy to hear that. I'M happy that you're creating these new memories with attachments to matte memories for your daughters as well, which is.Is probably interesting, but also, you know, heart, you know, fill in your heart and fill in your cup there as well. So. And I'm sure your daughters are so grateful and thankful and also probably crazy at times.

Oh, that's an understatement.

Yes, I've seen, I've seen some videos and they, they look like they're doing very well and nice and sassy like little girls should be.

That is exactly it. You nailed it.

Oh, well, I appreciate you.Is there anything that you could tell someone that might be considering sharing a deeply personal story for the first time and maybe doing it on the podcast or not just with other people? Is there something that you could give advice to someone like that based on what you've experienced by sharing your story?

So I think we all have to do what works within our comfort level, right? Our comfort zone. And for me, like I said before, it is very cathartic for me to talk about it.I think for someone who maybe doesn't feel that way or is unsure of how they'll feel after sharing their story, just a reminder to themselves, themselves, they are talking to you and people will hear their story, right? They maybe they don't feel comfortable sharing it to their network personally, and that's okay.But I think taking that first step, talking to you, you're sharing the story and maybe it's not people they know that hear the story and they start to get positive feedback and they start to, you know, I think it kind of sometimes for people who aren't as comfortable can take these little levels to just get past to the point where they do now feel comfortable.Then it's just a click of a button to then now share their story with their own network in terms of, you know, opening up to something that may be personal that people don't know about. So I think it is. I am a huge advocate. You can ask anyone in my life on communication.And I think talking through things is what will help you work through anything in your life. So you could be having this internal battle, this internal struggle with some situation in your life.And I think talking through it is the only way to get through it. And I think this is a perfect platform and a perfect opportunity to do that.And they just need to remember that they don't necessarily need to share it with every person in their life. Take that first step, have the conversation, see how they feel from there, and then they can you know, push past that as needed.

Well, I appreciate that. Plug for me. But, you know, I. I think I agree with you on communication.Sometimes we get stuck in our head and then we say the words out loud, even if it's not to someone else. You say it out loud and you're like, that doesn't sound so bad.Or that, you know, like, that sounded much worse up in here without, like, me vocalizing them. So I agree. And you know what? I. I was so honored that you one asked me to share my story on your podcast way back when.That was a long time ago, it seems. Maybe two, probably. Yeah, something like that.And then so honored that you agreed to be a part of the Life Shift podcast when it was just an idea for my class that I was doing in at uf. So thank you for being a part of it and thank you for being a part of this bonus episode. I appreciate you, my friend.

Yeah, thanks for having me. Foreign.

For more information, please visit www.thelifeshiftpodcast.com.